Maiden Voyage (2004) (TV)

User Rating:

3.8/10   

Director:

Colin Budds

Writers (WGA):

Jim Makichuk (teleplay) and
Ron McGee (teleplay) ...

Release Date:

19 July 2005 (Hungary)

Genre:

Action

Cast

Casper Van Dien	...	Kyle Considine
Danielle Cormack	...	Lynn Fabrizio
Christopher Stollery	...	Damien Morse
Anton Tennet	...	Zach
Angela Marie Dotchin	...	Renee Price (as Angela Dotchin)
Peter Elliott	...	Trevor Denning
Paul Gittins	...	Curtis Price
Craig Walsh Wrightson	...	Aldous Means (as Craig Walsh-Wrightson)
John Sumner	...	Captain Ed Tessler
Bruce Burfield	...	Stebbins
Michael Hallows	...	Hans
Paul Glover	...	Granger
Thomas Kiwi	...	Steve
Blair Strang	...	Enrique
Kelson Henderson	...	Keenan

Also Known As:

Maiden Voyage: Ocean Hijack (New Zealand: English title) (UK)

MPAA:

Rated R for some violence.

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Certification:

New Zealand:PG (TV rating) | New Zealand:PG (cable rating) | USA:R | UK:15

Filming Locations:

New Zealand

Company:

Carlton America

Trivia:

Casper Van Dien actually saved stunt coordinator Peter Bell's life by performing the Heimlich maneuver on him after the medic was unsuccessful.

An insult to your intelligence.

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but some films are good and some films are bad. Of course, there are extremes within those two broad categories. Films such as The Godfather, Saving Private Ryan, and Star Wars slot comfortably into the good category. At the other end of the spectrum there are those films that simply don't deserve to be mentioned by name. Occasionally however, someone produces a truly woeful film. A film that should be singled out as a demonstration of how awful a film can be. A film that is more than bad. Such a film is Maiden Voyage.

Briefly, Maiden Voyage is a story about a luxury cruise ship that is hijacked by a gang of evil criminals who demand a ransom from an equally evil, scheming ship's owner. Of course, there is an all American hero on board, complete with chiselled jaw and sculptured chest, who saves the day.

This is a production that plumbs new depths. Everything about it is bad. The acting, the direction and the so-called plot are breath-takingly poor. In short, it is an insult to the intelligence of any unfortunate viewer. Even an American viewer would be annoyed by its shortcomings.

Yes, it's that bad.

I will resist the temptation to compose a list of things that angered me about this film. However, its dumber-than-dumb conclusion should serve as an adequate example of what I mean.

Imagine in your mind that you are an evil hijacker and you are stood in an open lifeboat on a calm sea. You are in company with the hero who holds a ticking bomb. Said hero throws the bomb to you and dives overboard. What would you do? I don't know about you, but I would throw the bomb as far as I possibly could into the sea. Not this guy. He watches as our hero swims away and then he tries to disarm the bomb with unfortunate (for him) results. Enough said. Such a demise would merit a mention in the Darwin Awards website and might also be a suitably apt conclusion to the production team's lives.