QI (2003– )
Stephen Fry: [holding his clenched left fist out in front of him] If I've got a moth ball in this hand and a moth ball in that hand,
[bringing out his right fist]
Stephen Fry: What have I got?
Alan Davies: Two moth balls?
Stephen Fry: A rather excited moth.
Alan Davies: Sorry, I thought you were literally asking.
Rob Brydon: When I was small and my dad just happened to hit his finger with a hammer for something new, he used to say, 'Hells bells and buckets of blood.'
Stephen Fry: That's a good saying 'Hells bells and buckets of blood.' I usually just say "Fuck it!"
Phill Jupitus: [during a round about the sinking of the Titanic] Is it true that someone dressed as a lady to escape detection?
Stephen Fry: Yes, apparently it is true because it was women and children first.
Bill Bailey: [laughs] I thought you said "someone dressed as a *baby*"
Phill Jupitus: [putting on posh accent] "Yes, goo-goo indeed. I have a lollipop and I have no control over my urinary functions. I am, in fact, an infant. And I know you think I'm Lord Albermal, but I am in fact a little baby. With a beard. Yes, goo-goo, gaa-gaa. And Madam, may I tell you I've been a very naughty baby."!
Stephen Fry: [quoting Albert Einstein] Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Alan Davies: [after his buzzer is a sexy woman's voice saying "Ahoy, hello sailor"] Hang on, hang on, who was that?
[pushes buzzer again]
Alan Davies: Hells bells.