Lord of War (2005)
Yuri Orlov: There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?
Yuri Orlov: Of all the weapons in the vast soviet arsenal, nothing was more profitable than Avtomat Kalashnikova model of 1947. More commonly known as the AK-47, or Kalashnikov. It's the world's most popular assault rifle. A weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple 9 pound amalgamation of forged steel and plywood. It doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It'll shoot whether it's covered in mud or filled with sand. It's so easy, even a child can use it; and they do. The Soviets put the gun on a coin. Mozambique put it on their flag. Since the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov has become the Russian people's greatest export. After that comes vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists. One thing is for sure, no one was lining up to buy their cars.
Yuri Orlov: There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.
Yuri Orlov: You know who's going to inherit the Earth? Arms dealers. Because everyone else is too busy killing each other. That's the secret to survival. Never go to war. Especially with yourself.
Yuri Orlov: Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.
Yuri Orlov: The first and most important rule of gun-running is: Never get shot with your own merchandise.
Anatoly Orlov: Is this how you want to be remembered?
Yuri Orlov: [chuckles] I don't want to be remembered at all. If I'm being remembered, it means I'm dead.
Yuri Orlov: The problem with dating dream girls is that they have a tendency to become real.
Yuri Orlov: They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
Andre Baptiste Sr.: They say that I am the lord of war, but perhaps it is you.
Yuri Orlov: I believe it's "warlord."
Andre Baptiste Sr.: Thank you, but I prefer it my way.
Yuri Orlov: [voiceover] I'm not saying I didn't have setbacks. It's not called "gunrunning" for nothing. You've gotta be fast on your feet. Some revolutions blow over before the guns even get there. There's nothing more expensive for an arms dealer than peace.
Yuri Orlov: [into cell phone] Truce? What do you mean, truce, the guns are already on their way... Peace talks... All right, forget it. I'll reroute the shipment to the Balkans. When they say they're going to have a war, they keep their word!
Yuri Orlov: Every faction in Africa calls themselves by these noble names - Liberation this, Patriotic that, Democratic Republic of something-or-other... I guess they can't own up to what they usually are: the Federation of Worse Oppressors Than the Last Bunch of Oppressors. Often, the most barbaric atrocities occur when both combatants proclaim themselves Freedom Fighters.
Jack Valentine: Do you know why I do what I do? I mean, there are more prestigeous assignments. Keeping track of nuclear arsenels - you'd think that be more critical to world security. But it's not. No, nine out of ten war victims today are killed with assault rifles and small arms - like yours. Those nuclear weapons sit in their silos. Your AK-47, that's the real weapon of mass destruction.
Yuri Orlov: I don't want people dead, Agent Valentine. I don't put a gun to anybody's head and make them shoot. But shooting is better for business. But, I prefer people to fire my guns and miss. Just as long as they are firing. Can I go now?
Yuri Orlov: The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I *do* rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of *your* enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.
Yuri Orlov: Enjoy it.
Jack Valentine: What?
Yuri Orlov: This. Tell me I'm everything you despise. That I'm the personification of evil. That I'm what- responsible for the breakdown of the fabric of society and world order. I'm a one-man genocide. Say everything you want to say to me now. Because you don't have long.
Yuri Orlov: Luckily we live in a world where suspicion alone does not constitute a crime.
Yuri Orlov: Any friend of my brothers' is a... a friend of my brothers'.
Yuri Orlov: You can't force someone to fall in love with you but, you can definitely improve your odds.
Andre Baptiste Jr.: Can you bring me the gun of Rambo?
Yuri Orlov: Part One, Two, or Three?
Andre Baptiste Jr.: I've only seen Part One.
Ava Fontaine: I feel like all I've done my whole life is be pretty. I mean, all I've done is be born! I'm a failed actress, a failed artist... I'm not much good as a mother. Come to think of it, I'm not even that pretty anymore. I have failed at everything, Yuri... but I won't fail as a human being.
Yuri Orlov: I was an equal opportunity merchant of death. I supplied everyone but the Salvation Army. I sold Israeli-model Uzis to Muslims. I sold Communist-made bullets to Fascists... I even shipped cargo to Afghanistan when they were fighting my fellow Soviets. I never sold to Osama bin Laden. Not on any moral grounds: back then, he was always bouncing checks.
Ava Fontaine: We have enough. You can stop now.
Yuri Orlov: It's not about the money.
Ava Fontaine: What is it about?
Yuri Orlov: I'm good at it.
Yuri Orlov: [when a gun is aimed at him point-blank] Oh, the new MP-5. Would you like a silencer for that?
Yuri Orlov: Without operations like mine it would be impossible for certain countries to conduct a respectable war. I was able to navigate around those inconvenient little arms embargoes. There are three basic types of arms deal: white, being legal, black, being illegal, and my personal favorite color, *gray*. Sometimes I made the deal so convoluted, it was hard for *me* to work out if they were on the level.
Angel: My name is Angel.
Vitaly Orlov: Her name really is Angel! Let's put her on the Christmas tree!
Yuri Orlov: In the most AIDS-infested region of the globe - where 1 in 4 is infected - Andy's idea of a joke was to put a young Iman and a young Naomi in my bed - and no condom within a hundred miles.
Yuri Orlov: Selling a gun for the first time is a lot like having sex for the first time. You're excited but you don't really know what the hell you're doing. And some way, one way or another, it's over too fast.
Yuri Orlov: I had a flair for languages. But I soon discovered that what talks best is dollars, dinars, drachmas, rubles, rupees and pounds fucking sterling.
Yuri Orlov: I now shared even more in common with the leader of that country God seemed to have forsaken. We saw something in each other neither one of us liked, or maybe we were just looking in the mirror.
Yuri Orlov: You read the newspapers, Vit?
Vitaly Orlov: Newspaper? It's always the same.
Yuri Orlov: You're right. Every day there's people shooting each other. You know what I do when I see that? I look to see what guns they're using and I think to myself, why not my guns?
Vitaly Orlov: Yuri, what the fuck do you know about guns?
Yuri Orlov: I know which end I'd rather be on.
Jack Valentine: Since you're so concerned with the law, you must know that I am legally permitted to hold you for 24 hours without charging you. You might ask why I would do that, and I can assure you it's not because I enjoy your company, because I don't. *No.* The *reason* why I will delay you for *every second* of the permissible 24 hours is I'm delaying your deadly trade and the deaths of *your* victims. I don't think of it as taking a day away from you, but giving a day to them. Some innocent man, woman or child is going to have an extra day on this Earth because you're not *free.* So I will see you in... 23 hours and 55 minutes.
Yuri Orlov: I am not a fool. I know that just because they needed me that day didn't mean they wouldn't make me a scapegoat the next.
Yuri Orlov: What a cargo crew at Heathrow Airport does in a day, took a bunch of malnourished Sierra Leonean locals ten minutes.
Yuri Orlov: My son's birthday unlocked what the government would later describe, as a catalog of carnage.
Yuri Orlov: The ones who know don't care anymore, and the ones who care don't know.
Jack Valentine: I would tell you to go to hell, but I think you're already there.
Yuri Orlov: I sell to leftists, and rightists. I sell to pacifists, but they're not the most regular customers. Of course, you're not a *true* internationalist until you've supplied weapons to kill your *own* countrymen.
Vitaly Orlov: [in Russian] Oh God!
Yuri Orlov: [voice-over] Always resort to your native tongue in times of anger. And in times of ecstasy.
Yuri Orlov: Thank God there are still legal ways to exploit developing countries. The only problem with an honest buck is they're so hard to make - the margins are too low, too many people are doin' it.
Yuri Orlov: After the Cold War, the AK-47 became Russia's biggest export. After that came vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists.
Borneo Officer: We're with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Yuri Orlov: Let me guess... this isn't about the alcohol or tobacco.
Jack Valentine: I don't think you fully appreciate the seriousness of your situation.
Yuri Orlov: [pauses,sighs] My family has disowned me... my wife and son have left me... my brother is dead. Trust me, I fully appreciate the seriousness of my situation.
Arms Fair Salesman: Sir! Sir, may I interest you in the shoulder fired S-37 surface-to-air missle? It's the old Chinese model. Not so effective against modern military aircraft but deadly if used against a commerical airliner.
Yuri Orlov: The primary market was Africa, Eleven major conflicts involving twenty three countries in less than a decade. A gunrunner's wet dream. At the time the West couldn't care less, they had a white war in what was left of Yugoslavia.
Yuri Orlov: You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but not your biology.
Yuri Orlov: Can I go now? You got nothing on me. Except cuffs.
Yuri Orlov: I was the same man who was not good enough for you before, and I'm just not good enough for you now.
Vitaly Orlov: You fuck! You fucking fuck! You fuck- you fucking fuck! What the fuck is the matter with you?
Simeon Weisz: Bullets change governments far surer than votes.
Andre Baptiste Sr.: Welcome to Democracy!
Yuri Orlov: Democracy? What have you been drinking Andy?
Andre Baptiste Sr.: Heh, you have not seen the news. You know, they accuse me of rigging elections. But after this -
[holds up a newspaper with the headline "U.S. Supreme Court Reverses Recount Ruling"]
- with your Florida and your Supreme Court of Kangaroos, now, the U.S. will shut up forever!
Yuri Orlov: [voiceover] You don't have to worry. I'm not gonna tell you a pack of lies to make me look good. I'm just gonna tell you what happened.
Yuri Orlov: I think I've been cursed, with the curse of invincibility.
Yuri Orlov: [encouraging Sierra Leonean natives to remove an illegal shipment from his cargo plane, which has been forced by Interpol to land on a dirt road] Guns, grenades, hooray! Bullets, guns, grenades! Yeah!
Yuri Orlov: Here, I have been running away from violence my whole life. I should have been running towards it. It's in our nature. Earliest human skeletons had spearheads in their heads and ribcages.
Yuri Orlov: Even when I was up against an overzealous agent, I had a number of methods for discouraging a search. I routinely mislabeled my shipments "farm machinery." And I have yet to meet the lowly-paid customs official who will open a container marked "radioactive waste" to verify its contents. But my personal favorite is the unique combination of week-old potatoes and tropical heat.
Yuri Orlov: I was guilty as sin, but Valentine couldn't prove it. And he was the rarest breed of law enforcement officer. The type who knew I was breaking the law, but wouldn't break it himself to bust me.
Yuri Orlov: [to a pilot, who doubts that he can ditch the plane] You underestimate yourself Aleksei. You're the best. You're the shit Aleksei, you're the shit! You're the shit! You're the shit!
Simeon Weisz: The problem with gun runners going to war, is that there is no shortage of ammunition.
Yuri Orlov: The second rule of gun-running is always ensure you have a foolproof way of getting paid.
Andre Baptiste Jr.: [Vitaly is seen grabbing a grenade from box] What are you doing?
Vitaly Orlov: [his last lines] Something for Yuri.
Yuri Orlov: [when Andre suddenly shoots a subordinate with the sample gun] WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
Andre Baptiste Sr.: What did you say?
[aims at Yuri]
Yuri Orlov: [pulls himself together] Well, now you're gonna have to buy it. It's a used gun!
[pulls it out of Andre's hand. Andre's bodyguards draw on him]
Yuri Orlov: How can I sell a used gun?
[Yuri huffs and busies himself wiping and polishing it]
Yuri Orlov: Vitaly, I've tasted your borscht. You're no fucking chef. I can eat in the restaurant for free and I still don't eat there.
Vitaly Orlov: Fuck you.
Yuri Orlov: We're doing nothing with our lives. I mean, this is shit! This is shit!
Vitaly Orlov: It's true. But maybe doing nothing's better than doing this.
Yuri Orlov: There's nothing better for an arms dealer than a combination of disgruntled soldiers and warehouses full of weapons.
Yuri Orlov: [on the brisk trade in USSR weapons right after the Cold War ended] I have a feeling it wasn't exactly what Comrade Lenin had in mind when he advocated the redistribution of wealth. But I wasn't the only one offering a crash course in capitalism.
Yuri Orlov: "beware of the dog"? You don't have a dog. Are you trying to scare people?
Vitaly Orlov: No, it's to scare me - remind me to beware the dog in me. The dog who wants to fuck everything that moves, wants to fight and kill weaker dogs.
Yuri Orlov: When I was a boy, my family came to America... but not all the way. Like most Ukrainians, we congregated in Brighton Beach. It reminded us of the Black Sea. I soon realized we just swapped one hell for another.
Andre Baptiste Sr.: [about his child soldiers] I can see what you are thinking. But we need every man we can get.
Yuri Orlov: Even if they're not men?
Andre Baptiste Sr.: A bullet from a 14-year-old is just as effective as one from a 40-year-old. Often more effective.
Jack Valentine: Have you seen today's paper?
[Yuri looks at the paper headlined MERCHANT OF DEATH IN CUSTODY as Agent Valentine gives an inventory of Yuri's crimes]
Jack Valentine: Fake end-user certificates. Cut-out companies meticulously catalogued. There is hardly a warlord, dictator, despot anywhere in the world you're not on a first-name basis with.