Tim Avery, an aspiring cartoonist, finds himself in a predicament when his dog stumbles upon the mask of Loki. Then after conceiving an infant son "born of the mask", he discovers just how looney child raising can be.
The story centers on the battle for the mythical Sword of Aktar and its kidnapped keeper Ulric. But for a few stop-motion prehistoric creatures, the heroic Thane must save a beautiful ... See full summary »
"Miss Cast Away" (aka "Island Girl") is a mix of "There's Something About Mary" and "Scary Movie" crosses "Cast Away" with "Miss Congeniality." What happens when a plane-load of beauty contestants, on it's way to the Miss Galaxy Pageant, crash-lands on a deserted island? Pilots, Mike Saunders and Maximus Power learn how to survive with a bevvie of beautiful women -- of which none have ever even gone camping. Soon the castaways discover the ancient Noah's ark on the island. The lost ark is being guarded by an oversized prehistoric pig (Jurassic Pork). Noah is boarding apes (a la Planet of the Apes) and our survivors have got to stop his plan and use the ark to get off the island. Written by
Do the following: Get a copy of this movie and a friend. Wager the friend $10 that they can't sit through this entire movie. They cannot divert their gaze or be distracted by anything. Now watch your friend. Win or lose, you get $10 of entertainment.
It angers me to no end when people see a movie and are quick to give it 1 out of 10, or sum up their thoughts with "it sucked". (And when asked "Why?", they respond, "Just because." Arrgh.) That is why this movie exists. It's sole purpose is for me to say, "There! THIS is a horrible movie! THAT is 1 out of 10!".
This movie is absolutely appalling.
While the recent trend of movie parodies has forced them to become increasingly formulaic, this movie falls short in every single aspect. It's not funny. It's not entertaining. And for some of the parodies, it's completely inaccurate! Horrible acting. Unfunny dialogue. A witless story. Terrible "special effects". One INANE gag after another. And to make matters even worse, there isn't even gratuitous nudity to somehow make it even fleetingly worthwhile.
This movie leaps past idiotic, stumbles over stupid, and lands face first on moronic. Even I, who loves a good "check your brain at the door" movie, found myself physically agitated watching this. This movie isn't even "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" so-terrible-it's-good bad... IT'S JUST BAD.
NOTE: I actually challenged a friend to watch this as described above. Not only couldn't he make it all the way through, but he had a headache and needed a couple minutes afterward because he felt a little ill. True story.
I could not accentuate this rating any more... a resounding 1 out of 10!
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