Charcoal Feather Federation (2002)

Carrie Savage: Rakka

Quotes 

• Kuu : Inside my mind, there's a beautiful cup. A very beautiful, clear cup. And tiny drops kept falling into it, 'drip, drip, drip', slowly but steadily, everyday. And today, I felt the cup had finally become completely full.

  Rakka : Kuu...

  Kuu : And that's because you gave me some of those drops. Rakka, thank you.

• Communicator : Then, do you recognize your own sin?

  Rakka : If I do, does that mean my sin will be erased?

  Communicator : Think about it. To recognize one's own sin is to have no sin. So, are you a sinner?

  Rakka : Uh! But if I think I have no sin, then I become a sinner!

  Communicator : Perhaps this is what it means to be bound by sin. To spin in the same circle, looking for where the sin lies, and at some point losing sight of the way out.

  Rakka : What's the right answer, then?

  Communicator : Think about it. You must search for and find the answer yourself.

• [Rakka is cleaning Kuu's room, after her "Day of Flight"... Rakka begins to speak out loud alone] 

  Rakka : Good morning, Kuu. It's already been a month since you left. Winter has finally come to this little town. But thanks to your advice, I didn't catch a cold. How are you doing Kuu? So what's it like where you are now? What do you do there? I hope people there are as nice as those in the town of Glie. In case you're wondering, everyone here at Old Home is doing fine. And I...

  [drops her broom and begins to sob] 

  Rakka : Sorry, but I can't congratulate you like everybody else. I wanted to be with you much longer. I wanted to go shopping with you... and eat with you... and talk about a lot of things with you! There were a lot more things that I wanted you to teach me!

• Rakka : She's been blaming herself all this time. Why is it only Reki that can't be forgiven?

  Communicator : Why do you think YOU were forgiven?

  Rakka : It's not because I forgave myself.

  Communicator : That is correct. No one is able to forgive themselves. However you had the bird. Someone believed in you, and stood by you.

  Rakka : By recognizing one's own sin, you can't help but go around in circles if you're alone.

• Rakka : So if I really am a sinner, and I'm not supposed to be here, then please... take me back to the place where I'm supposed to be. This place... this town is too good to me. Everyone is so caring and treats me so kindly. I feel so guilty! If the dream I had is real, I want to go back. I have to go back! I have to apologize!

  Communicator : To recognize one's own sin is to have no sin. It is the riddle of the 'Circle of Sin'.

• Reki : They'll never know how very dark and very cold my heart is.

  Rakka : STOP that! There's no way I can believe that! You've always been so kind!

  Reki : Rakka, I guess you never really understood. You never saw how jealous I was of you.

  Rakka : No...

  Reki : Both of us sin bound. But in the end, only you were forgiven. Everyone leaves me eventually. When Kuu took her Day of Flight, part of me was jealous of her. And I hate myself for it.

  Rakka : THAT'S NOT TRUE! YOU CAME LOOKING FOR ME WHEN I FELL INTO THE WELL! YOU TOOK CARE OF ME, WENT TO GET MEDICINE FOR ME! WHENEVER I WAS IN PAIN YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME!

  Reki : THAT's RIGHT! And why'de I do it? I was LOOKING for my salvation! I can only forget about my sin when I'm being useful to someone! And the only thought that I had the whole time I was helping you... was that maybe God would come down and FINALLY forgive me!

  Rakka : [crying]  Stop it! Stop it!

  Reki : [coldly]  Rakka... for what I needed, you could've been anybody.

• Rakka : Reki, will we see each other again?

  Reki : Well, yeah, I think we will. Now, close your eyes. It's the custom of a Haibane to disappear without notice when the Day of Flight comes.

  Rakka : Reki will be Reki till the very end, right?

• [Rakka has discovered two new cocoons... she says in her mind... last lines] 

  Rakka : Reki, I'll never forget you.

• Rakka : Can you tell me where I am? And what's Haibane?

• Rakka : We're not human, are we?

  Reki : Nobody knows exactly what we are... if we're human or not. We call ourselves the Haibane, which means 'charcoal feathers'.

  Rakka : I wanna go home!

  Reki : The Haibane are not allowed to go outside of town. It is our most sacred law. Besides, even if your family were somewhere in this world, they wouldn't recognize you if they saw you now.

  Rakka : But why?

  Reki : Just as you cannot remember the world that you used to be in, there is nobody in this world who can remember you.

• Rakka : I still wonder... what the Haibane are. Everyone says that both the walls and this town exist for the Haibane. But, the charcoal feathers are born into this world suddenly, and just as suddenly they disappear. I don't know the reason why I became a Haibane. I'm here, I can't remember anything about who I was. And if I am to disappear someday without accomplishing anything, what's the meaning of my existence?

  Reki : You know, at one time, I felt the same way as you. I think there is a meaning, but only YOU can find it.

• Rakka : Somewhere, that's not here, in a place I can't remember, I was obsessed with the idea that I was all alone. I thought that nobody would care, or even miss me if I vanished from the face of the Earth. I wanted to disappear. Then I had a dream about falling from the sky. I just remember that the bird was in the dream with me, and that the bird was someone in the form of a bird, trying to call me back. I now know that I was never alone. But I...

  Communicator : You should not think of it in such a way. Your wings and halo are proof that you have no sin to be atoned for in this world.

  Rakka : But you don't understand! My feathers are...

  Communicator : So, you are sin bound. Hiding the signs of your sin by dyeing your feathers with medicine. Who showed you how?

  Rakka : ...

  Communicator : I see.

  Rakka : What do you mean by 'sin bound'? Are you saying I'm a sinner? And does that mean... that the dream was real?

  Communicator : There is no way to be certain. Whatever you lost dreaming inside your cocoon can never be retrieved. Even if you heard someone, you will never see that person again.

• [Rakka has read Reki's diary] 

  Rakka : I understand! She protected me! She protected me from the very beginning! Reki! I have to be the bird that will save Reki! Just like the bird who saved me!

• Reki : Rakka, what are you doing here?

  Rakka : I'm really sorry, I let myself in.

  Reki : Look at you... you'll be Rakka to the very end.

• Rakka : Reki has been acting a little nervous lately.

  Communicator : The fact that her Day of Flight has not arrived is weighing heavily on her mind. And yet, she silently hopes that it will never come.

  Rakka : I know. It hurts me a lot to see her suffering like this, but... I still don't want her to go away.

  Communicator : She is still lost in the dark. Rakka... you had the bird come to you, enabling you to fill in the missing pieces of your memories. However, Reki has no one. She must face the darkness on her own. It is a trying ordeal.

• [Rakka has discovered two new cocoons... last lines...] 

  Rakka : Twins! Oh, this is big, this is BIG!