Memorable quotes for
"Corner Gas" (2004) More at IMDbPro »

[repeated line]
Oscar Leroy: Hey, jackass!

---

Mrs. Jensen: With him the customer was always number one. Oscar always treated people with great respect.
Oscar Leroy: [suddenly enters] Hey jackass, stop talking to this old wing-nut and pump my gas!
Brent LeRoy: Well, he's a people person.

---

Fitzy: My plan to promote Dog River is working. An American tourist came here accidentally.

---

Wanda Dollard: Now, I just need to finish the set design. I'm thinking something shiny. Bright colors, red, green, flashing lights.
Brent LeRoy: So old Chistmas decorations?
Wanda Dollard: Yeah!
Brent LeRoy: Fine, you deck the halls but I'm not donning any gay apparel.
Wanda Dollard: Okay.

---

Davis: [after losing the Grey Cup tickets] Well, I'll have to go to a scalper.
Karen Pelly: Isn't it weird for you to go to a scalper?
Davis: Why? Because I'm a Cree man? I resent that!
Karen Pelly: Because you're a police officer and scalping tickets is illegal.
Davis: Oh yeah.

---

Lacey: We're sorry if this town seems a little, you know... boring.
Dr. Chris Garner: Oh, it's all right. I'm quite accustomed to slower life.
Emma Leroy: It gets slower than this?

---

Brent LeRoy: [Davis hands Brent a parking ticket] Why are you giving me a ticket, Davis? I always park here.
Davis: Sorry Brent, you can't park here during peak hours.
[Brent's is the only car along a long stretch of road]

---

Karen Pelly: I got a riddle for you, Hank. Okay. A plane crashes on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the survivors?
Hank Yarbo: Hmmm. Tough one. Right on the border, huh? Well, is there one larger chunk of the airplane on one side?
Karen Pelly: No. It's broken directly in half, distributed over the two sides.
Hank Yarbo: Wow, that's really tough.
Karen Pelly: [Repeats herself] A plane crashes directly on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the SURVIVORS?
Hank Yarbo: OHHHHH! The *survivors*.
[pause]
Hank Yarbo: Bury one on each side.

---

Hank Yarbo: So how's that new doctor guy?
Karen Pelly: Actually, "he" is a she.
Hank Yarbo: He's a transvestite?
Karen Pelly: No, she's a woman!
Hank Yarbo: It's a woman transvestite?

---

Theme Song: ["Not A Lot Goin' On"] You can tell me that your dog ran away / Then tell me that it took three days / I've heard every joke / I've heard every one you'd say / You think there's not a lot goin' on / Look closer baby, you're so wrong / And that's why you can stay so long / Where there's not a lot goin' on.

---

Lacey: You should seriously consider starting your own cult.
Brent LeRoy: I'm thinking about it. Play your cards right and you could be wife number thirty.

---

Davis: New music sucks, and it sucks too loud!

---

Lacey: Karen, I'm glad you're here. Look, we need to talk about the book club.
Karen Pelly: I thought the first rule of book club was, you don't talk about book club.
Lacey: That's fight club.
Karen Pelly: How do you know about fight club?

---

Hank Yarbo: [heckling the crowd at Comedy Night] Hey you! Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?

---

Oscar Leroy: Let me answer that question with another question: Shut up!

---

[Wanda is reading a book]
Customer: What's that, quantum physics?
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, I've always been fascinated that light could be a particle and a wave. I was gonna study it in college, but then I got interested in biochemistry. And then on a whim settled on liguistics with minor in comparative religion.
Customer: Wow, how'd you end up in a place like this?
Wanda Dollard: The last girl quit, can you believe it?

---

Emma Leroy: I'm going out to get plant food Oscar, do you need anything?
Oscar Leroy: What are you getting plant food for?
Emma Leroy: Because my tomatoes are pathetic and wrinkling. And when things are pathetic and wrinkly they need food. Eat your sandwich.

---

Davis: Uh... I came to use your skate sharpener.
Oscar Leroy: Getting ready for the season opener, eh? Geez, I can't wait.
Davis: I heard we almost lost Brent.
Oscar Leroy: What do you mean?
Davis: The Stonewood Saints asked him to play for their team.
Oscar Leroy: They what? Sons of... How would they like it if we went there and burnt down their rink?
Karen Pelly: That genuinely seems like an appropriate response to you?

---

[at the end of a hockey game, the crowd is cheering loudly]
Oscar Leroy: What happened?
Karen Pelly: The boys didn't lose.
Emma Leroy: No, seriously, what happened?

---

[there is a knock at the door]
Lacey: Who is it?
Davis: Open up ma'am, police business.
Lacey: [opens the door] Is this official police business, or do you just want a cup of coffee?
Davis: Do you have any on?

---

Emma Leroy: [after teaching Brent how to babysit and handle children] A child's mind is their strength and their weakness.
Brent LeRoy: You're like Yoda.
Emma Leroy: I don't know what that means.

---

Brent LeRoy: [in Dog River's extremely small library] Hey Alice, I was wondering if...
Alice: Shh!
Brent LeRoy: Pardon?
Alice: [whispering] This is a library. Shh!
Brent LeRoy: Well, we're the only ones in here.
Alice: [whispering] I'm sorry Brent, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you don't keep it down.
Brent LeRoy: [whispering] Okay, I was just wondering if you had a book on child psychology.
Alice: [still whispering] On what?
Brent LeRoy: [still whispering] Child psychology.
Alice: [still whispering] "Jives on top of me"?
Brent LeRoy: [sarcastically] That's right Alice, I want a book about jives on top of you.

---

[repeated line]
Karen Pelly: I didn't sleep with Hank!

---

Davis: Do you think my new cell phone is small?
Karen Pelly: I don't know.
Davis: Brent's got a smaller one. I mean I wasn't looking at it on purpose, he had it out and I just glanced at it.
Karen Pelly: Right.
Davis: But mine is small right? I mean how small would you say is normal? You get an inaccurate idea because you see smaller ones in movies and magazines and stuff. But for a normal person's cell phone mine is small, smaller than average.
Karen Pelly: I don't think anyone really cares as long as it works.

---

Karen Pelly: I can't believe you're sending me in without back-up.
Davis: It's just a fishing trip Karen.
Karen Pelly: But it's with Hank, twelve hours, killing fish.
Davis: If it gets to you, you don't have to kill him, just throw him into the lake.
Karen Pelly: I wasn't worried about the fish.
Davis: I wasn't talking about the fish.

---

Lacey: If I start a Pilates class will you join?
Brent LeRoy: That depends.
Lacey: On what?
Brent LeRoy: On what is Pilates?
Lacey: Oh okay. Pilates is a method of unifying your mind and body...
Brent LeRoy: You lost me.
Lacey: Oh, come on Brent. Don't you wanna unify your mind and body?
Brent LeRoy: No, I'm not gonna put all my eggs in one basket!

---

Brent LeRoy: What are you guys watching?
Hank Yarbo: Soccer, you want in on the action? I got a good feeling about Brazil.
Brent LeRoy: Naw, I don't know anything about soccer.
Hank Yarbo: It's a complex sport. It took me quite sometime before I fully understood the subleties of the game.
[shouts]
Hank Yarbo: Hey what's he doing? You can't pick up the ball and run with it like that you moron!
Paul Kinistino: Uh... this is rugby.

---

Paul Kinistino: Hey Lacey, what can I get you?
Lacey: I feel like a glass of wine, what's your house red?
Paul Kinistino: I'm not sure.
[Yells to the backroom]
Paul Kinistino: Hey, what's it say on that bag of wine over there? No, that's ketchup, the one beside it!
Lacey: You know what? Beer's good.

---

Hank Yarbo: [Brent and Hank are wearing the same shirt] Look at us, we're identical!
Brent LeRoy: We're not identical, I have different pants than you.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, I don't even wanna get into your pants.
Brent LeRoy: You're not gonna with that kinda whining.

---

Karen Pelly: How stupid are you? You can't just fire your gun off willy-nilly!
Davis: It wasn't willy-nilly, it was at crows.

---

Oscar Leroy: I'm a senior!

---

Wes: Hey Oscar, what can I do you for? Liquor or insurance?
Oscar Leroy: Neither, I'm droppin' off.
Wes: What's this?
Oscar Leroy: A birthday cake, what's it look like? It's a case of empties. A buck twenty.
Wes: Stubby Heidelbergs?
Oscar Leroy: Stubby who?
Wes: I can't take these back, Oscar, they don't even use them anymore.
Oscar Leroy: I bought them here, I'll return them here.
Wes: They don't use these any more, they're no good to me.
Oscar Leroy: Well maybe my business is no good to you, you ever think of that?
Wes: Maybe you could sell them on ebay?
Oscar Leroy: They're not going to take them at the Bay!

---

Lacey: Yeah, Brent. Why don't you look Fitzy's Grandma in the eye and give her one good reason this town can't build a great big dirty ho.

---

Brent LeRoy: Now, no more dirty talk. Hand me that big tool so I can mount this.

---

Davis: [after a tiring period in a hockey game] Good hustle out there guys.
[pause]
Davis: Anyone seen my pancreas?

---

Hank Yarbo: Is knuckles legally binding?
Karen Pelly: I don't understand that sentence.

---

Karen Pelly: "... and any firing of the sidearm shall warrant a full and thorough internal report to be executed and filed by a fellow officer."
Davis Quinton: How are we supposed to know what's right and what's wrong, when they keep adding new rules?
Karen Pelly: This was published in 1964.
Davis Quinton: I wasn't even a cop in '64, how am I supposed to know that stuff?

---

Oscar Leroy: Listen, if we are going to do this wedding, I'd be proud if you'd be my best man.
Brent LeRoy: Aw, geez, Dad, I'd love to.
Oscar Leroy: Thank you, son.
Brent LeRoy: But I can't, I'm giving Mom away.
Oscar Leroy: You're useless!

---

Brent LeRoy: Hey, I'm, uh, I'm sorry about that crack I made at the Ruby. Which, although it was funny, may have seemed insensitive. Although it was funny.
Davis Quinton: It's okay.
Brent LeRoy: Why didn't you tell me you couldn't smell?
Davis Quinton: I did.
[flashback]
Brent LeRoy: Can you smell propane?
Davis Quinton: No, I can't smell anything.
[flashback ends]
Brent LeRoy: Anyone could've missed that.
Davis Quinton: Well, you obviously don't remember the rest of the conversation.
[flashback]
Davis Quinton: It's not that I can't smell propane, it's that I can't smell *anything*. Propane, skunk, leftovers. I have no sense of smell!
[flashback ends]
Brent LeRoy: Ah, you talk in riddles.

---

Brent LeRoy: Can I help you, Wes?
Oscar Leroy: Hey, I was here before him!
Wanda Dollard: Age before more age.
Oscar Leroy: Oh sure, big spender! Go ahead! But just remember, money talks. But it don't sing and dance. And it don't walk!

---

Lacey Burrows: Who's your mommy?

---

Brent LeRoy: I'm not up on that new stuff.
Wanda Dollard: You're not up on it? Or you're not into it?
Brent LeRoy: I might be into it, if I was up on it. But I'm not up on it, so I'm not into it. What I'm into, I'm up on.
Lacey Burrows: I'm mostly into what I'm up on, but even though I'm not up on the new stuff, I'm sort of into it.
Brent LeRoy: I'm down with that.
Wanda Dollard: Prepositions are fun, aren't they?
Brent LeRoy: What's a preposition?

---

Karen Pelly: Where'd you get the cash for that stun gun? I though you were gonna use the surplus to buy bullet proof vests.
Davis Quinton: I saved a little money by buying bullet *resistant* vests.

---

Karen Pelly: Listen, Oscar, I would prefer it if you didn't tell anyone I was cooking for you.
Oscar Leroy: Done.
Karen Pelly: Don't you wanna know why?
Oscar Leroy: Does it seem like I wanna know why?
Karen Pelly: I read an article that said career women shouldn't exhibit traditional woman skills, like cooking. Because it can undermine our status and we could lose the respect of our male colleagues.
Oscar Leroy: [chuckles] Whatever you say, Toots.

---

Emma Leroy: You gotta stop with this revenge.
Oscar Leroy: This is not about revenge, this is about getting even!

---

Karen Pelly: [over the police radio] Davis? Come in, Davis.
Davis Quinton: Go ahead, Karen.
Karen Pelly: We got a 10-19 in progress.
Davis Quinton: Trouble at the Mini Putt?

---

Related Links

Plot summary	Plot keywords	FAQ
User comments	Trivia	Main details
IMDb quotes browser	Search quotes section
Browse titles with quotes by letter    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other

*