I have never cried so much in my lifetime. The characters in this movie were so close in name as well as in nature that I felt I needed to write and tell the world. I am Michelle and I created my own prison for myself by not forgiving, let alone knowing how to forgive. All I wanted was for my mother to believe what happened to me and do something about it instead of accusing me. Like Michelle, I also was not believed, but told not to say anything to anyone. I was killing myself by eating excessively, not trusting or forgiving anyone totally, and in time not getting the help I needed. My drug which was similar to Michelle's was sleeping around to try to make myself feel better and feel accepted. And twenty+ years later, I still don't feel any better. I could not stop crying. Something deep inside me said get up and write this down so someone else could see that they are not the only ones going through something difficult. I can honestly say that I have not survived my past. I am still imprisoned. The house that Michelle built is the house that I still reside in (no doors). Everyday I tell myself that I will eventually forget and that it was not my fault. I must tell anyone who is reading this, that the situation alone will take away so much from you. I have lost the strong relationship that I could have with my own daughter. I love my daughter, but find it hard to be close to her. The molestation that I experienced has ruined me. I am a good person, but I need direction. Before I experienced the molestation, I always thought that a girl/woman was strong enough to get through anything. I hate to admit it, but I was wrong. That day ended my life and my innocence. I feel like I am a functioning zombie. What makes me strong is that I can talk about it now. It took someone very close to me to make me write it down. He said if you cant confront the person (my guilt) then write it down and it will make you feel like you have told the person. Afterwards, he said mail it or throw it away. For all that good advice that I was given that day, I wrote the letter and I still look at it. I sent it to my mother expressing my feelings, but like Michelle's mother
no "I'm sorry" or "I should have believed you". My dilemma is that I
cant seem to get that door opened. I am tired of holding onto this pain. I need help. I will get the help that I need, but for today I feel good just being able to say that I still have the opportunity to get the help I need. One day, I will be able to forgive my mother and the rapist, but not today.
Character Michelle Janelle Cassie(mother) Catherine
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