Paradise Hotel (2003– )
Amy Toliver: And if it's the last thing I do, I will see to it that you are running up those steps because you want to get the hell away from here.
Keith Cuda: Do you think you scare me?
Amy Toliver: No, but when you have no respect in here and no friends, you will want to leave.
Keith Cuda: We'll see.
Amy Toliver: We will see.
Amy Toliver: We will see.
Charla Pihlstrom: Let's pray to God.
Tara Gerard: Okay.
[the three all link arms]
Amanda Dominguez: Dear God, please let Scott pick me so that I can say these hott ass bitches in Pardise.
Charla Pihlstrom: There's no swearing when were praying to God.
Amanda Dominguez: Oops. Sorry. In your name we pray, amen.
Tara Gerard: Amen.
Charla Pihlstrom: I'm not done yet.
Charla Pihlstrom: Amen.
Tara Gerard: [Impersonating the host, Amanda] Charla, you must pack your bags and check out of Paradise, FOREVA.
Charla Pihlstrom: Itsd funny how clearly you can hear a mosquito at night when you're crazy.
Andon Guenther: If you thought you were running shit, think again!
Zack: You cannot argue with me. I'm a debater. I'm a lawyer. I have lawyer in me.
Toni Ferrari: We may be surrounded by beauty, but there's some evil stuff that's gonna come out soon.
Toni Ferrari: [Introductory clip] You come at me with attitude and think you're gonna fight me verbally and put me down, without actually giving me a reason? You'd better run. You better get on a flight and go back to wherever you came from cus I will tear you down. Period.
Toni Ferrari: [Talking to herself] Wait a minute, is like everybody perfect here? Yeah, pretty much.
Toni Ferrari: [to Amy] Sweetie, we're not safe... We're not safe with anybody. If we wanna stay here we gotta cover our own tails, cus now the game is being played.
Charla Pihlstrom: Alex, I'm sorry. I'm really nasty right now.
Andon Guenther: Did you just call me Alex?
Charla Pihlstrom: I'm sorry.
Andon Guenther: Oh that's just great. That's real great.
Dave Kerpen: [Introductory clip] I've got the looks of an average American guy and the personality of a winner.
Zack: This question's for Tom. You say you like to get girls drunk and take them home. Is that the only way you can get girls?
Tom Rodriguez: Ah, I don't remember saying that but I do remember a certain someone hiding in the closet like a little baby.
Zack: [Referring to Alex] Why is he the one getting all of the attention? I'm the one in better shape. I'm the better looking one. I'm the man.
Scott Hanson: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Charla Pihlstrom: Why? Because you can't perform when you gotta pee?
Charla Pihlstrom: All I said was I don't like Dave touching my bare skin.
Zack: You make me sound like a bad guy. You know what? I'm a good guy.
Zack: My mother dropped me off at a grocery store and said "I'll see you later", left me crying, and just drove off.
Dave Kerpen: Hmm... I think I have Charla's thong.
[Dave takes Charla's thong out of his pocket]
Dave Kerpen: I did not have sex with that woman.
Host: Charla, you and Dave have had words over Pandora's box. Why did you choose him again?
Charla Pihlstrom: Dave has forgiven me and he accepts me for who I am. And that's awesome.
Host: OK, so Matt, who do you think you'll most clash with at Paradise Hotel and why?
Matthew Cehi: Maybe Dave. A little competition, could be fun.
Host: What sort of competition?
Matthew Cehi: I think athletic competition... I can bring it on.
Dave Kerpen: I'm not worried.
Host: Oh, he's not worried!
Matthew Cehi: He looks worried.
Matthew Cehi: [singing to Amanda] Today I might be alone, and tomorrow it might be the same, but there's one thing that I'll always know, you might be my room mate some day.
Zack: I hate to admit it to you, but when I'm cocky and confident everything goes my way. And that's how I'm gonna be. I'm not letting this little bitch have power over me, cus when I get my power back, it's on.
Alex Van Camp: [Referring to Keith] It doesn't matter who we pick. That guy still has the final say. I hope he enjoys his little power reign. He's gonna be in a world of hurt if he sends any of us three guys home.
Toni Ferrari: Keith, come over here...
[Keith ignores Toni]
Toni Ferrari: I'll get him later. Let the boys enjoy their dinner. The old Toni would have let it go, period. Not the new Toni.
Keith Cuda: Bitch.
Toni Ferrari: If you ever disrespect the females like you did tonight, so help me god. I'm gonna flip out on you.
Keith Cuda: Don't talk to me like some little girl!
Toni Ferrari: Don't disrespect me while I'm trying to tell you something!
Keith Cuda: You're not always right.
Toni Ferrari: [Crying] I am... so scared that I am gonna lose Scott.
Amy Toliver: [after Keith has chosen her, forcing Zack to leave] Are you fucking kidding me?
Keith Cuda: I don't think that any one guy deserves to go home more than the other. I'm just trying to play the game.
Amy Toliver: Fuck you, dude.
Zack: [Consoling Amy] Life goes on. It's just a game. Don't cry for me, it hurts even more.
Toni Ferrari: [On Zack being eliminated] Honest to God, what were you thinking? I wanna know.
Keith Cuda: OK, why are you yelling at me?
Toni Ferrari: Because my friend is crying her eyes out right now.
Keith Cuda: OK.
Toni Ferrari: What? Just tell me what. Make me understand! Please.
Keith Cuda: I have nothing to say to you.
Alex Van Camp: [On Keith] Well, you girls voted him on.
Toni Ferrari: Wow... wow.
Alex Van Camp: What a creep.
Toni Ferrari: Mmm hmm.
Charla Pihlstrom: [Talking to Tara] We just have to keep playing the dumb models. We have to be Barbie girls in a Barbie world.
[Charla and Tara raise their arms like Barbie dolls]
Charla Pihlstrom: [Referring to the original guests] All of us little people are so, like, trained to be intimidated by the foursome to not rise up.
Amy Toliver: And I'm still fucking talking to you! Don't interrupt me. Don't be rude.
Keith Cuda: If you can't take it, then get out.
Amy Toliver: I'm still here! Don't you see me in your fucking face right now?
Dave Kerpen: Whitney. So you're a physical therapist. The thing is, my back's in a lot of pain from all this tennis I've been playing.
[the guys laugh at Dave in the background]
Dave Kerpen: Hey, I beat all of you...
Charla Pihlstrom: My back's in a lot of pain from sleeping on the damn mini bed.
Toni Ferrari: [Immitating Dave] I beat all of you.
Dave Kerpen: Is there any kind of special therapy you can possibly give me right now?
Kristin Ellis: Poor Dave, always trying to get some.
Keith Cuda: [Referring to who the guys think is the most attractive female] This'll be interesting, see how you think.
Amy Toliver: [Watching via monitor in another room] Fucking idiot.
Keith Cuda: Well I'm not sure it matters because they probably all hate me...
Amy Toliver: That's right. We don't like you, so relax.
Keith Cuda: Umm, I think Charla is down to Earth and doesn't bullshit.
Amy Toliver: [Turns to Charla] Keep in mind he's saying that because you don't say anything.
Amy Toliver: [to Keith] I will make your time here a living hell.
Dave Kerpen: Yes, everyone's playing the game. Hands down, the female playing it the most is Toni.
Toni Ferrari: You son of a bitch!
Dave Kerpen: The past few weeks she's blatently said she wants me out. She knows that one of the girls is going home and suddenly she's being quite affectionate. I mean to me, she's clearly playing the game.
Toni Ferrari: You evil motherfucker! You motherfucker! I'm gonna drown your fucking ass.
Toni Ferrari: We're on high alert. And I'm gonna tell you who it is. And I didn't realize it until now. Dave, Charla, Tara. They are plotting, they are trying to get rid of us. They want us out. Charla is behind it, so is Tara, so is Dave.
Amy Toliver: But how do you know?
Toni Ferrari: I can FEEL it.
Amy Toliver: Yeah.
Toni Ferrari: It's in my stomach.
Toni Ferrari: [Looking into the camera] If I am the one to go... fine. But I swear... if I'm not, someone's in a lot of trouble.
Toni Ferrari: I'm gonna say something here real quick. My instincts are back up. And I mean they are back up, and they are strong. Period. I know something's going on. If I hear one more ounce of "I want this person out or this person out" and I think this person at the table knows exactly what I'm saying. Stop it. Cus I know. If you have something to say to any one of us, say it in the open. And I'm serious.
Charla Pihlstrom: Who do you think has said something?
Toni Ferrari: I think it's you two.
[Looking at Charla and Tara]
Toni Ferrari: You're both against me and back stabbing me, it's ridiculous. If you want me out, fine, but that will be her decision.
[Looks over to Holly and then back at Charla and Tara]
Toni Ferrari: Do not run up to the new people and kiss their tail. She's gonna decide on who she wants to with and that is her choice, there is no pressure. She doesn't kick me off. You do. Do not use the new people. And that's all I gotta say.
Tara Gerard: I would like you to know something before you go...
Toni Ferrari: I'm not gonna talk about this anymore. Right now, I'm pissed and I just need time to calm down.
Charla Pihlstrom: [Talking to herself] They want me gone... Screw that.
Toni Ferrari: Honest to God, Scott. I wouldn't go back to you. You wouldn't choose me anyway. And I know that in my hard heart.
Scott Hanson: Interesting...
Toni Ferrari: [Asked about why she chose Keith, knocking herself out of the competition] Amy doesn't deserve to go. I want her to stay. I already said it a hundred times, baby girl, I'd take a bullet for her in a heart beat.
Beau Wolf: Shut up.
Toni Ferrari: [Turning around and walking back to Beau] Excuse me? Excuse me. You never talk to me like that. My parents don't, you don't. You remember that. Right now...
Alex Van Camp: [Yelling at the sky] Damn you game, it's all your fault!
Amy Toliver: [as Keith is trying to bowl a strike] Booooo! Gutter! I want you gone. Gutter.
Tara Gerard: [On the phone to Dave] Tom has a pet monkey named Smokey.
Dave Kerpen: Nah, too weird for me.
Tara Gerard: I know!
Charla Pihlstrom: Take the money? Give it to Dave...
[Repeated & echoed in her mind]
Host: [At each elimination round] One of you will have to pack your belongings and leave paradise... forever.
Keith Cuda: [after being asked how he feels about the fact Zack can't be voted back on the show after threatening him] I kicked him off again.