Jack & Bobby (2004–2005)
Adult Marcus Ride: I'll never forget the day Bobby told Grace that he was a Republican. It was like coming out. Coming out of the closet... as an ax-murderer. There was nothing Grace loathed more than a Republican. I remember she just kept saying that it was so wrong. At the time I thought she meant the party itself was wrong, but now looking back I think what she meant was, it was wrong for him.
Madison Skutcher: [about a poem she saw in the Oval Office after interviewing Bobby] It seemed like total gibberish to me. I asked him what he liked about it. He replied 'The title.'. It was called 'The Great Believer'. So that's what I titled the article. Anyway, the nickname stuck.
Grace McCallister: What is so important about normal?
Jack McCallister: Normal is what you have to be if you don't want to spend everyday of high school getting beat up.
Future Courtney McCallister: Grace used to say Jack and Bobby were like two sides of a coin. Without Bobby, Jack might never have learned compassion. Without Jack, Bobby might never have gained strength.
Adult Marcus Ride: [about Bobby's incumbent Presidential opponent] Lorio's numbers were further down the toilet than this morning's breakfast, but he was good with a mic.
Jack McCallister: That was heartwarming. When's the last time you made us sandwiches?
Grace McCallister: When's the last time you ate cat food?
Grace McCallister: Is sarcasm your only mode now, Jack? I mean, I know your only a teenager but it might be time to mix things up a bit.
Grace McCallister: [catching Bobby and Dex kissing in her study] This better be CPR.
Grace McCallister: Oh my god Jack, I can't believe that you didn't brief me on Bobby's need to be educated in the developmental arena!
Jack McCallister: He's 13. How much more information do you need?
Grace McCallister: People mature at their own rate. How was I suppose to know?
Jack McCallister: I don't know maybe the fact that his voice is always cracking.
Jack McCallister: [to Grace] This is beyond your normal bad ideas, please stop.
Jack McCallister: You're just a lonely, pathetic middle-aged woman who hides behind her words and her books and her freak of a teenage son!
Grace McCallister: Shut up!
Future Courtney McCallister: There were some dark hours during his presidency. And it was in those times he said the wrong brother became president.
Bobby McCallister: Did she ever make you nervous?
Jack McCallister: Why would missy make me nervous?
Bobby McCallister: Not Missy. Girls, I mean.
Jack McCallister: Not since 4th Grade. Is that about that little girlfriend of yours? Still not going to tell me who it is, huh?
Jack McCallister: OK, lay it on me.
Bobby McCallister: Well, I was wondering. She said that I kiss like a girl.
Jack McCallister: [laugh]
Bobby McCallister: It's not funny. So, what do I do?
Jack McCallister: Learn to kiss better?
Bobby McCallister: How?
Jack McCallister: I don't know. Watch a movie like everybody else.
Bobby McCallister: Which? Like "Pillow Talk"?
Jack McCallister: God, you are do weird. Look, you got to tell Mom to knock it off with that Film Society stuff.
Bobby McCallister: Is there anything that you can tell me?
Jack McCallister: I'm not teaching you how to kiss, dumbass.
Bobby McCallister: Not How to, it's not how to.
Jack McCallister: Well, don't kiss like a girl for starters.
Bobby McCallister: Well, what does that mean?
Jack McCallister: You know take the initiative, be the guy. Beyond that I'd say: no biting, drooling, or anything too crazy. You think you can handle that?
Bobby McCallister: Maybe.
Tom Wexler Graham: I hate to break it to you but if apathy defines my generation, yours is defined by disappointing us to where we don't even see the point anymore. The best minds of your generation gave up a long time ago. You know what they do now? Vote for Bush.
Peter Benedict: The world would be a better place if more people weren't afraid to lose.
Courtney Benedict: You let him clean the gutters.
Peter Benedict: He wanted to sweep the chimney. What do you want me to do? He thinks I saved his life.
Courtney Benedict: You could tell him you're even.
Peter Benedict: I tried to, last week, after he mopped the attic.
Courtney Benedict: Well, what did he say?
Peter Benedict: "I can never properly repay you, sir." It's like a bad Victorian novel. He'll get tired, eventually.
Courtney Benedict: You don't know Bobby.
Jack McCallister: Did you buy Hot Pockets?
Grace McCallister: The organic kind.
Jack McCallister: The organic kind tastes like ass!