Meet the Robinsons (2007)
Title Card: Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. - Walt Disney
Bowler Hat Guy: Now, my slave, seize the boy!
[T-rex traps Lewis in the corner, but has trouble grabbing him]
Bowler Hat Guy: What's going on? Why aren't you seizing the boy?
T-Rex: I have a big head and little arms. I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through.
[Bowler Hat Guy glares into his handset]
Wilbur: Pop quiz: Who have you met, and what have you learned?
Lewis: OK. Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she...?
[Makes a talking gesture with his hand]
Wilbur: Cranky? Yes.
Lewis: Tallulah and Laszlo are their children. Joe is married to Billie. Lefty is the butler. Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to.
Wilbur: Neither do we. Go on.
Lewis: Lucille is married to Bud, and your dad, Cornelius, is their son. What does Cornelius look like?
Wilbur: Tom Selleck.
Lewis: OK. Cornelius is married to Franny, and her brothers are Gaston and Art.
Wilbur: You're forgetting something.
Lewis: Forgetting? Oh, right! Wilbur is the son of Franny and Cornelius.
Wilbur: And nobody realized that you're from the past?
Lewis: Thank you. Thank you. Hold your applause.
Lewis: I don't even know what I'm doing.
Wilbur: Keep moving forward.
Lewis: I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me.
Wilbur: Keep moving forward.
Lewis: And what if I can't fix this, what are we going to do?
Wilbur: Keep moving forward.
Lewis: Why do you keep saying that? And don't just say keep moving forward!
Wilbur: It's my dad's motto.
Lewis: Why would his motto be keep moving forward?
Wilbur: It's what he does.
Franny: [just before Lewis is about to leave to go back to the past] Wait Lewis, one more thing.
[Franny approaches Lewis]
Franny: Just a little tip for the future, I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right.
[taps Lewis's nose]
Franny: [Lewis gives confused look then looks at Cornelius]
Cornelius: She's right. I would just go with it if I were you...
Cornelius: and I am.
Lewis: Then you're absouletly right.
Lewis: [Wilbur honks the horn repeatdly] Alright, alright, I'm coming.
[heads over to the time machine and climbs in]
Wilbur: [Looks at Lewis] Well, it's not like you're never going to see them again. They are you're family after all.
[Lewis looks at the Robinson family all smiling at him]
Wilbur: [Wilbur closes the hatch and starts the time machine which takes off, Lewis waves good-bye to the Robinsons as Wilbur and Lewis go back to the past]
Lewis: Why is your dog wearing glasses?
Grandpa Bud: Oh, because his insurance won't pay for contacts.
Wilbur: I never thought my dad would be my best friend.
Wilbur: he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it! The first working time machine! Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again! The second working time machine!
Lewis: Kinda small.
Wilbur: I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine number two is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy!
Franny: Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring HIM here?
Wilbur: That... is an excellent question.
Bowler Hat Guy: [the Bowler Hat Guy has just gotten the time machine back] Take a good look around boys, because your future is about to change.
[heads to the past to pass the memory scanner as his own]
Wilbur: Lewis, you have to fix the time machine.
Lewis: No-no, I-I can't!
[in the past the Bowler Hat Guy has entered Invenct Co]
Lewis: What about your dad? You could call him!
Wilbur: [points to Lewis] You are my dad!
Lewis: But that's in the future!
Wilbur: There won't be a future unless you fix the time machine!
[in the past Bowler Hat Guy is showing off the memory scanner]
Wilbur: Look, I messed up, I left the garage unlocked, but I tried like crazy to fix things! But now it's up to you...
[in the past Bowler Hat guy is signing a contract]
Wilbur: You can do it, dad.
[starts to vanish]
Wilbur: Lewis? Lewis!
[flys into the sky turns into a ball of light]
[flies over the Robinson yard and is sucked into the sky]
Wilbur: If my parents figured out I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive and dance on my grave!
Wilbur: You did it Lewis, you did it!
[sees Bowler Hat Guy and gasps and attacks him]
Wilbur: I'll hold him while you run for help.
Lewis: [pries Wilbur off the Bowler Hat Guy and Wilbur is struggling to get free] Let him go!
Wilbur: Wh-what are you doing? He's the bad guy!
Lewis: No, he's not, he's my roommate...
Lewis: [pulls Wilbur aside]
Lewis: Look, I want you guys to adopt him.
Wilbur: Are you nuts?
Lewis: Give me one good reason why no...
Wilbur: I'll give you three good reasons: one: he stole our time machine, two: he tried to ruin your future, and three: he smells like he hasn't showered in thirty years!
Lewis: [grabs Wilbur by the ear] Don't forget I'm your father, you have to do what I say.
Bowler Hat Guy: You are now under my control!
Frankie: [monotone] I am now under your control.
Bowler Hat Guy: Hee hee hee hee!
Frankie: [monotone] Hee hee hee hee.
Bowler Hat Guy: Stop laughing.
Frankie: [monotone] Stop laughing.
Bowler Hat Guy: Don't repeat everything I say!
Frankie: [monotone] I won't repeat everything you say.
Bowler Hat Guy: Excellent.
Frankie: [monotone] Excellent.
Bowler Hat Guy: Uh, did you just say "excellent" because I said "excellent"?
Frankie: [monotone] Uhhh... no.
Bowler Hat Guy: Excellent!
Frankie: [monotone] Excellent.
Wilbur: Yeah, about that. One of the time machines is broken and the other one was stolen by a guy in a bowler hat, which kind of explains the dino.
Franny: I'm calling your father.
Carl: None may enter lest they speak the royal password!
Wilbur: Carl, what are you talking about? We don't have a password.
Carl: Yes we do, I made one up while you were gone.
Wilbur: Mom and Dad are gonna kill me! And I'm gonna tell you this, it will not be done with mercy!
[Bowler Hat Guy goes to Inventco with Lewis's invention]
Bowler Hat Guy: Good day, madam. I'm here to change the future.
Receptionist: Yes, sir?
Bowler Hat Guy: I must speak with the man in charge immediately.
Receptionist: Yes, sir.
Bowler Hat Guy: I have an appointment with destiny!
[Receptionist turns, revealing the headset in her ear]
Receptionist: Very good, sir. I'll let Smith know and I'll have your dry cleaning delivered directly to your suite.
Bowler Hat Guy: Huh?
Receptionist: [hangs up] Now, what time is your appointment?
Bowler Hat Guy: Uh... are you talking to me?
Receptionist: Yes. What time is your appointment?
[Doris beeps, motions to the clock]
Bowler Hat Guy: Uh... big hand on the... oh! Two o'clock.
Receptionist: You're the two o'clock?
Bowler Hat Guy: Yes, I am!
Receptionist: [suspiciously] You're Mary Johnson?
Bowler Hat Guy: Um... yes. Mary's short for... um...
Bowler Hat Guy: Um... can that be a boy's name?
Bowler Hat Guy: Then yes!
Receptionist: [sighs] Have a seat.
Bowler Hat Guy: Oh, goody!
Wilbur: Five years ago, Dad wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Wants to build a time machine. So he starts working! We're talking plans, we're talking scale models, we're talking prototypes!
Wilbur: [shows Lewis a small scrap of metal]
Lewis: That's a prototype?
Wilbur: The very first!... Or, what's left of it.
Wilbur: Yeah. Dark day at the Robinson household.
Wilbur: [shaking Lewis for emphasis] But he doesn't give up!
Wilbur: Dude, I can't take you seriously in that hat.
Wilbur: [to Lewis] I'm not allowed to look at this thing, let alone drive it! Mom and Dad are gonna kill me! And I can tell you this, it will not be done with mercy.
Wilbur: [at the science fair after Lewis puts his memory scanner on the table]
[Wilbur pops out from underneath the sheet covering the memory scanner]
Wilbur: This area is not secure, get in.
[pulls Lewis under the sheet]
Wilbur: Have you been approached a tall man in a bowler hat?
Wilbur: Hey, hey, I'll ask the questions here.
Lewis: Okay... goodbye.
[starts to leave but Wilbur drags him back in]
Wilbur: Okay, I didn't want to pull rank on you but you forced my hand. Special agent Wilbur Robinson of the T.C.T.F.
Wilbur: Time continuum task force. I'm here to protect you.
[Lewis tries to say something but Wilbur covers his mouth]
Wilbur: Now, tall man? Bowler hat? Approached you?
Lewis: No, why?
Wilbur: [Wilbur sighs and shakes his head] I could lose my badge for this, he's a suspect in a robbery.
Lewis: What did he steal?
Wilbur: A time machine.
Lewis: A what?
Wilbur: I tracked him to this time and my informants say he's after you.
Lewis: Me? Why me?
Wilbur: The boys back at HQ haven't figured out a motive yet.
[uses air quotes]
Wilbur: And by "HQ" I mean headquarters.
Lewis: I know what HQ means!
Wilbur: Good, you're a smart kid, that'll keep you alive... for now.
[pats Lewis's memory scanner]
Wilbur: You just take care of your science gizmo and leave the perp to me.
[leaves but instantly]
Wilbur: [pops back under the sheet] And by perp, I mean perp...
Lewis: I know what it means!
Wilbur: Okay, Mr. Smartypants.
[leaves the sheet]
Lewis: [Lewis is on the roof disappointed that his memory scanner failed, he rips out the page with the picture of the memory scanner out of his notebook, crumples it into a ball and throws it away. He sits down on a crate. Then by his suprise the ball of paper hits him in the head, he throws it again trying to figure out what's happening, and Wilbur jumps out from behind the building and throws the crumpled ball of paper back to him which lands on the crate, then jumps back to the wall next to the door] Hey, what're you doing up here?
Wilbur: Coo, coo, coo.
[Lewis picks up the crumpled ball of paper and heads over to where Wilbur is hiding]
Wilbur: Coo, coo coo-coo coo.
[Deliberatly drops the ball of crumpled paper close to where Wilbur is and Wilbur jumps back out, picks up the ball of paper, and puts it in Lewis's hand]
Wilbur: Coo, coo.
[jumps back into hiding spot]
Lewis: [throws down ball of paper] Will you quit that please? I know you're not a pigeon!
Wilbur: [jumps out and covers Lewis's mouth and starts looking around to see if anyone is around] Shh, you're blowing my cover!
Lewis: [Wilbur is still looking around to see if anyone is watching them] But we're the only ones up here!
Wilbur: That's just what they want you to think.
[picks up the ball of paper and flattens it out and gives it to Lewis and Wilbur starts pushing Lewis to the door]
Wilbur: Now, enough moping, take this back the science fair and fix that memory scanner!
Lewis: [pushes Wilbur away] Stop, stop, get away from me!
Wilbur: Maybe you forgotten I'm a time cop from the future.
[quickly shows his "badge" to Lewis which is really a coupon for a tanning salon]
Wilbur: Should be taken very seriously.
Lewis: [Lewis grabs Wilbur's "badge"] That's no badge, it's a coupon for a tanning salon!
[waving the coupon in Wilbur's face]
Lewis: You're a fake.
Wilbur: [Lewis heads back to the crate to get his notebook and his bag] Okay, you got me, I'm not a cop. But I really am from the future! And there really is this bowler hat guy!
Lewis: [grabs his bag] Agh, here we go again.
Wilbur: He stole a time machine, came to the science fair and ruined your project!
Lewis: My project didn't work because I'm no good.
[Wilbur pockets the paper with the picture of the time machine in his pocket]
Lewis: There is no bowler hat guy, there is no time machine and you're not really from the future. You're crazy!
Wilbur: [starts to head for the door to leave but Wilbur blocks him] Ho, ho, I am not crazy.
Lewis: Oh, yeah captain time travel? Prove it!
Wilbur: Uh... um...
[rubs his head]
Lewis: Yeah, that's what I thought.
[heads to the door]
Lewis: [mumbling] I'm just going to lock myself in my room and hide under the covers for a couple of years.
Wilbur: [Lewis starts to open the door but is immediatly slammed shut by Wilbur]
[kind of quickly]
Wilbur: If I prove to you that I'm from the future will you go back to the science fair?
Lewis: Yeah, sure whatever you say.
[Wilbur smiles jumps behind him, grabs him and starts pushing him to one of the edges of the orphanage]
Lewis: Let go of me! What are you doing, let go of me!
[Lifts Lewis up and throws over the side of the building where he lands in the time machine]
Carl: Welcome back, little buddy. So, uh, what's up with the stolen time machine? Did you find it?
[Wilbur gives him a sarcastic look]
Carl: Apparently not. And you managed to bust this one as well!
Wilbur: It'll be fixed before dad gets home.
Carl: And how d'you suppose that's gonna hap...
Carl: Who's that?
Lewis: Wow! A real robot! Hi, I'm Lewis!
[Carl runs screaming from the room]
Lewis: Well, that was unexpected.
[Wilbur quickly puts a fruit hat on Lewis's head]
Lewis: As... was that.
Wilbur: If my family finds out that I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive and dance on my grave! I'M NOT EXAGGERATING! Well, yes I am, but that's not the point! The point is, your hair's a dead giveaway.
Lewis: Why would my hair be a dead giveaway?
Wilbur: That is an excellent question!
[begins to run away]
Lewis: Wait! Where are you going?
Wilbur: Another excellent question!
Wilbur: Annoying little girl, I don't have time for this! I'm on a very important miss...
Young Franny: Don't sass me boy, I know karate!
Wilbur: Wilbur Robinson never fails!... But on the slight chance that I do...
Carl: Slight chance, yeah, you know what, I'll run the numbers!
[pushes buttons and pulls levers on himself, papers start running out of his mouth; looks at the papers and gasps]
Wilbur: What is it?
Carl: Uh, well, it's not- it doesn't pertain to anything in partic- y'know, there's not necessarily go...
[Wilbur raises an eyebrow]
Carl: Uh, there's a 99.999999% chance that you won't exist.
Carl: And I didn't want to tell you... But I did.
Wilbur: I won't exist?
Carl: And where does that leave me? Alone, rusting in a corner.
Wilbur: [pause] Nah. What am I worried about?
Franny: [to Wilbur] Mister, you're grounded... 'til you die.
Lewis: [after the Tyrannosaurus crashes through the wall] Why didn't you tell me you had a pet dinosaur?
Wilbur: Uhhh... because we don't!
Lewis: Wait, what does Cornelius look like?
Wilbur: ...Tom Selleck.
Wilbur: [punches Wilbur]
Lewis: THAT'S for not locking the garage door!
Wilbur: Oh, you know about that?
Lewis: I know about everything.
Uncle Gaston: If I gave up every time I failed, I would have never invented the meatball cannon.
Grandpa Bud: If I gave up every time I failed, I would never have invented my fireproof pants!
[Pants burn up, revealing his underwear]
Grandpa Bud: Still working the kinks out a bit.
Mr. Willerstein: All right, Lewis, knock em' dead. That was a figure of speech. Please don't kill anyone.
Bowler Hat Guy: Take a good look around, boys. Because your future is about to change.
Bowler Hat Guy: Allow me to shed some light on the subject.
[turns on light, revealing room in the orphanage]
Lewis: My old room!
Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean OUR old room!
[takes off cape, revealing baseball uniform]
Bowler Hat Guy: Ah, yes! It is I, Mike Yagoobian!
[Doris lands on Spike's pot]
Spike: Hey, ring my doorbell!
[Doris floats over to Dimitri]
Dmitri: No, no, no ring MY doorbell! THAT doorbell will give you a rash!
Franny: So Lewis, are you in Wilbur's class?
[Franny gives them a puzzled look]
Wilbur: Well, yes and no. Lewis is a new transfer student
Uncle Gaston: Where you from Lewis?
Lewis: Um, Canada?
Tallulah: I think you mean North Montana, hasn't been called Canada in years!
Lucille Krunklehorn: Do you know a Sam Gunderson?
Lewis: It's a big country.
Wilbur: It's been a long, hard day, full of emotional turmoil and dinosaur fights.
Aunt Billie: [drives her full size toy train straight at dinosaur] Chew Chew on *this*!
Wilbur: [when Wilbur is showing Lewis the future] Is this proof enough for you?
Lewis: [looking around at everything] Is it ever! I never thought that time travel could be possible in my lifetime, and here it is, right in front of me!
Wilbur: The truth will set you free, brother.
Lewis: This is beyond anything I could have imagined.
Lewis: This means I could really change my life.
Wilbur: That's right, you can. Next stop, science fair to fix your memory scanner.
[turns around to punch in the date]
Lewis: Hey, I'm not going to fix that stupid memory scanner.
Wilbur: [the brakes screech, making the time machine come to a screeching halt] What?
Lewis: Wilbur this is a *time machine*. Why should I fix my dumb invention when you can take me to see my mom now, in this ship?
Wilbur: Uh... um...
Lewis: I can go back to that night and stop her from giving me up.
Wilbur: The answer is not a time machine.
[takes out the picture of the memory scanner and shows it to Lewis]
Wilbur: It's this.
Lewis: [points to the picture] This? You wanna know what I think of this?
[grabs the picture, rips it up and throws the pieces away]
Wilbur: What are you doing?
[runs to catch the pieces]
Lewis: I'm sorry, Wilbur. You don't know what I've lived through.
[tries to start up time machine]
Wilbur: Lewis, no!
Lewis: [fighting over controls] Let go!
Wilbur: You let go!
Lewis: You're not the boss of me!
Wilbur: Yes, I am! You're twelve and I'm thirteen. That makes me older!
Mr. Willerstein: Dr. Krunklehorn, I know you're very busy at Inventco Labs. And we're just so happy to have you as a judge.
Lucille Krunklehorn: It's my pleasure, Mr. Willerstein. Hey, you never know, one of your students may invent the next integrated circuit, or microprocessor, or integrated circuit. Oh wait, I said that already. Well, I just don't get out of the lab very much. Is that a bowtie? I like bowties. I haven't slept in eight days!
Mr. Willerstein: Uh, well then, can I get you a cot or something?
Lucille Krunklehorn: Nope, I have the caffeine patch. It's my invention. Each patch is the equivalent of 12 cups of coffee. You can stay up for days with no side effects. Ahhh! Sorry.
Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Then, um, I didn't choose that one because it was gonna give me pimples so I choosed, um, another scary one cause for, um, all those years that I went for halloween I wasn't scary at all... I love baseball. It's my destiny to play that game. And I don't really care about winning. Well, like, now i do, cause, like, we've lost every game and I've gotten tired of it! I'm working like so hard, all the balls are getting thrown to me, I'm trying to catch like everyone. All of the people in the out field are all looking around, and, c'mon, lets play some baseball, ok? not the lazy game... They're here... Lewis? Lewis?
Lewis: Goob? Hey Goob? I've finished it! They're gonna love this!
Bowler Hat Guy: [on roof] Mwhahahaha!
[looks around to see Lewis isn't there]
Bowler Hat Guy: Where is that boy?
Bowler Hat Guy: Oh, good idea, separate and look for clues!
[both go separate ways then come back after a little while]
Bowler Hat Guy: Look, my dear, look what I found!
[holds up a stick]
Bowler Hat Guy: It's a stick! Heeheehee, now what did you find?
Bowler Hat Guy: Yes, yes, I see, time travel residue next to DNA of Wilbur Robinson. That plus my stick, must mean...
[strains thinking about it]
Bowler Hat Guy: [Doris beeps and heads off screen where we hear a car honk and see the second time machine which is a close replica of the other one except this one is blue] Oh, to the future!
[runs over to the time machine]
Bowler Hat Guy: Shotgun!
Bowler Hat Guy: Ha ha ha! There he is - that repulsive, half-witted fool! Now, my slave, seize the boy! Bring him to me.
Bowler Hat Guy: Did you not hear what I said, you idiot? Grab the boy and bring him!
Frankie: [monotone] Well, it's just that there's a million people over there, and I have little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through.
[Bowler Hat Guy whimpers silently]
Frankie: [monotone] Master?
Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!
Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villians do you know that can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh!
Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...
Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsiblity for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down!
Bowler Hat Guy: [after Bowler Hat Guy is thrown out of Invent Co because he didn't know how to turn on the memory scanner]
[Doris brings up a screen that reads "watch out"]
Bowler Hat Guy: [Sounding out the words] Watch ou-
[hit by the box containing the memory scanner]
Bowler Hat Guy: [Doris picks up the pieces and puts them the box] Doris, it's all over. Our hopes and dreams dashed, like so many pieces of a broken machiney thing.
[Doris hands the Bowler Hat Guy his Unicorn notebook]
Bowler Hat Guy: [Doris beeps]
Bowler Hat Guy: You're right, success is still ours for the taking.
[Doris gives the Bowler Hat Guy a pencil]
Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy erases the check mark next to "Pass off invention as my own" and draws a box below it and writes "get that@!*@boy" and underlines it]
Lewis: No, this can't be happening!
Franny: [under the control of Doris] Oh, but Lewis, it's already happened...
Grandpa Bud: I think my wife's baking cookies.
[opens a door; his wife is dancing in a disco dance floor]
Grandpa Bud: Bake them cookies, Lucille!
Stanley: Behold, the awesome power of... Mount Vesuvius!
[Pulls switch, nothing happens]
Stanley: The, uh, toggle switch isn't, uh... toggling.
CEO: So, what is it you hope to accomplish with this invention?
Bowler Hat Guy: Oh, nothing of consequence,
Bowler Hat Guy: except to crush the dreams of a young orphan boy!
Bowler Hat Guy: After that it's kind of hazy.
CEO: So, you haven't thought this through?
Carl: What do you mean don't go to the family? How can we not go to the family is this type of family crisis? By leaving the garage door unlocked, you let the time machine get stolen and now the entire time stream could be altered! That, and someone took my bike.
Wilbur: Look, I told you. It's gonna all work out.
[Wilbur has set up a model with figurines of Wilbur and Lewis]
Wilbur: First, he goes in the garage, away from everybody, I show up and give him the pep talk of the century.
[places an acorn on the table]
Wilbur: Then, he fixes the time machine...
Carl: Why is it an acorn?
Wilbur: I didn't have time to sculpt everything!
Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [taking Mildred's coffee from her hands and drinking it] Mmm. That's good joe.
Fritz: Now sweetie...
Petunia: [slaps him] Don't you sweetie me! I'm going for a drive!
[Petunia leaves through a door, car sounds are heard]
Grandpa Bud: That's funny, she usually takes the Harley.
Bowler Hat Guy: Ooh, a Mini-Doris! I didn't know you could do that!
Bowler Hat Guy: Now, to lure him out of the house... I know! I'll blow it up! Yes! Yes, and... uh... no... no. That won't work. Then he'll be dead. Oh, I know! I'll turn him into a duck! Yes, it's so evil! Oh... I don't know how to do that... and I don't really need a duck... this may be harder than I thought.
Lewis: [to Doris the Bowler Hat] I am NEVER going to invent you.
Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [holding the steak up to his black eye] Mr. Steak, you're my only friend.
Bowler Hat Guy: The... game didn't go so well, huh?
Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: No. I fell asleep in the ninth inning. And I missed the winning catch. Then I got beat up. Afterward, Coach took me aside. He told me to let it go. I don't know, he's probably right.
Bowler Hat Guy: No! Everyone will tell you to let it go and move on, but don't! Instead, let it fester and boil inside of you! Take these feelings and lock them away. Let them fuel your actions. Let hate be your ally, and you will be capable of wonderful, horrid things. Heed my words, Goob: don't let it go.
CEO: Very well, Miss... Johnson?
Bowler Hat Guy: Um, it's Ms.
Carl: What about you taking him back to see his mum?
Wilbur: I just told him that to buy some time.
Carl: Oh yeah, can't see that one blowing up in your face!
Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [sarcastically] Nothing says 'adopt me' like a weird invention.