White Chicks (2004)
Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills.
Megan Vandergeld: It's the Beverly Ho-Billies.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me?
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn't?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I'm sorry, but uhm... we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office
Marcus Copeland: A klept-ho-maniac!
Megan Vandergeld: [arrogantly] Your mother shops at Saks.
Marcus Copeland: [indignantly]
[as Tiffany Wilson]
Marcus Copeland: What?
[the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers]
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It's mother time, okay! Your mother's so dumb she went to Dr Dre for a Pap smear! "Something's wrong, Dr Dre! My coochie's doing a beatbox!"
Heather Vandergeld: Well yea? Your mother's so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something!
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother's so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this:
[blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh]
Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like... She's so...
Heather Vandergeld: Megan you go!
Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney's Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a 'ni-coise' salad. 'Ni-coise' salad, right?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother's ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, "Only in America!"
Latrell Spencer: Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair.
Kevin Copeland: [chaseing and tackling Purse Snatcher] Gimme that.
Purse Snatcher: Jesus, lady! All this for just a hand bag?
Kevin Copeland: It's not "just" a hand bag. It's Prada!
Kevin Copeland: I'm gonna have a BF!
Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she's gonna have a bitch fit!
Hotel clerk: No, don't d-d-d-don't have a, a, a BF now.
Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!
Marcus Copeland: You, are in big, trouble!
Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.
Latrell Spencer: Oh the deception. The betrayal. Man you deceived me.
Marcus Copeland: Look man
Latrell Spencer: Negro please. Didn't any one tell you that this was an all white party, huh? Someone get this jiggaboo away from me.
Marcus Copeland: I don't see why I gotta go out with Buffy the White Girl Slayer
Latrell Spencer: She don't know it yet... But that's 'Wifey' right there.
Lisa: Hi I'm Cellulite Sally; look at my huge ba-donkey. Don't forget about me, I'm Backfat Betty. Now who could have said that? Oh yeah, it's Tina the Talking Tummy.
Lisa: I can't even wear a short skirt and a top without looking like a fat pig.
[approaching the reception desk in the Royal Hamptons Hotel, Marcus, dressed as Tiffany Wilson, stumbles toward the counter]
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Sweetie! You've got to slow up with those cosmos!
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Tee-hee! Oh, fine.
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in!
[slams into postcard and knick-knack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts]
Kevin Copeland: Sorry, um, they're new. Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson, squeezing Brittany's fake breasts] Feels so real!
[gives dog to hotel clerk]
Marcus Copeland: Take good care of him, oh, and teach him how to say "Yo quiero Taco Bell". Kay?
Lisa: I'm Carnie Wilson before my gastric bypass surgery.
Kevin Copeland: This one goes with your skin tone.
Lisa: Somebody throw Shamu back in the ocean.
Kevin Copeland: Forget him, Marcus. We can do this ourselves. Look, all we gotta is if, if, if...
Marcus Copeland: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. "We?" Kevin, this ain't about "we." It's never been. It's about you. You come up with some stupid idea and I'm dumb enough to go along with it. And look where its gotten me, Kevin. I just lost my wife and my job because of you. So, don't tell me about "we" no more, all right?
Marcus Copeland: Look King Kong. Why don't you take you and your "1980 pick-up lines", climb all the way up to the top of the Empire State building, beat on your big old monkey chest and then jump off? Excuse me.
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson]
[Brittney comes the dressing room with an outfit]
Kevin Copeland: How about this?
Lisa: [Sobbing] You bitch thats so terrible!
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] Ok im going to go get help ok, you need professional help.
Lisa: [Sobbing] ok! ok!
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] Dr Phil!
Agent Vincent Gomez: So, who do you think wore those panties you were sniffing? Kevin or Marcus?
Agent Jake Harper: Gomez, l told you. l was looking for DNA...
Section Chief Elliott Gordon: Oh, yeah.
Agent Jake Harper: What are you laughing at, ''Denzel''? ''Oh, what a beautiful chocolate man!'' hahahaha
Section Chief Elliott Gordon: You guys got some work to do?
Megan Vandergeld: These starving kids in Africa make me so sad. They don't even have to try to be skinny!