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Meet the Robinsons (2007) Poster

Quotes

Title Card: Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. - Walt Disney

Bowler Hat Guy: Now, my slave, seize the boy!

[T-rex traps Lewis in the corner, but has trouble grabbing him]

Bowler Hat Guy: What's going on? Why aren't you seizing the boy?

T-Rex: I have a big head and little arms. I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through.

[Bowler Hat Guy glares into his handset]

T-Rex: Master?

Wilbur: I never thought my dad would be my best friend.

Lewis: I don't even know what I'm doing.

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me.

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: And what if I can't fix this, what are we going to do?

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: Why do you keep saying that? And don't just say keep moving forward!

Wilbur: It's my dad's motto.

Lewis: Why would his motto be keep moving forward?

Wilbur: It's what he does.

Wilbur: Pop quiz: Who have you met, and what have you learned?

Lewis: OK. Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she...?

[Makes a talking gesture with his hand]

Wilbur: Cranky? Yes.

Lewis: Tallulah and Laszlo are their children. Joe is married to Billie. Lefty is the butler. Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to.

Wilbur: Neither do we. Go on.

Lewis: Lucille is married to Bud, and your dad, Cornelius, is their son. What does Cornelius look like?

Wilbur: Tom Selleck.

Lewis: OK. Cornelius is married to Franny, and her brothers are Gaston and Art.

Wilbur: You're forgetting something.

Lewis: Forgetting? Oh, right! Wilbur is the son of Franny and Cornelius.

Wilbur: And nobody realized that you're from the past?

Lewis: Nope.

Wilbur: Whew.

Lewis: Thank you. Thank you. Hold your applause.

Bowler Hat Guy: You are now under my control!

Frankie: [monotone] I am now under your control.

Bowler Hat Guy: Hee hee hee hee!

Frankie: [monotone] Hee hee hee hee.

Bowler Hat Guy: Stop laughing.

Frankie: [monotone] Stop laughing.

Bowler Hat Guy: Don't repeat everything I say!

Frankie: [monotone] I won't repeat everything you say.

Bowler Hat Guy: Excellent.

Frankie: [monotone] Excellent.

Bowler Hat Guy: Uh, did you just say "excellent" because I said "excellent"?

Frankie: [monotone] Uhhh... no.

Bowler Hat Guy: Excellent!

Frankie: [monotone] Excellent.

Franny: [just before Lewis is about to leave to go back to the past] Wait Lewis, one more thing.

[Franny approaches Lewis]

Lewis: Yeah?

Franny: Just a little tip for the future, I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right.

[taps Lewis's nose]

Franny: [Lewis gives confused look then looks at Cornelius]

Cornelius: She's right. I would just go with it if I were you...

[chuckles]

Cornelius: and I am.

Lewis: Then you're absouletly right.

Lewis: [Wilbur honks the horn repeatdly] Alright, alright, I'm coming.

[heads over to the time machine and climbs in]

Wilbur: [Looks at Lewis] Well, it's not like you're never going to see them again. They are you're family after all.

[Lewis looks at the Robinson family all smiling at him]

Wilbur: [Wilbur closes the hatch and starts the time machine which takes off, Lewis waves good-bye to the Robinsons as Wilbur and Lewis go back to the past]

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Lewis: Why is your dog wearing glasses?

Grandpa Bud: Oh, because his insurance won't pay for contacts.

Wilbur: If my parents figured out I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive and dance on my grave!

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Carl: None may enter lest they speak the royal password!

Wilbur: Carl, what are you talking about? We don't have a password.

Carl: Yes we do, I made one up while you were gone.

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Wilbur: he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it! The first working time machine! Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again! The second working time machine!

Lewis: Kinda small.

Wilbur: I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine number two is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy!

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Franny: Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring HIM here?

Wilbur: That... is an excellent question.

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[Bowler Hat Guy goes to Inventco with Lewis's invention]

Bowler Hat Guy: Good day, madam. I'm here to change the future.

Receptionist: Yes, sir?

Bowler Hat Guy: I must speak with the man in charge immediately.

Receptionist: Yes, sir.

Bowler Hat Guy: I have an appointment with destiny!

[Receptionist turns, revealing the headset in her ear]

Receptionist: Very good, sir. I'll let Smith know and I'll have your dry cleaning delivered directly to your suite.

Bowler Hat Guy: Huh?

Receptionist: [hangs up] Now, what time is your appointment?

Bowler Hat Guy: Uh... are you talking to me?

Receptionist: Yes. What time is your appointment?

[Doris beeps, motions to the clock]

Bowler Hat Guy: Uh... big hand on the... oh! Two o'clock.

Receptionist: You're the two o'clock?

Bowler Hat Guy: Yes, I am!

Receptionist: [suspiciously] You're Mary Johnson?

Bowler Hat Guy: Um... yes. Mary's short for... um...

Receptionist: Marion?

Bowler Hat Guy: Um... can that be a boy's name?

Receptionist: Yes.

Bowler Hat Guy: Then yes!

Receptionist: [sighs] Have a seat.

Bowler Hat Guy: Oh, goody!

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Wilbur: Five years ago, Dad wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Wants to build a time machine. So he starts working! We're talking plans, we're talking scale models, we're talking prototypes!

Wilbur: [shows Lewis a small scrap of metal]

Lewis: That's a prototype?

Wilbur: The very first!... Or, what's left of it.

Lewis: Yikes.

Wilbur: Yeah. Dark day at the Robinson household.

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Wilbur: [shaking Lewis for emphasis] But he doesn't give up!

[pause]

Wilbur: Dude, I can't take you seriously in that hat.

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Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villians do you know that can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsiblity for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down!

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Wilbur: [at the science fair after Lewis puts his memory scanner on the table]

[Wilbur pops out from underneath the sheet covering the memory scanner]

Wilbur: This area is not secure, get in.

[pulls Lewis under the sheet]

Wilbur: Have you been approached a tall man in a bowler hat?

Lewis: What?

Wilbur: Hey, hey, I'll ask the questions here.

Lewis: Okay... goodbye.

[starts to leave but Wilbur drags him back in]

Wilbur: Okay, I didn't want to pull rank on you but you forced my hand. Special agent Wilbur Robinson of the T.C.T.F.

Lewis: What?

Wilbur: Time continuum task force. I'm here to protect you.

[Lewis tries to say something but Wilbur covers his mouth]

Wilbur: Now, tall man? Bowler hat? Approached you?

Lewis: No, why?

Wilbur: [Wilbur sighs and shakes his head] I could lose my badge for this, he's a suspect in a robbery.

Lewis: What did he steal?

Wilbur: A time machine.

Lewis: A what?

Wilbur: I tracked him to this time and my informants say he's after you.

Lewis: Me? Why me?

Wilbur: The boys back at HQ haven't figured out a motive yet.

[uses air quotes]

Wilbur: And by "HQ" I mean headquarters.

Lewis: I know what HQ means!

Wilbur: Good, you're a smart kid, that'll keep you alive... for now.

[pats Lewis's memory scanner]

Wilbur: You just take care of your science gizmo and leave the perp to me.

[leaves but instantly]

Wilbur: [pops back under the sheet] And by perp, I mean perp...

Lewis: I know what it means!

Wilbur: Okay, Mr. Smartypants.

[leaves the sheet]

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Bowler Hat Guy: [the Bowler Hat Guy has just gotten the time machine back] Take a good look around boys, because your future is about to change.

[heads to the past to pass the memory scanner as his own]

Wilbur: Lewis, you have to fix the time machine.

Lewis: No-no, I-I can't!

[in the past the Bowler Hat Guy has entered Invenct Co]

Lewis: What about your dad? You could call him!

Wilbur: [points to Lewis] You are my dad!

Lewis: But that's in the future!

Wilbur: There won't be a future unless you fix the time machine!

[in the past Bowler Hat Guy is showing off the memory scanner]

Wilbur: Look, I messed up, I left the garage unlocked, but I tried like crazy to fix things! But now it's up to you...

[in the past Bowler Hat guy is signing a contract]

Wilbur: You can do it, dad.

[starts to vanish]

Wilbur: Lewis? Lewis!

[flys into the sky turns into a ball of light]

Lewis: Wilbur?

[flies over the Robinson yard and is sucked into the sky]

Lewis: Wilbur...

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Wilbur: You did it Lewis, you did it!

[sees Bowler Hat Guy and gasps and attacks him]

Wilbur: I'll hold him while you run for help.

Lewis: [pries Wilbur off the Bowler Hat Guy and Wilbur is struggling to get free] Let him go!

Wilbur: Wh-what are you doing? He's the bad guy!

Lewis: No, he's not, he's my roommate...

Wilbur: What?

Lewis: [pulls Wilbur aside]

[quietly]

Lewis: Look, I want you guys to adopt him.

Wilbur: Are you nuts?

Lewis: Give me one good reason why no...

Wilbur: I'll give you three good reasons: one: he stole our time machine, two: he tried to ruin your future, and three: he smells like he hasn't showered in thirty years!

Lewis: [grabs Wilbur by the ear] Don't forget I'm your father, you have to do what I say.

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Wilbur: [to Lewis] I'm not allowed to look at this thing, let alone drive it! Mom and Dad are gonna kill me! And I can tell you this, it will not be done with mercy.

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Wilbur: Yeah, about that. One of the time machines is broken and the other one was stolen by a guy in a bowler hat, which kind of explains the dino.

Franny: I'm calling your father.

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Wilbur: It's been a long, hard day, full of emotional turmoil and dinosaur fights.

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Wilbur: Mom and Dad are gonna kill me! And I'm gonna tell you this, it will not be done with mercy!

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Wilbur: Ratted out by the old lady. Harsh.

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Lewis: [Lewis is on the roof disappointed that his memory scanner failed, he rips out the page with the picture of the memory scanner out of his notebook, crumples it into a ball and throws it away. He sits down on a crate. Then by his suprise the ball of paper hits him in the head, he throws it again trying to figure out what's happening, and Wilbur jumps out from behind the building and throws the crumpled ball of paper back to him which lands on the crate, then jumps back to the wall next to the door] Hey, what're you doing up here?

Wilbur: Coo, coo, coo.

[Lewis picks up the crumpled ball of paper and heads over to where Wilbur is hiding]

Wilbur: Coo, coo coo-coo coo.

[Deliberatly drops the ball of crumpled paper close to where Wilbur is and Wilbur jumps back out, picks up the ball of paper, and puts it in Lewis's hand]

Wilbur: Coo, coo.

[jumps back into hiding spot]

Lewis: [throws down ball of paper] Will you quit that please? I know you're not a pigeon!

Wilbur: [jumps out and covers Lewis's mouth and starts looking around to see if anyone is around] Shh, you're blowing my cover!

Lewis: [Wilbur is still looking around to see if anyone is watching them] But we're the only ones up here!

Wilbur: That's just what they want you to think.

[picks up the ball of paper and flattens it out and gives it to Lewis and Wilbur starts pushing Lewis to the door]

Wilbur: Now, enough moping, take this back the science fair and fix that memory scanner!

Lewis: [pushes Wilbur away] Stop, stop, get away from me!

Wilbur: Maybe you forgotten I'm a time cop from the future.

[quickly shows his "badge" to Lewis which is really a coupon for a tanning salon]

Wilbur: Should be taken very seriously.

Lewis: [Lewis grabs Wilbur's "badge"] That's no badge, it's a coupon for a tanning salon!

[waving the coupon in Wilbur's face]

Lewis: You're a fake.

Wilbur: [Lewis heads back to the crate to get his notebook and his bag] Okay, you got me, I'm not a cop. But I really am from the future! And there really is this bowler hat guy!

Lewis: [grabs his bag] Agh, here we go again.

Wilbur: He stole a time machine, came to the science fair and ruined your project!

Lewis: My project didn't work because I'm no good.

[Wilbur pockets the paper with the picture of the time machine in his pocket]

Lewis: There is no bowler hat guy, there is no time machine and you're not really from the future. You're crazy!

Wilbur: [starts to head for the door to leave but Wilbur blocks him] Ho, ho, I am not crazy.

Lewis: Oh, yeah captain time travel? Prove it!

Wilbur: Uh... um...

[rubs his head]

Lewis: Yeah, that's what I thought.

[heads to the door]

Lewis: [mumbling] I'm just going to lock myself in my room and hide under the covers for a couple of years.

Wilbur: [Lewis starts to open the door but is immediatly slammed shut by Wilbur]

[kind of quickly]

Wilbur: If I prove to you that I'm from the future will you go back to the science fair?

Lewis: Yeah, sure whatever you say.

[Wilbur smiles jumps behind him, grabs him and starts pushing him to one of the edges of the orphanage]

Lewis: Let go of me! What are you doing, let go of me!

Wilbur: Okay.

[Lifts Lewis up and throws over the side of the building where he lands in the time machine]

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Carl: Welcome back, little buddy. So, uh, what's up with the stolen time machine? Did you find it?

[Wilbur gives him a sarcastic look]

Carl: Apparently not. And you managed to bust this one as well!

Wilbur: It'll be fixed before dad gets home.

Carl: And how d'you suppose that's gonna hap...

[spots Lewis]

Carl: Who's that?

Lewis: Wow! A real robot! Hi, I'm Lewis!

[Carl runs screaming from the room]

Lewis: Well, that was unexpected.

[Wilbur quickly puts a fruit hat on Lewis's head]

Lewis: As... was that.

Wilbur: If my family finds out that I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive and dance on my grave! I'M NOT EXAGGERATING! Well, yes I am, but that's not the point! The point is, your hair's a dead giveaway.

Lewis: Why would my hair be a dead giveaway?

Wilbur: That is an excellent question!

[begins to run away]

Lewis: Wait! Where are you going?

Wilbur: Another excellent question!

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Carl: What do you mean don't go to the family? How can we not go to the family is this type of family crisis? By leaving the garage door unlocked, you let the time machine get stolen and now the entire time stream could be altered! That, and someone took my bike.

Wilbur: Look, I told you. It's gonna all work out.

[Wilbur has set up a model with figurines of Wilbur and Lewis]

Wilbur: First, he goes in the garage, away from everybody, I show up and give him the pep talk of the century.

[places an acorn on the table]

Wilbur: Then, he fixes the time machine...

Carl: Why is it an acorn?

Wilbur: I didn't have time to sculpt everything!

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Wilbur: Wilbur Robinson never fails!... But on the slight chance that I do...

Carl: Slight chance, yeah, you know what, I'll run the numbers!

[pushes buttons and pulls levers on himself, papers start running out of his mouth; looks at the papers and gasps]

Wilbur: What is it?

Carl: Uh, well, it's not- it doesn't pertain to anything in partic- y'know, there's not necessarily go...

[Wilbur raises an eyebrow]

Carl: Uh, there's a 99.999999% chance that you won't exist.

Wilbur: What?

Carl: And I didn't want to tell you... But I did.

Wilbur: I won't exist?

Carl: And where does that leave me? Alone, rusting in a corner.

Wilbur: [pause] Nah. What am I worried about?

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Lewis: Wait, what does Cornelius look like?

Wilbur: ...Tom Selleck.

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Bowler Hat Guy: Now, to lure him out of the house... I know! I'll blow it up! Yes! Yes, and... uh... no... no. That won't work. Then he'll be dead. Oh, I know! I'll turn him into a duck! Yes, it's so evil! Oh... I don't know how to do that... and I don't really need a duck... this may be harder than I thought.

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Uncle Gaston: If I gave up every time I failed, I would have never invented the meatball cannon.

Grandpa Bud: If I gave up every time I failed, I would never have invented my fireproof pants!

[Pants burn up, revealing his underwear]

Grandpa Bud: Still working the kinks out a bit.

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Lucille Krunklehorn: Barium-cobalt-einstein-kool-ade!

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Franny: So Lewis, are you in Wilbur's class?

Lewis: No.

Wilbur: Yes!

Lewis: Yes.

Wilbur: No!

[Franny gives them a puzzled look]

Wilbur: Well, yes and no. Lewis is a new transfer student

Uncle Gaston: Where you from Lewis?

Lewis: Um, Canada?

Tallulah: I think you mean North Montana, hasn't been called Canada in years!

Lucille Krunklehorn: Do you know a Sam Gunderson?

Lewis: It's a big country.

Tallulah: State!

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Grandpa Bud: What's your name, Fruit Head?

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Mr. Willerstein: Dr. Krunklehorn, I know you're very busy at Inventco Labs. And we're just so happy to have you as a judge.

Lucille Krunklehorn: It's my pleasure, Mr. Willerstein. Hey, you never know, one of your students may invent the next integrated circuit, or microprocessor, or integrated circuit. Oh wait, I said that already. Well, I just don't get out of the lab very much. Is that a bowtie? I like bowties. I haven't slept in eight days!

Mr. Willerstein: Uh, well then, can I get you a cot or something?

Lucille Krunklehorn: Nope, I have the caffeine patch. It's my invention. Each patch is the equivalent of 12 cups of coffee. You can stay up for days with no side effects. Ahhh! Sorry.

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[first lines]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Then, um, I didn't choose that one because it was gonna give me pimples so I choosed, um, another scary one cause for, um, all those years that I went for halloween I wasn't scary at all... I love baseball. It's my destiny to play that game. And I don't really care about winning. Well, like, now i do, cause, like, we've lost every game and I've gotten tired of it! I'm working like so hard, all the balls are getting thrown to me, I'm trying to catch like everyone. All of the people in the out field are all looking around, and, c'mon, lets play some baseball, ok? not the lazy game... They're here... Lewis? Lewis?

Lewis: Goob? Hey Goob? I've finished it! They're gonna love this!

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Bowler Hat Guy: Can that be a boy name?

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Bowler Hat Guy: [on roof] Mwhahahaha!

[looks around to see Lewis isn't there]

Bowler Hat Guy: Where is that boy?

[Doris beeps]

Bowler Hat Guy: Oh, good idea, separate and look for clues!

[both go separate ways then come back after a little while]

Bowler Hat Guy: Look, my dear, look what I found!

[holds up a stick]

Bowler Hat Guy: It's a stick! Heeheehee, now what did you find?

[Doris beeps]

Bowler Hat Guy: Yes, yes, I see, time travel residue next to DNA of Wilbur Robinson. That plus my stick, must mean...

[strains thinking about it]

Bowler Hat Guy: [Doris beeps and heads off screen where we hear a car honk and see the second time machine which is a close replica of the other one except this one is blue] Oh, to the future!

[runs over to the time machine]

Bowler Hat Guy: Shotgun!

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Bowler Hat Guy: Ha ha ha! There he is - that repulsive, half-witted fool! Now, my slave, seize the boy! Bring him to me.

[Frankie gulps]

Bowler Hat Guy: Did you not hear what I said, you idiot? Grab the boy and bring him!

Frankie: [monotone] Well, it's just that there's a million people over there, and I have little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through.

[Bowler Hat Guy whimpers silently]

Frankie: [monotone] Master?

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Bowler Hat Guy: [after Bowler Hat Guy is thrown out of Invent Co because he didn't know how to turn on the memory scanner]

[Doris brings up a screen that reads "watch out"]

Bowler Hat Guy: [Sounding out the words] Watch ou-

[hit by the box containing the memory scanner]

Bowler Hat Guy: [Doris picks up the pieces and puts them the box] Doris, it's all over. Our hopes and dreams dashed, like so many pieces of a broken machiney thing.

[Doris hands the Bowler Hat Guy his Unicorn notebook]

Bowler Hat Guy: [Doris beeps]

Bowler Hat Guy: You're right, success is still ours for the taking.

[Doris gives the Bowler Hat Guy a pencil]

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy erases the check mark next to "Pass off invention as my own" and draws a box below it and writes "get that@!*@boy" and underlines it]

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Bowler Hat Guy: Little Doris now sleeps with the fishes.

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Wilbur: Annoying little girl, I don't have time for this! I'm on a very important miss...

Young Franny: Don't sass me boy, I know karate!

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Franny: [to Wilbur] Mister, you're grounded... 'til you die.

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Lewis: [after the Tyrannosaurus crashes through the wall] Why didn't you tell me you had a pet dinosaur?

Wilbur: Uhhh... because we don't!

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Fritz: Hooray, Italian food!

Petunia: I want a sloppy joe!

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Wilbur: [punches Wilbur]

Wilbur: Oowch!

Lewis: THAT'S for not locking the garage door!

Wilbur: Oh, you know about that?

Lewis: I know about everything.

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Fritz: Now sweetie...

Petunia: [slaps him] Don't you sweetie me! I'm going for a drive!

[Petunia leaves through a door, car sounds are heard]

Grandpa Bud: That's funny, she usually takes the Harley.

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Mr. Willerstein: All right, Lewis, knock em' dead. That was a figure of speech. Please don't kill anyone.

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Bowler Hat Guy: Take a good look around, boys. Because your future is about to change.

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Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [holding the steak up to his black eye] Mr. Steak, you're my only friend.

Bowler Hat Guy: The... game didn't go so well, huh?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: No. I fell asleep in the ninth inning. And I missed the winning catch. Then I got beat up. Afterward, Coach took me aside. He told me to let it go. I don't know, he's probably right.

Bowler Hat Guy: No! Everyone will tell you to let it go and move on, but don't! Instead, let it fester and boil inside of you! Take these feelings and lock them away. Let them fuel your actions. Let hate be your ally, and you will be capable of wonderful, horrid things. Heed my words, Goob: don't let it go.

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Wilbur: Keep moving forward!

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Mildred: Poor Mr. Herrington.

Lewis: I KILLED HIM?

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CEO: Very well, Miss... Johnson?

Bowler Hat Guy: Um, it's Ms.

[laughs]

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Bowler Hat Guy: Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

[turns on light, revealing room in the orphanage]

Lewis: My old room!

Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean OUR old room!

[takes off cape, revealing baseball uniform]

Bowler Hat Guy: Ah, yes! It is I, Mike Yagoobian!

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[Doris lands on Spike's pot]

Spike: Hey, ring my doorbell!

[Doris floats over to Dimitri]

Dmitri: No, no, no ring MY doorbell! THAT doorbell will give you a rash!

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Wilbur: Excuse me. Time Travel now, questions later!

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Aunt Billie: [drives her full size toy train straight at dinosaur] Chew Chew on *this*!

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Wilbur: [when Wilbur is showing Lewis the future] Is this proof enough for you?

Lewis: [looking around at everything] Is it ever! I never thought that time travel could be possible in my lifetime, and here it is, right in front of me!

Wilbur: The truth will set you free, brother.

Lewis: This is beyond anything I could have imagined.

[quietly]

Lewis: This means I could really change my life.

Wilbur: That's right, you can. Next stop, science fair to fix your memory scanner.

[turns around to punch in the date]

Lewis: Hey, I'm not going to fix that stupid memory scanner.

Wilbur: [the brakes screech, making the time machine come to a screeching halt] What?

Lewis: Wilbur this is a *time machine*. Why should I fix my dumb invention when you can take me to see my mom now, in this ship?

Wilbur: Uh... um...

Lewis: I can go back to that night and stop her from giving me up.

Wilbur: The answer is not a time machine.

[takes out the picture of the memory scanner and shows it to Lewis]

Wilbur: It's this.

Lewis: [points to the picture] This? You wanna know what I think of this?

[grabs the picture, rips it up and throws the pieces away]

Wilbur: What are you doing?

[runs to catch the pieces]

Lewis: I'm sorry, Wilbur. You don't know what I've lived through.

[tries to start up time machine]

Wilbur: Lewis, no!

Lewis: [fighting over controls] Let go!

Wilbur: You let go!

Lewis: You're not the boss of me!

Wilbur: Yes, I am! You're twelve and I'm thirteen. That makes me older!

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Lewis: No, this can't be happening!

Franny: [under the control of Doris] Oh, but Lewis, it's already happened...

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Grandpa Bud: I think my wife's baking cookies.

[opens a door; his wife is dancing in a disco dance floor]

Grandpa Bud: Bake them cookies, Lucille!

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Stanley: Behold, the awesome power of... Mount Vesuvius!

[Pulls switch, nothing happens]

Stanley: The, uh, toggle switch isn't, uh... toggling.

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CEO: So, what is it you hope to accomplish with this invention?

Bowler Hat Guy: Oh, nothing of consequence,

[yells]

Bowler Hat Guy: except to crush the dreams of a young orphan boy!

[calms down]

Bowler Hat Guy: After that it's kind of hazy.

CEO: So, you haven't thought this through?

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Franny: [to Lewis] We need somebody on maracas!

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Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [taking Mildred's coffee from her hands and drinking it] Mmm. That's good joe.

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Bowler Hat Guy: Talking frog... not a good minion.

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Bowler Hat Guy: Ooh, a Mini-Doris! I didn't know you could do that!

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Lewis: [to Doris the Bowler Hat] I am NEVER going to invent you.

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Frankie: Ring-a-ding-ding.

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Carl: What about you taking him back to see his mum?

Wilbur: I just told him that to buy some time.

Carl: Oh yeah, can't see that one blowing up in your face!

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Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [sarcastically] Nothing says 'adopt me' like a weird invention.

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Carl: [after the dinosaur gets blasted with pizza dough from Uncle Art's flying saucer] Yup! This dino's deep dished!

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Bowler Hat Guy: Now, go get that boy!

Lewis: [T-Rex corners Lewis, but can't reach him] Oh! Aah!

T-Rex: What's going on? Why aren't you seizing the boy?

T-Rex: [subtitled] I have a big head... and little arms. I'm just not sure... how well this plan was thought through... Master?

Bowler Hat Guy: Ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid!

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Bowler Hat Guy: Now, go get that boy!

Bowler Hat Guy: [T-Rex corners Lewis, but can't reach him] What's going on? Why aren't you seizing the boy?

T-Rex: [subtitled] I have a big head... and little arms, I'm just not sure... how well this plan was thought through... Master?

Bowler Hat Guy: Ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid!

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Lewis: Why are you doing this to me? I never did anything to you.

Bowler Hat Guy: You still haven't figured it out?

Lewis: Figured out what?

Bowler Hat Guy: Well, let's see if this rings a bell: father of the future, inventor extraordinaire, "Keep Moving Forward" ?

Lewis: That's not me, that's Wilbur's dad.

[Bowler Hat Guy makes a sinister grin]

Lewis: Are you saying that... I'm Wilbur's... dad?

Bowler Hat Guy: Ooh, give the boy a prize! You grew up to be the founder of this wretched time, so I plan to destroy your destiny.

[sing song voice]

Bowler Hat Guy: Easy peasy, rice and cheesy.

Lewis: Well... so if I'm Wilbur's dad...

Bowler Hat Guy: Keep going.

Lewis: If I'm Wilbur's dad...

Bowler Hat Guy: Yes, thank you, we've established that.

Lewis: Ah, but... what does that have to do with you?

Bowler Hat Guy: Aha! Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

Lewis: [the light reveals Lewis's old room, Lewis gasps] My old room!

Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean 'our' old room.

Lewis: What?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy takes off his cloak, revealing his old baseball uniform] Yes! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian!

Lewis: Ugh!

Bowler Hat Guy: I know, I'm disgusting, but one learns to love it.

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Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship.

Bowler Hat Guy: [flashback to a Little League baseball game, Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a sleepy Yagoobian fails to catch a ball headed his way] A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [the scene changes to Yagoobian in the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball! And we would have won! Do you understand?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14 - This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson.

Student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Student 2: Cool binder, want to come over to my house today?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: [on radio] Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco - Rrobinson reaches out to - Cornielius Robinson - Cornelius Robinson is now - Now here's another amazing...

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: It was then that I realized it wasn't my fault. It was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch, so I devised a brilliant plan to get revenge.

[Yagoobian throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Robinson, you stink!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met 'her'.

[Doris chirps]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more!

[Doris pulls herself over the lab assistant's eyes]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Doris breaks out of her holding cell] We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's, but I made a very, very important contribution. Together we made the perfect team.

Franny: [Doris activates her night vision goggles] Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, Mom.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

[Adult Yagoobian cackles as the flashback ends]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: And now, all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

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Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy turns on a light, revelaing an abandoned bedroom] Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

Lewis: [gasps] My old room!

Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean 'our' old room.

Lewis: What?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy removes his cloak, revealing his old Little League baseball uniform] Ye-es! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian!

Lewis: Ugh!

Bowler Hat Guy: I know, I'm disgusting, but one learns to love it.

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy puts his cloak back on] Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream, a dream of winning a Little League championship.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Flashback to a sandlot baseball stadium where a young Mike Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a fly ball lands next to a sleepy Yagoobian] A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball Player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [at the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball, and we would have won! Do you understand?

Bowler Hat Guy: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14... This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson...

Twin student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Twin student 2: Cool binder. Hey Goob, wanna come over to my house today?

Bowler Hat Guy: They all hated me. Eventually they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco... Robinson reaches out to... Cornelius Robinson... Cornielus Robinson is now... Now here's another amazing...

Bowler Hat Guy: It was then that I realized it wasn't 'my' fault... it was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch! So I devised a brilliant plan to get my revenge.

[Bowler Hat Guy throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Bowler Hat Guy: Robinson, you stink! Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met... her.

[Doris extends her metal claw and drags Bowler Hat Guy away]

Bowler Hat Guy: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more... However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Bowler Hat Guy: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

[Doris breaks out of the storage area]

Bowler Hat Guy: We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's. I made a very, very important contribution. Together, we made the perfect team.

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Mildred: It's not you. we just haven't found the right couple yet.

Lewis: 124.

Mildred: [gently] What?

Lewis: That's how many adoption interviews I've had, 124.

Mildred: Oh Lewis, come on now, you're exaggerating just to make your... point.

[Lewis turns the crate around with 124 tally marks on it]

Lewis: Plus, I'm gonna be 13 next year, and you know how hard it is for a teenager to get adopted. I have no future, no one wants me!

Mildred: That's not true, Lewis!

Lewis: My own mother didn't even want me!

Mildred: Now stop it! You do not know that!

Lewis: Then why did she give me up?

Mildred: She may not have been able to take care of you, did you ever think of that?

[Lewis turns silent]

Mildred: I am sure she was only thinking about what was best for you.

Lewis: I never thought of it that way.

Mildred: Maybe she wanted to keep you, but she had no choice.

Lewis: You're right! My real mom is the only person who's ever wanted me.

Mildred: Wait, I said 'maybe'.

Lewis: If she wanted me then, she'll want me now!

Mildred: What are you talking about?

Lewis: I have to find her, Mildred, and when I do, she'll take me back, and we'll be a family again!

Mildred: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lewis! You can't do that! No one knows anything about her, no one even saw her!

Lewis: [Lewis looks up at a billboard that says "Remember your Ginkgo Biloba"] Wrong, I saw her... once, she's in here. I just have to remember.

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Mr. Willerstein: Okay, next up is Lizzy and her... fire ant farm.

Lizzy: [in a monotone voice] That's right.

Mr. Willerstein: Lizzy, we talked about the fire ants, you know that they have a tendency to bite people.

Lizzy: Only my enemies.

Mr. Willerstein: [Mr Willerstein chuckles nervously] Just keep moving, shall we? Top notch, Lizzy!

[Mr. Willerstein's voice lowers as they move on to the next project]

Mr. Willerstein: Let's not anger her or make her jumpy in any way.

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Franny: [from inside the garage] Wilbur! Make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, mom.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine... all thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy cackles] And now all that's left is to return to Inventco where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

Lewis: But you have no idea what that could do to this future!

Bowler Hat Guy: I don't care! I just want to ruin your life,

Lewis: Goob! I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me 'Goob'! How many evil villains do you know who can pull off a name like Goob? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad, but don't blame me! You messed it up yourself, you just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and... keep moving forward.

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm. let's see: take responsibility for my own life, or blame you? Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! "Blame you" wins hands down!

[Bowler Hat Guy cackles]

Bowler Hat Guy: This is gonna be the best day of my life!

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Mildred: [talking on the phone] We'll see you at 2:00 this afternoon. He'll be so excited you're coming. Bye-bye, now.

[Mildred hangs up]

Mildred: Yes! Hey, Goob - I mean, Michael, good luck at the big game today!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [sleepily] Easy win, those guys are a bunch of bums. I just hope I can stay awake.

Mildred: Don't tell me, let me guess...

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: He was up all night, working on his stupid project.

[yawns]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: But that's what happens when you get a science geek for a roommate.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Yagoobian sips his juice box, and trades it to Mildred in exchange for her mug of coffee, which he drinks] Ahh, that's good joe.

Mildred: [Mildred sees Lewis in his bedroom, working on his invention] All right, Einstein, you owe Michael big time.

Lewis: Well, unlocking the secrets of the brain took a lot longer than I expected, but it's finished, Mildred; I re-calibrated the headset.

[Lewis shows his illustrated scientific notes to Mildred]

Lewis: Now the neural circuits will connect! I've cracked the hippocampus!

Mildred: Really? Okay, what?

Lewis: Now to test it out.

[Lewis's alarm clock goes off; he starts putting his invention model into a wagon]

Lewis: Oh no, I'm late! I gotta go!

Mildred: Wait a minute, Lewis, wait a minute.

[Mildred briefly laughs]

Mildred: I almost forgot what I came up here for. I know you have a lot on your plate today, but I've scheduled an interview for you this afternoon.

Lewis: No thanks.

Mildred: No thanks? Sweetheart, this is about being adopted, and you will be back here clean, happy, and on time.

Lewis: I'm done with interviews, Mildred. I'm not gonna be rejected anymore.

Mildred: Listen, I know where your head is, but I'm telling you, you have got to get out of the past and look to the future.

Lewis: I am, and this is it. This is my future. I'm sorry.

[Lewis heads out the front door towards the elementary school's science fair]

Mildred: Lewis? Honey?

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Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Bowler Hat Guy: Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship.

[flashback to a Little League baseball game at a sandlot where Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a sleepy Yagoobian fails to catch a fly ball that lands next to him]

Bowler Hat Guy: A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball Player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [the scene changes to Yagoobian in the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball, and we would have won! Do you understand?

Bowler Hat Guy: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14... This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson...

Twin student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Twin student 2: Cool binder, want to come over to my house today?

Bowler Hat Guy: They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco... Robinson reaches out to... Cornielius Robinson... Cornelius Robinson is now... Now here's another amazing...

Bowler Hat Guy: It was then that I realized it wasn't 'my' fault. It was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch. So I devised a brilliant plan to get my revenge.

[Bowler Hat Guy throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Bowler Hat Guy: Robinson, you stink!

Bowler Hat Guy: Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met... her.

[Doris extends her metal claw and drags Bowler Hat Guy away]

Bowler Hat Guy: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more... However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Bowler Hat Guy: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

[Doris breaks out of her holding cell]

Bowler Hat Guy: We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's, but I made a very, very important contribution. Together we made the perfect team.

Franny: [Doris activates her night vision goggles] Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, Mom.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

[Bowler Hat Guy cackles]

Bowler Hat Guy: And now, all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me 'Goob'! How many evil villains do you know that can pull off a name like 'Goob'? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsibility for my own life or blame you? Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Blame you wins hands down!

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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