Best Week Ever with Paul F. Tompkins (2004– )

Christian Finnegan: Self

Quotes 

• Christian Finnegan : If you bought the soundtrack to the motion picture Ray, what you're saying about yourself is, "I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and pretend I've been a lifelong Ray Charles fan."

• [on the Unicef public service announcement featuring the Smurfs] 

  Christian Finnegan : The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

• [talking about a documentary featuring Albert Einstein] 

  Christian Finnegan : This documentary is so sexy, it puts the sex back in quantum phy-sex.

• Christian Finnegan : People might say, "What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them." Well, you've never seen God either. You're gonna tell me he's not awesome?

• Christian Finnegan : After nearly killing herself, Kristy Yamaoka has been whipping through the talk show circuit at a break-neck pace.

• [talking about Taylor Hicks' Soul Patrol] 

  Christian Finnegan : And what is it they patrol? The Easy Listening section at Sam Goody. You're not going to get to the Josh Groban without going through the Soul Patrol.

• Christian Finnegan : I think I speak for America when I say, "nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg."

• Christian Finnegan : I think it's really funny watching all the people that have been booted off The Apprentice trying to pretend as if they respect the two guys that are still there. They obviously think these two guys are jackasses.

• Christian Finnegan : [regarding Michael Jackson]  His charity efforts? Mmmmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges

• Christian Finnegan : Basically Britney Spears' video is like a three an a half minute version of Glitter.

• Christian Finnegan : Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.

• Christian Finnegan : [Re Nelly's "Pimp Juice" Scholarship Fund]  Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.

• Christian Finnegan : If you went to the Democratic convention this summer, what your saying about yourself is, "Hey! Remember that guy that was doing charity work so that it would look good on his college application? That was me!"

  Christian Finnegan : If you went to the Republican convention this summer, what your saying about yourself is, "Hey! Remember that guy that was doing charity work so that it would look good on his college application? I was beating the crap outta that kid!"

• Christian Finnegan : If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.

• Christian Finnegan : [On Shar Jackson]  This is the first ever piece of celebrity gossip containing no celebrities.

• Nick Kroll : Hello, I'm a Mac

  Christian Finnegan : And I'm a PC

  Nick Kroll : I'm into doing fun stuff like music, movies podcasts, stuff like that.

  Christian Finnegan : And I'm into important stuff like spreadsheets, timesheets and pie charts.

  Nick Kroll : That's cool but you can't capture your family's vacation on a pie chart.

  Christian Finnegan : Right, but a podcast about your favorite hoodies and independent film won't help you pay for that vacation.

  Nick Kroll : No, that's what my trust fund is for, but that's a pretty sweet idea for a podcast.

  Christian Finnegan : Why am I even wasting my time talking to this jackass?

  Nick Kroll : Dude, don't be a hater! You can borrow my isight camera.

• Nick Kroll : Hello, I'm a Mac.

  Christian Finnegan : And I'm a PC.

  Nick Kroll : Dude, I just made this sweet mashup with the new Gnarls Barkley song mixed with scenes from Psycho the Alfred Hitchcock classic the other day on my Mac. It's pretty meta.

  Christian Finnegan : I don't know what you're talking about.

  Nick Kroll : Basically I stole footage from Psycho and then borrowed music from the Gnarls Barkley song and put them all together. It's mad stupid.

  Christian Finnegan : Do you know what I think is stupid?

  Nick Kroll : What?

  Christian Finnegan : Expensive worn jeans, ironic t-shirts and pretentious film school glasses.

  Nick Kroll : Do you mean like stupid stupid or cool stupid?

• Nick Kroll : Hello, I'm a Mac.

  Christian Finnegan : And I'm a PC.

  Nick Kroll : Oh righteous, you've got an iPod!

  Christian Finnegan : Yes, it works with my PC. I also enjoy listening to songs.

  Nick Kroll : Well you should check out iPhoto, iMovie, iWeb, they all work like iTunes. You know it's like iLife. It comes with every Mac.

  Christian Finnegan : Have you ever heard of You Shut?

  Nick Kroll : No, what is that? Some PC program that competes with Mac?

  Christian Finnegan : No. You Shut the f**k up you pompous pr*ck or I'll shove this iPod up your ass.

  Nick Kroll : That's like a really long name for a software program.

  Christian Finnegan : Yeah.

• Christian Finnegan : If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.

• Christian Finnegan : If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.

• Christian Finnegan : [On cankle surgery]  Ladies, I have a message for you: Men don't give a sh*t. If we're noticing your ankles, we're not interested.