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The Three Stooges (2012) Poster

Quotes

Moe: Hey, onion-head, go on back to the shed and grab the chainsaw.

Curly: Why doesn't Larry go?

Moe: 'Cause he's got a headache.

Larry: No, I don't.

[Moe bonks Larry on the head with a hammer]

Moe: How about now?

Larry: [holding his head] Yeah, it's coming on.

Moe: Mind your P's and Q's.

Curly: Don't forget to dot the I's.

Moe: Certainly.

[Moe pokes Curly in the eyes]

Moe: Hiya, Snook. I got you a present.

Snooki: Really?

Moe: Yeah. Go on, open it.

[Snooki opens the box and Moe pokes her in the eye]

Snooki: Ow!

Moe: What is that gadget?

Teddy: This is an iPhone.

Curly: An eye phone?

[Curly takes the phone and holds it up to his eye]

Curly: Hello? Hello?

[Curly hands the phone back]

Curly: There's nobody there.

Larry: [the orphanage's bell falls off the roof and hits a nun on the head below] Uh-oh. Is that Sister Mary-Mengele?

Curly: I don't know, but the face rings a bell.

Teddy: So, you boys on Facebook? I'll poke you. Better yet, I'll tweet you.

Curly: Oh! Tweet us to dinner? Soitenly!

Head Nurse: Can't you read? Visiting hours are over.

Curly: Even for family?

Head Nurse: You're related?

Curly: Yeah.

Head Nurse: How?

Curly: His mother and my mother were both mothers.

Murph: Who won the poker game last night?

Moe: Eh, Peezer wiped us out.

Murph: Peezer? But he's 7.

Larry: Yeah but he wears those dark sunglasses, so you can't tell what he's thinking.

Moe: [points at Snooki's Guinness beer hat] Just because it says genius on her hat doesn't mean she is one.

Curly: Oh, boy. Fosters. That's Australian for beer.

Moe: Would you like that in a bottle or a mug?

Curly: I'll take it in a mug.

Moe: You got it.

[Moe slaps him]

Mother Superior: Like Moses in the desert, I believe the Lord will guide them. Because they're pure of heart.

Sister Mary-Mengele: And dim of wit.

Larry: $830,000. First taker gets a three-man working machine. It's all spelled out in this here contract, folks.

Moe: That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes.

Curly: We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk.

[Moe slaps Curly]

Moe: What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print.

Larry: Hey, quit horsing around you two. You're disturbing my coffee break.

Curly: Oh, boy donuts! Where's mine?

Moe: They're small. Why don't you have two?

Curly: Okay.

[Moe sticks donuts in Curly's ears]

Curly: Oh, now look what you did, Moe! You got donut stuck in my ears!

Larry: Hey, look, you're in luck. They got a donut remover right here.

Moe: What's a donut remover?

Larry: It's one of these.

[reads the sign on the bell]

Larry: "Do-nut remove-uh."

Larry: Hey, bub, your trousers are falling down. Let me help you.

[Larry yanks up Gangbanger's pants]

Gang Banger: Hey, man, you trying to get yourself capped?

Larry: Oh, no thanks. I don't wear hats. Why would I with a head of hair like this?

Lydia: My husband is suffering from an incurable disease that eventually will kill him.

Mac: Unfortunately, it could take a year, possibly more. The pain increasing daily till I lapse into an irreversible coma.

Curly: I had that. Only it was just in my feet. Yeah. It's called coma toes.

[Curly and Larry laugh]

Moe: [mock laughing] Oh, coma toes, huh?

Curly: Yeah.

[Moe stomps on Curly's foot]

Moe: Are they awake now?

Ronnie: What are you, crazy? That's assault!

Moe: Heres your pepper. Shut up.

[Moe slaps him]

The Situation: My man!

Ronnie: Who asked ya, muscle-head?

[Moe pokes him in the head]

JWoww: Moe! You can't just go around hitting people.

Moe: No? Well, can I do this?

[Moe plucks out her nose hair]

Moe: Hmm, rare bouquet.

Larry: Hey. Who's this lady?

Ling: That's Teddo's wife, Lydia.

Larry: Teddy's wife?

Ling: Yep. Oh, she's one lucky girl.

Larry: Then who's the guy on the end?

Ling: Oh, that's Teddo's best friend, Mac.

Curly: Well, then who's Mr. Fancy-Pants in the top hot and scarf?

Ling: That's a snowman.

Larry: Yeah, but what's his name?

Young Moe: Anesthetic!

Young Larry: Anesthetic!

Young Curly: Anesthetic!

Young Moe: 15 milligrams. Give!

Young Curly: Right.

[counts off on a croquet mallet]

Young Curly: Five, ten, fifteen!

[conks Sister Mary Mengele out]

Curly: Shame on you, Moe, you let your pride ruin everything for us and them kids.

Moe: How dare you accuse me of having pride?

Curly: Oh, a pee-shooter, eh?

Mac: Great! Great! How could this possibly get any worse?

[Curly passes gas, everybody groans in disgust]

Curly: I'm sorry. I guess the pesto-bismol didn't work with the lobster.

Moe: Did you eat the shells again?

Curly: I don't know! It was on the plate, and then it wasn't.

[Curly puts binoculars to his eyes the wrong way]

Curly: It's Attila the Nun! She's a hundred yards out and closin' fast!

[he removes the binoculars and realizes how close Sister Mary-Mengele is]

Curly: [he wails]

Curly: Oh, you must be French. There's a lot of wee-wee.

Larry: Why isn't she in a hospital?

Mother Superior: Well...

Sister Mary-Mengele: I'll tell you why. Because we don't have any medical insurance.

Larry: Well, you should get some. Just call that little green alligator guy.

Larry: Yeah, what's it gonna take to save this place?

Monsignor Ratliffe: A lot of of this.

[rubs fingers together, indicating money]

Larry: Oh. Well, that's doable. How many boogers we talking about?

Monsignor Ratliffe: Not boogers; dollars, you moron!

Lydia: Those three idiots are here!

Mac: [looking around] The Kardashian girls? Where are they?

Carbunkle: You blithering idiots! What do you think you're doing?

Moe: Out of the way, 3PO, we got to get Teddy.

Carbunkle: This is an invitation-only party!

[points the way out for them]

Carbunkle: Now, good day!

Curly: Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry! Fellas, do something!

Larry: [nervously] Moe, Moe!

Moe: What's the matter with y...

[gasps]

Curly: Call 411

[whimpers]

Moe: [to Larry] Quick, help me grab sister M and M before chowderhead crushes her!

[bonks to a water retainer, Curly falls on top of her, Mary-Mengele groans]

Moe: [to Curly] You, help out.

[to Larry]

Moe: You, grab that bucket, splash some water on her.

[metal from the bell hits Mary-Mengele thru the bucket]

Larry: See? I told you there's too much iron in the water.

Moe: Speak to me, sis. Say a few parables!

Sister Mary-Mengele: [dizzy and hallucinating] I saved 15% on my car insurance.

Larry: She seems fine to me.

Moe: Come on, let's go see what Mother Superior wants.

[Sister Mary-Mengele's head hits the water retainer]

Moe: [groans]

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Larry: Hey, little fella, want a peanut? Dolphin's love peanuts, you know. Here you go. Catch.

[Larry tosses peanut to dolphin and it falls into its blow hole, the dolphin chokes]

Curly: Oh, my God! I think he's snufficatin'!

Larry: Don't worry, pal, I know the Heineken maneuver.

Moe: What are you grubworms doing?

Curly: Getting seconds on lobster.

Moe: Seconds? I thought lobster upset your stomach.

Curly: I dipped it in pesto-bismol.

Moe: Oh, you like dipping, eh?

Curly: Yeah.

Moe: Come here.

[Moe dips Curly's head into the water, he pulls him out with a lobster attached to his face]

Larry: Hey, look, it's Santy Claws. Claws!

Moe: What did I tell you about puns?

[Moe stuffs the lobster down Larry's pants]

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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