The Departed (2006)
Frank Costello: When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?
Lazio: Do you have anyone in with Costello presently?
Dignam: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.
Frank Costello: I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. Years ago we had the church. That was only a way of saying - we had each other. The Knights of Columbus were real head-breakers; true guineas. They took over their piece of the city. Twenty years after an Irishman couldn't get a fucking job, we had the presidency. May he rest in peace. That's what the niggers don't realize. If I got one thing against the black chappies, it's this - no one gives it to you. You have to take it.
Ellerby: Go fuck yourself.
Dignam: I'm tired from fucking your wife.
Ellerby: How is your mother?
Dignam: Good, she's tired from fucking my father.
Dignam: This is unbelievable. Who put the fuckin' cameras in this place?
Police Camera Tech: Who the fuck are you?
Dignam: I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.
Ellerby: I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.
Madolyn: Why is the last patient of the day always the hardest?
Billy Costigan: Because you're tired and you don't give a shit. It's not super-natural.
Dignam: My theory on Feds is that they're like mushrooms, feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark
Dignam: Your fuckin' family's dug into the Southie projects like ticks. Three-decker men at best. You, however, grew up on the North Shore, huh? Well, la-di-fuckin'-da. You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? Huh? One kid with your old man, one kid with your mother. You're upper-middle class during the weeks, then you're droppin' your "R"s and you're hangin' in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy, the fuckin' donkey on the weekends. I got that right?
Dignam: [Billy does not answer] Yup. You have different accents? You did, didn't you? You little fuckin' snake. You were like different people.
Billy Costigan: You a psychiatrist?
Dignam: Well, if I was I'd ask you why you're a Statie making 30 grand a year. And I think if I was Sigmund fuckin' Freud I wouldn't get an answer. So tell me, what's a lace-curtain motherfucker like you doing in the Staties?
Billy Costigan: Families are always rising or falling in America, am I right?
Oliver Queenan: Who said that?
Billy Costigan: Hawthorne.
Dignam: [Dignam makes a farting sound] What's the matter, smartass, you don't know any fuckin' Shakespeare?
[upon learning the Police have found Delahunt's body and that he was a cop]
Fitzy: I don't believe it.
Mr. French: What can't you believe?
Fitzy: I spent all fucking night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they find him so fast? Somebody walking a fucking dog ? What fucking size a dog is that? Has to be a big fucking dog, man. I spent all night doing it man.
[pause, Frank stares at him]
Fitzy: I'm embarrassed. I still don't believe he was a cop, I don't believe it.
Frank Costello: The COPS... are saying he's a cop... so I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you... to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him *IN* the marsh. Not where some guy from John Hancock goes every Thursday, TO GET A FUCKING BLOWJOB!
[Fitzy laughs, Frank hits him with his cap]
Frank Costello: Don't laugh! This ain't Reality TV!
Oliver Queenan: Do you know what we do here? My section?
Billy Costigan: Sir, yes, sir. I have an idea...
Dignam: [interrupting] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's say you have no idea and leave it at that, okay? No idea. Zip. None. If you had an idea of what we do, we would not be good at what we do, now would we? We would be cunts. Are you calling us cunts?
Oliver Queenan: Staff Sergeant Dignam has a style of his own. I'm afraid we all have to get used to it.
Frank Costello: Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar?
[the man looks startled]
Frank Costello: [laughs] Only kidding. How's your mother?
Man in Costello's Bar: Oh... I'm afraid she's on her way out.
Frank Costello: [walks away] We all are. Act accordingly.
[smiles and his straightens tie]
Oliver Queenan: We have a question: Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV.
Dignam: Yeah, a lot of people just wanna slam a nigger's head through a plate-glass window.
Billy Costigan: I'm all set without your own personal job application. Alright, Sergeant?
Dignam: What the fuck did you say to me, trainee?
Billy Costigan: [to Queenan] With all due respect, sir, what do you want from me?
Dignam: Hey asshole, he can't help you! I know what you are, okay? I know what you are and I know what you are not. I'm the best friend you have on the face of this earth, and I'm gonna help you understand something, you punk. You're no fuckin' cop!
Oliver Queenan: Congratulations on passing the detectives' exam, and welcome to the Special Investigation Unit.
Frank Costello: One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy.
Frank Costello: Have a seat, Bill.
[Costigan sits down at Costello's dinner table]
Frank Costello: [while eating crab] Do you know John Lennon?
Billy Costigan: Yeah, sure, he was the president before Lincoln.
Frank Costello: Lennon said, "I'm an artist. You give me a fucking tuba, I'll get you something out of it."
Billy Costigan: [sarcastically] Well I tell you Mr. Costello, I'd like to squeeze some fucking money out of it.
Frank Costello: Smart mouth. Too bad. If you'll indulge me...
[sees Gwen leaving]
Frank Costello: Now what?
Gwen: Choir practice.
Frank Costello: [annoyed] Choir practice.
[Costello pulls out a severed human hand]
Frank Costello: The point I'm making with John Lennon is - a man could look at anything, and make something out of it. For instance, I look at you and I think "what could I use you for?"
Frank Costello: [slams a fly on the table] You know what I like about restaurants?
Billy Costigan: The fucking food. I don't know, what?
Frank Costello: You can learn a lot, watching things eat.
[licks fly off palm]
[Sullivan tries to enter Queenan's office, but Dignam blocks his way]
Colin Sullivan: Problem?
Dignam: Yeah, I got a problem. I run rat fucks like you, okay? I don't like 'em.
Colin Sullivan: The day you wouldn't take a promotion, let me know. And if you'd taken care of this, I wouldn't even be here.
Dignam: Fuck yourself, you piece of shit.
Colin Sullivan: And I'm gonna need the identity of your undercovers.
Dignam: Blow me, all right? But not literally, though. Unfortunately, there's no promotion involved for you.
Colin Sullivan: Fucking prick.
Ellerby: Staff Sergeant Dignam is our liaison to the the undercover department, his undercover work is extensive. He's here to give us his report. Sergeant Dignam.
Dignam: Ok. My people are out there. They're like fuckin' indians. You're not gonna see 'em you're not gonna hear about 'em except from me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever know the identity of undercover people. Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin' leaks than the Iraqi Navy.
Ellerby: Fuck yourself.
Dignam: I'm tired from fuckin' your wife.
Ellerby: How's your mother?
Dignam: Good, she's tired from fuckin' my father.
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Madolyn: You know if you lied, you would have an easier time getting what you wanted.
Billy Costigan: What does that say about what you do for a living?
Madolyn: I just think we should have a few more meetings before we even talk about prescriptions.
Billy Costigan: Look... look, I'm having panic attacks, alright? The other night I thought I was having a fucking heart attack. I puked in a trash barrel on the way over here. I haven't slept for fucking weeks.
Madolyn: Is that true?
Billy Costigan: Yeah, that's true. Alright? I said it was fucking true. I want some fucking pills and you're gonna what? You're gonna close my file? Is that what you're going to do?
Madolyn: No, I didn't close your file. I...
Billy Costigan: [angry] I thought I was supposed to tell the truth here, if only fucking here!
Madolyn: You are! You are!
Billy Costigan: Christ. I mean, a guy comes in here against every, every instinct of privacy and self-reliance he has and what do you do? What do you do, huh? You send him off on the street to score smack, is that what you do? You're fucking ridiculous!
[Madolyn hands Costigan some Valium]
Billy Costigan: [picking up the pills] Two pills? Great. Why don't you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my fucking head off! Are we done here with this psychiatry bullshit?
Madolyn: You know what? You can leave!
Billy Costigan: What the fuck did I just put myself through? I'm fucking out of here. And what if that was a legitimate threat? Think about it fucking hotshot!
[Brown is telling Billy why he signed up for the police]
Brown: So she tells me, "You never finish anything. You finish the police course, you get taken care of again, baby." So after graduation, I get a blowjob again.
Billy Costigan: That's great. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman.
Brown: Fuck yourself.
Billy Costigan: Look at it this way: You're a black guy in Boston. You don't need any help from me to be completely fucked.
Billy Costigan: Hey, you fellas come from Providence?
Providence Gangster #2: Isn't any of your business where we come from, is it, now?
Billy Costigan: Fuckin' delivering cannolis or something?
Colin Sullivan: You're an FBI informant? Are you fucking kidding me?
Frank Costello: Grow up!
Frank Costello: Of course I talked to the FBI.
Colin Sullivan: Do they know who I am?
Frank Costello: I... I never gave up anybody... who wasn't going down anyway. Nobody knows nothin'.
Colin Sullivan: Frank... Frank. Do they know about me?
Frank Costello: I know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a...
Colin Sullivan: What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin'... and fuckin'... and no sons?
[They shoot at each other]
Billy Costigan: You sit there with a mass murderer. A mass murderer. Your heart rate is jacked, and your hand... steady. That's one thing I figured out about myself in prison. My hand does not shake... ever.
Oliver Queenan: Okay, kid. Let's do this. Come on, spread 'em.
[Queenan begins searching Costigan]
Dignam: Hey, what do you think you can pop somebody and there's a special card to play? That guy, Jimmy Bags whose jaw you broke happens to work undercover for the Boston Police Department.
Billy Costigan: I'm going fucking nuts, man. I can't be someone else every fuckin' day. It's been a year of this. I've had enough of this shit!
Dignam: Calm down, alright? Most people in the world do it every day. What's the big deal?
Billy Costigan: Well, I'm not them, alright? I'm not fucking them, okay?
Dignam: Exactly. You're nobody. You signed the papers, remember? Now we're the only two people on the face of this earth that even know you're a cop. How about we just erase your file, huh? How 'bout that? How about we erase your file and then bang, you're just another soldier for Costello open to arrest for I don't know how many felonies. Huh? What do you say we do that, Captain?
Billy Costigan: How about I fucking kill you, huh? How about I fucking kill you!
Oliver Queenan: That was a joke. Come on!
Dignam: That wasn't a joke. Just because you play a tough guy, doesn't mean you are one you lace-curtain, Irish fucking pussy!
[Costigan punches Dignam]
Oliver Queenan: Hey, hey! Stop it! Break it up! Stop it!
Billy Costigan: [to Dignam] Fuck you, motherfucker!
Oliver Queenan: Goddamn it, stop it! That's an order!
Oliver Queenan: For chrissake, be smart. If anybody's watching us now, how are we not supposed to arrest you? Come on, get in the car. Both of you, get in the car!
Frank Costello: I got this rat, this gnawing, cheese eating fuckin' rat and it brings up questions... You know, see, Bill, like you're the new guy. Girlfriend... Why don't you stay in the bar that night I got your numbers. Social Security numbers. Everybody's fuckin' numbers.
Billy Costigan: Is there something that you just wanna go ahead and ask me? 'Cause I'll give you the fuckin' answer, all right? Frank, look at me. Look at me. I'm not the fuckin' rat. Okay? I'm not the fuckin' rat.
Billy Costigan: [to the bartender] Cranberry juice.
Man Glassed in Bar: It's a natural diuretic. My girlfriend drinks it when she's got her period. What, do you got your period?
[Billy grabs an empty glass and smashes it onto the man's head. Mr. French grabs Billy throws him against the wall. Billy tries to go towards the man again and French holds him against the wall. Billy pushes French's hands away]
Billy Costigan: Get your fuckin' hands off me!
Mr. French: [calmly] Hey, hey, hey... do you know me?
Billy Costigan: No, no.
Mr. French: Well, I'm the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit and there's guys you can't. Now, that's not quite a guy you can't hit, but it's almost a guy you can't hit. So I'm gonna make a fuckin' ruling on this right now. You don't fuckin' hit him. You understand?
Billy Costigan: Yeah, excellent. Fine, fine, fine.
Mr. French: I fucking know you. I know your family. You make one more drug deal with that idiot fucking cop-magnet of a cousin of yours and I'll forget your grandmother was so nice to me. I'll cut your fucking nuts off. You understand that?
Billy Costigan: Yeah, yeah, I do.
Mr. French: What are you drinkin'?
Billy Costigan: [embarrassed] A cranberry juice.
Mr. French: What is it, your period?
[to the bartender]
Mr. French: Get him a... cranberry juice.
Mr. French: [to the man] Hey, fuckhead, that's Jackie's nephew.
Man Glassed in Bar: Oh.
Mr. French: What? "Oh" fuckin' what?
[punches the man four times in the face]
Mr. French: Get the fuck outta here.
Billy Costigan: [to Frank Costello] You accuse me once, I put up with it. You accuse me twice... I quit. You pressure me to fear for my life and I will put a fucking bullet in your head as if you were anybody else. Okay?
[Frank drops something. He reaches under the table and pulls up a gun. He looks at it as if he's never seen it before and then points it at Billy]
Frank Costello: You got something you wanna... ask me?
Frank Costello: When I was growing up, they would say you could become cops or criminals. But what I'm saying is this. When you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?
Kneecapped Bankrobber: [after being shot in the knee] I thought you were supposed to go into shock! I'm not in shock! It fuckin' hurts!
Fitzy: She didn't notice us, she must be a cop.
Delahunt: Yeah, she's probably the fucking Police Commissioner.
Dignam: [On the phone with Costigan] Why don't we just meet up sweetheart? Let me buy you an ice cream.
Billy Costigan: I'm getting on a plane unless you put Queenan on the phone.
Dignam: Queenan had a funeral to go to, okay? This is my shift. Just calm down.
Billy Costigan: Meet up? Meet - you actually want me dead? Look, there is a RAT in your unit, that is a FACT! Alright? Where's Queenan?
Dignam: He's not here.
Billy Costigan: They knew you had cameras in the building! They knew EVERYTHING, alright? There is a leak from the inside! It's real, man, smoke him out!
Dignam: Yeah, how do we do that Mr. Genius who didn't even graduate from the academy?
Billy Costigan: Let it slip through SIU that you have a sealed wiretap warrant for Costello's apartment. Don't tell ANYONE in our division, but tell SIU. Flush it down the pipe and see if it comes out on my end, alright? That's what we do first, we narrow it down. Where is Queenan?
Dignam: He's not here. You want to meet up or you got something real, call me back.
Uncle Ed: What's this I hear from Stephanie about you becoming a policeman?
Billy Costigan: You mean Stephanie, who was the only one who came to my father's funeral? That Stephanie?
Uncle Ed: Yeah, *that* Stepanie.
Billy Costigan: Nothing much to it, Uncle Edward.
Uncle Ed: Are you trying to prove something to the family?
Billy Costigan: When you say "the family," who do you mean exactly? You?
Uncle Ed: You always have to question everything, don't you?
Billy Costigan: Maybe it would have done you some good to have some *questions* from time to time, you know? "Am I an asshole? Are my kids a mess? Is my wife a money-grubbing whore?" I mean, those are questions, right? "Have I ever been good to my dying sister or am I just now pretending to be?"
Uncle Ed: Do you need some money for the funeral?
Billy Costigan: When my mother dies, we don't have any more connection.
[Billy walks away]
Frank Costello: Jeez. She fell funny.
[chuckles at the dead bodies]
Mr. French: Francis, you really should see somebody.
Frank Costello: You know, if your father were alive, and saw you here sitting with me, let's say he would have a word with me about this. In fact, he'd kill seven guys just to cut my throat, and he could do it. That's maybe something you don't know about William Costigan, Sr.
Billy Costigan: So he never? I mean, never?
Frank Costello: No. He kept his own counsel. He never wanted money. You can't do anything with a man like that. You're Uncle Jackie - he also would kill my entire fucking family if he saw me here with you. And I think about this.
Billy Costigan: [confused] So what the fuck are we talking about here?
Frank Costello: Did you ever think about going back to school?
Billy Costigan: School?
Billy Costigan: All due respect Mr. Costello, school is out.
Frank Costello: Maybe someday you'll wake the fuck up.
Billy Costigan: I mean the guy murdered somebody right? The guy fuckin' murdered somebody and you don't fuckin' take him!
Colin Sullivan: What Freud said about the Irish is: We're the only people who are impervious to psychoanalysis.
Frank Costello: [talking about Costigan] Do you trust him?
Mr. French: Well these days, who's reliable?
Frank Costello: His uncle Jackie was. Yeah, you can't trust a guy acts like he's got nothing to lose.
Mr. French: I'm reliable.
Frank Costello: Arnold, you're one in a million.
Mr. French: Ten. Ten million.
Frank Costello: What about your wife, Arnold?
Mr. French: Well, I thought she was.
Frank Costello: [laughing] She wasn't!
Mr. French: Well, she got reliable.
[flashback showing French strangling his wife]
Frank Costello: Arm.
Billy Costigan: Arm? What fuckin' arm?
Mr. French: [French pulls Costigan to a pool table] Show me your arm. Flip it. mmhmmm, mmhmmm...
[French slams Costigan's arm on the table until the cast breaks, while Costigan screams in pain]
Frank Costello: It makes me curious to see you in this neighborhood. And if I can slander my own environment, it makes me sad. This, uh, regression. Plus, I don't know if it's beyond some fucking cop prick like Queenan to pull you out of the Staties and send you gift-wrapped to me. I just can't know. I wonder what they do in that particular department, anyway.
[Costello slams on Costigan's broken arm with Costigan's boot]
Frank Costello: [yelling] Are you still a cop?
Billy Costigan: [in severe pain] No!
[Costello whacks his arm again]
Frank Costello: [yelling] Swear on your mother's grave you're still not a cop?
Billy Costigan: [painfully] I'm not a fucking cop!
[Costello whacks his arm again, this time re-breaking it]
Frank Costello: [yelling] Are you going to stop doing coke deals with your jerk-off fucking cousin?
Billy Costigan: [weakly] Yes, yes, yes!
Frank Costello: Alright, alright. You're okay, you'll be alright. Get your hand taken care of.
[Costello throws down some money]
Frank Costello: I'm sorry, but it was necessary. As for our problem with Providence - let's not cry over some spilled guineas.
Madolyn: Here, this is my card.
Colin Sullivan: Nah, I don't need that. I'm a detective. I'll find you.
[elevator door begins to close; Colin reaches out]
Colin Sullivan: No, I'm just kidding, I need the card.
Billy Costigan: [coming from behind the wall to surprise Sullivan] Freeze!
Colin Sullivan: Whoa! Put the fucking gun down!
Billy Costigan: Put your fucking hands up!
Colin Sullivan: Alright, alright. I can get you your money!
Billy Costigan: What did you say?
Colin Sullivan: I said I can get you your...
Billy Costigan: [punches Sullivan across the face] You didn't come here to talk, you came here to get arrested.
[Slaps cuffs on him]
Colin Sullivan: You have fucking tapes of what? Costello was my informant. I was a rat? Fuck you, prove it.
Billy Costigan: [standing Sullivan up] Get up!
Colin Sullivan: What is this? A citzens arrest? Blow me. Only one of us is a cop here Bill. Did you hear me Bill? No one knows who you fucking are!
Billy Costigan: Will you shut the fuck up!
Colin Sullivan: I'm a sargeant in the Massachusetts State Police, who the fuck are you? I erased you!
Billy Costigan: [slams Sullivan against a wall] You erased me, huh?
Colin Sullivan: Yea... shoot a cop, Einstein, watch what happens.
Billy Costigan: What would happen is this bullet would go right through your fucking head!
Colin Sullivan: Watch what happens!
Billy Costigan: What? So you can get the parade? The bagpipes and bullshit? Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm fucking arresting you!
Colin Sullivan: That's the stupidest thing you could do.
Billy Costigan: [while hitting him] Shut the fuck up!
[Sullivan falls to the ground]
Billy Costigan: I could give a fuck if the charges don't stick... I'm still fucking arresting you.
Colin Sullivan: [dazed] Shit.
Colin Sullivan: Do you know what will happen if you shoot me?
Billy Costigan: Yeah, this bullet will go right through your fucking head!
Billy Costigan: When are you gonna take Costello, huh?
Billy Costigan: I mean, what's wrong with taking him on any one of the
Billy Costigan: million fucking felonies that you've seen him do, or I've seen him do? I mean, I mean, he murdered somebody, right? The guy fucking murders somebody, and you don't fucking take him! What are you waiting for, honestly? I mean, do you want him to chop me up and feed me to the poor? Is that what you guys want?
Dignam: [sarcasm] Yeah, well that might stick.
Oliver Queenan: [to Dignam] Will you shut up?
Colin Sullivan: I can't wait to see you explain this one to a fucking Suffolk County jury you fucking cocksucker. This is gonna be fucking fun!
Mr. French: In the future, I tell ya to do a thing, you fucking do it, you got that?
Billy Costigan: I got it, okay?
Frank Costello: [sneaks up behind Costigan, snifffing] Excuse me, uh, French, I forgot my...
Mr. French: Okay, Francis.
Frank Costello: ...cigarette.
[puffs, slaps Costigan's shoulder]
Frank Costello: Eat something.
Frank Costello: [after talking to Madolyn on the phone] Was that that shrink cunt that answered the phone?
Colin Sullivan: Remember I told you that we were gonna... she was gonna move in?
Frank Costello: Yeah.
Colin Sullivan: She moved in.
Frank Costello: You better get organized, quick.
Colin Sullivan: Hey, last time I checked, I tipped you off and you're not in jail.
Frank Costello: Are you listening to me?
Colin Sullivan: Yeah.
Frank Costello: Do you like Little Miss Thing suckin' on your cock?
Colin Sullivan: [looks at Madolyn] Yes. Yes, I do.
Frank Costello: So earn it. I'm getting the feeling we got a cop in my crew.
Colin Sullivan: Yeah, I know. I'm kinda getting that feeling too.
Frank Costello: He's one of yours. Inside. Have you seen anything?
Colin Sullivan: Frank, I got no access to Queenan's undercover files. He and Dignam run the snitches. I'm doing my best...
Frank Costello: Your best? What do you think we're in, the fuckin' haberdashery business?
Colin Sullivan: Look, Frank, if you don't relax, if you don't relax, I can't relax. All right? Now what I need you to do is you get me information on the people who were with you last night. Your crew. Get me Social Security numbers, get me...
Frank Costello: Get you? Give you? Who the fuck do you work for? What?
Colin Sullivan: All right, all right. Frank, Frank, Frank, I'm sorry, Frank. If you could, please. What I need are SS numbers, DOBs, just all the pedigree information so I can run it on my end and we can ID the prick. If you can just get me that information, what I can do is I can just - I - I - we're gonna handle it. I - I - I can handle it.
Frank Costello: Colin, calm down, or you'll shoot in your pants.
Frank Costello: I'll get you the records and what not. But listen to me, son. Don't disappoint me on this or some other guy will be putting their fat cock up little Miss Freud's ass.
Frank Costello: [hangs up]
Frank Costello: Church wants you on your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you. A man makes his own way. No one gives it to you. You have to take it. "Non serviam."
Young Colin: James Joyce.
Frank Costello: Smart, Colin. Guineas from the north and down Providence try to tell me what to do. And, uh, something maybe happen to them. Maybe, uh, like that.
[cuts to Costello executing two people on beach]
Oliver Queenan: [as Billy runs away, and protects him from Costello's goons] One of you mugs got a light.
Fitzy: Where's your boy?
Oliver Queenan: He's studying law at Notre Dame.
Fitzy: Where's your fucking boy?
Fitzy: [grabs Queenan] Goddamn motherfucker! Now where's your fucking boy?
Bookie Harassed by French: I'm in the hole, I pay him two grand a week. There's no profit, I pay him two grand a week.
Mr. French: Well make more fuckin' money. This is America. You don't make money, then you're a fuckin' douchebag.
[pulls out gun]
Mr. French: Now what you ganna do?
Bookie Harassed by French: I'll make more money!
Mr. French: That's the spirit!
Frank Costello: [to Carmen] Just keep it. Buy yourself some makeup.
Ellerby: You have an immaculate record. Some guys don't trust an immaculate record. I do. I have an immaculate record.
[after driving his car into a large crate, and getting caught in the car]
Mr. French: Ah, fuck it.
[Shoots himself, the car explodes]
Oliver Queenan: All cell phone signals are under surveillance, due to the courtesy of our Federal friends over there.
Ellerby: Patriot Act, Patriot Act! I love it, I love it, I love it!
Billy Costigan: What would you do if your boyfriend was standing right there and he saw us? Huh?
Madolyn: I would lie.
Frank Costello: Sweetheart, you're giving me a hard-on.
Gwen: Are you sure it's me? Not all that talk about whiffing and crawling up asses?
Frank Costello: Watch your fuckin' mouth!
Gwen: No, you watch it. Let me straighten you out.
Frank Costello: You want some coke? There it is. Don't move till you're numb.
[Watching Costigan beat up the Providence gangsters, destroying his store in the process]
Pakistani Proprietor: What's wrong with this fucking country? Everybody hates everybody!
Billy Costigan: You're seventy fucking years old. One of these guys is going to pop you. As for running drugs, what the fuck. You don't need the pain in the ass, and they're going to catch you. And you don't need the money.
Frank Costello: I haven't "needed the money" since I took Archie's milk money in the third grade. Tell you the truth, I don't need pussy any more either... but I like it.
Billy Costigan: There was a cop leaving when I came in.
Madolyn: How did you know he was a cop?
Billy Costigan: Know, bad haircut, no dress sense, and, you know, a slight air of scumbag entitlement.
Billy Costigan: [to Madolyn] There is no one more full of shit than a cop except for a cop on TV.
Ellerby: How is your wedding coming along?
Colin Sullivan: Great, great; she's a doctor.
Ellerby: That's outstanding.
Colin Sullivan: Yeah.
Ellerby: Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work.
Colin Sullivan: [laughing] Yeah, it's working... Overtime!
Ellerby: I'm glad to hear that.
Colin Sullivan: Yeah... Thank you.
Frank Costello: You do well in school?
Young Colin: Yeah
Frank Costello: Good. So did I. They call that a paradox.
Billy Costigan: Frank, how many of these guys have been with you long enough to be disgruntled, huh? Think about it. You don't pay much, you know. It's almost a fuckin' feudal enterprise. The question is, and this is the only question, who thinks that they can do what you do better than you?
Frank Costello: The only one that can do what I do is me. Lot of people had to die for me to be me. You wanna be me?
Billy Costigan: I probably could be you, yeah. Yeah, I know that much. But I don't wanna be you, Frank. I don't wanna be you
Frank Costello: Heavy lies the crown... sort of thing.
[detailing the undercover operation to nail Costello]
Ellerby: Our target: microprocessors. Yes, those. I don't know what they are, you don't know what they are, who gives a fuck?
Ellerby: This unit is new, and you are the newest members of it. You have been selected from the basis of intelligence and aptitude. This is an elite unit. Our job is to smash, or marginally disrupt, organized crime in the city by enhanced cooperation of the FBI, represented here today by Frank Lazio. And we will do it. By organized crime in the city, you know who we mean - that's Jackie Costigan, that's an old picture. Jackie met his demise. Last known photograph. Costello uses three key guys: that's Fitzy - off-the-boat psycho who lives with his mother, who's straight out of Going My Way. Delahunt - muscle. French - the number one. But of course the rock star - you know who. We've done a briefing. Books, so read up. I want any and all ideas so I can pass them off as my own. Word hard, you'll rise fast. You're in the best possible position in the department. Let's go to work.
Billy Costigan: Listen, listen. I got like, like thirty thousand bucks, right? Insurance money. You know, after my mother passed and everything?
Cousin Sean: Yeah, yeah.
Billy Costigan: In your line of work, if I gave you like what, ten thousand, what could I get back?
Cousin Sean: You know... you know what you usually say at these moments?
Billy Costigan: What? What?
Cousin Sean: C'mon, man.
Billy Costigan: Aw, come on, you fucking moron. Come on. What, you want me to say it? Huh? I'm not a cop, alright? I'm your fucking cousin.
Cousin Sean: Yeah, you're bad! You corrupt fuck, man! You must be my cousin.
Frank Costello: I'm going to have my associate search you.
Billy Costigan: No, no one's fucking searching me. Searching me for what?
Frank Costello: Contra-fucking-band. Take your shoes off.
[French slams Costigan into a chair]
Mr. French: Shoes.
Frank Costello: [to Costigan] I knew your father.
Billy Costigan: Yeah? You know he's dead?
Frank Costello: Oh, sorry. How'd he go?
Billy Costigan: He didn't complain.
Frank Costello: Yeah, that was his problem.
Billy Costigan: Who said he had a problem?
Frank Costello: I just said he had a fucking problem. There's a man who could have been anything.
Billy Costigan: Are you trying to say he was nothing?
[French slams Costigan onto a pool table and continues his search]
Frank Costello: I'm saying he worked at the airport.
[Costello meets with Sullivan in a porno theater, posing as a movie-watcher and suprising him with a black dildo]
Colin Sullivan: Frank? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Frank Costello: [laughing] See anything you like, Colin?
Colin Sullivan: I almost fucking shot you!
Frank Costello: You're not indulging in self-abuse, are you? I hope you're not turning into one of them sob sisters who wants to get caught. You're not cracking up, are you?
Colin Sullivan: I don't crack up.
Frank Costello: Picking a place like this, where any cop can see you. Jesus.
Colin Sullivan: If it was such a fucking bad idea, why'd you show up?
Frank Costello: [turning to face Sullivan] I own the place.
Colin Sullivan: [laughs] Why am I not fucking surprised? Look, I gotta tell you...
Frank Costello: You're getting re-assigned. I know.
Colin Sullivan: How the fuck do you know that?
Frank Costello: Where'd they put you?
Colin Sullivan: Hey Frank, I gotta find myself.
Frank Costello: You're telling me, sonny boy.
Colin Sullivan: I gotta find the guy you got in the department.
Frank Costello: With everybody looking up their own ass, and you looking for yourself, I'd put my money on nobody finds nothing.
Colin Sullivan: I know, but Frank - look, for me, you gotta lay low. Right now.
Frank Costello: Colin, laying low is not what I do.
Colin Sullivan: Okay, fucking big daddy Frank. Fucking perfect. But what good am I to you if you don't listen to me?
Colin Sullivan: I can get the rat. You just gotta let me do it my way, Frank.
Frank Costello: Okay.
[hands Sullivan "Citizens Trust" envelope]
Frank Costello: But Colin - I hope I don't have to remind you that if you don't find that cheese-eating rat bastard in your department, most likely it won't be me who suffers for it.
Colin Sullivan: Now why would you have to remind me of that? Would I be any good at what I do if I didn't fucking already know that? Frank, you gotta trust me. Alright, just trust me Frank. Hey, it fucking involves lying and I'm pretty fucking good at that. Right?
Frank Costello: Maybe because it's always been so easy for me to get cunt, that I never understood jacking off in a theater.
[Colin confronts Billy on the rooftop]
Billy Costigan: FREEZE!
[points gun at Colin]
Colin Sullivan: Hey! Hey! Hey!
Billy Costigan: Put your fucking hands up!
Colin Sullivan: Put the fucking gun down! Put the gun... put the gun down, alright? I came here to talk some sense into you!
Billy Costigan: Hands!
[Slaps his arm]
Colin Sullivan: Alright! Just act professional. I can get you your money!
Billy Costigan: What'd you say?
Colin Sullivan: I can get you your MONEY!
[Billy pistol whips Colin, knocking him to the ground,]
Billy Costigan: You didn't come here to talk, alright. You came here to get arrested!
Billy Costigan: [referring to Costello] Do you want him to chop me up and feed me to the poor, huh, is that what you want?
Colin Sullivan: Hey, now why do you work for the state?
Madolyn: Why not? You do.
Colin Sullivan: No, what you do, the degrees and everything you got, you're hot shit. So why do you make as much as a guidance counselor?
Madolyn: Because... I believe in public service.
Colin Sullivan: [pause] So now you're gonna fuck with me?
Colin Sullivan: Now you're gonna be ridiculous?
Frank Costello: Now whenever you make a call ask for Mikey, MIKEY!... huh... you ask for a Mikey 'cause there is no Mikey.
Dignam: I can't wait to wipe that fucking smirk right off of your face.
Frank Costello: Wouldn't you rather wipe my ass for me?
Brown: Put down the gun and step away from Sergeant Sullivan!
Billy Costigan: Look, I called you. You specifically. You know who I am. I'm not gonna shoot. I told you to meet me downstairs.
Colin Sullivan: Help me.
Brown: PUT THE WEAPON ON THE DECK AND STEP AWAY FROM SERGEANT SULLIVAN!
Colin Sullivan: Shoot the fuckin' prick already!
Billy Costigan: Where's Dignam? I told you to bring Dignam!
Colin Sullivan: Shoot the motherfucker!
Brown: Put the weapon on the ground and we'll discuss it.
Colin Sullivan: SHOOT THE MOTHERFUCKER!
Billy Costigan: Look, I got boxes of tapes, evidence, all of that! I got proof! He's Costello's rat!
Brown: Maybe you do. But right now I need you to put the weapon on the deck and step away from Sergeant Sullivan!
Billy Costigan: No, I gotta get out. I can't be doing this anymore. You know what's gonna happen?
Oliver Queenan: What?
Billy Costigan: I know he's gonna find out who I am and he's gonna fucking kill me.
Oliver Queenan: I'm really sorry... I swear to God I am. I'll get you out of this. It won't be immediately but I will get you out. Two weeks at most.
Providence Gangster #1: Come on Babu, I can't do any more. I can't go off, please don't make me go back empty handed. Please don't do this. I wanna help you.
Pakistani Proprietor: Come to my store next Friday. I'll give you the money...
Providence Gangster #1: This is Friday Babu, how many times I gotta tell you?
Pakistani Proprietor: You keep calling me Babu, it's 'Singh' motherfucker!
Providence Gangster #1: I'm trying to help you. Don't you understand?
Pakistani Proprietor: You keep on telling me 'I'm your friend'.
Providence Gangster #1: Yeah.
Pakistani Proprietor: You don't even know my fucking name!
Other Prisoner: Hey, you Billy Costigan?
Billy Costigan: Yeah. Who wants to know?
Other Prisoner: I know a Sean Costigan, down on L Street.
Billy Costigan: Yeah that's my cousin.
Other Prisoner: Connected. Not too bright.
Billy Costigan: I know.
Other Prisoner: I mean no offense.
[Billy waves his hand at him]
Colin Sullivan: Fuck you, fuckin' queers. Firemen gettin' pussy for the first time in the history of fire or pussy. Hey go save a kitten in a tree, you fucking homos.
Madolyn: [about an odd-looking dessert] I'm waiting for you to make your move.
Colin Sullivan: I don't know, if that thing moves I'm gonna shoot it.
Frank Costello: I'm concerned about a Chinaman who thinks it's wise to come to a business transaction with automatic weapons.
[to the Chinese translator]
Frank Costello: For his own good, tell Bruce Lee and the Karate Kids none of us are carrying automatic weapons. Because here - in this country... it don't add inches to your dick. You get a life sentence for it.
Ellerby: Queenan is dead. I'm your boss now.
Dignam: I don't give a fuck, I'd rather hand in my papers first.
Ellerby: World needs plenty of bartenders - two weeks, with pay!
Billy Costigan: Do you lie?
Madolyn: Why? Do you?
Billy Costigan: No, I'm asking if you lie.
Madolyn: Honesty is not synonymous with truth.
Billy Costigan: Yeah, you lie. You lie.
Ellerby: So do you know why Queenan went into that building?
Colin Sullivan: No.
Dignam: Well, a better question is why the fuck were your guys following him?
Colin Sullivan: I told Internal Investigations to follow Captain Queenan.
Colin Sullivan: That's Internal Investigations' business.
[Dignam hits Colin, starting a fight causing the other officers to intervene]
Dignam: Fucking piece of shit!
Colin Sullivan: Cocksucker! I don't have to fucking explain anything to anybody! I can fucking investigate anybody I fucking want to!
Dignam: [being held back] Let him go, come on.
Colin Sullivan: I don't give a fuck what you think! Captain, I've got reason to believe that Queenan got killed by his own fucking undercover.
Dignam: That's a fucking lie.
Colin Sullivan: [pointing to Dignam] He has fucking information in a locked file, as did Captain Queenan. I need access to those files.
Dignam: Hey, I forgot the password, but if you'd like to come down to the garage with me, I'd be happy to give it to you.
Colin Sullivan: [pushing towards Dignam] That's a fucking lie.
Dignam: [pushing towards Colin] Nobody calls me a liar!
Ellerby: Do you got any suits at home or do you like to come to work like you're gonna invade Poland?
Barrigan: [after they lose the rugby match to the firemen and Sullivan stares longingly at the statehouse] What? Look, forget about it. Your old man was a janitor and his son's only a cop.
Colin Sullivan: Fucking firefighters are bunch of homos.
[they both laugh]
Colin Sullivan: They are!
Frank Costello: Good day, father.
Older Priest: Good day, Francis.
Frank Costello: You recall our chat? Little boys. Sucking on their peckers, etc... and so forth. I am as God made me. Is that your rationale? May I remind you - in this archdiocese, God don't run the bingo.
Young Priest: May I remind you - that pride comes before the fall.
Frank Costello: How's Sister Mary Teresa doing? Had a tasty relationship before she took her vows.
[Costello hands the priests a nude drawing of the nun]
Frank Costello: Enjoy your clams, cocksuckers.
Colin Sullivan: [to Madolyn] If we're not gonna make it, it's gotta be you that gets out, cause I'm not capable. I'm fucking Irish, I'll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life.
Colin Sullivan: You got a nice suit at home or do you like coming to work everyday dressed like you're goin' to invade Poland?
Frank Costello: What we generally do - in this country... is one guy brings the items and the other guy pays him. No tickee, no laundry!
Ellerby: Yes, those. I don't know what they are, you don't know what they are, who gives a fuck.
Ellerby: We're not here to solve the case of the missing scumbag, we're here to nail Costello.
Colin Sullivan: I think you better call your mother, and tell her you won't be home for supper.
Colin Sullivan: Look it, fuck-stick, you don't have to trust me. Just listen to what I am saying to you.
Frank Costello: Fucking rats. It's wearing me thin.
Mr. French: Francis, it's a nation of fucking rats.
Colin Sullivan: [after Dignam has refused to turn over undercover files] I need those passwords.
Ellerby: [smooths down Sullivan's shirt and coat] No, you *want* those passwords.
Frank Costello: If these chinks wanna nuke Taiwan anytime in this century, they better shape up and show me $1 million dollars! What we generally do - in this country - is one guy brings the items, and the other guy pays him. "No tickee, no laundry"!
Frank Costello: [Answers cell phone] What?
Colin Sullivan: Yeah, you got a tail. Two cars, not very subtle. They're not gonna be very subtle from now on. That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Frank Costello: So get rid of 'em.
Colin Sullivan: There's no need to go yourself, Frank.
Frank Costello: GET RID OF THE FUCKING TAIL!
Colin Sullivan: [after brief pause] All right.
Cousin Sean: Fucking Ricans think they know everything. If they knew shit, they wouldn't be Puerto Ricans.
Oliver Queenan: We deal in deception here. What we do not deal with is self-deception.
Frank Costello: There is no need to remind you that if you don't find that cheese eating rat bastard in your department... it won't be me who suffers for it.
Colin Sullivan: What I be any good at my job if I didn't fucking already know that?
Frank Costello: Just get him and smoke him the fuck out.
Colin Sullivan: I'll get the rat... you just gotta let me do it my way, Frank.
Madolyn: [after a therapy session] I'm not someone you have to see or they put you in jail if you're in distress I will help you here's my card and a prescription of medication that'll help you
Billy Costigan: Is that enough to commit suicide?
Madolyn: Maybe it is have I done my job to your God damn standards? Because according my standards you fit the model of drug seeking behavior too damn bad if you don't like my initial clinical reaction
Billy Costigan: [During a therapy session] Is it to do some good to get somewhere personally or just for the fuck of it?
Madolyn: Well I expect some people do it to keep things on an even keel
Billy Costigan: So you had a parent who was a drunk?
Madolyn: Did you?
Billy Costigan: No
Madolyn: Let's keep it with you, talk about how you feel
Billy Costigan: There was a cop leaving when I came in, do you see cops?
Madolyn: That's part of what I do I don't normally see cadets who've just been kicked out of the academy
Billy Costigan: You should get a better job
Madolyn: Should I?
Billy Costigan: So do all those cops come in here and "cry"?
Madolyn: Sometimes they do, if they had trouble at home if they had to use their weapons
Billy Costigan: Use their weapons? They signed up to use their weapons most of them but they watch enough TV so they know they have to weep there is no one more full of shit than a cop, except for a cop on TV