Memorable quotes for
"Dave the Barbarian" (2004)

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[repeated line]
Fang: I AM NOT A MONKEY!

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[repeated line]
Dave: Beejabbers!

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Chuckles the Silly Piggy: I'm the master of all evil. THE MASTER OF ALL EVIL! I can't help it if I have an adorably, curly tail.

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Dave: Ready, Lula?
Lula the Magic Sword: I refuse to come out like this.
Dave: What's wrong?
Lula the Magic Sword: Her *ladyship* thought I needed a more "civilized" look.
[she comes out covered with... ]
Dave: Are those roses?
Lula the Magic Sword: Yes.
Dave: Cause I'm ALLERGIC TO ROSES.

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Candy: Don't mess with the prin-cess.

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Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: Storyteller: And so, the battle rages on and on, month after month, year after year...
Dave: Uh, it's only been five minutes.
Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: Storyteller: I don't know why I try.

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[performing a musical of his own making]
Dave: Alas, poor Danish. What is thy filling? Just ask the Danish prince. You're filled with...
[singing]
Dave: Cheese and sugar / cheese and sugar / with the texture / of a booger...

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[fighting a dragon]
Dave: [to Lula] Come on! Do one of those magic energy blast dealies.
Lula the Magic Sword: What? And get a nasty letter from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dragons?

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Candy: Ooh, the new goats are in.

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Candy: This is my secret princess pad. Absolutely NOBODY else knows it's here.
[toilet flush, and Oswidge walks out of the bathroom]
Oswidge: Sorry, the upstairs one wasn't working.

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Chuckles the Silly Piggy: Ooooooh, my little piggy ribcage!

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[Dave is screaming and running around the world and comes across some polar bears fishing]
Dave: AHHHHHHHHH!
Polar Bear 1: What was that?
Polar Bear 2: If it ain't fish, I ain't interested, that's my motto.

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Chuckles the Silly Piggy: Here's a fork so you can EAT YOUR WORDS!

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Chuckles the Silly Piggy: [after being crushed by an ogre] You crushed my little piggy spleen!

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Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: I had that dream again. You know. The one where I do obscene things to penguins with a croquet mallet.
Candy: We definitely need to get you out of the stable more.

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Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: Faffy couldn't help but to wonder: would the other dragons like him? Would they be nice to him or would they poke him and call him Jasper?

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Dave: Can you keep him busy? I've got a plan.
Fang: You promise your plan isn't, "I bet I can get away while Fang keeps him busy"?
Dave: Promise.

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Dave: Why should I help her?
Fang: I think you already know the answer.
Dave: Right. Because Candy's my sister, and family is very important.
Fang: I was gonna say because if he didn't, I'd rip off his head and play volleyball with it, but I like his version better.

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Bogmelon: It also works on armpits!

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Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: ...For it is they, they who will suffer!
Candy: Whatever. Can we go now?
[pause]
Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: Yeah.

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Chuckles the Silly Piggy: Get away! I'm too pink to die!

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Dave: But I don't wanna be a barbarian!
Fang: You did when you were ten!
Dave: Yes, but I thought it meant a librarian that also cuts hair.

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Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: I made you a song... of joy.
[puts record on]
Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: [singing] I had a dream about... some shrieking rats / With red hot pokers, and big pointy hats / They didn't listen to my cries... or screams / But took their nastiness to *wild* extremes!

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Dave: [trying to hide Faffy from Strom the Slayer in a fish bowl] You're going to have to give up this whole *breathing* thing.

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Candy: He was your first owner?
[pointing to Argon]
Candy: Psshaw, you're like, 20,000 years old.
Lula the Magic Sword: [preparing to fire energy beam]
[shouts]
Lula the Magic Sword: What's your point?
Candy: Uhh... you don't look a day older than 16,000.

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Candy: Okay, I've figured out a way to get you and Argon back together, but you have to utterly respect my every decision.
Lula the Magic Sword: How about, instead I don't?
Candy: Works for me.

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Oswidge: Wow, it's a whole new kind of music! I'm gonna call it Rock & Roll, because it was like being hit with a rock, and I'm hungry for a roll.

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Storyteller, Twinkle the Marvel Horse: And so, with a speed Dave usually reserves for fleeing in terror.

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