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Monster House (2006) Poster

(2006)

Quotes

Skull: Calm down! You make me wanna throw up in some tin foil and eat it!

[from the trailer]

Mom: We'll be back tomorrow night. Oh. If anything happens, call the police and hide in your closet.

Dad: He knows that.

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Jenny: There!

[waves flashlight at chandelier]

Jenny: Well, if those are the teeth, and that's the tongue, then that must be the uvula!

Chowder: Oh, so it's a *girl* house...

Jenny: [looks at him] *What?*

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DJ: I've just... murdered a guy!

Chowder: Naw... when it's an accident, it's called manslaughter.

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Jenny: Are you guys mentally challenged? Because, if you are, then I'm certified to teach you baseball.

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Chowder: We're dead.

[to DJ]

Chowder: You've killed us, and now we're dead!

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Officer Lister: That sounds like the 'dangerous creature'! I'm gonna go check it out.

[sneaks toward the house]

Officer Landers: [to self] Gosh, just like tryin' to wrangle a puppy...

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Zee: What is your problem?

DJ: Uh... puberty! Yeah, I'm having lots and lots of puberty.

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Skull: Oh, you like the steel of my blade? It's so cold.

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Chowder: Relax. Just be cool, like me.

[Chowder accidentally leans on lever, which starts the machine]

Chowder: AAAAAH!

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DJ: Oh my god!

Chowder: What?

DJ: You're a dork!

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DJ: I kissed a girl! I kissed a girl on the lips!

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Chowder: [whispering] It mocks us with its... *house-ness*!

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DJ: We haven't left this room once! Not even to go to the bathroom.

[Points to 2L bottle filled with something]

DJ: Don't drink that!

Zee: Oh gross! Whatever disease you guys have I'm sure its got letters and that they make pills for it!

DJ: Zee, it's true! There's something evil going on across the street!

Zee: [Sarcastically] That's excellent, I'm really happy for you.

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Zee: Whatever issue you guys have, I'm sure it has letters and they make pills for it.

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Chowder: All right, vacuum cleaner dummy, I'm setting you down on the lawn. Don't be scared, that's not how you were trained.

[slight pause]

Chowder: I love you, vacuum cleaner dummy.

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Officer Lister: [DJ, Chowder, and Jenny throw their water guns at his feet] I will shoot you!

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DJ: [to Mr. Nebbercracker] I'm sorry about your house - your wife... your... house-wife.

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[first lines]

Little Girl: Hello, fence!

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[last lines]

Zee: Skull's not like you. He makes time for me and gives me the respect I deserve.

Bones: Whatever.

Zee: Bones!

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Chowder: My dad is at the pharmacy and my mom is at the movies with her personal trainer.

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Chowder: My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee. I mean, he's kind of a cop... he's got a gun.

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DJ: Questions?

Chowder: Yes, umm, are you nuts? I don't wanna steal drugs from my Father, I don't wanna go inside a monster, and I don't wanna die!

Jenny: I say its worth a shot.

Chowder: Yes I agree. Let's do it.

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Nebbercracker: Do you want to be eaten alive?

Little Girl: No.

Nebbercracker: Then GET OUT OF HERE!

[she jumps off her trike and starts to run, but stops]

Little Girl: My trike.

[Nebbercraker grabs the trike and tears off the front wheel, and she runs away crying]

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Chowder: I paid 28 dollars for that ball! I had to mow ten lawns and ask my mom for a dollar 26 times!

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[the house taunts Chowder by scratching a scary face on his basketball]

Chowder: It's gonna be a bloodbath.

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DJ: Can I ask you something?

Zee: Sure you can cantelope. We are going to have so much fun I have tons of activities...

DJ: [rolls eyes] It's okay. They're gone

Zee: They are? They're gone?

[takes off her pink sweater and reveals she is wearing a black punk t shirt, unties her hair]

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Chowder: You're really crazy right now, you notice that? I think you're just freakin' out because you killed a guy today.

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Chowder: [pretending to talk to his father] Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?

[turns around]

Chowder: Hey, DJ, you got any beer?

[noticing Jenny]

Chowder: Well, hello there...

DJ: [to Jenny] This is... Chowder...

Chowder: Charles, to the ladies...

Jenny: [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.

DJ: That's a tough school to get into.

Chowder: Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.

Jenny: It's a girl's school.

Chowder: [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...

[another nervous pause]

Chowder: ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...

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Skull: [Playing arcade machine] You're gonna die! You're gonna die!

Skull: [kills someone in game] Aw, did you see that? I just chopped off your head again! Your head's rolling. You can't even see it 'cuz your eyes are on your head!

DJ: [interupts] Sir?

Skull: [looks at DJ] What? I'm busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen.

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Nebbercracker: [kneeling very excited; looks up at DJ] 45 years... we have been trapped for 45 years... and now we're free!

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DJ: [running back to the house] Don't look back!

Chowder: Aah! I looked back!

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Jenny: Smart house.

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Zee: Now what do you want?

Jenny: Just trying to get a head-start on life and secure a sucessful future.

Zee: You want a successful future? When a guy with tattoos comes up to the drive-thru, give him his burger, not your phone number.

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Jenny: But back to business: eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper. Without candy, I'm afraid your house is a bulls-eye with shingles.

Zee: Nice try. It's not my house.

Jenny: Babysitter?

Zee: Mmm-hmm.

Jenny: Okay, let's cut the crap. Maybe the parents you work for left you forty dollars in emergency money...

Zee: Maybe they left me thirty.

Jenny: Maybe you give me twenty, I write a receipt for thirty, and you pocket ten.

Zee: Maybe... and I want two extra bags of peanut clusters.

Jenny: One bag, and I'll toss in a licorice whip.

Zee: You're good.

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Chowder: [house comes alive] Detectable movement!

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DJ: Chowder, your ball just landed on Nebbercracker's lawn. It doesn't exist anymore...

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Zee: Who called you?

DJ: Nebbercracker. Ps, he died today.

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Zee: I'm just creeped out. You know, I saw an ambulance here today.

Bones: So...

Zee: So, maybe Nebbercracker really did die.

Bones: We should be so lucky, the guy was evil.

Zee: No, he was just a grumpy old dude.

Bones: Oh really? Zee? When I was 10 years old. I had a kite. Awesome kite. I could fly it so high you couldn't see it. One day, it crashed down, I followed the string, and it landed right over there, across the street right on the edge of his lawn.

Zee: Awww, did he take your kite?

Bones: Yeah, he takes everything that lands on his lawn. But that's not the point, the point is, I saw him talking to his house, and kissing it. Besides, everybody knows what he did to his wife.

Zee: Why? What? What did he do to her?

Bones: He ate her!

[jumps on top of Zee]

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[after watching the house eat the two cops]

Chowder: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I think I'm having a stroke!

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Chowder: We're dead. You've killed us, and we're dead!

DJ: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.

Jenny: Listen.

[rumbling sound]

Jenny: Sounds like it's sleeping.

DJ: The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive, is if we find the heart, and put out the fire.

Chowder: Maybe we should examine our other options?

DJ: Sure. Other option: we wait here and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.

Chowder: Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.

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Chowder: It's time for an in your face disgrace!

[basketball ricochets off the hoop and hits Chowder in the face]

DJ: Are you okay?

Chowder: My nose is in my brain!

DJ: Let me see - Oh my God!

Chowder: What?

DJ: You're a dork.

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[Jenny emerges from the closet after calling her mother on the phone]

Jenny: [rolls her eyes] She didn't believe me.

Chowder: [sighs] Authority can be so...

[makes armpit noises]

Jenny: Okay, normally I don't spend time with guys like you, but a house just tried to eat me, so... you've got one hour.

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DJ: It's her! The house is her!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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