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"Cracker" To Be a Somebody: Part 1 (TV Episode 1994) Poster

(TV Series)

(1994)

Quotes

Fitz: Albie's law: the penalty for assumin' things is DEATH!

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[His final words before dying]

DCI David Bilborough: This is evidence... this is a dying man's statement. I know what a defence lawyer will try to do. I'm of sound mine. I'm frightened, yeah, I don't want to die. I'm frightened, but I'm thinking straight. He had a photocopy of Nolan pinned to the wall. He fully intended to kill me. He stabbed me in cold blood. Are you listening, Jimmy? I want you to get this bastard, Jimmy, OK? For me and Catriona... get the bastard! Catriona... oh, God, Catriona... what will I tell her?

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1st Skinhead: You looking for a broken nose, pal?

Fitz: Yeah! You know someone who could do it, PAL?

[Cut to Fitz nursing a bloody nose in the mirror]

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Albie Kinsella: You see, people need to believe. People need to congregate but there's nothing left to believe in, nothing left to congregate for, only football. And they know that...

Fitz: Who's 'they'?

Albie Kinsella: The bizzies. The politicians. We go to the match. They march us along. They slam us against walls, they treat us like scum. We look for help. We're Socialists, were trade unionists and we look to the Labour Party for help. But we're not queers, we're not black, we're not Paki. There's no brownie points for speaking up for us so the Labour Party turns its back. We're not getting treated like scum any more. We're getting treated like wild animals. And, yeah, one or two of us start acting like wild animals and the cages go up and ninety-six people die. The bizzies, the bourgeois lefties... they caused Hillsborough. And they're going to pay.

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DCI David Bilborough: Is there anything you need, Fitz?

Fitz: Yes. A promise. We seek truth and justice, not a result. Good old-fashioned British justice where a man is innocent until proven Irish.

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[Fitz and Albie meet, face to face, for the first time]

Albie Kinsella: Who are you?

Fitz: My name's Fitz. I'm a psychologist.

[Albie scoffs]

Fitz: You don't need a psychologist?

Albie Kinsella: Nope.

Fitz: Killing people's normal?

Albie Kinsella: [pause] So what's normal?

Fitz: [Sitting down] Putting yourself at risk, now that's definitely abnormal. You're Britain's most wanted and you turn up at a football game. Coppers everywhere. Why?

Albie Kinsella: Because I had a ticket.

Fitz: [laughs] That's good. "Because I had a ticket." You'll go down in folklore. In fifty years time. Not now. Not while the widows and children are still crying.

Albie Kinsella: [Continuously] Come on, you Reds!

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Fitz: Peter Sutcliffe gets letters from women. Lots of women. He sends them signed photographs with little kisses on the bottom. He's a somebody.

Albie Kinsella: Don't.

Fitz: Don't compare you with him?

Albie Kinsella: Yeah.

Fitz: Why not? You want to be a somebody, Albie, don't you? There's two ways to do it. You can either achieve something, which requires hard work and stamina, and you don't have any. You've never achieved anything.

Albie Kinsella: You talk crap!

Fitz: Or there's the other route. The easy route. You kill, you destroy. You're doing this for yourself, Albie! Nobody else! No altruistic motive! No mission!

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Fitz: [to Albie] The good news: the bomb went off. The bad news: no one got hurt.

[Long pause. Albie suddenly flies into a rage and tries to attack Fitz, who pins him against the wall]

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Penhaligon: What happened to your nose?

Fitz: Skinhead gave me a piece of his mind.

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Fitz: [to Panhandle] Do you know what a normal psychologist will say? Possibly, he'll say that the killer is white, unskilled, a fascist, a football supporter and who lives local. Then, you will realise he's a prick!

[Later, at Shahid Ali's murder scene]

Professor Nolan: Doesn't appear that anything's been stolen. I guess you were right to consider a racist motive. It's a classic disorganised murder. And I suppose he's white, unskilled, possibly part of a far-right extremist group...

Penhaligon: ...a football supporter and he lives local.

Professor Nolan: [Smiling, as if surprised] Yes.

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[to Shahid Ali]

Albie Kinsella: I call you a robbing bastard and what happens? You get the Queen's award to industry 'cuz this country's full of robbing bastards! But I call you a robbing PAKI bastard! That's really gonna hurt, isn't it? That's a bit of a weapon I've got. That's the ONLY weapon I've got.

[Albie draws a bayonet]

Albie Kinsella: Unless you count THIS one. D'you see this one? You see it?

[he stabs Ali, killing him]

Albie Kinsella: Get the point, eh? D'you get the point?

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[Examining Shahid Ali's body]

DCI David Bilborough: What do you think?

Pathologist: I think he's dead.

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[Fitz is in hospital after drinking too much]

Doctor: How much do you drink?

Fitz: 5, maybe 6, a week

Doctor: Pints?

Fitz: Bottles.

Doctor: Of beer?

Fitz: Of whisky.

Doctor: And do you smoke?

Fitz: 50, 60.

Doctor: Please say in a week.

Judith Fitzgerald: A day.

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Judith Fitzgerald: You're in a casino

Fitz: Pure accident, I thought it was a theme park

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Fitz: Are you racist, Panhandle?

Penhaligon: No.

Fitz: You're lying.

Penhaligon: I'm not. I despise all things Scottish, of course, but there's a reason for that.

Fitz: Your language is white, your culture is white, job's white, and it's got no effect on you whatsoever. You're totally impervious to all that, is that what you're saying, Panhandle?

Penhaligon: Yes.

Fitz: You're lying.

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Fitz: Albie's law: the penalty for assuming things is death.

Albie Kinsella: That depends on what you assume!

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Albie Kinsella: [to Fitz] That smile's gonna be wiped off your face, you smug, arrogant bastard!

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Albie Kinsella: [returns to the shop as a skinhead] Remember me, eh? D'ya remember me, you robbing Paki bastard?

Shahid Ali: No.

Albie Kinsella: [walks up to the counter and places 4p on it] Here's your 4p, right? Remember me NOW, eh?

Shahid Ali: [surprised] Yes.

Albie Kinsella: Treat people like scum, they start ACTING like scum, you know what I mean? You know what I mean, ya robbing Paki bastard?

Shahid Ali: Please don't call me Paki.

Albie Kinsella: I'm a Socialist, me, pal. Trade Unionist. Voted labour all me bleedin' life. I've MARCHED for the likes of you. But you just see me in me clubber. Ya hear the accent and you assume things. You assume the right to treat me like scum. Well, OK, ya robbing Paki bastard, you treated me like scum, now I'm ACTING like scum!

Shahid Ali: Please don't call me Paki.

Albie Kinsella: Now I'm ACTING like scum!

Shahid Ali: Criticise me for what I do, but not what I am.

Albie Kinsella: I'll call you what I like! I haven't come here to listen to you, pal. I earn my poverty, you know what I mean?

Shahid Ali: If you think I'm robbing you, fine. Consign me for that, but don't call me Paki.

Albie Kinsella: I work hard for my pittance, and you think you can rip me off? No! You're a ROBBING - PAKI - BASTARD!

Shahid Ali: Get out of my shop!

[walks up to Albie]

Albie Kinsella: I call you a robbing bastard, and what happens? You get the Queen's award to industry cuz this country's full of robbin' bastards! But I call you a robbing PAKI bastard. That's really gonna hurt, isn't it. That's a bit of a weapon I've got. That's the ONLY weapon I've got... unless you count THIS one.

[Gets a bayonet out]

Albie Kinsella: You see this one? Ya see it?

[Stabs Ali in the stomach, and Ali groans]

Albie Kinsella: Get the point, eh? D'ya get the point?

[Ali falls to the floor, dead]

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Albie Kinsella: [Walks up to Ali with his items] A Guardian, and a packet of those teabags.

[Pointing to a shelf behind Ali]

Shahid Ali: [Giving Albie the teabags and pressing buttons on the till] Two pounds, four pence, please.

Albie Kinsella: I'll have to owe you the 4p.

[Gives Ali two pounds and takes the items]

Shahid Ali: [Shaking his head] Sorry.

Albie Kinsella: I'll pass it in tonight on me way to work.

Shahid Ali: Sorry.

Albie Kinsella: [Annoyed] This comes to one pound, ninety-eight in Scots.

Shahid Ali: Then go to Scots.

Albie Kinsella: He's shut.

Shahid Ali: [Smiling triumphantly] Exactly.

Albie Kinsella: [Even more annoyed] I'll be back with your 4p, right?

[Slams the items onto the counter and leaves]

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Fitz: You know what I think? Your Dad dies, and something inside you snaps. You kill a Pakistani shopkeeper, but you have to rationalise it. You apply some twisted logic and try to tie it in with Hillsborough. But you have to stick to that logic. You have to go on killing, otherwise that first murder means nothing. Just another stupid racist killing.

Albie Kinsella: I'm not racist.

Fitz: [Standing up] Your cat had kittens.

Albie Kinsella: Yeah?

Fitz: Why didn't you drown them? You can kill human beings, why not kill a few kittens?

Albie Kinsella: They hadn't done me any harm.

Fitz: Neither had Shahid Ali.

Albie Kinsella: He was robbing me.

Fitz: Neither had the psychologist.

Albie Kinsella: He assumed things.

Fitz: Albie's law: the penalty for assuming things is death!

Albie Kinsella: That depends on what you assume! People assuming things led to Hillsborough, so it depends on what you assume! Right?

Fitz: Explain.

Albie Kinsella: I shouldn't need to explain. A smart-ass like you ought to know.

Fitz: You couldn't kill a few little fluffy kittens.

[sarcastically]

Fitz: Ah! What does that prove? That deep down you're a good man? We'll dig deep and find sensitivity? No! Dig deep and we'll find *sentimentality*! Found it in every bloody killer I've ever met! Sickening sentimentality!

Albie Kinsella: [long pause] He's buried on my father's allotment.

[Wise leaves for the allotment]

Albie Kinsella: And mind his runner beans when you're diggin'!

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Fitz: You're Britain's most wanted and you turn up at a football game. Coppers everywhere. Why?

Albie Kinsella: Because I had a ticket.

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Albie Kinsella: L-I-V, E-R-P, double-O, L, Liverpool, F.C.!

Fitz: Celtiiiccc!

Albie Kinsella: L-I-V, E-R-P, double-O, L, Liverpool, F.C.!

Fitz: Celtiiiccc!

Albie Kinsella: L-I-V, E-R-P, double-O, L, Liverpool, F.C.!

Fitz: Celtiiiccc!

[Albie finally stops]

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Fitz: Can I come in?

Penhaligon: I'd let in Oliver Reed before you, Fitz!

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Judith Fitzgerald: [Noticing Fitz is drinking] Whiskey?

Fitz: Yeah.

Judith Fitzgerald: [Sarcastically] Are you starting early or finishing late?

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Fitz: What's a scotch?

Bartender: [Sarcastically] It's a well-known alcoholic drink.

Fitz: Don't give up your day job.

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Penhaligon: Can you think of anyone who would want to kill your father?

Razia Ali: [Bitterly] Several million - all of them white!

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Fitz: [to his daughter Katie in bed] When I was your age I'd get depressed. I'd think I didn't ask to be born, but now that I am born, I'm going to die - that's not really fair. Does someone else think like that?

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Penhaligon: [to Fitz] You're an emotional bloody rapist.

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Penhaligon: He's not a serial killer.

Clare Moody: What?

Penhaligon: He's got to kill five times before he's classified as a serial killer.

Clare Moody: [Sarcastically] Why don't you make us all a cup of tea?

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Jill Kinsella: [Noticing his shaved head] Your head?

Albie Kinsella: It makes me look like I feel.

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Fitz: Do you think you're intelligent, Albie? I asked because you look so think, and act thick. I mean, murdering a Pakistani shopkeeper, that is thick.

Albie Kinsella: You've never lived on social security, walked into a Paki shop and been robbed! Try that and then come up with this kind of crap!

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DS Jimmy Beck: [Beck is being reprimanded for beating Albie up in a vengeful rage] He resisted! Look closely and you might find some cuts and bruises!

DCI Charlie Wise: You always were an ugly bastard, though, weren't ya.

[Beck grimaces]

DCI Charlie Wise: Do you want this guy to get life?

DS Jimmy Beck: I want him hung!

DCI Charlie Wise: He shows up black and blue, he wins the sympathy of the court! It affects our chances!

DS Jimmy Beck: Have you told Catriona?

DCI Charlie Wise: Who's Catriona?

DS Jimmy Beck: The boss's wife. David Bilborough's widow. I think it'd be a good idea to tell her we've caught the bastard.

DCI Charlie Wise: Phone her.

[Beck reaches for the phone]

DCI Charlie Wise: Not yet! There's a community relations course next week. You'll be on it! When that course is over, I'll find you another! You're going on more courses than Lester bloody Piggot! And when this case is over, and you've learned your lesson, you can come back to this nick! Now get out!

[Beck angrily leaves the room]

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DCI Charlie Wise: [Seeing Albie, bruised and beaten by Jimmy Beck, lying down naked in his prison cell] You wanted me?

Albie Kinsella: I want a photograph taken. I want people to know what he did to me.

DCI Charlie Wise: Put your clothes on, son. You'll catch a chill.

Albie Kinsella: I'll put my clothes on when I've had a photograph taken. I know my rights.

DCI Charlie Wise: You've killed three people, son. One a DCI from this nick. Now you put your clothes on, or I'll rip your dick off! Right?

[Heads for the door]

Albie Kinsella: Four.

DCI Charlie Wise: Come again?

Albie Kinsella: [Holding four fingers up] I've killed four people.

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Fitz: Someone goes into the store, buys a copy of the Guardian and a packet of teabags, and walks out without them. Why? A trauma. An argument.

DS Jimmy Beck: Bollocks.

DCI David Bilborough: We're looking for a skinhead.

Fitz: Whoever bought those items has not come forward.

DCI David Bilborough: That row was witnessed. He was an ordinary bloke, ordinary clothes, ordinary haircut. He's got nothing to do with the killing.

DS Jimmy Beck: Bollocks.

DCI David Bilborough: Jimmy, will you shut up?

DS Jimmy Beck: It's a load of bollocks!

Fitz: The shopkeeper didn't pick up the 4p. Why? Because he was dead.

DCI David Bilborough: He probably had a bad back! Fitz, we've got a description of the killer! He was a bloody skinhead, for God's sake, a bloody skinhead.

Fitz: There's a row. He goes home, broods a bit, shaves his head, comes back, throws the four pence at him, and stabs him, right?

DS Jimmy Beck: Bollocks!

Fitz: [to Beck] You need a Thesaurus.

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[Fitz is paying for a mountain of groseries in the eight items queue]

Irate Customer: Uh, eight items.

Fitz: I've got eight items!

Irate Customer: No, you haven't.

Fitz: Three bottles of whiskey constitute one item.

Irate Customer: THREE items.

Fitz: ONE item! Two loaves of bread constitute one item. Two dozen eggs constitute one item.

Irate Customer: Two and two!

Fitz: Six frozen lasagnes constitute one item.

Irate Customer: Six!

Fitz: Four cornish pasties constitute one item.

Irate Customer: [to the cashier] Could you call the supervisor, please?

Fitz: And three steak and kidney bastard pies also constitute one bloody item!

[the alarm goes off]

Fitz: Oh, God's sake!

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DCI David Bilborough: Just answer the bloody question, Jimmy. Did you talk to that bloody woman or not?

DS Jimmy Beck: I will not answer that question!

DCI David Bilborough: Did you talk to that woman? Yes or No?

DS Jimmy Beck: For Christ's Sake, what do you think I am? I've been doing this job for the past 15 years, and you can ask me a question like that? What does that show, eh?

DCI David Bilborough: I haven't got time to argue with you, Jimmy! Did you talk to that bloody woman?

DS Jimmy Beck: That shows it! You've got no faith in me whatsoever! God's sake, FIFTEEN years!

DCI David Bilborough: Somebody did! Somebody talked to her, now was it you?

DS Jimmy Beck: No!

DCI David Bilborough: Thank you!

DS Jimmy Beck: But it crossed your mind! That's the point! It crossed your mind that I might have been the one!

DCI David Bilborough: A process of elimination, Jimmy! You're eliminated! Send Harriman in!

DS Jimmy Beck: How do you think that makes me feel?

DCI David Bilborough: I get the picture. You're feeling a bit angry, right? OK, fine, noted. Send Harriman in.

DS Jimmy Beck: You're treating me like some bloody prick fresh from training, just wet behind the bloody ears.

DCI David Bilborough: SEND HARRIMAN IN!

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Albie Kinsella: [to Professor Nolan] I was gonna kill a Sun reporter. I AM gonna kill a Sun reporter, but meanwhile, you'll do.

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Albie Kinsella: I haven't had me head shaven.

DS Jimmy Beck: Well you're in for a real shock when you look in the mirror.

Albie Kinsella: [Dryly] It fell out.

[Jimmy looks surprised]

Albie Kinsella: [Voice faltering] I've got cancer. I'm on chemotherapy.

[Showing him some hospital papers]

Albie Kinsella: I'm an out patient at Stonefield.

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Fitz: We're looking for a Liverpool supporter, who's recently shaved his head. He lives alone, separated from his wife and child, maybe children. He's got to kill 96 people in revenge for Hillsborough, and if there's any justice in this world, most of them will be coppers.

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Albie Kinsella: God, you'll use anything! Even the death of your own father to prove how smart you are!

Fitz: Don't lecture me in morality!

Albie Kinsella: Is it her?

[Motioning towards Panhandle]

Albie Kinsella: Eh? Is it her you're trying to impress?

Fitz: You're a bloody killer! Don't lecture me in morality!

Albie Kinsella: You've never felt anything in your life! Have ya?

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[Discussing Albie's possible connection to Shahid Ali]

Penhaligon: He's on the right bus route.

DS Jimmy Beck: He's been off sick for months. He's got cancer.

Penhaligon: Did you check?

DS Jimmy Beck: Yes.

Penhaligon: With the employer?

DS Jimmy Beck: He showed me the letters from the hospital. Don't teach your grandmother how to suck eggs.

[Penhaligon picks the telephone up]

DS Jimmy Beck: He's got a cat and kittens, for God's sake. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

[Later, on the phone with Albie's employer]

Penhaligon: You're sure? Thank you.

[Hangs up]

Penhaligon: He hasn't missed work for the past two years.

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Razia Ali: We've been attacked dozens of times by skinheads, you've never lifted a finger. Once our people attack them, you swamp the area with police.

Penhaligon: For your own protection.

Razia Ali: I don't believe you!

[Razia and her mother briefly converse in Urdu]

Penhaligon: Your mother wants you to help us.

Razia Ali: You speak Urdu?

Penhaligon: No.

Razia Ali: [to Fitz] You?

Fitz: No.

Razia Ali: She wants me to throw you out.

Fitz: You're lying.

Razia Ali: I'd like you to go, please.

Fitz: I understand why you're lying.

Razia Ali: I'd like you to go, please.

Fitz: I understand your anger and your grief.

Razia Ali: I'd like you to go, please!

Fitz: Shall I tell you a secret?

Razia Ali: I'd prefer you to leave.

Fitz: I'm a racist.

Razia Ali: [Sarcastically] Pause for effect?

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[Clare Moody has just printed a half-fabricated article about Shahid Ali's murder]

DCI David Bilborough: A Pakistani's killed in a racially sensitive area and you print a story like this?

Clare Moody: It's the truth.

DCI David Bilborough: And that makes everything OK?

Clare Moody: Yes.

DCI David Bilborough: No! Who gave you this information.

Clare Moody: I can't tell you.

DCI David Bilborough: Don't hide behind journalistic integrity: you've got none. Who gave you this information?

Clare Moody: I can't tell you.

DCI David Bilborough: It wasn't the bloke who found the body: I've just been to see him.

Clare Moody: No.

DCI David Bilborough: Was it one of my officers?

[Moody doesn't answer]

DCI David Bilborough: If you don't tell me, I'll have you arrested. Was it one of my officers?

Clare Moody: Yes.

DCI David Bilborough: Which one?

Clare Moody: I'm not telling you.

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DCI David Bilborough: [Panhandle is refusing to contact Fitz after Nolan's murder] Are you embarrased?

Penhaligon: Yes.

DCI David Bilborough: What's embarrassment compared to the grief that two families are suffering?

Penhaligon: That's not fair!

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Fitz: All white people are inherently racist, yes?

Razia Ali: Yes. Am I supposed to be impressed?

Fitz: You're supposed to say, "I'll help you catch the man who killed my father".

Razia Ali: We'll catch him! We'll get justice for my father!

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[At the crime scene of Shahid Ali]

DCI David Bilborough: Did he say anything?

Gregson: He was dead.

DCI David Bilborough: No. The skinhead.

Gregson: No.

DCI David Bilborough: Would you recognize him if you saw him again?

Gregson: [Shrugging] He was a skinhead, you know what I mean? They all look alike.

DCI David Bilborough: Have you mentioned this to anyone else?

Gregson: Just the police.

DCI David Bilborough: I'd like to keep it that way, OK? Just between us.

Gregson: Sure.

DS Jimmy Beck: Keep it under your hat.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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