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12 out of 16 people found the following review useful:

Dear oh dear

Author: james_norman1981 ( from United Kingdom
24 April 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have a confession to make... I enjoyed the first transporter film! It involved car chases, martial arts action and all sorts of implausible things that kept me entertained for the majority of the running time. It was relatively short, had some pretty cool moments and was generally a bit of ridiculous fun that needn't be taken too seriously, although the concluding chapter sold the first half short (the final fight and resolution of the movie left me thinking 'They're ending it like that...!?!').

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the sequel, which suffers blisteringly from a syndrome I like to call sequilitis... a perilously common and highly contagious disease, with its epicentre in California. It leads to movies, which can be described at best as 'ok' or 'just above mediocre,' being unnecessarily dragged through another 90 minutes where everything is faster, bigger and more explosive. It can even happen to the better class of film, witness Godfather 3... Anyhow, here we have what may well become a test case to compare against all future sequels...

Now I've once sat down to watch an Uwe Boll movie... I endured at least ten minutes of Plan 9 from Outer Space... Whoever made Lost in Space got £5 of my pocket money (circa 1998)... And I once watched an entire episode of Corination street... All these were experiences I have tried, and failed, to forget, from the awfulness of the dialogue to the woodenness of the acting, the preposterous scenarios and the long list of other problems they all share. It is now time for me to add another 'film' to that list: Transporter 2.

This movie lacks just about any redeeming features. Clearly none of the production crew have even heard of the concept of physics while the director, who was also responsible for the Luc Besson penned snore-fest Danny the Dog (titled 'Unleashed' in the UK), doesn't seem to have the slightest clue as to what he's meant to be doing. He merges CG that a kid with an Etchersketch could improve upon with gun play that John Woo would say 'Now come on, that's really too over the top!' His wardrobe department deserve to be taken out and shot while the casting people may be lucky to escape such a fate...

Everything about this film sucks and Luc Besson would do well to stop penning any more of this dreary garbage. He's turned his once promising career into a litany of cinematic trash, producing, writing and being involved in dozens of films a year, none of which are worth watching. This isn't even the most recent catastrophe, with Revolver, Angel A and many other poorly planned rush jobs helping to fill videostore bargain bins across the world. The director of Leon and Nikita really should know better.

So too should everyone else involved. An audience really isn't going to accept that a car can fly upside down, clip a bomb on a passing crane, land on the other side of a bleeding one hundred foot wide (maybe more) river as the bomb explodes... and then drive off into the next scene... it's not just impossible it's insultingly preposterous and the dodgy CG only serves to further deny us any feeling that we're watching a film crafted with any degree of love or skill.

Instead we're inundated with ridiculous notion after ridiculous notion... implausible scenario after implausible scenario... and so on and so forth. From a female villain who goes out in nothing more than lingerie, a see through shirt and two fully automatic, laser sighted, silenced pistols, to a horrendously unsympathetic family who you practically want to die of a biologically impossible disease... no one emerges with any credit.

The exception, to a very small extent, is Jason Statham and it is he who gives the movie its only all right moments. Called upon to do nothing more than pretend to drive, look moody and occasionally beat people up, he shows as limited a range as he did in the first film... but is hardly being called upon to do much more. A couple of the car chases are OK, one or two of the 'one men versus a lot of other people' fights are quite cool and his demeanour throughout does allow us to believe that his character, Frank Martin, really would take this course of action. Other than that it's nothing but bad news...

Matthew Modine is wondering where his career disappeared to... Amber Valletta clearly regrets getting involved... Kate Nauta will not be gracing any films soon (God willing)... and the rest of the cast are generally asking themselves quite how they became embroiled in such an awful movie, Keith David and Francois Berleand, for example, are two men way above this kind of crap. Overall I can't warn you enough not to see this film, it's got practically nothing to recommend it and you'll only feel cheated of 87 minutes of your life (plus whatever the cost of the rental). Please don't waste your time... it's far more precious than this pile of rubbish.

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19 out of 31 people found the following review useful:

I Wanted to Like It, But I Didn't

Author: moviewizguy from United States
27 April 2007

Professional driver Frank Martin is living in Miami, where he is temporarily filling in for a friend as the chauffeur for a government narcotics control policymaker and his family. The young boy in the family is targeted for kidnapping, and Frank immediately becomes involved in protecting the child and exposing the kidnappers.

As I said, I wanted to like this film. I actually thought it would be slightly better than the first movie, which I also liked but the plot is better in here. Having said that, the execution in the film runs out of gas.

What makes this film slightly badder than the first are the action scenes. Did I say action scenes? Yes, I did. You thought I might say that the film's action scenes was better than the first. I have to answer "yes" on that. But there's a flaw: There are too many action scenes! There is one after another and another throughout the whole film! It really gets tiring during the end when you just want no more action scenes! This is probably my first movie where I said that the action scenes were too much.

This film really had potential. I liked the beginning in the movie but not the rest as much as the first movie. The acting in the film by Jason Statham was good but Amber Valletta's acting was better. The special effects was good and yes, this film is more ridiculous than the first.

If you liked the first, or an action fan, this is a good action movie but you might get tired of the multiple action scenes in here. I say rent it.

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7 out of 8 people found the following review useful:

ruins a good character/story

Author: angryinvalid from California, USA
15 September 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Jason is an enjoyable actor, and a talented martial artist. Under the direction of a talented Hong Kong director (in Transporter 1) a great film/ character was created.

The French director ruined this movie franchise. Aside from hitting a ramp, doing a three sixty into the air and timing his rotation to clip an explosive device from the underside of his car (the point at the movie when I apologized to my friend next to me, who i had brought with the promise of a good action flick).

This guy had way too much fun in the editing room, instead of just making an alarm go off in the hospital, he has the camera wiggle and undulate with wave computer generated effects, and show the characters face of surprise as the sound and camera approached them. For a split second I was left to wonder if some freak amoeba weapon had been released in the hospital.

He couldn't even let the laser sites on the machine gun pass over the camera without making a fancy "laser noise"! Leave us not forget the gratuitous "establish Frank as a bad ass" footage, like him walking towards the fleeing Russian scientist (played by an actor who could not be ANYTHING but Englsih/Scottish/Irish) as he shoots at him, Frank makes no attempts to disarm him, just marches with his angry face, ridiculous, then the nice slow standing up after he hops over the wall, to slowly adjust his coat with his angry face.

His music video-ish character portrayal, and excessive fun with sound effects aside, there's the issue of prostitution: James Bond always had the Bond car, BMW was getting some advertisement, we always accepted that, but this was ridiculous, at one point, when in his fancy sports car ( not the Audi, the on at then end) rather than going straight he peforms a 360 degree turn, then goes straight. Just to promenade and show this thing off.

Then the lame fight scene with the blonde girl swinging from beads, attacking by sticking her feet out as she went by. If you've studied the martial arts you know that an airborne kick is not a matter of running, jumping (swinging in this case) then sticking your legs out....there's a kick aspect! this scene was pathetic.

Throw in some very odd African American characters (played by some very odd looking fellows), and a couple of Russian scientists who like to package biological agents in an assortment of beautiful glass containers, and you've got yourself a movie that destroys what could have been a great franchise.

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39 out of 72 people found the following review useful:

Felt Different Than The Original.

Author: BigHardcoreRed from Calimesa, California
2 September 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The Transporter 2 is about Frank (Jason Statham), a man who will transport anything, no questions asked. All he requires is that you stick to the deal and follow the rules, of which he is very strict with. In the sequel, Frank is transporting a young child named Jack Billings (Hunter Clary) to school and back on weekdays. That's right- Frank is babysitting. Nothing wrong with that, as it has little to do with the actual story once the movie gets going.

Due to an elaborate plan by the main villain, Gianni (Alessandro Gassman), and carried out by his ruthless girlfriend/sidekick, Lola (Katie Nauta), young Jack is kidnapped. Of course, Frank is the prime suspect by the police and is pursued from that point forward by the police.

After following the kidnappers orders and paying $5 million, Jack's parents retrieve him safe and sound and everything seems great. Without giving anything away, this is where the real problem begins.

Katie Nauta delivers a stand out performance in what I believe is her film debut. She has an awesome screen presence and would have liked to see her have a bigger part. She is exactly what Hollywood needs, in my opinion. Someone sexy, new and a little different. She reminds me of both Rebecca Romijn and Fairuza Balk.

Jason Statham is great, as usual. Easily the best part of this movie. Jason is England's answer to Jackie Chan. The fight scenes are a little more over the top than the original movie and the same goes for the car chase scenes. While the chase scenes were wild in the first one, it does not come close to the absurdity in the sequel. As seen in the preview, the car jumping scene is not very realistic. It looks like it belongs in XXX: State Of The Union. Don't get me wrong, I liked that movie and I like this one. A lot. I just wish it could have been more like the original. I would still recommend this movie and rate it 8/10.

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8 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

a slippery slope of CGI nonsense and ridiculous stunts

Author: j thorsvik from United States
3 September 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I went into this movie with an open mind, even though my better judgement told me otherwise. the TV ad's painted this to be an overdone stunt fest and too over the top. there were a few colorful nods to the first film, but not enough charm throughout to save the sequel.

the stunts are the focus of this movie. they were the nails in the joists holding the walls together in the first movie, they're the entire foundation this time. The writers and director make frank out to be not a mere astute wheelman and fighter, but rather a one man army, a superman of sorts. they packed in more choreographed nonsense than the average Jackie Chan movie. I seriously cannot say enough bad things about this director. A few times he made a nod in Sergio Leone's direction, but minus the brilliance that director was known for. The fight scene with the female assassin near the end was so crouching tiger-esquire it made me literally shout obscenities at the screen. The final showdown on the plane was so predictable that the second the plane was introduced onto the screen, my friend said "here comes your BIG Hollywood ending.", he was right. Just pointless overacted tripe. Those scenes on the plane looked like an episode of the Thunderbirds circa 1966. As for the driving, this movie is packed so full of CGI car stunt nonsense it's sickening. CGI can look fake, but this...this looks like adobe photo-shop bad. The bomb on the car and hook on the crane thing, had me shaking my head. and you know who i feel the worst for, Jason Statham, because they ruined this character big time, using this sequel to try to make him the next Mega-action Hero. This movie is to the transporter series what Blade:trinity was to that series. Convoluted, self-absorbed, unintelligent, cinematic rubbish. Anyone who tells me that i'm being too harsh on this movie is obviously easily entertained. This movie will insult your intelligence.

Looking to a third installment i'd expect Frank will be transporting birthday gifts for orphans and fighting terminators.

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5 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

A "2" is generous

Author: mann700 from Atlanta, ga
19 April 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

-If you are looking to go to an action movie, a movie with high thrills and great excitement then you should avoid this movie! However if you are looking for a humorous laugh at a totally unrealistic depiction of an action movie go see Transporter 2. I have to admit that some scenes cracked me up such as the scene where the main character takes out an army of men with a fire hose. I have to tell you some scenes reminded me of Magiver when he used to make bombs out of paper clips and string. The plot was headed in an OK direction in the beginning and I thought that I might be surprised. However when the plot began to develop my friend and I could not stop laughing.Don't worry we were in the theater alone and did not disturb anyone, I hate people who do that. To sum it all up, pass on Transporter 2.

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6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:

Right barrel load of cockney monkeys

Author: MrsO_Again from United Kingdom
4 April 2008

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Hahahahahahahaha! This was so rubbish!!! I could smell it from all the way over by the sofa where I was sitting, but I got my hubby through and we both laughed our heads off, cos this film is so bad, it's good. Jason Statham has the weirdest accent. He's straight from the "transatlantic, cor-luv-a-duck Michael Caine, Carey Grant, I think I'm a Yank but actually I'm a lovable barrelful of Cockney monkeys" school of acting. And everything he said sounded like it had been dubbed on afterwards, after he's been asked in post-production to drink a pint of neat testosterone. If you told me that's how they made it, I wouldn't be surprised. The colours were all a bit day-glo. Matthew Modine and his slutty-acting wife, didn't look anything like their little boy either, which worried my husband somewhat, but I just said the boy probably looked like the previous chauffeur, because that wife wasn't any better than she ought to be. And the baddies! What's with the lassie in the Lara Croft outfit blasting the sh *t out of everyone with two guns at once? It was like a character from a video game had shown up on screen. And her eye make up made her look like a robot, but maybe that was the effect she was going for anyway. I liked Jason Statham when he drove his car (which I think was KITT's cousin from Knight Rider) off a pier, twirled it in midair so that a handy chain could knock the bomb off the bottom of the car without exploding the car. A nifty move, one that I often accomplish when I get a car bomb under my car in suburban London and need to get rid of it quick smart while chasing a bunch of Russian ne'er-do-wells. I mean, it was like watching my life on the screen, the gritty realism of it was just off the scale! I don't really get who the friend with the French accent was all about. We kind of gave up after a while, but good effort all round. Hilarious! It was meant to be a comedy, right?

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10 out of 16 people found the following review useful:

Action for action sake - No storyline to mention let alone follow.

Author: inthebuff from Northumberland, England
11 October 2005

No, no, no, no, no! The Transporter was far fetched but it had just enough intrigue, fun and action to make it enjoyable. This time around with Transporter 2 we have all of those elements again but exaggerated way too much! I've just seen this and I'm finding it hard to remember the plot. The storyline takes a BIG backseat this time around, I know it's supposed to be a fun action packed film but PLEASE! The french detective who's name escapes me now had a good part in the first film, with the "I know you're up to something but one day I may catch you out" feel to him. This time around, well he may as have been a different character all together. Sleeping on a bench in the Miami Police Station after showing them all how to cook and then sloping off to somebody's desk to use their PC? The Jamaican Taxi driver, where did he come from? A chance meeting in an alley and then he's helping the hero out - for what reason? The fight sequences are good but too many, I could go on but, I was just SO disappointed with this film. I'm amazed that this get's so many good reviews and at the time of writing this it has a higher score than The Transporter (first one). If you want to see Martial Arts films without a storyline (there's plenty of them) watch some outtakes from a Jackie Chan film or something. If you want to see a film with an albeit far fetched in a James Bond sort of way storyline don't watch this.

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7 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

Utter, utter, utter rubbish

Author: petesake-1 from New Zealand
13 January 2007

I don't normally write these kind of comments, but felt compelled to review what I consider to be possibly the worst movie I've ever seen.

Don't get me wrong- I LOVE this genre. When I had completed construction of my drastically overhauled 5.1 channel surround sound home theatre system, I wanted a movie containing tons of great noises- explosions, gunfire, fighting, cars, etc... what can I say, I'm a simple guy with simple tastes. So my buddies and I chose this. What a mistake. Now, I can put up with a lot of poetic license. But this movie really was beyond the pale. I don't know who the woman was who played the blonde femme-fatale (and I really don't care)but she was completely miscast. Utterly unbelievable in this role, I doubt she'd be believable in ANY role. I can't begin to list how many times I just plain got angry at this movie- the bullets from a sub-machine gun failing to penetrate a cheap plywood door, the 'removing a bomb from underneath a car with a crane hook' sequence... actually, just trying to list them is irritating. Do yourself a favour- never watch this movie.

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10 out of 17 people found the following review useful:

Pretty bad....

Author: Istvan Kolnhofer ( from Budapest Hungary
26 September 2005

"Suspension of disbelief" is applied to movies such as the most excellent James Bond movies, or Indiana Jones,... but not The Transporter 2. A terribly plotted action movie that has action soooo ludicrous that the movie becomes, well... completely cheezy and ludicrously bad. Even the FX were terrible. The characters were so clichéd and cookie cutter C-movie level. This shoulda be straight-to-video. Jason Statham is somewhat a likable hero with some screen presence, but in the movie, he turns into Neo from The Matrix, literally even flying at some points. Really really lame acting from the entire supporting cast... Horribly painful dialogue and plot points.... It didn't even look good... I don't even feel good writing this.

The first Transporter film was one of the better action films of the last coupla years (along with Jet Li's cradle to the grave, and Die Another Day for ex.), this trash, was disappointing at best.

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