- Charlie Marno: I know I'm a... I'm a little overweight...
- Cathy Marno: A little overweight? Yeah, and Hitler was a little anti-Semitic. And Eisenhower's a little bald. And the Pope's a little Catholic.
- Cathy Marno: Al, look at this guy who just walked in. Jesus, is he huge!
- Al: Which guy?
- Cathy Marno: Which guy? How can you miss him? He's so big he probably has his own ZIP code.
- Al: Oh, you mean the full-sized guy? Not your type, huh?
- Cathy Marno: I don't even think he's my species!
- Cathy Marno: Madame Vorma's a dumb bitch.
- Reporter: What?
- Cathy Marno: Uh, uh, it's a thrill to be rich!
- Cathy Marno: Sally, Madame Vorma was a total waste of time. She was a real quack. She went into this bizarro act and started out that Clayton was gonna fire me today. I told her that asshole's not even in town.
- Mr. Clayton: Actually, Miss Finch, "that asshole" came back unexpectedly.
- Cathy Marno: Sally, I just don't think I can go through with it.
- Sally: Why not? Madame Vorma's been right about everything else, hasn't she?
- Cathy Marno: Yeah, but this guy, he's just too grotesque to look at. Let alone do. Jeez, he'd probably smother me.
- Cathy Marno: Say, Charlie...
- Charlie Marno: What?
- Cathy Marno: Have you heard from your uncle? Y'know, the rich one, at the factory, yeah?
- Charlie Marno: Nah, why would I hear from him? He's out West, with his family.
- Cathy Marno: Family? Goddamnit, Charlie! Why didn't you tell me he had family?
- Charlie Marno: What's the big deal?
- Cathy Marno: Big deal? Are you nuts? Are you outta your fuckin' mind? You crazy? What's the big deal? It's only my goddamn fuckin' future, that's all! Shit!
- Cathy Marno: Keep your goddamn clothes! I'll never get your putrid odor out of 'em anyway! And I got plenty now, see, plenty. Plenty, plenty, plenty! I'll just buy new stuff, goodbye.
- Charlie Marno: Actually, I'm, I'm pretty light on my feet.
- Cathy Marno: Yeah? I wish you were light on my feet.
- Charlie Marno: Sorry?
- Cathy Marno: I said you're such a delight to meet.
- Cathy Marno: Madame Vorma was wrong. I got the money and you didn't. I've had my last dose of Charlie Marno! And thank god!
- Charlie Marno: What are you talking about?
- Cathy Marno: I'm talkin' about you, you creep! I don't need you anymore. I'm movin' out! No more smellin' that stinkin' sewer you call a body! I'm outta here. Thanks for 3 months of nausea.
- Charlie Marno: Look, uh, I know you don't want to go out with me. But, uh, me, see, I'm the kind of guy... I just, uh, I just don't take no for an answer.
- Cathy Marno: Then how about never. Like no way. Not for all the money in the world.
- Charlie Marno: See, the thing is, you move me baby.
- Cathy Marno: Get serious. Allied Van Lines couldn't move you.
- Cathy Marno: Who's the real guy? You gotta tell me!
- Madame Vorma: That is the real guy! He's the one you will marry, the large man, I told you. I see everything. He is the one who will inherit the fortune after you're married. But listen, I told you, shortly after you are married he will die a violent death, I told you that! But... don't worry about it, have an Animal Cracker, eat. Trotsky swears by them!
- Sally: Come on, would you cheer up? Marry the guy! I mean, didn't Vorma say it was gonna be a short marriage?
- Cathy Marno: [imitating Madame Vorma's accent] Yes, my darling. Soon he inherits the money then he dies, violently.
- Sally: Mmm... did she say how?
- Cathy Marno: She didn't say exactly.
- Sally: Maybe he's like... uh, hit by a car! Y'know, like a hit-and-run driver comes along, smashes him, spreads him all along the road?
- Cathy Marno: He is so big. I'm tellin' ya, he's huge. It would take like a... like a truck. A big ol' Mack truck just to flatten him. I got better. I can see him sittin' at a big ol' table full of food just stuffin' his big ol' fat face. And then he starts to choke on a big ol' piece of meat and then he starts gaggin' and spewin' food and his eyes start to bulge out, y'know, watering and his veins are poppin' out...
- [they both start laughing]
- Sally: Go for it, Cat. You gotta go for it!
- Charlie Marno: Cathy, I love Chinese food, except, for one thing...
- Cathy Marno: You feel like eating again 20 minutes later?
- Charlie Marno: [roars with laughter] How did you know that?
- Cathy Marno: I've spend 3 months with this slob because of you! It's insane! It's crazy! He's never gonna inherit any money! He's just a fat, penniless pig and that's all he'll ever be!
- Madame Vorma: So... the honeymoon is over?
- Cathy Marno: You don't get it, do you? Look, I'm through with the both of you! I mean, I'm not wasting any more of my time or my money, I'm finished, done, it's over! You're just... you're just a jerk! A phony! Stupid! Y'know what, it's garbage, just garbage!
- Crypt Keeper: Poor Cathy... she did buy the big one... and that Charlie, what a cut-up. Still, he wasn't sad in the end. You see, when Charlie got his just desserts, he requested seconds! And now, I predict the future... next week, you'll be at the same time, same place, same station, for another hideous, hateful hall of horror.
- Crypt Keeper: I look into the future, my darlings... and for you, I see something... grotesque. It will sicken and disgust you! It's me!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Crypt Keeper: Tonight's tale is a sickening stab at suspense, about a gold digger who wanted big bucks to buy baubles and bangles. Look out, Cathy! I see you might just buy the big one!