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99 out of 138 people found the following review useful:

Horrible

1/10
Author: ejdawg76 from pennsylvania
12 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I thought this movie was terrible, i am a HUGE fan of the Halloween movies, i could not wait for this movie to come out so when it did i went opening night only to real disappointment, i feel Rob Zombie destroyed the movie, it was not scary one bit, i felt like the actors were trying to be the ones in the original, i didn't care what happened to any of them, where in the original i wanted to see them live. He killed all these people and left Annie alive, that was kind of odd, even the background of the movie having Michael Myers parents be like white trash was just stupid, i think a lot of people would end up being killers. Michael Myers was pretty much supposed to be just pure evil without there ever really being a reason, thats what pretty much scared me about the originals. I never really review movies at all because i am pretty easy to please but this was such a disaster i had to share my opinion:)

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151 out of 247 people found the following review useful:

When you want the heroine to die, the director has failed!

4/10
Author: KJacob73 from United States
2 October 2007

What a travesty! Not so much that Halloween has been remade, but that Zombie's take on Michael Myers begins so well only to end up being a turd.I resisted seeing this upon release, but finally gave in when it available to me for free. The idea of one of my favorite films of all time being messed with just didn't sit right with me.

I must admit that for the first 50 minutes I was genuinely captivated. Originally I was appalled by the prospect of fleshing out Michael Myer's childhood. What made it work was that this was clearly Zombie's vision. I could accept it because I didn't feel that this had anything to do with Carpenter's Michael Myers. It felt more like Zombie's fantasy of what Michael Myers childhood had been like in a white trash family and how it led to his murderous spree. Of course the scariest thing about the original Myers is that there is no apparent reason for his evil. He's a blank slate which all sorts of fears can be projected on. For Zombie that projection is having a stripper mom who has a boyfriend who threatens to "skull f*&k" her. This all works because it is clearly Zombie's universe.

The film goes down hill and I mean tumbling down when Zombie enters Carpenter's territory. The film becomes all to familiar in that its plot begins to mirror Carpenter's original. By no means is Zombie able to pay homage or even copy Carpenter in a compelling manner. What has to be the worst aspect of this is the actresses who play the three teenage girls. All of them are horrible, and what's most unforgivable is how awful the girl is who play Laurie Strode. This is the character who was played by Jamie Lee Curtis, who gave an iconic performance in the original. All this girl does is shriek and talk like some valley girl. Imagine this line, "so like was that the boogie man". Now I'm not sure if these were her exact words, but that's what her character is like. The biggest abomination of this fiasco is that it's not even scary. The set pieces just make you wish you were watching the original. Zombie only comes close only once to an effectively scary scene when Laurie is trapped in a drained pool. She can't get out and Myers is in hot pursuit. What kills this creative sequence is that you really could care less if the girl lives or dies. More will actually probably wish her to die. When you want the heroine to die in a horror film the director has failed.

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89 out of 128 people found the following review useful:

A complete disappointment!

1/10
Author: chucknorrisfacts
31 August 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I, like many others feared this movie wouldn't live up to the original; sadly this was most definitely the case. It lacks everything that made the original so great. Carpenter's Myers stalked and studied his would-be victims, waiting for just the right moment to strike. Michael Myers is not supposed to be a seven-foot tall behemoth; he is supposed to be the height of an average man. One can notice Tyler Mane's need to duck down to avoid hitting his head on doorways while moving from room to room.

A man of average height can be stealthy, not a man the size of a professional wrestler. Zombie has taken all of Myers' unique characteristics and replaced them, making him a carbon copy of Jason Voorhees, with a Myers' mask. Carpenter's Myers was very methodical and deliberate in his actions, however Zombie's Myers clumsily chased down and brutishly killed his victims.

Everyone who is a fan of the original series knows Michael doesn't run. This has almost become the standard in horror movies today, the killer walks knowing you can run or hide, but won't escape him. In this film, Zombie has Myers charging Laurie and tackling her over a balcony and to the ground. What was he thinking? Suspense makes a movie, not blood and guts. The original keeps you on the edge of your seat always wondering where he'll strike next, but Zombie has this lug as the focus of the movie and you almost always know where he is. Less is more when it comes to making a successful suspense film. I guess that wasn't what Rob Zombie was going for here.

Michael Myers is supposed to be evil incarnate, but when Zombie's back-story shows how he was a victim of a terrible childhood; it is hard to be afraid of the one you're forced to sympathize with, as he is the focal point and not Laurie.

In closing, if you want to waste your money, go and see this piece of trash. If you'd like to see what this movie should have been go and rent the original.

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88 out of 127 people found the following review useful:

Horrible script and dialogue+horrible directing=GARBAGE

1/10
Author: rogerebertisfat from Oakland, CA USA.
2 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I read this review online and agree with it 100%. I also added a little of my own two cents:

The young kid playing Michael does a good job. But that's about the only positive thing I can say about this movie. Overall, it's the same old trendy remake bulls**t. Oh and for the record, I thought his first two movies were pure garbage as well. Zombie needs to have an accomplished screenwriter help him polish his scripts and help with dialogue 'cause that dialogue is horrible. I've said this before, I swear all the time, but his characters use of swear words is so over the top that's the words actually lose any kind of power they have. It actually becomes silly as hell and extremely annoying. Really dumb a** scenes like Michael, instead of driving by slowly and watching the girls from a distance, walks around in plain site. Then he just stands there in the middle of the street, literally, and stares while the girls react in a very unrealistic way by yelling at him and saying ridiculous things like: "Hey you f***ing creep, you want some of the young stuff? Well come and get it you f***ing perv!" and "Hey! A**hole! My daddy's the sheriff so why don't you go crawl back under the f***ing rock you came from?" That's some pretty f***king horrible dialogue. There's also the ridiculous scene where adult Michael somehow locates Laurie's adoptive parents and kills them for no-apparent-reason. And I don't know what's up with Hollywood and this new love of that horrible shaky-cam, but I didn't expect it in a horror movie made by a supposed "old-school horror fan." The only good thing about the back-story was the little kid who played young Michael. Other than that, it's pointless. So little Michael got yelled at by his stepfather, big deal. He was ignored by his sister and bullied a bit in school, boo hoo! So he wasn't taken trick-or-treating? Oh no! LOTS of people have experienced this. Why would that make him a killer? His mother loved him and treated him good. Now, if his ENTIRE family beat him through his whole life and he got beat up and picked on throughout his school days, then maybe it would be believable that he would become a psycho killer. But Zombie didn't show enough abuse, in my opinion, to make a believable reason why he kills. Rob Zombie said in some magazine interview that he wanted to "make things line up and have a reason WHY Michael has that mask. It's not just like oh, he robbed a hardware store so if they didn't have that mask then he'd be wearing a Ronald Reagan mask 'cause that's the one he stole?" So that's why Rob Zombie thought of the genius idea that Michael's sister's boyfriend brought the mask into the house? THAT is some amazing reason "WHY" he has that mask? That kills his argument because if the boyfriend would've had a Yoda mask, then Michael would've been wearing a Yoda mask. Anyway, that's something trivial that doesn't really ruin the movie. What ruins the movie is the unrealistic dialogue, the pointless back-story that really doesn't convince why Michael becomes a killer, the horrible shaky-cam, and the horrible direction. ALL of the characters, especially Dr. Loomis, are way too calm and nonchalant about Michael being out and killing people. How am I supposed to believe that Michael's THAT dangerous and scary if no one, not even his doctor, is freaking out about it? And for f**k's sake, Michael broke out, murdered a bunch of people to deliver an old picture to his sister???? Is Rob Zombie serious? How RETARDED. And why the hell doesn't Michael talk to his sister, who doesn't have the slightest idea who the hell he is by the way, when he CLEARLY has the ability to SPEAK? He's very capable of speech since his youth, so why would he just hand over an old picture and then stare like an imbecile? Overall, the movie just plain sucked. Definitely belongs in the same boat as one of the crappier remakes. But honestly, even if it weren't a remake, everything I mentioned still would make for one crappy movie. Seriously, the original "Halloween" wouldn't even have to exist for this movie to be garbage.

Oh I also forgot to add, and I know that a lot of directors do this, but why the hell does Zombie use the SAME actors in EVERY movie he makes? Especially putting his talentless wife in all of his movies is really annoying. If she had any REAL talent, wouldn't she be in other people's projects that weren't directed by her husband?

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72 out of 98 people found the following review useful:

Behind the eyes of this director one finds only blackness, the absence of any talent to remake this movie.

1/10
Author: MJohnsontalker from USA
1 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I think my Summary pretty much sums it up but I feel I should go into detail as to why.

I went to this move, willing to give it a chance. I liked house of 1000 corpses, and the Devil's Rejects. They were great in their own right.

First off, the original Halloween is an immortal classic. It was a movie that was top quality, and has made millions of dollars in sales on merchandise related to the film.

Secondly, if it isn't broke, don't fix it. The original Halloween didn't need be remade, but if one felt it need some 'modernizing'....then stick to the original concept. Don't go around showing me about how poor young Mikey had a drunk for a father, a slut for a sister and stripper for a mother. I could also give a care that he was picked on by a bunch of bullies at school.

The original Halloween made it clear. One day Mikey snapped, killed his sister and never spoke again. This whole business in the new movie of him killing one of the bullies who picked on him, his father and his slut sister, was just a big waste of film. Then after he commits these terrible crimes, we are expected to see him as a 'normal' child again, until he never speaks again? Give me a break. Rob Zombie, your 'unique' vision falls short of even impressing anyone. The only redeeming quality that this movie has, is that they do have some parts that hold true to the original. They also throw in some of the original music and songs. Well thank you for at least making an effort to impress.

Rob, stick to what you do best. Leave the remakes with someone with better talent.

I give this move a 3 out of 10. It would make a good rental, but as recreating a legend, or unleashing a new vision.....to this I laugh.

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82 out of 119 people found the following review useful:

Someone please stop Rob Zombie from making movies!!!

1/10
Author: lord_black_dragon from United States
1 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Once more I have wasted ten dollars and lost another two hours of my life watching Rob Zombie puck up another lame movie version of "When White Trash Attacks"! To turn Michael Myers from a soulless supernatural killer to a vigilante child is the lamest thing I've ever seen. There is no suspense, the jump scenes were predictable, and by the end everyone needed to die. forty five minutes of the movie is spent watching a child in therapy...exciting? No! Yawn? Yes! IF Rob Zombie spent a little more time making music, instead of crap movies, maybe his last album wouldn't have sucked. Please don't waste your money on this movie. It will only encourage him to make more movies. Devils rejects was bad enough, but this time he screwed up a classic.

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73 out of 102 people found the following review useful:

worst excuse for a remake ever

1/10
Author: zerofied from United States
4 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

If you have even the slightest appreciation for the original - save yourself the trouble, this is as bad as you're thinking it will be... probably worse and to top it all off - IT WASN'T SCARY - JUST DISGUSTING

Rob Zombie (who according to credits "wrote" this...eh hem)should have just made the Devils Rejects part 50 or whatever & left this classic alone. He did not treat the remake with style, respect or any artistic integrity. At one point he must have thought to himself "gee, I'd like to shoot a pointless yet unnecessarily graphic rape scene".If you want to go about making or enjoying the new style "in your face whether you like it or not" movies - why not just create your own genre, call it torture porn and lets move on. But please stop pretending that this is what horror is...

Now to specifics: Michael Myers was never the product of a dysfunctional family - that's way to simple, this was a boy in a picket fence suburban happy family who was pure evil - that's what made him so damn creepy - there was no bullshit explanation, it's just something that happened, it also goes a little further towards explaining why axes, gunshots and anything else they've tried didn't kill him. Your basic run of the mill psycho is not usually that resilient.

Also, why does every ignorant person in Haddonfield, IL sound like they're from Kentucky? Maybe you're not so good with maps, but Illinois is no where near the south, champ. Making the general statement that only inbred, lazy, rape-happy drunks sound like that is a less than charming assumption.

You didn't even keep the closet scene... what the hell is the matter with you?

Lori Strode & her gaggle of whore-bitch friends... pathetic & horribly written. These girls were horrible & incredibly one dimensional. Someone has some SERIOUS mommy issues to work through - might I recommend a more private therapy? I wish you wouldn't subject the world to this bullshit, but if you must, at least stop trying to disguise it.

I could have warmed up to the idea of modernizing a classic. But step one would have been properly filling the shoes of Jamie Lee Curtis, you failed miserably from the beginning.

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229 out of 414 people found the following review useful:

It's not John Carpenter it is Rob Zombie. Keep that in your head when you go into this.

7/10
Author: pennacchia from United States
31 August 2007

This movies takes a different approach to what makes Michael Myers terrifying. In the past his inhuman mas murders were shocking because of the absolute lack of emotion and more machine like manner in which things occur. Zombie offers audiences a background on myers. Where before the terror came in the lack of explanation, Zombie creates terror by showing how empty and how reasonless he was at 10 years old.

An interesting note about the movie is after Michael at 10 you never see his face. This part may not be different from standard Halloween movies, but unlike those, in this film you have already seen Michael's face as a boy. This then leaves the audience placing the boys face beneath the mask of the 30 year old monster making the idea of these overly brutal killings more difficult to chalk up to another death in a slasher flick. The movie gives less focus to Lori Strode and much more focus on Michael and his progressions from 10 to 30.

Zombie makes the smart call of not completely taking his own new plot line, but also not creating an exact carbon copy, leaving in specific scenes and details but still skipping over some of the more memorable ones. No, it is not John Carpenter's movie remastered, but then if you want that just run it through some filters to make his movie look new. Instead, this movie feels like a Zombie movie but in all the right ways. Best Halloween in a very long time.

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56 out of 69 people found the following review useful:

An abomination

1/10
Author: Dan Grant (dan.grant@bell.ca) from Toronto, Ontario
10 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I think Rob Zombie is a talented film maker. I thought his first two efforts were perfect homages to the genre he professes to love. He subtly tipped his cap to the pinnacles of the genre and yet still managed to show us his own style. When I heard he was taking on Halloween, it made me nervous. Halloween is the best of the bunch. With all due respect to Psycho, which Halloween tried to emulate, Halloween is just so much better than any other horror film ever produced. I realize this is not an empirical statement, but the quality of Halloween and the influence it has over a plethora of horror films is. There is simply no getting around it, Halloween is the best of the best. I say this because for Zombie to want to remake the pinnacle of horror takes a lot of balls and it had better of been a faithful retelling of the story or it won't work.

This film sadly doesn't work. In fact, it stinks.

Rob Zombie either has no understanding at all of the Michael Myers character, or he just doesn't care. Perhaps he needed a hit after his first two films were well received by the critics, surprisingly, but did little business at the box office. Or perhaps he thought all of today's jilted youth would flock to it and somehow relate to the Myers character.

Let's revisit the original 1978 Halloween. The film presents us with a child who, for no apparent reason at all, stabs his sister to death. As Dr. Loomis tells us, there is no rhyme, no reason and no understanding behind his eyes. He seems like he is a normal kid with a nuclear family who just takes a large knife and slaughters his sister on Halloween night. It is simply evil that motivates him. This idea that an incarnation of evil could just snap is what made the film so FRIGHTENING. He spends the next fifteen years in an institution just waiting. He doesn't speak or move or show an intelligent signs of life or even a modicum or human understanding. He just waits for Halloween night and then guided by evil, he escapes.

IT, Michael Myers escapes Smith's Grove and heads to Haddonfield and goes after his only remaining family member. Why? Who knows. It is never really explained. But we are left with is pure and unadulterated evil, on a mission of death.

Dr. Sam Loomis was the only person who knew this. No one else believed him or took heed to his warnings. They just left Loomis and his pet patient alone. Loomis' world has become one that is spent making sure that Myers never leaves Smith's Grove. It drives him almost to the brink of insanity. He wants to make sure that Myers is never let out of the institute.

These themes are tantamount to what made Halloween such a brilliant piece of film making. I don't think another movie will ever capture the feeling of evil and doubt and fear quite like Halloween.

When you look at Zombie's white trash version, the first five minutes of the film are like a slap in the face and it makes you cringe.

Zombie literally slaps you in the face and decides to give us a reason as to why Myers is the way he is. And what do you think that is? He is from a white trash, trailer park family. The evil and disgusting step-father, the stripper mother and the whorish sister. The family speak like drunken sailors and go on about things that just don't resonate. And then of course you get Myers being bullied at school. So we have the personification of evil being evil because his step father is a jerk and kids beat him up. Are you kidding me?

So basically Michael Myers goes from a character that represents complete evil and lack of humanity, to a tortured nutcase that snaps. When in the original, he was just E-VIL.

What is also terrible in the film is the writing and the dialogue of every character. Where Carpenter and Debra Hill shared the writing duties in the original, Zombie does it all here and his juvenile rantings of the female characters in here is just wrong and even his kindergarten like interpretation of Loomis is terrible. Malcolm McDowell is fine as the good doctor, but Zombie betrays him with psyche 101 babblings of what he thinks Loomis would say.

What makes it that much more frustrating is that Zombie says he loves films like Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And instead of emulating what made those so effective, he dumped all over the Halloween legacy. This might have been a decent horror film, but it is not a Halloween film. He doesn't understand Halloween, Myers, Loomis or any of Carpenter's brilliance. He hacks away at it for the Facebook generation and it is a nauseating experience.

This movie resembles more of a rock video than it does an iconic horror film. And that is sad. Even worse is kids who haven't seen the original might actually like this repulsive version.

This is the worst horror remake ever, and that includes Psycho.

DO NOT SEE THE HALLOWEEN REMAKE.

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57 out of 71 people found the following review useful:

It just didn't get it..

2/10
Author: The_Gemini_Killer from United States
3 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I had heard nothing but positive reviews from friends and family when I decided to check Zombie's version of Halloween out for myself. So you could say I was looking forward a nonstop thrill-ride of some sort. To say it simply, I couldn't count the numerous times I yawned through-out this terrible movie. Rob Zombie had made it clear to his audience, to see this for a movie itself, don't try to compare it to the original. But what you don't understand is that when you're remaking the classic best horror movie of all time, it is impossible to just forget the original completely, especially when several scenes came STRAIGHT from the original.

If anything, I'd call this a remake of The Blair Witch Project with better cameras, since half of the movie was done in the dark and with hand-held cameras, which made it impossible to really see anything and just create some massive migraines for the entire audience. It was hard to watch and what you did see, you wish you hadn't. Zombie said he approached this film from a serious angle, but all I heard in the crowd was laughter.It was either too fast, or too slow, or just down right annoying to watch.

Something else that bugged me about this film was the people who said "Finally! We get to see what made Michael the way he is!" And no, you don't. You get to see Rob Zombie's version of what his own impression of why Michael does what it is he does. In which, it completely treads on the original, of an average built guy being able to do things that only someone much stronger would be capable of doing. Zombie's solution to this problem was to hire a giant actor who COULD break someone's face with his bare hands, rather than just someone full of such evil and having the power to take a bullet and still get up.

It was more of a 'craptastic' prequel if anything at all, showing Michael's youth of being a redneck in a family of lazy and greasy people. The way Zombie set it up, apparently, is that Michael was full of such rage due to the fact that his mother was a prostitute ... Yeah. Something Rob Zombie has failed to do three times in a row now, was to make you sympathetic for the victims. Just doesn't show them long enough to make you miss them when they're gone. Most of the movie was done with little Myers in the hospital, so the last thirty or so minutes of him randomly killing people goes by so fast that you don't really care. He tries to cover this up by playing sad music like "Love hurts" when someone special is killed, but all it did was get more laughter for a reaction.

The major character changes were all that but flawless, Don't get me wrong, the actors did their jobs well, it's just they were given the jobs that they never should have done. To show so little of key characters like Dr. Loomis and then to rid him away so quickly.. The entire cast, good actors I can say, just were all terribly wrong for their parts. Danielle Harris is the perfect example, reduced to play a teenage slut after her major involvement in the prior Halloween series? When you make a slasher flick, the object is to cast people you want to survive, not a cast of faces and whiny little voices that you wish would be killed off sooner. It just didn't get it. The film was nothing short of disappointing, which is as was expected as soon as I heard that Zombie had been set to direct. I honestly do think that if someone were to ever ask "Would you do a prequel to House 1000 and show where Otis came from exactly?" Zombie would reply with "Halloween."

In the end, this movie was just like every other recent remake of something classic that shouldn't exist but does, and now we just have to deal with it. . In my opinion, which is all I can offer, is that this is the best example of what a true insult to the horror genre could ever be. I always said that one day a remake would pop up that might open up peoples eyes as to the real damage remakes are doing to horror, and now I just have to point at this. Honestly, Halloween was just not the film Rob Zombie should have remade, and the movie itself stands as if saying "This is what you get for not letting me remake 'Texas Chainsaw Masscre' instead!"

Simply and yet sadly said, it was for todays generation where true horror no longer exists. That's all. :(

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