- George Gershwin: [Indiana Jones] Why can't I stop thinking about her?
- [Gershwin Stands up from and gestures toward piano]
- George Gershwin: Tell him maestro.
- [Berlin approaches]
- George Gershwin: It's very simple Boychick.
- [Removes hanky, dusts piano, tosses soiled rag to song pluggers, sits and sings]
- George Gershwin: A pretty girl/is like a melody/that haunts you night and day/She will leave you/and then/come back again/A pretty girl/is just/like a pretty tune.
- New York Cabbie: Men are scum.
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: All of them?
- New York Cabbie: All of 'em!
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: Perhaps you're looking for perfection.
- New York Cabbie: Perfection? Mister, I gave up on that a long time ago.
- Cabbie: [interrupting Indy and Peggy kiss] Hey bub, you want this cab? Or are you just eating lunch?
- Indiana Jones: Who are all these people?
- Kate: Writers, actors, painters, composers, anarchists, socialists. The usual village crowd. Do you know any of them?
- Indiana Jones: Me? No, no, I just snuck in for some free food. Whose party is this, anyway?
- Kate: Mine.
- Mack: As far as I'm concerned, you're an idiot.
- [louder]
- Mack: What are you?
- Indiana Jones: I'm an idiot.
- Mack: Correct. Now open your idiot ears and follow me.
- [they walk through a door and go backstage]
- Mack: Your job is to do all the idiot jobs that only an idiot wants to do. Like make the coffee, run the errands, scrape the stage.
- George White: Schwarz, you're fired.
- Schwarz: Yes Mr. White, thank you. Now about these bills...
- George White: Later, I have a show to put on.
- Indiana Jones: [about Gloria] She looks... edible.
- George Gershwin: She should. Her old man owns the biggest meat packing plant in New Jersey.
- Schwarz: Mr. White, about these bills...
- George White: Schwarz, you're fired.
- Schwarz: Can I have that in writing?
- Mack: Excuse me, Mr. Jones, I just hate to disturb you, but your lunch date's arrived...
- Indiana Jones: But it's not even noon.
- Mack: [shouting] And her damn limo is blocking half the damn street!
- Franklin Adams: Oh Mr. Jones, Tell me, have you forgiven your parents yet?
- Indiana Jones: What for?
- Franklin Adams: For naming you after the dullest state in the union.
- Indiana Jones: Actually, I named myself, after my dog.
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: Ah, the theater. Thank goodness I'm not late, eh?
- New York Cabbie: Aw, mister, come on, please, don't give me a hard time, just tell me what happened.
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: How much is on the meter?
- New York Cabbie: 37 dollars.
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: I can't afford to tell you.
- [exits the cab]
- New York Cabbie: Men.
- [shouting]
- New York Cabbie: You're all the same!
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: I see you're writing your review already.
- Theatre Critic: You recognize me?
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: No, but I know a damn critic when I see one.
- [grabs the critic's notepad]
- Theatre Critic: Hey!
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: Now you listen to me, my friend, cause I know whereof I speak. Now. I was once involved in putting on a show. George White's Scandals. The year was 1920. When Broadway was really Broadway and shows were really shows.
- Ann Penington: It's not her fault.
- [referring to "The Man I Love"]
- Ann Penington: That song's a turkey.
- George Gershwin: It's not a...
- [imitating her voice]
- George Gershwin: turkey. It's the best song I ever wrote!
- George Gershwin: Can't you at least give one of them up?
- Indiana Jones: But which one? Not Peggy... not Kate...
- George Gershwin: And not Gloria, her old man's backing the show!
- Dottie: All's fair in love and showbusiness, Indiana.
- Beatrice Kaufman: Haven't you ever noticed that Broadway is paved with blood?
- Alexander Woollcott: This is supposed to be a finale?
- Ernest Hemingway: Listen fatso, if you don't shut up...
- Alexander Woollcott: Sorry...
- Ernest Hemingway: Thank you.
- Theatre Critic: You know something? I'm going to give this show a wonderful review.
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: A wonderful review? This crap? What are you, insane?
- Theatre Critic: But, but what about all the young people?
- Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: They should be ashamed of themselves. They should quit!
- Alexander Woollcott: [passing his book around at the Round Table] Handle it reverently, and with love. For what could possibly be more rare than a Woollcott first edition?
- Indiana Jones: A Woollcott second edition?
- George White: [telling someone else to run the show] It's a piece of cake. You'll do fine. You better, because if you don't... I'll murder you.