Sweeney Todd: [sung] They all deserve to die. Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why! Because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two. There's the one staying put in his proper place and one with his foot in the other one's face. Look at me, Mrs Lovett! Look at you! No, we all deserve to die... Even you, Mrs Lovett, even I! Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief. For the rest of us death will be a relief. We all deserve to die... And I'll never see Johanna, no I'll never hug my girl to me... FINISHED!
Sweeney Todd: [holding up one of his razors] At last! My arm is complete again!
Sweeney Todd: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit, / And the vermin of the world inhabit it, / And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit, / And it goes by the name of London. At the top of the hole sit a privileged few / Making mock of the vermin of the lower zoo. Turning beauty into filth and greed.
Sweeney Todd: There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful. A foolish barber and his wife. She was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful. And she was virtuous. And he was...
Sweeney Todd: I can guarantee the closest shave you'll ever know.
Sweeney Todd: Alright! You, sir? How about a shave? Come and visit your good friend Sweeney! You sir! Too, sir. Welcome to the grave... I will have vengeance. I will have salvation... Who, sir? You sir!No one's in the chair. Come on, come on! Sweeney's waiting. I want you bleeders. You sir? Anybody? Gentlemen, now don't be shy. Not one man... No, nor ten men... Nor a hundred can assuage me. I will have you! And I will get him back even as he gloats; In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats... And my Lucy lies in ashes, and I'll never see my girl again. But the work waits! I'm alive at last, and I'm full of joy!
Sweeney Todd: [with a smile] These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures are called for...
Mrs. Lovett: We could have a life we two, maybe not like you remember. Maybe not like I imagined. But we could get by.
Sweeney Todd: Noooooo! Would no one have mercy on her?
Mrs. Lovett: So it's you. Benjamin Barker
Sweeney Todd: Where's Lucy? Where's my wife?
Mrs. Lovett: She poisoned herself, arsenic from the apothecary round the corner, I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to me, and he's got your daughter.
Sweeney Todd: He? Judge Turpin?
Mrs. Lovett: [nods] Adopted her like his own.
Sweeney Todd: 15 years sweating, and living hell, for a false charge. 15 years dreaming I might come home to a wife and child.
Mrs. Lovett: Well, I can't say the years have been particularly kind to you, Mr. Barker.
Sweeney Todd: No, not Barker. That man is dead. It's Todd now. Sweeney Todd... and he will have his revenge.
Mrs. Lovett: [singing] With the price of meat, wot it is, when you get it, if you get it.
Sweeney Todd: [suddenly understands] Ah!
Mrs. Lovett: [singing] Good ya got it.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] For what's the sound of the world out there?
Mrs. Lovett: What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound?
Sweeney Todd: Those crunching noises pervading the air!
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, Mr. Todd! It's all around!
Sweeney Todd: It's man devouring man, my dear!
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Have charity towards the world, my pet.
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, yes, I know, my love.
Sweeney Todd: We'll take the customers that we can get.
Mrs. Lovett: High-born and low, my love.
Sweeney Todd: We'll not discriminate great from small. / No, we'll serve anyone...
Sweeney Todd: You have a room over the shop, don't you? If times are so hard, why don't you rent it out?
Mrs. Lovett: People think it's haunted.
Sweeney Todd: Haunted?
Mrs. Lovett: Yeah. And who's to say they're wrong? You see, years ago, something happened up there. Something not very nice.
Sweeney Todd: What may I do for you today, sir? A stylish trimming of the hair? A soothing skin massage? Sit, sir, sit.
Judge Turpin: [singing] You see, sir, a man infatuate with love, her ardent and eager slave. So fetch the pomade and pumice stone and lend me a more seductive tone, a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne, but first, sir, I think... a shave.
Sweeney Todd: The closest I ever gave.
Sweeney Todd: The history of the world, my pet...
Mrs. Lovett: Oh, Mr. Todd! Ooh, Mr. Todd! Leave it to me!
Sweeney Todd: Is learn forgiveness and try to forget!
Mrs. Lovett: By the sea, Mr. Todd we'll be comfy-cozy / By the sea, Mr. Todd, where there's no one nosy!
Sweeney Todd: And life is for the alive, my dear / So let's keep living it.
Sweeney Todd: [Throws Mrs. Lovett into the oven]
Anthony Hope: I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders, from the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru. But there's no place like London.
Sweeney Todd: No, there's no place like London.
Anthony Hope: [spoken] Mr. Todd?
Sweeney Todd: You are young. Life has been kind to you. You will learn.
Toby: Let Pirelli's / Miracle Elixir / Activate your roots, sir...
Sweeney Todd: Keep it off your boots, sir- / Eats right through.
Toby: Yes, get Pirelli's! / Use a bottle of it! / Ladies seem to love it...
Mrs. Lovett: Flies do, too!
Judge Turpin: [as he sentences boy prisoner] May the Lord have mercy on your soul.
Beggar Woman: [singing about Todd and Mrs. Lovett's incinerator] Smoke! Smoke! Sign of the devil! Sign of the devil! City on fire!
Anthony Hope: [Johanna is being hauled off to the asylum] Where are you taking her? Tell me or I'll...
Judge Turpin: You'll kill me, boy? Well here I stand!
[Sweeney Todd enters Mrs. Lovett's Pie Shop]
Mrs. Lovett: A customer!
Mrs. Lovett: Wait! What's your rush? / What's your hurry? / You gave me such a... / Fright. I thought you was a ghost. / Half a minute, can'tcha? / Sit! Sit you down! Sit! / All I meant is that I / Haven't seen a customer for weeks. / Did you come in for a pie, sir? / Do forgive me if me head's a little vague... / What is that? / But you'd think we had the plague... / From the way people... / Keep avoiding... / No you don't! / Heaven knows I try, sir! / But there's no one comes in even to inhale... / Right you are, sir. Would you like a drop of ale? / Mind you, I can't hardly blame them.
Sweeney Todd: [sings] There was a barber and his wife, / And she was beautiful. / A foolish barber and his wife. / She was his reason and his life, / And she was beautiful. / And she was virtuous. / And he was... naive. / There was another man who saw / That she was beautiful, / A pious vulture of the law, / Who with a gesture of his claw / Removed the barber from his plate. / Then there was nothing but to wait / And she would fall, / So soft, / So young, / So lost, / And oh, so beautiful.
Anthony Hope: And the lady, sir, did she succumb?
Sweeney Todd: [sings] Oh, that was many years ago... / I doubt if anyone would know.
[turns and speaks to Anthony]
Sweeney Todd: I'd like to thank you, Anthony. If you hadn't spotted me, I would be lost on the ocean still.
Anthony Hope: Will I see you again?
Sweeney Todd: You might find me, if you like, around Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder.
[looks down the street]
Anthony Hope: [holds out his hand for Sweeney to shake] Until then, my friend.
[Sweeney ignores Anthony and walks down the street]
Sweeney Todd: [sung to his razor] You there, my friend... /Come, let me hold you...
Mrs. Lovett: [sung] I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd... /If you only knew, Mr Todd...
Sweeney Todd: Now, with a sigh / You grow warm in my hand.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Ooh, Mr. Todd, / You're warm in my hand.
Sweeney Todd: My friend.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] You've come home.
Sweeney Todd: My clever friend.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Always had a fondness for you, I did.
Mrs. Lovett: That lad is drinking me out o' house an' home.
Judge Turpin: How seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit.
Sweeney Todd: With fellow tastes... in women at least.
Judge Turpin: [unsettled] What's that?
Sweeney Todd: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir. But then I suppose the face of a barber, the face of a prisoner in the dock, is not particularly memorable.
Judge Turpin: [with immense shock] Benjamin... Barker...
Sweeney Todd: [shouts] Benjamin Barker!
Mrs. Lovett: Barker, his name was. Benjamin Barker.
Sweeney Todd: What was his crime?
Mrs. Lovett: Foolishness.
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop, / Does a business, but I noticed something weird: / Lately all her neighbor's cats have disappeared. / Have to hand it to her, / What I calls / Enterprise / Popping pussies into pies. / Wouldn't do in my shop; / Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick. / And I'm telling you, them pussycats is quick.
[Toby invites customers to the pie shop; "God, That's Good" begins]
Toby: Ladies and gentlemen, / May I have your attention, puh-lease? / Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well / At that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell? / Yes they are, I can tell. / Well, ladies and gentlemen, / That aroma enriching the breeze / Is like nothing compared to its succulen source, / As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course. / Ladies and gentlemen, / You can't imagine the rapture in store... / Just inside of this door!
[Goes into the pie shop]
Toby: There you'll sample / Mrs. Lovett's meat pies, / Savory and sweet pies, / As you'll see. / You who eat pies, / Mrs. Lovett's meat pies / Conjure up the treat pies / Used to be!
Mrs. Lovett: Toby!
Mrs. Lovett: Ale there!
Toby: Right, mum!
Mrs. Lovett: Quick, now! / Nice to see you, dearie, / How have you been keeping? / Cor, me bones is weary! / Toby! One for the gentleman... / Hear the birdies cheeping - / Helps to keep it cheery... / Toby! / Throw the old woman out! /... What's my secret? / Frankly, dear - forgive my candor - / Family secret, / All to do with herbs. / Things like being / Careful with your coriander, / That's what makes the gravy grander!
Mrs. Lovett: [sings about Benjamin Barker] He had this wife, you see, / Pretty little thing. / Silly little nit / Had her chance for the moon on a string... / Poor thing. Poor thing. / There was this Judge, you see, / Wanted her like mad. / Every day he'd send her a flower, / But did she come down from her tower? / Sat up there and sobbed by the hour, / Poor fool. / Ah, but there was worse yet to come... / Poor thing.
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: [to Sweeney] May the good Lord smile on you... until we meet again.
Judge Turpin: Oh yes... such practices. The Geishas of Japan, the concubines of Siam, the catamites of Greece, the harlots of India. I have them all here, drawings of them. Everything you've ever dreamed of doing with a woman. Would you like to see?
Anthony Hope: I think there's been some mistake.
Judge Turpin: I think not. You gandered at my ward, Johanna. You gandered at her. YES, sir, you gandered!
Anthony Hope: I meant no harm.
Judge Turpin: Your meaning is immaterial. Mark me! If I see your face again on this street, you'll rue the day you were born.
Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you didn't!
[looks into the chest, sees Pirelli's dead body and gasps. Shuts it]
Mrs. Lovett: You're barking mad! Killing a man what done ya no harm!
Sweeney Todd: [polishing his razor] He recognized me from the old days. Tried to blackmail me. Half me earnings.
Mrs. Lovett: [relieved] Oh, well that's a different matter then. For a moment there I thought you lost your marbles.
[opens the chest again and stares]
Mrs. Lovett: Ugh! All that blood. Poor bugger. Oh well!
[looks through Pirelli's jacket before removing his money pouch and examining its contents]
Mrs. Lovett: Well, waste not, want not!
[tucks it into her bodice]
Beggar Woman: [to Sweeney] 'ey, don't I know you, mister?
Mrs. Lovett: [placing a small pie on the counter] Here we are. Hot out of the oven.
Sweeney Todd: What is THAT?
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] It's priest. Have a little priest...
Sweeney Todd: [sings] Is it really good?
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] Sir, it's too good, at least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh... so it's pretty fresh.
Sweeney Todd: [singing about razors] These are my friends. / See how they glisten. / See this one shine, / How he smiles in the light. / My friend, my faithful friend. / Speak to me, friend. / Whisper, I'll listen. / I know, I know- / You've been locked out of sight all these years- / Like me, my friend. / Well, I've come home / To find you waiting. / Home, and we're together, / And we'll do wonders, won't we?
Sweeney Todd: "Don't I know you?" she said. You knew she lived!
Mrs. Lovett: I was only thinking of you!
Sweeney Todd: [angry] You lied to me!
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] No, no, not lied at all! / No, I never lied!
Sweeney Todd: [sings] Lucy...
Mrs. Lovett: Said she took the poison, she did, / Never said that she died. / Poor thing, she lived...
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] I've come home again...
Mrs. Lovett: But it left her weak in the head, / All she did for months was just lie there in bed...
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Lucy...
Mrs. Lovett: Should've been in hospital, / Wound up in Bedlam instead, / Poor thing!
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Oh, my God...!
Mrs. Lovett: Better you should think she was dead. / Yes, I lied 'cause I love you!
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Lucy!
Mrs. Lovett: I'd be twice the wife she was!
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] What have I done?
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] I love you! Could that *thing* have cared for you like me?
[he turns toward Mrs. Lovett in anger]
Sweeney Todd: Mrs. Lovett, / You're a bloody wonder, / Eminently practical and yet / Appropriate as always. / As you've said repeatedly, / There's little point in dwelling on the past!
Mrs. Lovett: Do you mean it?
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] No, come here, my love... / Not a thing to fear, my love...
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] Everything I did, / I swear, / I thought / Was only for the best!
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] What's dead is dead!
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] Believe me! Can we still be married?
Sweeney Todd: What is that?
Mrs. Lovett: It's fop, / Finest in the shop. / Or we have shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top. And I've just begun. Here's the politician, so oily it's served on a doily, have one.
Anthony Hope: You wait for him here. I'll return with a coach in less than half an hour. Don't worry no one'll recognize you. You're safe now.
Johanna: Safe? So we run away and then all our dreams come true?
Anthony Hope: I hope so.
Johanna: I've never had dreams. Only nightmares.
Anthony Hope: Johanna... when we're free of this place, all the ghosts will go away.
Johanna: No, Anthony. They never go away.
Johanna: [after Turpin discovers her packing] Sir, a gentleman knocks before entering a lady's room.
Judge Turpin: Indeed, he does, but I see no lady. I told myself the sailor was lying, that my Johanna would never betray me, never hurt me so.
Johanna: Sir, I will leave this place.
Judge Turpin: I think that's only appropriate since you no longer find my company to your liking.
[the Beadle appears at the door]
Judge Turpin: We shall provide you with new lodgings. Until this moment I have spared the rod. But the ungrateful child has broken my heart. When you've learned to appreciate what you have done, perhaps we shall meet again. Until then, think on your sins.
[the Beadle takes Johanna away by force]
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: [singing] I am Adolfo Pirelli, da king of da barbers, da barber of kings, e buon giorno, good day. I blow you a kiss! And I, the so famous Pirelli, I wish-a to know who has-a da nerve-a to say my Elixir is piss! Who says this?
Sweeney Todd: I do. I'm Mr. Sweeney Todd from Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir and I say to you, it is nothing but an errant fraud, concocted from piss and ink. And furthermore, "Signor", I have serviced no kings, yet I wager that I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank.
Anthony Hope: [sings] I feel you, Johanna, / I feel you. / Do they think that walls can hide you? / Even now I'm at your window. / I am in the dark beside you, / Buried sweetly in your yellow hair, / Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: [sings] And are you beautiful and pale, / With yellow hair, like her? / I want you beautiful and pale, / The way I've dreamed you were, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: And if you're beautiful, what then, / With yellow hair, like wheat? / I think we shall not meet again, / My little dove, my sweet Johanna...
Anthony Hope: I'll steal you, Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: Goodbye, Johanna. / You're gone, and yet you're mine. / I'm fine, Johanna, / I'm fine.
Anthony Hope: Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: [sings] And if I never hear your voice, / My turtledove, my dear, / I still have reason to rejoice: / The way ahead is clear, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: [sings] I feel you, Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: And in that darkness when I'm blind / With what I can't forget / It's always morning in my mind, / My little lamb, my pet, / Johanna... / You stay, Johanna, / The way I've dreamed you are. / Oh look, Johanna, / A star! / A shooting star!
Anthony Hope: Buried sweetly in your yellow hair...
Sweeney Todd: [sings] And though I'll think of you, I guess, / Until the day I die, / I think I miss you less and less / As every day goes by, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: [sings] Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: And you'd be beautiful and pale, / And look too much like her. / If only angels could prevail, / We'd be the way we were, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: I feel you, Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: Wake up, Johanna! / Another bright red day! / We learn, Johanna, / To say / Goodbye...
Anthony Hope: I'll steal you...
Mrs. Lovett: [continues singing] No denying times is hard, sir - / Even harder than the worst pies in London. / Only lard and nothing more - / Is that just revolting? / All greasy and gritty, / It looks like it's molting, / And tastes like - / Well, pity / A woman alone / With limited wind / And the worst pies in London! / Ah sir, / Times is hard. Times is hard.
Mrs. Lovett: Trust me, dearie, it's gonna take a lot more than ale to wash that taste out. Come with me; we'll get you a nice tumbler of gin, eh?
Anthony Hope: [comes rushing in looking for Sweeney only to see Mrs.Lovett] Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me...
Mrs. Lovett: Mrs.Lovett, son.
Anthony Hope: A pleasure, ma'am.
[he finally see's Sweeney]
Anthony Hope: [really quickly] Mr.Todd, there's a girl who needs my help. Such a sad girl, and lonely but beautiful to and...
Sweeney Todd: [he leads Antony to a chair] Slow down, son.
Anthony Hope: [sits down] Yes, I'm sorry. This girl has a guardian who keeps her locked away, but then this morning she dropped this
[holds up a key]
Anthony Hope: surely a sign that Johanna wants me to help her. That's her name, Johanna, and Turpin is her guardian. He's a judge of some sort. Once he goes to court, I'm going to skip into the house, release her, and beg her to come away with me tonight!
Mrs. Lovett: Oh, this is very romantic.
Anthony Hope: [he turns to Mrs.Lovett] Yes.
[he turns back to Todd]
Anthony Hope: But I don't know anyone in London, you see, and I need somewhere safe to bring her until I've hired a coach to take us away. If I could keep her just for an hour or two, I'd be forever in your debt.
Mrs. Lovett: Bring her 'ere, love.
Anthony Hope: [to Mrs.Lovett] Thank you, ma'am.
Anthony Hope: [to Todd]
Anthony Hope: Mr.Todd...?
Sweeney Todd: [Sweeney can only nod in agreement]
[Judge Turpin leaves from the barbershop thanks to Anthony's blundering]
Sweeney Todd: [quietly] Out.
Anthony Hope: Mr. Todd... you have to help me!
Sweeney Todd: [louder] Out.
Anthony Hope: [persistent] Mr. Todd, please, I...
Sweeney Todd: [roars] *Out*!
[Anthony runs out, and Mrs. Lovett hurries in]
Mrs. Lovett: [arriving] All this running and shouting, wot's going on?
Sweeney Todd: [sings] I had him! His throat was bare, beneath my hand!
Mrs. Lovett: There, there, dear, calm down...
Sweeney Todd: No! I had him! His throat was there, and now he'll never come again!
Mrs. Lovett: [sings to calm him] Easy now. Hush, love, hush. / I keep telling you,
Sweeney Todd: *When*?
Mrs. Lovett: What's your rush?
Sweeney Todd: Why did I wait? / You told me to wait! / Now he'll never come again!
[he goes toward the window and looks at it]
Sweeney Todd: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit, / And it's filled with people who are filled with shit, / And the vermin of the world inhabit it, / But not for loooong!
Anthony Hope: Is everything alright, Mister Todd?
Sweeney Todd: I beg your indulgence, Anthony. My mind is far from easy. In these once familiar streets I feel shadows... everywhere...
Anthony Hope: Shadows?
Sweeney Todd: ...Ghosts.
Sweeney Todd: And who may it be said is your intended, sir?
Judge Turpin: My ward... and pretty as a rosebud.
Sweeney Todd: Pretty as her mother?
Judge Turpin: [confused] Wha... what was that?
Sweeney Todd: Nothing, sir. Nothing. May we proceed?
Sweeney Todd: And I will get him back even as he gloats in the mean time I'll practice on less honorable throats, and my Lucy lies in ashes and I'll never see my girl again!
Sweeney Todd: [sings] The history of the world, my love...
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] Save a lot of graves, does a lot of relatives favors.
Sweeney Todd: Is those below serving those up above.
Mrs. Lovett: Everybody shaves, so there should be plenty of flavors.
Sweeney Todd: How gratifying for once to know...
Man in street - greets Todd after competition: Congratulations, Mr. Todd. May I ask you, sir, do you have your own establishment?
Mrs. Lovett: He certainly does. Sweeney Todd's Tonsorial Parlor, above my Meat Pie Emporium in Fleet Street.
Sweeney Todd: [sings] Rest now, my friends.
Mrs. Lovett: [sings in unison] Never you fear, Mr. Todd.
Sweeney Todd: Soon I'll unfold you.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] You can move in here, Mr. Todd.
Sweeney Todd: Soon you'll know...
Mrs. Lovett: Will be yours. I'm your friend.
Sweeney Todd: [unison] My lucky friends.
Mrs. Lovett: And you're mine.
Sweeney Todd: Till now your shine...
Mrs. Lovett: Don't they shine beautiful?
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Was merely silver. / Friends...
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Silver's good enough for me, Mr. T...
Sweeney Todd: You shall drip rubies, / You'll soon drip precious rubies...
[the shaving contest has just started]
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: Now, signorini, signori, / We mix-a da lather / But first-a you gather / Around, signorini, signori, / You looking a man / Who have had-a da glory / To shave-a da Pope! / Mr. Sweeney whoever - / I beg-a your pardon - 'll / Probably say it was only a cardinal... / Nope! / It was-a da Pope!
Judge Turpin: [arriving at the barbershop] Mr. Todd?
Sweeney Todd: At your service... an honor to receive your patronage, my lord.
Judge Turpin: Do you know me, sir?
Sweeney Todd: Who in this wide world does not know the great Judge Turpin?
Judge Turpin: These premises are hardly prepossessing. And yet the Beadle tells me you're the most accomplished of all the barbers in the city.
Sweeney Todd: That is gracious of him, sir.
[Anthony barges into the barbershop, not realizing that Todd and the Judge are there]
Anthony Hope: Mr. Todd! I'm running away with Johanna! She'll marry me Sunday!
[He stops short as he sees the judge in the barber's chair]
Anthony Hope: [the Judge hears this and gets angry]
Judge Turpin: You... there is indeed a higher power to warn me thus in time.
[wipes his face and goes to Anthony]
Judge Turpin: Johanna, elope with you? I'll make sure that neither you nor any other man shall ever set eyes in her again!
[turns to Todd]
Judge Turpin: And as for you, barber... that's all too clear what company you keep! Serve them well and hold their custom, for you'll have none of mine!
[storms out of the barbershop]
Judge Turpin: I have news for you, my friend. In order to shield her from the evils of this world, I have decided to marry my dear Johanna.
Beadle: Ah, sir, happy news indeed.
Judge Turpin: Strange, though, when I offered myself to her, she showed a certain reluctance.
Beadle: [sings] Excuse me, my lord. / May I request, my lord, / Permission, my lord, to speak? / Forgive me if I suggest, my lord, / You're looking less than your best, my lord, / There's powder upon your vest, my lord, / And stubble upon your cheek. / And ladies, my lord, are weak.
Judge Turpin: Stubble, you say? Perhaps I am a little overhasty in the morning.
Beadle: [sings] Fret not though, my lord, / I know a place, my lord, / A barber, my lord, of skill. / Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord, / Some eau de cologne to brace my lord / And musk to enhance the chase, my lord, / You'll dazzle the girl until...
Judge Turpin: Until?
Beadle: [sings] She bows to your every will.
Mrs. Lovett: [upon recognizing the body of Lucy/Beggar Woman] You...
Mrs. Lovett: Everything I did I swear I thought was only for the best!
Mrs. Lovett: We could have a life, us two. Maybe not like I dreamed. Maybe not like you remember. But we could get by.
Sweeney Todd: And though I'll think of you, I guess, until the day I die, I think I miss you less and less as every day goes by!
Sweeney Todd: Pretty women.
Judge Turpin: Silhouetted.
Sweeney Todd: Stay within you.
Judge Turpin: Glancing.
Sweeney Todd: Stay forever.
Judge Turpin: Breathing lightly.
Sweeney Todd: Pretty women.
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: [as Davy Collins] I'll be wantin' me five quid back, if'n you don't mind.
Sweeney Todd: What for?
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: Because you entered our little wager under false pretense. So as you don't make the same mistake again, I'll be taking half your profits from herewith, share and share alike. Is that alright... Mr. Benjamin Barker?
Mrs. Lovett: So what are we gonna do about the boy?
Sweeney Todd: Send him up!
Mrs. Lovett: No, Mr. T. Surely one's enough for today. Besides, I was thinking of hiring the lad to help me run the shop. Your poor knees aren't what they used to be.
Sweeney Todd: All right.
Mrs. Lovett: Of course, we're gonna have to stock up on the gin. Boy's drinking like a sailor.
Beadle: [after the judge has sentenced a boy to death by hangin] Thank you, your honor, just the sentence we wanted.
Judge Turpin: Was he guilty?
Beadle: Well, if not, he'd certainly done something to warrant a hanging.
Judge Turpin: What man has not?
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: To shave-a da face/ To trim-a da beard/ To make-a da bristle/ Clean like a whistle/ Dis is from early infancy/ Da talent give to me/ By God./ It take-a da skill/ It take-a da brains/ It take-a da will/ To take-a da pains!/ It take-a da pace/ It take-a da graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
Beadle: And the winner is Todd!
Sweeney Todd: [to Mrs. Lovett while looking at his razor] The Judge! When will we get to him?
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: Mr.Todd?
Sweeney Todd: Signor Pirelli.
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: [reverting to a Cockney accent] Call me Davy. Davy Collins is the name when it isn't professional.
[Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett buy what appears to be Pirelli's Miracle Elixir]
Sweeney Todd: [opens the lid] What is this?
Mrs. Lovett: What is this?
Sweeney Todd: Smells like piss.
Mrs. Lovett: [sniffs] Smells like, eww!
Sweeney Todd: Looks like piss.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] I wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear.
Sweeney Todd: This is piss. / Piss with ink.
Mrs. Lovett: Hold it! / Bless my eyes - / Fresh supplies!
[a customer walks up to Todd's barbershop]
Mrs. Lovett: How's about it, dearie? / Be here in a twinkling!
Toby: [unison] Is that a pie / Fit for a king...
Mrs. Lovett: Just confirms my theory.
Toby: [unison] A wonrdous sweet...
Mrs. Lovett: Toby...! God watches over us.
Toby: [unison] And most delectable thing?
Mrs. Lovett: Didn't have an inkling...
Toby: [unison] You see, ma'am...
Mrs. Lovett: Positively eerie...
Toby: [unison] Why there is no meat pie...
Mrs. Lovett: [startled] Toby! / Throw the old woman out!