Viva la Bam (2003–2005)
[from the opening creditd]
Announcer: Bam Margera. What will he do next?
Bam Margera: Whatever the fuck I want.
Bam Margera: What country are we in?
Bam's Uncle: Switzer-Land Bam.
Bam Margera: And what are ya wearing?
Bam's Uncle: The Liederhosen you gave me.
Bam Margera: Looks like we're ready for Monaco. Ready to go outside?
Bam's Uncle: Yeah Bam I just wanna go to the beach.
Bam Margera: Do you know the rules of Monaco?
Bam's Uncle: Naw they got stupid rules...
Bam Margera: You cant talk loud.
Bam's Uncle: ...itza stupid kazixta stupid country, datzall i know.
Bam Margera: -whispering- Whisper.
Bam's Uncle: Whisper What?
Bam Margera: -whispering- Whisper, Shhhhh.
Bam's Uncle: What whisper then we'll get outta this town, and I can get outta this suit if I whisper?
Bam Margera: -whispering- Yes whisper.
Bam's Uncle: -whispering- I'll whisper lets go... I hate Monaco... Pistachio... Pistachio.
Bam's Crew: How are we going to spot 'em?
Bam's Crew: Are you kidding? We're looking for Phil. He's not too hard to pick out.
Bam's Crew: He's like the size of three Frenchmen!
Bam Margera: Is that all you do is bitch?
Bam's Mom: I bitch because you're my*son*!
Bam's Mom: Bam! Your friends just buried my car in snow!
Bam Margera: They're not my friends.
Bam's Dad: What the hell are you doing here?
Oderus: I couldn't sleep upstairs, it frightens me!
Bam's Dad: But your friends are there, doesn't that make you...
Oderus: [shouts] They're not my friends!
Bam's Mom: Oh, my God! This is just like the Exorcist.
Bam Margera: Where are you going?
Bam's Mom: Paris. I've been telling you guys for three weeks! We're going for our anniversary
Bam's Crew: I wasn't listening
Bam Margera: Neither was I
Bam's Dad: [after April kisses Bam goodbye] If she kisses you, I can kiss you. I hope you know that. Bye Bye.
[Tries to kiss Bam]
Bam Margera: Ew! Get away!
Bam's Dad: When she kisses I kiss
Bam's Crew: This guy's not even in France yet, and already he's acting all weird
Bam's Crew: H.R Kissnshit!
Bam's Uncle: I wanna get leaning leaning tower of pizza and I'll be happy
Bam Margera: The Leaning Tower of what?
Bam's Uncle: Pizza
Bam Margera: Spell It
Bam's Uncle: P-I-Z-Z-A. Pizza. It's like a spelling bee you know. Pizza.
Bam Margera: Vito the whole world is laughing at you right now
Bam's Uncle: No they're not Bam. That's how you spell pizza. P-I-Z-Z-A.
Bam Margera: Yeah, that's how you spell "pizza" it's not The Leaning Tower of pizza, jackass!
Bam's Uncle: That's where it came from, Bam, Italy. You don't know nothing abou Italy.
Bam Margera: [Hangs head laughing]
Bam's Uncle: Italy's shaped like a boot for a reason... so they can stick it up your ass.
Bam's Uncle: [In Pisa, Italy] The whole goddamn city is named after pizza
Bam Margera: It's Pisa
Bam Margera: Yeah, but that's "pizza" in Italian
Himself - Bam's Crew: [after he trash a bakery and April tells him off] You're insane!
Tow-truck Driver: Shut the truck off!
Himself - Bam's Crew: "Shut the fuck up"?
Bam's Crew: [after putting frogs in Bam's tent] I guess he didn't find his prince. Maybe he should have kissed one.
Police Officer: Don't do anything stupid
Bam Margera: I wasn't planning on it
Police Officer: Good... 'cause I'll arrest your ass!
Himself - Bam's Crew: It's fucking called Gobbler's Knob? Hey, Rake it's your favourite place.
Bam's Crew: [Sitting in bath full of cocoa and marshmellows] This is kind of nice
Bam's Dad: Turned out alright didn't it?
Bam's Crew: Yeah
Bam's Dad: It's comfortable in here!
Bam's Mom: [after Bam and friends fill April's car with snow] I'm gonna have to call a cab
Bam Margera: There is no cab companies in West Chester
Bam's Mom: I'm gonna call the Purple Cab Company
Bam's Crew: I've never heard of Purple Cab. There's only Rainbow Cab.
Bam's Mom: [Few moments later April drives up the drive in Bam's purple Lambo] -in mocking tone- "There's no Purple Cab company"
Bam Margera: [Everybody laughing] Get out of that!
Bam Margera: [Bam chases the car for a moment as April drives away] I was gonna throw a snowball at it but then I remembered it was mine!
Bam Margera: Dico, you coming to Mexico?
Himself - Bam's Crew: No, all the video games suck ther. What am I gonna play, Outre Kombat? El Street Fight Grande?
Bam Margera: Well if Bran and Rake aren't going then I gotta call my friends, The Dudesons!
Bam's Crew: That one guy doesn't shut the hell up. Please don't call!
Jarpi: [Jarpi is jabbering away in Finnish]
Bam Margera: He just said every Finnish word in the fucking dictionary in a matter of five minutes
Bam Margera: [turns to Jarpi] All right. All right, enough. No more Finland talk!
Colin Morrison: [drives his bike through a glass door in the house]
Bam's Mom: Am I the only normal one here?
Bam's Uncle: No, Ape, I'm normal.
Bam's Mom: Oh, God! You're so not normal!
Himself - Bam's Crew: There's a filthy virus that grows in this room, and it's called lying-itis!
Himself - Bam's Crew: And I didn't take it, because a man with no hair couldn't take it possibly!
George Ex CIA opperative: Friend, you ever have a polygraph before?
Brandon Novak: Yes
George Ex CIA opperative: Did you? How'd you do? Really good, I bet.
Brandon Novak: Uh... I got six months.
Himself - Bam's Crew: Have you ever had a boyfriend?
Bam's Crew: No
[polygraph machine says he is lying]
Himself - Bam's Crew: Hey, Lady, do you like my surveillance table? It's the damndest.
Himself - Bam's Crew: Veal Scaloppini rhymes with Lamborghini. And they're both Italian!
Jimmy Pop: [talking to Bam about polygraph machines] Oh, come on. Those don't work. Can I kiss you?
Jimmy Pop: Have you ever tried calling you? I called you like 17 times. And I even left messages, and I even say dirty things on it to think that will make you mad and all fired up, and you'll call me.
Jared 'Evil' Hasselhoff: Don't worry. We can fix this. My dad's a tv repairman. He's got the ultimate set of tools.
Bam Margera: Row your boat!
Bam's Uncle: Row my boat where? Gently down the stream?
Bam's Crew: We just had to carry with fat Vito...
Bam's Crew: [kisses Raab]
Bam's Crew: That makes it all better
Oderus: [shouts] Where is Bam Bam?
[after Vito made Bams Hummer drive off that cliff thing]
Bam Margera: Vito... I'm proud of you! You thought this all through!
Bam's Uncle: I'm gonna kill your plane, you watch!
Johnny Knoxville: Jesus, That's... That is so hateful...!
Bam's Uncle: Come near me again, I'll kill ya.
Himself - Bam's Crew: Don Vito is so fat, his blood consists of mayonnaise.
Himself - Bam's Crew: The food train has arrived, sire. Who ordered a side of style? At home, we call this "portions galore"! Enjoy.