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|Index||343 reviews in total|
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I was created, yet I am nothing.
I tell a story, yet I have no substance, continuity or suspense.
Within my domain even sounds are visual.
'What am I?'
'Tramsforter 2,' chirps the annoyingly quirky kid.
'Bingo! You lose!'
I'll start by saying it's a good thing driver doesn't appear anywhere in the title, because driving is only a third of what Frank Martin does. He's a pilot who doesn't need an aeroplane. He's an acrobat in a graviton suit. He's a martial artist with an overactive imagination. He's even a driver in a vehicle without wheels.
Starting to sound like an entertaining B Movie, right? Well, no. You won't find any 'I tried my best, but I guess I just suck' here. It's like someone hand picked the members of Team Fail. A Cinematographer trying to emulate Technicolour; a minimalist special effects troupe, led by an eccentric who never considered life outside his bouncy castle; a truant script girl; a plot jerked along by a piece of toilet paper, snared to King Kong's shoe; and an overactive product placement supervisor.
So what is the story? A well-manicured, ugly South American is hired by some of his countrymen, who are outraged that the Law is eating into their profits. They hatch a brilliant plan involving a Soviet expatriate Biochemist, a green biological warfare agent, a purple antidote, a mercenary, a gun toting lingerie model and the ruling body of the Drug Enforcement Administration. So some bureaucrat gets his coffee poisoned? No. The public are poisoned and the DEA is held to ransom, while a mother-load of cocaine is pushed over the border? Nope.
It's hard to tell if the plot is supposed to remain a mystery until half-way, or if it's just delivered poorly, so I'll reveal it carefully, without any pointers as to the obvious outcome.
POSSIBLE SPOILER POSSIBLE SPOILER POSSIBLE SPOILER POSSIBLE SPOILER
The son of a DEA big shot is kidnapped against the best efforts of his school-run driver Mr. Martin, infected with a virus and then bizarrely returned without any of the millions of ransom money being taken. The kid infects his father, mother, driver and half the Miami police department with this highly contagious airborne pathogen. The ugly South American transfuses himself in about ten minutes with what appears to be the only half litre of antidote in existence and tries really hard not to go to the bathroom.
Seems to me an extremely convoluted delivery method and a ridiculous insurance policy, but then I'm not a French screenwriter.
I'd advise everyone to avoid this and watch the original instead. To those people who are now chanting, "Suspend your belief," I say, okay, I've got a great investment opportunity for you. You give me your cake, I'll eat it, and then all you have to do is give it time to mature. Trust me. It's going to pay off!
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Crappy plot - bad guys and a bad virus; bad CGI, I mean really bad; bad
acting - I've built tree houses out of 2 x 4s less wooden than some of
I like good action movies but they have to at least pretend not to insult my intelligence. This movie makes Gilligans Island look like Masterpiece Theater.
Item 1 - Jason Statham dives out of a 2 or 3 story building, landing on the top of a car with enough force to crumple in the roof. He rolls off like he's getting out of bed in the morning. I thought Michael Douglas getting hit by a car and not getting scratched in Basic Instinct was the worst non-injury scene ever but this one topped it.
Item 2 - He drives a car through a railing in a parking garage, across a street and fits perfectly into another parking garage. The physics are ridiculous. The motorcycle jump into the pool of True Lies was just as impossible but at least in that one the driver could see where he was going.
Item 3 - He goes from a car into the wheel well of an airplane as its taking off and then just pops up into a closet. This was unbelievable in so many ways my mind went numb.
Item 4 - The plane goes into a stall and begins a free fall to the ocean. Jason Statham and the bad guy fight like they are standing on the 50 yard line of the Rose Bowl instead of, oh I don't know, being affected by the law of gravity.
And don't get me started about the fight scenes. He takes on 10 bad guys at once, all of whom are nice to attack him one at a time. When he doesn't have a gun, hey, what do you know, neither do the bad guys. And when they have a gun, they don't shoot him.
Katie Nauta plays a bad villianess. I mean, her character is not only bad, she really is a bad actress. And the evil mastermind is even worse.
Never do you think Frank is in real trouble and that it won't end on a happy note. Most sequels are not as good as the original but this one makes Caddyshack II look as good as the original Caddyshack.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Aside from a very predictable story there were the car stunts.
I was very disappointed in this movie; I liked the original Transporter even though it took a lot of liberty with the driving effects. This took the facts of what a car can do and threw them out the window.
Not to mention what they did with the jet ski.
Oh my god, do people REALLY believe these things are possible?? Like you can jump a car flip, it upside down, and strip a bomb off then land on all four wheels and drive away. WTF???
Or crash through the safety wall of a parking ramp and land safely in the building under construction across the street?? How would you get down to ground floor, take the elevator?
More mindless car stunts to sell a week stupid script. Here's a clue, if you jump a car you need a take off ramp and once the car lands you need a flat bed tow truck to haul the wreck away.
this film is tripe, the plot is contrives the action is just idiotic.
I loved the first movie. But this is crackers. I cant say i've ever seen an action movie that ever expected you to be a moron. Until now. you have to be a total idiot to take anything seriously. without spoilers. this film just sucks' there's about 300 completely impossible things in this movie. i mean stupidly impossible not just effects.
all i can do to get to 10 lines is say.
this movie is real crap, i mean cruddy , useless , daft, pointless, silly, dopey,
more lines needed, this film sucks ass its bad real bad
if yr on drugs. it might be a watch. if your at all normal.
is that 10 lines yet
1 out of 10
I don't normally write these kind of comments, but felt compelled to
review what I consider to be possibly the worst movie I've ever seen.
Don't get me wrong- I LOVE this genre. When I had completed construction of my drastically overhauled 5.1 channel surround sound home theatre system, I wanted a movie containing tons of great noises- explosions, gunfire, fighting, cars, etc... what can I say, I'm a simple guy with simple tastes. So my buddies and I chose this. What a mistake. Now, I can put up with a lot of poetic license. But this movie really was beyond the pale. I don't know who the woman was who played the blonde femme-fatale (and I really don't care)but she was completely miscast. Utterly unbelievable in this role, I doubt she'd be believable in ANY role. I can't begin to list how many times I just plain got angry at this movie- the bullets from a sub-machine gun failing to penetrate a cheap plywood door, the 'removing a bomb from underneath a car with a crane hook' sequence... actually, just trying to list them is irritating. Do yourself a favour- never watch this movie.
This movie is just stealing and smothering the thunder from the first movie. Much less thought was put into this movie. You have probably seen every action sequence in another movie, and probably better done. It is stereotypical and mediocre at best. Terribly disappointing and I urge you not to spend money on it. God forbid this would become a trilogy. Lacks credibility, thought, taste, and any originality. Time and money would be better spent watching other great movies, like the Transporter One, Snatch, or Long Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Trust me. this movie is not worth watching. If you do see it, don't think it will be any better than the first 20 minutes...
OK, i watched the first transporter on DVD a few days ago, after seeing
this i feel cheated out of my money, the first film was a little far
fetched, but it worked in its own typical action movie way, #2 how ever
is absolute garbage, how any man regardless of army special forces
training can dislodge a bomb by 'BARREL ROLLING' a car up a pipe ramp
onto a crane hook and successfully land on all 4 wheels is beyond me, i
doubt god himself could do it.
next the car chase with the psycho hooker with the Uzi's leaping a 100 feet into a half built tower block, and ass usually, stopping 5cm before the edge (typical) and then a helicopter being blown up by a few Uzi rounds is to put it mildly, very far fetched... it would been better if he had decided to elbow the crazy lady in the face a few times, knock her groggy, open her door and shove her out. end of movie, what a way to spend my £6 on a ticket :D this film is frankly total garbage, its like Kenan and Kel on acid with a fire arms permit, i SERIOUSLY hope that he was paid well for this rubbish.
I went to Transporter 2 last night with low expectations. I wasn't out
to the theaters looking for the movie of the century, just a flick to
enjoy with my buddy; more something to do than anything else. But it
was so bad I left feeling pick-pocketed - "Thanks for your money,
Sucker!" The theatrics were OK and Statham marshaled all of his acting
skills for a semblance of a good performance. But they were no match
for the overwhelming limitations of the writers. A kid in grade-school
could do better. You could see where Kamen's ideas, the guy who wrote
the first film, were slaughtered by Besson and his blind vision of what
he believed were the ingredients of a blockbuster film... leading to
I want my money back.
Ranking right up their with the audiences yearning for another sequel
to the Bad Boys franchise, Jason Statham is back in the very cleverly
titled Transporter 2.
Now for those of you who can hardly remember the first film, don't worry. Both it and now its sequel are tailored so that you can waste time inside an air conditioned theatre and forget almost everything you've seen just hours after the lights come back to full illumination.
This time round script writers Robert Kamen and Luc Beeson decided that it would be easier to just copy the premise of last year's Man on Fire and throw our hero Frank Martin (Statham) into the Denzel Washington role. That means there will be a kidnapping of a small child that was under the protection of our hero and there will also be plenty of mindless violence as he searches for the youngin he feels responsible for losing.
Now I happen to like Jason Statham. I liked him in Snatch, The Italian Job and even Cellular. He has a charisma to him. A coolness this side of Steve McQueen. Problem is he keeps picking up scripts that even John Saxon would have turned down.
Transporter 2 has nothing going for it outside of Statham's presence. It's filled with enough bad stunts and even worse cartoonish villains that even the most outlandish of James Bond films would be embarrassed to utilize such farce. Take for instance the scene where Frank must flip his car through the air to hit a suspended wire in hopes of tearing from the autos underbelly a very well hidden car bomb. I watched this scene uneasy in my theatre seat and would not have been surprised if Wyle E. Coyote was shown in the background huffing and puffing as his plan was foiled.
Things do go boom and Jackie Chan would probably be impressed with the fighting contests in particular one clever scene where Frank utilizes a fire hose to engage the baddies. But amongst the few half decent moments there are countless mindless scenes and plot lines that include a virus antidote being stored inside the bad guy (never seen that before!) and a completely implausible ending that takes place inside a private jet.
Transporter 2 may not be the worst movie of the year, but I highly doubt that by the time I get to the end of the calendar for 2005 that this clunker doesn't end up on a few Bottom 10 lists.
Recommendation: Stay away at all costs. It will be on TBS four times a week starting in 2006.
Wow... just wow... I remember watching the first Transporter movie. I
never had high expectations, and I was neither surprised or
disappointed. Same thing went with this action flick. It was so bad
that it was good! It did not have any real storyline, it was amazingly
corny, and so badly directed that it was one of the most entertaining
films in movie history! Definitely worth a watch, it seriously should
also be categorized as comedy.... The only problem I had with the movie
was... "Where the hell did the hot Asian chick from the first movie go?
It's as if he dumped her and never spoke of her again...."
Either way, give the movie a shot, you will definitely enjoy it...
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