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"Rescue Me" (2004)
Chief Jerry Reilly:
What in the sweet chocolate Christ is a metrosexual?
Franco Rivera: In bed, she's a wonder. Out of bed, she's the jolly green goddamn giant. Best piece of ass I ever had.
Coroner: Um... she's dead. Her neck is broken. Died instantly.
Tommy Gavin: I was just talking to her!
Tommy Gavin: Listen, you can meet a guy's ex-girlfriend in a bar and feel her up.
Kenny Lou: Yes.
Tommy Gavin: You can be in a bar, meet a guy's ex-wife, and?
Kenny Lou: [makes circular gestures on his chest] Titty action.
Tommy Gavin: Titty action. You can even grab his sister's ass while the guy is in the same bar.
Kenny Lou: Yes you could.
Tommy Gavin: And it would all fall under the giant unbrella rule of, "Sorry, I was drunk."
Kenny Lou: Like Visa and Mastercard, accepted the world over.
Tommy Gavin: In fact, that's why the rule was invented all those years ago, by the... Romans?
Kenny Lou: Earlier than that, my friend: the Druids!
Tommy Gavin: [counting on his fingers] But girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, sister, half-sister:
[sweeps his hands]
Tommy Gavin: No pussy!
Chief Jerry Reilly: There's no probably about it. I've seen the pictures. She's more of a man than I am.
Tommy Gavin: Let me tell you something, sister, you serve two purposes in this house - you can give me a blow job or make me a sandwich. I'm not in the mood for head and I had a late breakfast, so you're shit out of luck.
Tommy Gavin: The harder I work, the luckier I goddamned get.
Tommy Gavin: There's no golden ring at the end of the ride... it's all bullshit.
Tommy Gavin: Bless me father for I sinned... and so have you.
Uncle Teddy: [after a suicide attempt] Is this heaven?
Tommy Gavin: No, it's my *garage*!
Kenny Lou: "Mint Pussy". Probably one of *the* worst Ben & Jerry's flavors ever.
Sean Garrity: [the FDNY is losing the hockey game and Kenny Lou is going to lose 500 dollars on the game] Man, I'm gonna lose my 25 bucks.
Kenny Lou: [looks at Sean for a few seconds. Takes out lighter and lights Seans pants]
Chief Jerry Reilly: [watching Sean Garrity and Probie playing Scrabble] Look at this - a meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.
Chief Jerry Reilly: Blessed screaming Jesus on a whole-wheat goddamn cracker.
Janet Gavin: [to Tommy sometime after their son, Connor, was killed by a drunk driver] You can rescue a little girl whom you don't even know from the third story of a burning building, but you can't keep an eye on your own son?
Uncle Teddy: [in Tommy's house, the kitchen is an absolute mess] Hey, Tommy! Check it out! I made chili tonight!
Tommy Gavin: Yeah, no shit. What did ya do, mix it with a goddamn shotgun?
Jimmy Keefe: The fact that you even have a face repertoire makes you... suspect.
Tommy Gavin: When I was growing up, I had Sister Mary Shovel Face in school... you get Sharon Stone.
Tommy Gavin: Who was that?
Sean Garrity: [on the phone with Tommy's sister, Maggie] Oh, nobody.
Tommy Gavin: You don't really need a phone to talk to "nobody".
Homeless Man: Take a hike, wannabe!
Kenny Lou: [Drunk] You hake a tike!
Franco Rivera: He's retarded.
Kenny Lou: Like Rainman retarded or Paris Hilton retarded?
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Franco Rivera: In bed, she's a wonder. Out of bed, she's the jolly green goddamn giant. Best piece of ass I ever had.
Coroner: Um... she's dead. Her neck is broken. Died instantly.
Tommy Gavin: I was just talking to her!
Tommy Gavin: Listen, you can meet a guy's ex-girlfriend in a bar and feel her up.
Kenny Lou: Yes.
Tommy Gavin: You can be in a bar, meet a guy's ex-wife, and?
Kenny Lou: [makes circular gestures on his chest] Titty action.
Tommy Gavin: Titty action. You can even grab his sister's ass while the guy is in the same bar.
Kenny Lou: Yes you could.
Tommy Gavin: And it would all fall under the giant unbrella rule of, "Sorry, I was drunk."
Kenny Lou: Like Visa and Mastercard, accepted the world over.
Tommy Gavin: In fact, that's why the rule was invented all those years ago, by the... Romans?
Kenny Lou: Earlier than that, my friend: the Druids!
Tommy Gavin: [counting on his fingers] But girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, sister, half-sister:
[sweeps his hands]
Tommy Gavin: No pussy!
Chief Jerry Reilly: There's no probably about it. I've seen the pictures. She's more of a man than I am.
Tommy Gavin: Let me tell you something, sister, you serve two purposes in this house - you can give me a blow job or make me a sandwich. I'm not in the mood for head and I had a late breakfast, so you're shit out of luck.
Tommy Gavin: The harder I work, the luckier I goddamned get.
Tommy Gavin: There's no golden ring at the end of the ride... it's all bullshit.
Tommy Gavin: Bless me father for I sinned... and so have you.
Uncle Teddy: [after a suicide attempt] Is this heaven?
Tommy Gavin: No, it's my *garage*!
Kenny Lou: "Mint Pussy". Probably one of *the* worst Ben & Jerry's flavors ever.
Sean Garrity: [the FDNY is losing the hockey game and Kenny Lou is going to lose 500 dollars on the game] Man, I'm gonna lose my 25 bucks.
Kenny Lou: [looks at Sean for a few seconds. Takes out lighter and lights Seans pants]
Chief Jerry Reilly: [watching Sean Garrity and Probie playing Scrabble] Look at this - a meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.
Chief Jerry Reilly: Blessed screaming Jesus on a whole-wheat goddamn cracker.
Janet Gavin: [to Tommy sometime after their son, Connor, was killed by a drunk driver] You can rescue a little girl whom you don't even know from the third story of a burning building, but you can't keep an eye on your own son?
Uncle Teddy: [in Tommy's house, the kitchen is an absolute mess] Hey, Tommy! Check it out! I made chili tonight!
Tommy Gavin: Yeah, no shit. What did ya do, mix it with a goddamn shotgun?
Jimmy Keefe: The fact that you even have a face repertoire makes you... suspect.
Tommy Gavin: When I was growing up, I had Sister Mary Shovel Face in school... you get Sharon Stone.
Tommy Gavin: Who was that?
Sean Garrity: [on the phone with Tommy's sister, Maggie] Oh, nobody.
Tommy Gavin: You don't really need a phone to talk to "nobody".
Homeless Man: Take a hike, wannabe!
Kenny Lou: [Drunk] You hake a tike!
Franco Rivera: He's retarded.
Kenny Lou: Like Rainman retarded or Paris Hilton retarded?
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