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Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005) Poster

Quotes

Sam Fuller: I don't recall seeing a skinny, white-ass girl growing up at the table.

Gracie Hart: Okay, first of all... thank you for calling me skinny.

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[last lines]

[Gracie in Priscilla's classroom so Priscilla can read book report on Gracie]

Gracie Hart: Priscilla,

[stutters]

Gracie Hart: what do, what do we want?

Priscilla: World Peace.

[smiles]

Gracie Hart: [Nods and smiles] World peace. And... the strength to hold fast to your beliefs... while society's forcing you to conform to some barbie doll image, know what I'm saying?

[Says to boy at table next to her who gives her a look like he thinks she's crazy]

Gracie Hart: [Stutters] You don't, you don't know what I'm saying? Ok, well... it's, it's mostly, um...

[looks at Priscilla]

Gracie Hart: it's mostly world peace.

[smiles at Priscilla]

Priscilla: [Smiles at Gracie] Snorts

[snort sounds like Gracie when she laughs]

Priscilla: [then large grin]

[Gracie winks at Priscilla]

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Sam Fuller: I am not going out there as a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Tina Turner. I can't afford therapy on my salary.

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Collins: Why don't we get you to the hotel while I give the agents a debriefing?

Joel: Oh, that's too bad. It's been months since I've had a good debriefing. Although, I'm really more of a boxers man. Ha, ha!

[nobody laughs]

Joel: Okay, wrong audience.

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Joel: [both Hart and Fuller are pointing a gun at Foreman] You see, this is what I like. Learning to work together. A little "Ebony & Ivory" action.

Jeff Foreman: Guys, I can't do it.

Sam Fuller: Stop being a wuss, Foreman. Be a man.

Gracie Hart: Yeah, like Fuller.

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Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: [Gracie is disguised as the old mother of Joel to snoop around the nursing home] Are you interested in touring our facilities?

Joel: Oh, yes, we are very interested. I can't wait to get rid of her.

Gracie Hart: Oh, don't you listen to him. He's a momma's boy. Come here, cutie. Come here and let me fix your tie.

[grabs his tie]

Joel: Oh!

Gracie Hart: Such a momma's boy!

Joel: Ma, not now!

Gracie Hart: Momma's boy face, that's a momma's boy face!

[smacks him repeatedly on the cheek]

Joel: [rising] Do you have a euthanasia program?

Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: We just need to fill out some forms. If you'll give me one minute.

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Sam Fuller: [after Gracie, pretending to be an old woman in a wheelchair, stands up] Ida, you can walk?

Gracie Hart: Praise Jesus!

Sam Fuller: Moses!

Gracie Hart: Moses! Oh, sign me up for this place! The men make me all fachuchin!

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Sam Fuller: Let me tell you when I'm gonna get you an iced Venti Caramel Macchiato: when they elect a black woman president of the Daughers of the American Revolution.

Gracie Hart: Okay. And if that happens, I'd also like one of those little muffins.

Sam Fuller: Where would you like it?

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Gracie Hart: Wake up and smell the iced vente decaf caramel macchiato!

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Sam Fuller: Plenty of guys have broken up with me. You just beat them up and move on.

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Gracie Hart: What happened to team yo? You and me in it together?

Sam Fuller: Don't do that again.

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Tobin: Whatever happened to World Peace?

Gracie Hart: It comes and goes!

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Gracie Hart: [singing to the tune of "You Think I'm Gorgeous"] You're my new partner, / You have to like me and... back me up if someone's shooting at me

Sam Fuller: Not necessarily.

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Gracie Hart: Uh, excuse me, private conversation in progress.

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Gracie Hart: How about a real sorry?

Sam Fuller: Come again?

Gracie Hart: You heard me. I said how about a real sorry.

Sam Fuller: You are about to feel some real pain if you don't back off

Gracie Hart: You don't want to talk to me about pain, sister. I invented pain alright.

Sam Fuller: You didn't just call me sister, because I don't recall seeing a little skinny ass white girl around the table growing up.

Gracie Hart: HEY! First of all thank you for calling me skinny, second of all what is your problem and third of all you'd better apologize to me.

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Cheryl: We've been kidnapped and there?s two men here who say they're going to kill us by Friday at midnight. But I don?t want anyone to pay them any money. Because that would be giving into terrorism and I?m Miss United States and I stand for fairness, decency and the American Way

[starts to sing]

Cheryl: ?From sea to shining sea...?

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Gracie Hart: I wish you wouldn?t kiss my watch. It?s not water resistant.

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Gracie Hart: I don?t cry! I don?t even have tear ducts.

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Cheryl: [after Gracie rescues her from the sinking ship] You must be really tired of saving my life.

Gracie Hart: No no, it's good exercise

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Gracie Hart: [going through the office talking with McDonald] Sir, I went through a makeover for the pageant. I'm still getting hairspray off my butt!

[everyone in the office stops talking]

Gracie Hart: What? It - it prevents the swimsuit from, from riding up, thank you!

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Sam Fuller: Okay, look! I don't work for you and you don't work for me. We're a team. Get it? As in 'I will kick your sorry ass if you don't listen to me' team.

Gracie Hart: Well first of all, if you remember correctly it was 'skinny' ass. And second of all what is your problem Fuller? DO you honestly feel it's okay to go around harrasing people and bashing their faces in? Because guess what Fuller, you will never make it in this bureau if you don't start usuing your head.

[Sam Headbuts Gracie]

Gracie Hart: What, you start listening to me now?

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Stan Fields: [trying to escape the Treasure Island Ship] There's a cannon in my porthole!

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Gracie Hart: I just don't see why I can't be Tina!

Sam Fuller: [with disdain] You don't see that?

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Gracie Hart: [Sam Fuller is demonstrating defence on Regis] So remember SING: That's solar plexus,

Sam Fuller: [hits Regis in the chest]

Gracie Hart: instep,

Sam Fuller: [stomps on Regis's foot]

Gracie Hart: nose,

Sam Fuller: [punches Regis in the nose]

Gracie Hart: and groin.

Regis Philbin: Not the groin!

Sam Fuller: [hits him in the groin and he collapses]

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Joel: People care about people who care about themselves.

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Gracie Hart: Please be careful! My guns are in the Fendi!

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Gracie Hart: People may care about people who care about themselves, but I just don't care about those people.

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Joel: How do you feel about a push-up bra?

Gracie Hart: How would you feel about a genital-shocking taser gun?

Joel: I'm open to it.

Gracie Hart: ...Okay.

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Cheryl: We've been kidnapped and there's two men here who say they're going to kill us by Friday at midnight. But I don't want anyone to pay them any money. Because that would be giving into terrorism. And I'm Miss United States and I stand for fairness, decency and the American Way.

[Starts to sing]

Cheryl: From Sea to Shining Sea!

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Gracie Hart: I wish you wouldn't kiss my watch. It's not water resistant.

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Gracie Hart: I don't cry! I don't even have tear ducts.

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Gracie Hart: You can do this. You know you can because you are Sam Fuller FBI. Nothing and nobody scares you. And I am Gracie Hart and at this moment I am also big bird and nothing scares me except... except loosing Cheryl, because having a friend like her and having any friend for me is a really really rare thing. Okay?

Sam Fuller: Okay but I am not singing.

Dolly Impersonator: And here's the fabulous Tina Turner.

Gracie Hart: Everything's going to be okay, just be Tina - -ish.

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Clonsky: Hey, Hart, can you get me Miss Arizona's number?

Gracie Hart: Why would I do that, Clonsky?

Clonsky: Because she needs a man in her life.

Gracie Hart: Yeah? Where do you fit in?

Clonsky: Nice. Nice talk. Not too congenial, Hart.

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[first lines]

[FBI agents in a Jim & Dan's Fine Foods van on their way to the bank for a sting operation]

Clonsky: Hey Hart, can you give me Miss Arizona's number?

Gracie Hart: Why would I do that Clonsky?

Clonsky: Cause she needs a man in her life.

Gracie Hart: Yeah, where do you fit in?

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Gracie Hart: Fuller, I'm sensing a little subtle hostility, and I think we should talk about it.

[Fuller walks away]

Gracie Hart: Fuller, you shouldn't keep things bottled up.

Gracie Hart: Fuller! What is your problem?

Sam Fuller: The problem is, I don't like you.

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Collins: I never gave up because the word "quit" is not in my vocabulary. Neither is "failure", "A for effort", "abandon ship"...

[Gracie Hart pushes him into the water]

Gracie Hart: And that's how we do it in New York.

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Janet: Tell us where they went or we'll arrest you for obstructing justice and throw you in prison.

Joel: [aroused] Which prison?

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Collins: [regarding Gracie tackling Dolly Parton] It's all over! CNN.

[switches channel]

Collins: NBC.

[switches channel]

Collins: Al Jazeera!

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Sam Fuller: Let me explain something.

Gracie Hart: Okay.

Sam Fuller: [Angry] You didn't do what was on the schedule, and I'm a schedule-type person.

Gracie Hart: [Absolutely uninterested] Oh.

[Turns towards Foreman]

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Sam Fuller: Well, like it or not, that plane is not taking off unless we're both on it.

Gracie Hart: You might consider a tic-tac.

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Joel: [Explaining the rules to being the face of the FBI] Rule #1, no hitting.

Gracie Hart: What?

Joel: The face of the FBI uses her words, not her fists,

Gracie Hart: [Gracie goes to grab a chair]

Joel: or chair.

Joel: Rule #2, chew with your mouth closed.

Gracie Hart: You don't know how I eat.

Joel: [Points out the ketchup stain on Gracie's shirt]

Joel: [Sarcastically]

Joel: How would that get there if it didn't fall from an open oraface?

Gracie Hart: Well maybe I walked under a ketchup tree.

Gracie Hart: [laughs and snorts]

Joel: Rule #3, no snorting.

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Gracie Hart: I just don't see why I couldn't be Tina.

Sam Fuller: You don't see that?

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Gracie Hart: That's right, walk away.

Sam Fuller: You lucky you still can walk away.

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Gracie Hart: Please tell me you have tickets to see "Cirq du Soleil".

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Gracie Hart: All right, Regis... grab her.

Regis Philbin: She looks angry... do I have to grab her?

Gracie Hart: Go ahead. Agent Fuller has no place else to be.

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Sam Fuller: Men. Can't live with 'em; can't live... nope, that's it.

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Gracie Hart: Come on; come on!

Gracie Hart: [honks horn on car repeatedly with no results in traffic]

Sam Fuller: All right all right, clearly that's not working!

Gracie Hart: Don't start with me, Tina!

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Sam Fuller: I've got to take her to the bathroom.

Gracie Hart: I need a tampon!

Sam Fuller: You heard her, we've got an agent down. We NEED TAMPONS!

Jenkins: I'm not getting them.

Hills: I don't even get them for my wife.

Joel: I guess this is a job for a real man. Any particular brand?

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Karl Steele: Don't call me a moron. I have a BA in Fine Arts!

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Joel: Tinas of the world unite, take the stage!

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Cheryl: [on the video] We can all learn from our older generations. I remember I learned a lot from my grandmother, specifically, how to kill chickens. It's not something I would like doing. I'll never forget the sounds of their death squawks. But if I ever needed to kill a chicken, I'd know how!

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Gracie Hart: Cheryl would never refer to her ass as her booty! Cheryl would never refer to her ass, period! She calls it her "popo"!

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Gracie Hart: I've got you. Can you swim?

Stan Fields: Can I swim? I made junior lifesaver at Camp Mondago. I was captain of the miniature golf team.

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Jeff Foreman: [as Joel walks down the hall into a room] Hey. Hey, that's my bedroom.

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Sam Fuller: We need a big finish

Joel: I can take my top off

Gracie Hart: We need a GOOD big finish

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Tina Turner Impersonator: How come he gets to go first?

Show Host: Well, in alphabetical order... Oh, who cares, you're all doing the same song anyway!

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Gracie Hart: I dont cry! I dont even have tear ducts.

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Gracie Hart: I wish you wouldn't kiss my watch. It's not water resistant.

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Cheryl: We've been kidnapped and theres two men here who say they're going to kill us by Friday at midnight. But I don't want anyone to pay them any money. Because that would be giving into terrorism. And I'm Miss United States and I stand for fairness, decency and the American Way.

[sings]

Cheryl: # From Sea to shining sea! #

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Gracie Hart: Sir I went through a makeover for the pageant. I'm still getting hairspray off my butt!

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Gracie Hart: How about a real sorry.

Sam Fuller: Come again?

Gracie Hart: You heard me. I said how about a real sorry.

Sam Fuller: You are about to feel some real pain if you don't back off

Gracie Hart: You don't want to talk to me about pain sister. I invented pain alright.

Sam Fuller: You didn't just call me sister, because I don't recall seeing a little skinny ass white girl around the table growing up.

Gracie Hart: Hey! First of all thank you for calling me skinny, second of all what is your problem and third of all you'd better apologize to me.

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FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Get your beauty team together, the plane leaves at 08:00. Oh, and I want you to have a bodyguard outside of New York.

Gracie Hart: A bodyguard? Why would I need a bodyguard sir?

FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Crowd control... You're gonna be the hottest celebrity in Vegas.

[Gracie stops and turns around]

FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Assuming Newton isn't in town...

Gracie Hart: Oh,right sir, Danke schon

[snorts and leaves]

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Sam Fuller: Okay look! I don't work for you and you don't work for me, we're a team. get it? As in I will kick your sorry ass if you don't listen to me 'team'

Gracie Hart: Well first of all, if you remember correctly it was skinny ass. and second of all what is your problem Fuller? DO you honestly feel its okay to go around harassing people and bashing their faces in. Because guess what Fuller, you will never make it in this bureau if you don't start usuing your head.

[Sam headbutts Gracie]

Gracie Hart: What you start listening to me now!

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[Gracie is restraining Sam from hitting a tourist]

Sam Fuller: Too much! Too much!

Gracie Hart: [pulls Sam aside] Fuller, I don't think you fully understand the concept of TOO MUCH!

Sam Fuller: Hey, McDonald told me to keep people alone.

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Joel: Ooh... I hope she's not a fatty.

FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Hart, Joel Mayers. Joel Mayers, Gracie Hart.

Gracie Hart: Hi.

Joel: Oh, yes. I can work with this. I can work with this. Your are going to be my icon.

Gracie Hart: Hey, calm down.

Joel: Hmm.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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