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A movie never meant to be taken seriously, but oh so enjoyable if you've a mind to. I mean, come on, GOLDBERG is SANTA!!! I f you're looking for a friendly, family-oriented Christmas movie, do NOT watch this. A carnage filled Christmas delight, though mostly oriented towards the "guy" movie type. Goldberg has some great one liners and I have to say that I look forward to seeing him in other films because of this one. An actor or a film that doesn't take itself too seriously is what we need more of these days. People take themselves too seriously. And apparently this is too short to post. Death. Mayhem. Santa. Satan's offspring.
Santa's Slay is a horror/holiday movie. I do not think I have heard of
a horror movie starring Santa Claus and, while it is not necessarily a
bad idea, there is a reason it is straight-to-video. With that in mind,
this was better than I would have thought.
It seems as if Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) is actually a demon who lost a bet to an angel. Because of the bet, Santa now had to be nice and deliver gifts to the children of the world for 1000 years. It turns out that last year was year one thousand and now Santa is pretty upset and taking it out on innocent families.
Nicholas (Douglas Smith) is a teenager who has taken after his grandfather and is not particularly fond of the Christmas holidays. Soon, it is revealed to Nicholas how Santa came about by his grandfather. Since Santa has, for some reason, targeted Nicholas, he and his girlfriend, Mary (Emilie de Ravin), take it upon themselves to destroy the Christmas demon.
Goldberg was a unique choice to play Santa Claus. He is not exactly what I would expect in a Santa Claus but it turns out to be a great decision. Turns out Santa is buff and resembles a biker. Also, his "reindeer" is played by a buffalo and looks pretty bad ass. It matches Goldberg perfectly.
Some of the special effects were pretty cool and just as many were pretty hokey. I wish directors would not even consider the blue/green screen as an option if you plan on making a decent movie.
Basically, you already know if this is the type of movie for you. If you liked movies such as Uncle Sam, Frost or any other B-Movie that is similarly cheesy, then you will most likely enjoy Santa's Slay, too. If you are the type of person that finds faults in any movie and are hard to please, then skip it. It won't be worth your time. 6.5/10
It must be hard being a popular wrestler. People pay money to see you,
to cheer for you, to buy your merchandise, and generally to make you
feel like more then the average man. It makes you think that if they
were willing to do all that, they'd be willing to follow you if you
attempt other projects as well.
And they do. But mainly to make fun of it.
Then again, it seems like wrestlers are united in their substandard film choices. Hulk Hogan's, whose wrestling stardom was heavily influenced by his guest appearance in Rocky III, movie career reads like a "What Not To Do When Picking A Script". Steve Austin, Triple H, and Adam Copeland (Edge) won't exactly be remembered for their marks in Hollywood either (Only the future will tell if The Rock breaks the mold or follows in their footsteps). And then along comes a film like this, starring former WCW dynamo Bill Goldberg.
Surprisingly, it's not all bad.
True, one shouldn't go into the film expecting a fully sensible plot, or a masterwork of acting, or extremely convincing special effects (look out for the prone motionless 'hell-deer!'). However, the film does contain a few likable characters, some decent puns in the Christmas vein (along with some excruciating ones), and half the time, Goldberg actually manages to make the concept of Santa really being an evil entity comes off as credible. And of course, any film that presents the credit sequence as a naughty and nice list can't be all bad.
In the end, it's not Santa With Muscles.
And that's really saying something.
One of the greatest Christmas movies EVER! Up there with Scrooged and
Die Hard. I rented this film with my buddies on a lark. We were
expecting to laugh at how bad it was but we were amazed to find that we
were actually laughing at all the right parts. Actually we were
laughing the entire way through. We kept having to ask each other what
that last line of dialog was because we missed it. Great gags, some
fantastic cameos, and a Jewish wrestler playing Santa Claus.
I'd only hold two things against it, those being: (1) the lead actor (Douglas Smith) - he was a little weak and (2)the CG could've benefited from some more expense. Otherwise this is a brilliant film. Santa's Slay is the first film to honor the truly great sport of curling. A flying bison, Goldberg, strippers, and Caulk jokes. Plus swearing children and swearing old ladies. A new holiday tradition.
It turns out there were 2 Immaculate Conceptions: One was Jesus and one
was Santa Claus. One day, Santa loses a bet with an angel and must play
nice for 1000 years (this part was told in stop motion animation).
Well, his punishment is up and he's here to wreck havoc. Only an old
inventor, his grandson "Nicholas Yuleson", and girlfriend "Mary"
(played by Emilie de Ravin) can stop him.
This film takes a fun look at the Holidays with the blackest of black humor. It opens with Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, Fran Drescher, and James Caan getting slaughtered by Santa. There are countless of other cameos strewn throughout the movie. Oh, and did I mention that WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg is playing Santa and doing his own stunts? And that Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 1-3, X-Men 3) produced this?
There is much fun to be had here such as Santa beating up Christmas Carolers, kids running from Santa on snow mobiles, and a Jew holding up the Star of David to Santa (similar to a cross to a Vampire) in hopes his faith would save him. You will see a candy cane in the eye, a Christmas star in the back, Santa's sleigh getting valet parking, and some Ho-Ho-Hoes in stripper attire.
The production values were very high and it looks as though it was shot on 35mm. They had great props like a Santa's Slay driven by a yak/ buffalo (?). The sound varied a bit during dialogue-heavy and action-heavy scenes, which caused me to raise and then lower the volume a few times.
I only have two minor gripes. While there is a high body count, they skimp on the gore. The film overall is more comedic than scary, so Gorehounds will not be as amused.
Another thing was girlfriend Mary's personality inconsistencies. (Yes, I pay attention to character development even in horror films). They show her as a strong woman driving a big truck, shooting guns, and putting her boyfriend's hands on her breasts. But once Santa arrives, she can only whine about how scared she is. She even pulls out the Stupid Card by stopping dead in her tracks while in the middle of a getaway to talk to her boyfriend about her feelings.
Favorite Quote: A few good ones, but my favorite was when Nicholas shines a flashlight in Santa's eyes temporarily blinding him and Santa yells, "I'm Santa Claus, not f*cking Dracula!"
DVD Extras: Scene Selection, Audio Set Up, Deleted Scenes, Casting, "Taking the Reins" (Steiman's First Film), 2 Easter Eggs (one features 6 trailers), and of course Commentary with the Director and Producer. This explained how Goldberg met his wife. She was a stunt double for the trapeze stripper in pasties whose crotch his face was buried in for 4 days. Duh. How else would they have fallen in love?
Bottom Line: Good for some laughs, but minimal gores/sex. Best viewing with friends and beer.
Molly Celaschi www.HorrorYearbook.com MySpace.com/HorrorYearbook
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
A VERY cheesy movie with a lame plot to be fair. But it is as much Comedy as Horror. The comedy is in the comical and inventive ways people are mashed about and the barely contained groans you let out each time a new "plot" twist is revealed. I recommend this movie for either Halloween or Christmas parties, with a few friends, a few drinks and maybe a card or board game. Very enjoyable and something you don't see a lot of anymore. It contains a lot of B actors getting mashed (the opening scene.. spoiler: has Fran Drescher and Jimmy Fallon getting brutally murdered in a scene that makes my inner soul smile), The stereotypical lecherous preacher is played well by Dave Thomas (Grace Under fire, Rat Race, etc) and Goldberg as the Anti-Christ Viking Hellgod spouting Christmas carols makes me laugh. The scene explaining his origins was also hilarious and was brilliantly done in the wooden stop motion style of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".
I was confused when I saw this movie. Santa (Bill Goldberg) is the
son-of-Satan and is out to scare children after a thousand years of
imprisonment. he is killing for no other reason then to kill. Standing
in his way is the man who imprisoned him to serve the children, Grandpa
(Robert Culp) and his grandson Nicholas (Douglas Smith).
For some odd reason, Santa finds the oddest way of killing people: lighting people on fire with coal, choking them with a wreath, or just running them over with his reindeer. For two hours or so we watch two stupid teenagers run around and hide, finally leading to a rocket launcher blowing up a reindeer.
In the end I was just like WTF. I was confused, lost, and a little humored by the movie. The fight scenes with Goldberg are pretty cool and sometimes he does act well. In the end, the film doesn't make any sense, it's stupid, but it's pretty funny when you don't care what you're watching. Seeing Goldberg actually try to act is hilarious but some of his lines did make me laugh and in the end did give a convincing performance. The best was the giant reindeer. that pulled his sled.
If you watch it, don't expect a masterpiece, actually don't expect much at all. Just watch it for the action, not the story.
Santa's Slay. Starring: Robert Culp, bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, and Emilie de Ravin.
2 1/2 out of 5 Stars.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
While far from the greatest comedy ever made, it is definitely not the
worst(see Freddy Got Fingered). At times the film is quite campy and
the storyline is completely absurd, but that's the whole point. You're
not supposed to care about how lame the story is, you just wanna see
Santa kill people in various ways, which he does.
I especially enjoy the opening scene where Santa barges through the fireplace and proceeds to kill Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan and their friends. Now tell me YOU didn't wanna see someone kill Fran Drescher or Chris Kattan, especially after Beautician and the Beast and Corky Romano, ugh. By the way, I selected the spoiler warning just in case giving away the very beginning counted as a spoiler.
Anyway, I would definitely suggest watching this, just not on Spike TV where they'll lengthen a 90 minute movie into 2 and a half hours because of some irrelevant intermissions and unholy amount of commercials.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Based on the title alone, I wasn't expecting Miracle on 34th Street.
And even though I've seen a multitude of holiday themed movies, you
don't often associate yuletide cinema with dark humor.. but here it
was, a portrayal of Santa Claus that is about as dark and on par with
David Sedaris and his story of "Six to Eight Black Men" where Santa is
a former Bishop of Turkey, and travels not with reindeer, but rather,
with an entourage that is ready to kick those who are naughty. But
enough about Mr. Sedaris..
This is the first time I've seen Goldberg on any screen, and I thought he was fitting for the role. I enjoyed the more recognizable actors making their appearances just to die off, which is somewhat akin to George Clooney playing the voice of a dog in South Park.
To keep it short and sweet, this was a fun movie with a unique take on Santa. I look forward to seeing more from Goldberg (gritty action movies, perhaps?). I also look forward to more from David Steiman (writer/director). Because I saw this as a genuine attempt/success of creating a new sub-genre, and unique approach to make a dark comedy on happy holiday icons, I give this movie a 8 out of 10.
This movie is definitely up there for being one of the best cheesy movies ever. Seriously anyone who gave a bad comment about this movie is retarded. Obviously the dialogue and acting is going to be bad. It's not supposed to be a good quality horror movie. They were obviously trying to make it cheesy just like Batman starring Adam West. This movie was probably never meant to be taken seriously and anyone who watches it and says "Wow that was a bad movie" needs to give their head a shake. If you were looking for a good quality Christmas movie why would you watch a movie called Santa's Slay, starring Bill Goldberg. This movie is a must-see for anyone who wants a laugh. Anyone who watches this movie and expects it to be serious is seriously retarded.
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