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194 out of 304 people found the following review useful:

Hack-o-ween, a terrifying experience

1/10
Author: adevlin-1 from United States
31 August 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have always been a big fan of the Halloween series. I've seen every one, and even though some of the sequels are cheesy, I thought it was still a good watch. When I found out that Rob Zombie, supposedly one of the best new horror directors was making the next film, I was actually pretty psyched because I thought it may revive the series. But let me tell you. This is the not only the worst Halloween movie, this is in my top ten bottom movies. Rob Zombie completely misses the point of Michael Myers. Not knowing what makes him tick IS WHAT MAKES HIM SCARY! The original Halloween is frightening because the child Michael myers has NO REASON to kill his sister, he just does and never speaks another word. He's evil by nature, not by nurture. This plot line makes it seem more horrifying because its not personal, and the audience feels like it could happen to THEM! When I watch a horror movie, I don't want to see how the killer had a hard life, and really could of been a good guy. Why would a director make an audience sympathize with a serial killer? I can only see that succeeding in a dark comedy, but in a horror movie it just does not work.

Another problem with this movie is the gore. Gore can work in certain scenarios, but when you uses it excessively in a movie there are few cases when it makes the movie scary. In this "reimagining" not only are there unnecessary character deaths that destroy any sort of realism, but there is no creativity in the death scenes. Every time a girl got killed she was in the process of having sex or just finished having sex. By the third time you see a couple get murdered, I was like "Alright we get it, they're crazzzy teenagers having sex and they're gonna get killed!" I mean I know it's never been done before but it got to be old the third time. At some points I wondered if it was actually a snuff film.

The dialogue was some of the weakest I've ever heard, even for cheesy slasher films. And the sad part was, this film was trying so hard to be serious that it was hard to ignore. I know the dialogue in other Halloween's is rough but for a film that had so much hype, and was supposed to "reinvent" a legend, I'd expect a little more than immature lines about sex that are awkwardly delivered. I am a teenager and I know teenagers talk about sex, but nothing like that. This film had some of the weakest writing I have ever seen.

There are some good performances, particularly by Malcolm McDowell, who plays Dr. Loomis, but his part is profoundly damaged by the script, so even he looks foolish in the film. Brad Dourif also was good, but didn't have a lot of screen time. Other than that there were some good cameos(Danny Trejo, Ken Foree) but they're barely in it. Unfortunately, Rob Zombie confuses Michael myers with Jason and makes an 11 year old normally sized boy into a 26 year old 7 foot monster. Conveniently he gains amazing physical prowess staying in a mental hospital.

Avoid this movie at all costs. I actually paid my friend a couple dollars to stay to the end, because it was that bad. I was hoping it would get better it but it did not. I mean I tried to like this movie, but it was just so terrible. The movie wastes so much time trying to develop Michael myers, that it barely develops the victims that he stalks. You just don't care about the teenagers he kills because you barely know them when he catches up with them. It's basically a movie about a killer killing random people. Seriously, just rent the original and watch it again, it's cheaper and even if you've seen it a thousand times its better than this. Rob Zombie is a terrible writer, and a terrible director who likes to show off his wife. (Who's a stripper in this movie of course). He is a hack and is only acclaimed because some people think excessive violence is cool. I doubt there's many people scared by his techniques. I'm just trying to forget this movie ever existed, and no matter what anybody says, I plan to never see another rob zombie film again. I think the fact that Saw IV is premiering in October, and Halloween is coming out in August really should tell you how bad it is alone. Trust me though, even die hard Halloween fans, this is not worth a watch.

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147 out of 231 people found the following review useful:

Tonight on Jerry Springer: Michael Myers!

2/10
Author: jockk407 from orlando, FL
1 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Just got back from seeing the "re-imagining" (barf) of John Carpenter's HALLOWEEN. It doesn't even begin to compare to the original, but you knew that. But...if one attempts to take it on its own terms, as Rob Zombie seems to want the audience to do, is it worthwhile? The question is, regardless of the original, has Rob Zombie made a good movie? Well, the answer is YES, but it was called THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.

What we have here is noisy, distasteful, pointless, and sloppy. Everyone speaks leftover dialogue from THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, and what worked for those characters fails miserably for these. Every character in this film speaks as though they are 10 seconds away from throwing the first chair on Jerry Springer. Scenes aren't allowed to build, they jerk and sputter. The best moments come early, between young Michael and his mother (both played very well)...but even those scenes are constantly undermined by bad, choppy editing and surrounding characters (particularly the father) who are horribly written and seem to be played for laughs.

The middle scenes in the hospital are interesting, but ultimately rendered pointless once the final (and worst) third of the film kicks in. Laurie, Annie, and Lynda are feckless foul-mouthed twits this time around, generating zero sympathy. Apparently in keeping with Zombie's theme from HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES and THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, the villain is the hero here, and this time it doesn't work. Since the only sympathetic characters are the supporting players who get pointlessly offed after barely a minute of screen time, the only one to root for is Michael. Is that really what Zombie had in mind?

Judging from the reaction of the audience I saw this film with, it's what he accomplishes. People were laughing when characters were killed. Brutal, calculatedly cruel scenes are featured of nurses stabbed in the neck with forks, children beat to death with poles, teenagers stabbed to death multiple times, animals tortured (offscreen), and slutty topless girls strangled and beaten to death. The audience didn't scream, they laughed. It isn't because the film is funny...it's not. It isn't because the film is so bad it's good...it's not. I've never believed the theory of audience de-sensitizing due to TV, movie, and game violence. Until I witnessed this film.

I've seen movies more violent, more disturbing, more exploitive. But never so pointless, all the while pretending to be about something...anything.

Zombie's creation is a movie about morons, intended for morons. He is a talented and intelligent filmmaker who has made a movie driven by so many distasteful obsessions it practically throbs on the screen. But unlike his previous work, there's no point, not even for sheer trashy exploitation. Characters exist only to be killed. Women disrobe, everyone's vocabulary consists of nothing but four letter words, and the movie hisses and bangs and screams its way to a final, protracted, unexciting chase between an irresponsible babysitter we care nothing about and a 7 foot tall slasher with a Halloween mask fetish and an obsession with a sister he barely knew.

By the time the film screeched to the credits and the lights came up, I had already fought with the four women in front of me (the dumb-ass mother had brought her three daughters, the dumb-assettes, who managed to giggle and snort and talk through a good portion of the movie). The argument continued after the movie was over, complete with name-calling. The entire theatre stared as they silently shuffled out.

This is the reason I despise seeing movies in the theatre anymore. But I realized at least this nasty confrontation had given me something the movie had not: an element of excitement. These four girls had no consideration for anyone around them. They were rude, obnoxious, unreasonable and stupid.

And as my friend and I vacated the theatre, it finally hit me...THEY were the audience this film was intended for.

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102 out of 143 people found the following review useful:

Old tricks, no treats.

1/10
Author: TheFilmProf from Florida
10 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

In the taxonomy of redeeming values, one could include social, scientific, artistic, political, comedic, moral, etc. And it's nearly impossible to find any creative work that can't be defended or justified under one of these categories. That is, until now. Rob Zombie's "Halloween" is devoid of any redeeming value. It not only plumbs the depths of deprivation, it sets a new low-water mark for tasteless dreck.

This has nothing to do with prudishness, squeamishness, or easily offended sensibilities. It has to do with poor scripting, bad (read "no") character development, predictability, gratuitous gore and ultimately, just plain meaninglessness. Even the most abstract, non-narrative, experimental genres of film have a point that can be ascertained, albeit with some difficulty in some cases. But "Halloween" has no point. In the end, it is merely a series of unmotivated, contrived, gruesome vignettes that, cumulatively, add up to nothing. The film uses every cliché known to bad cinema: Doors that don't open, guns that don't fire, victims who fall and crawl when they can ill-afford to do so, under lit scenes that attempt to falsely create a sense of impending mayhem, some horrific, vile and pandering dialogue and the monster who just won't die. Mr. Zombie uses them all. It's hard to escape the notion that there is nothing intended or achieved beyond fundamental shock value.

Billed as a 'retelling' of John Carpenter's original, a somewhat, if only marginally better version, this edition of "Halloween" supposedly provides an explanation of the causes of Michael Myers' homicidal psychosis, to wit, his excessively foul-mouthed and dysfunctional parents, who, as characters are as creek-shallow as the rest of the cast. The only one I felt sorry for was Malcolm McDowell—the actor--not Dr. Loomis, his character. How he, the quintessential, ultra-violent Alex de Large of Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange" and the multi-faceted Mick Travises of Lindsay Anderson's "If" and "O Lucky Man" and the H. G. Wells of "Time After Time," got roped into such an awful piece of cinema is a mystery.

Thematically and cinematically, "Halloween" is virtually identical to Mr. Zombie's two previous films, "House Of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects." In fact, except for the titles, the three films are nearly indistinguishable from one another as they all suffer from being stuck in the same stylistic rut. While Mr. Zombie does push the envelope of bad taste, there's no evidence that he pushes his own development as a filmmaker, and shows no directorial growth in his progression of films. What he overlooks in his bloodlust is the idea that showing less can be more effective than showing more, as in the "Psycho" shower scene when the knife is never seen striking the victim. Leaving nothing to the viewer's imagination and, instead, hammering home the obvious, can be the undoing of a film, which sums up the problem with "Halloween." Slasher films may well be the cinematic equivalents of bottom-feeders, but it doesn't necessarily follow that they have to be abhorrently distasteful and bad, or that they can't strive to achieve some measure of redeeming value.

Where Rob Zombie will go from here seems painfully apparent. Having painted himself into a corner from which it may be hard to escape, he may be his own next victim.

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144 out of 229 people found the following review useful:

Tricked out of $10 bucks for zero treat

1/10
Author: fertilecelluloid from Mountains of Madness
1 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Clearly, Rob Zombie has no grasp of what made the original "Halloween" so effective, so he "re-imagines" it with his white trash aesthetic. It still doesn't work. Zombie's "Halloween" is a boring abortion of a movie that has a decent first half hour that depicts the abusive nature of Michael Myers' upbringing. That was never the point of the original, of course, because THAT Michael Myers was spawned in middle class, suburban smugness. Still, I was willing to go with Zombie's mythology if he could make it convincing. He can't. The film is predictable, illogical and insufferable. The last hour is a dull carbon copy of everything that happened in the original without the suspense or subtext. I wanted this movie to end so badly. The film's slaughter scenes are vapid, Zombie's dialog is idiotic, and The Shape possesses no mystery. Zombie can not write real people; he can only write trash talk and abuse. Since "Halloween" requires that there be real people in its storyline, the film is a colossal failure in all departments. Zombie's version of Laurie Strode, the role originally played by Jamie Lee Curtis, is an annoying, squealing cut-out. Malcolm Mcdowell's Dr. Loomis is an embarrassment. Lots of horror movie veterans make an appearance, but who the f__k cares? I'm really sick of horror directors thinking it's cool to fill their films with actors from past classics. It merely reminds us of how great things used to be before hack directors like Zombie were canonized as horror genre gods. I liked "The Devil's Rejects" very much and hated "House of 1000 Corpses", so my feelings about Zombie are mixed. This "Halloween" is far worse than "Corpses" and not equal to one minute of "Rejects". It's simply a rotten misfire that isn't shocking, exciting, involving or "cutting edge". It makes the "Texas Chainsaw" remakes look like spun, celluloid gold. This film may have rung the death knell of the current horror boom. Thanks, Rob.

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92 out of 127 people found the following review useful:

a horrifying blow to a once terrifying story

1/10
Author: SHLaw from United States
2 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

When I first heard that Rob Zombie was remaking the original Halloween I was more surprised then anything. I didn't know too much about Rob Zombie, but I did think that remaking the film wasn't the best choice. my thought was that if they did want to remake it then first they should do a FINAL Halloween sequel to finish off the Halloween series and finally give it an end, then film a remake for October 2008 (the 30th anniversary) but instead we get a rushed written script, rushed filming and production and a back story to a once terrifying character that proved to be overdone and drawn out. I could not believe how poor the dialog was, it was if the director believed that use of poor language was necessary in making a successful movie. the movie opens in a such a way that anyone who has seen the original will say that it does not fit the story. Michael's family is just pure white trash, what's the point of that. all the death scenes contained way too much gore, and every girl that was killed, had to be done while having sex and nude. a lot of the characters that we're killed, had no point to be killed. the second half of the film was completely rushed we didn't get to see much of the other characters. Scout-Taylor Compton is a gifted actress, but the script gave her no acceptable lines or enough screen time. the placement of carpenter's music does not fit at all. being the fan of Halloween that i am, i could not wait for the movie to be over. if a sequel is made to this movie i only hope that rob zombie is not asked to write or direct it. this movie makes Halloween resurrection look like a masterpiece, that should explain it all.

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100 out of 143 people found the following review useful:

Horrible

1/10
Author: ejdawg76 from pennsylvania
12 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I thought this movie was terrible, i am a HUGE fan of the Halloween movies, i could not wait for this movie to come out so when it did i went opening night only to real disappointment, i feel Rob Zombie destroyed the movie, it was not scary one bit, i felt like the actors were trying to be the ones in the original, i didn't care what happened to any of them, where in the original i wanted to see them live. He killed all these people and left Annie alive, that was kind of odd, even the background of the movie having Michael Myers parents be like white trash was just stupid, i think a lot of people would end up being killers. Michael Myers was pretty much supposed to be just pure evil without there ever really being a reason, thats what pretty much scared me about the originals. I never really review movies at all because i am pretty easy to please but this was such a disaster i had to share my opinion:)

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155 out of 253 people found the following review useful:

When you want the heroine to die, the director has failed!

4/10
Author: KJacob73 from United States
2 October 2007

What a travesty! Not so much that Halloween has been remade, but that Zombie's take on Michael Myers begins so well only to end up being a turd.I resisted seeing this upon release, but finally gave in when it available to me for free. The idea of one of my favorite films of all time being messed with just didn't sit right with me.

I must admit that for the first 50 minutes I was genuinely captivated. Originally I was appalled by the prospect of fleshing out Michael Myer's childhood. What made it work was that this was clearly Zombie's vision. I could accept it because I didn't feel that this had anything to do with Carpenter's Michael Myers. It felt more like Zombie's fantasy of what Michael Myers childhood had been like in a white trash family and how it led to his murderous spree. Of course the scariest thing about the original Myers is that there is no apparent reason for his evil. He's a blank slate which all sorts of fears can be projected on. For Zombie that projection is having a stripper mom who has a boyfriend who threatens to "skull f*&k" her. This all works because it is clearly Zombie's universe.

The film goes down hill and I mean tumbling down when Zombie enters Carpenter's territory. The film becomes all to familiar in that its plot begins to mirror Carpenter's original. By no means is Zombie able to pay homage or even copy Carpenter in a compelling manner. What has to be the worst aspect of this is the actresses who play the three teenage girls. All of them are horrible, and what's most unforgivable is how awful the girl is who play Laurie Strode. This is the character who was played by Jamie Lee Curtis, who gave an iconic performance in the original. All this girl does is shriek and talk like some valley girl. Imagine this line, "so like was that the boogie man". Now I'm not sure if these were her exact words, but that's what her character is like. The biggest abomination of this fiasco is that it's not even scary. The set pieces just make you wish you were watching the original. Zombie only comes close only once to an effectively scary scene when Laurie is trapped in a drained pool. She can't get out and Myers is in hot pursuit. What kills this creative sequence is that you really could care less if the girl lives or dies. More will actually probably wish her to die. When you want the heroine to die in a horror film the director has failed.

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90 out of 131 people found the following review useful:

Horrible script and dialogue+horrible directing=GARBAGE

1/10
Author: rogerebertisfat from Oakland, CA USA.
2 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I read this review online and agree with it 100%. I also added a little of my own two cents:

The young kid playing Michael does a good job. But that's about the only positive thing I can say about this movie. Overall, it's the same old trendy remake bulls**t. Oh and for the record, I thought his first two movies were pure garbage as well. Zombie needs to have an accomplished screenwriter help him polish his scripts and help with dialogue 'cause that dialogue is horrible. I've said this before, I swear all the time, but his characters use of swear words is so over the top that's the words actually lose any kind of power they have. It actually becomes silly as hell and extremely annoying. Really dumb a** scenes like Michael, instead of driving by slowly and watching the girls from a distance, walks around in plain site. Then he just stands there in the middle of the street, literally, and stares while the girls react in a very unrealistic way by yelling at him and saying ridiculous things like: "Hey you f***ing creep, you want some of the young stuff? Well come and get it you f***ing perv!" and "Hey! A**hole! My daddy's the sheriff so why don't you go crawl back under the f***ing rock you came from?" That's some pretty f***king horrible dialogue. There's also the ridiculous scene where adult Michael somehow locates Laurie's adoptive parents and kills them for no-apparent-reason. And I don't know what's up with Hollywood and this new love of that horrible shaky-cam, but I didn't expect it in a horror movie made by a supposed "old-school horror fan." The only good thing about the back-story was the little kid who played young Michael. Other than that, it's pointless. So little Michael got yelled at by his stepfather, big deal. He was ignored by his sister and bullied a bit in school, boo hoo! So he wasn't taken trick-or-treating? Oh no! LOTS of people have experienced this. Why would that make him a killer? His mother loved him and treated him good. Now, if his ENTIRE family beat him through his whole life and he got beat up and picked on throughout his school days, then maybe it would be believable that he would become a psycho killer. But Zombie didn't show enough abuse, in my opinion, to make a believable reason why he kills. Rob Zombie said in some magazine interview that he wanted to "make things line up and have a reason WHY Michael has that mask. It's not just like oh, he robbed a hardware store so if they didn't have that mask then he'd be wearing a Ronald Reagan mask 'cause that's the one he stole?" So that's why Rob Zombie thought of the genius idea that Michael's sister's boyfriend brought the mask into the house? THAT is some amazing reason "WHY" he has that mask? That kills his argument because if the boyfriend would've had a Yoda mask, then Michael would've been wearing a Yoda mask. Anyway, that's something trivial that doesn't really ruin the movie. What ruins the movie is the unrealistic dialogue, the pointless back-story that really doesn't convince why Michael becomes a killer, the horrible shaky-cam, and the horrible direction. ALL of the characters, especially Dr. Loomis, are way too calm and nonchalant about Michael being out and killing people. How am I supposed to believe that Michael's THAT dangerous and scary if no one, not even his doctor, is freaking out about it? And for f**k's sake, Michael broke out, murdered a bunch of people to deliver an old picture to his sister???? Is Rob Zombie serious? How RETARDED. And why the hell doesn't Michael talk to his sister, who doesn't have the slightest idea who the hell he is by the way, when he CLEARLY has the ability to SPEAK? He's very capable of speech since his youth, so why would he just hand over an old picture and then stare like an imbecile? Overall, the movie just plain sucked. Definitely belongs in the same boat as one of the crappier remakes. But honestly, even if it weren't a remake, everything I mentioned still would make for one crappy movie. Seriously, the original "Halloween" wouldn't even have to exist for this movie to be garbage.

Oh I also forgot to add, and I know that a lot of directors do this, but why the hell does Zombie use the SAME actors in EVERY movie he makes? Especially putting his talentless wife in all of his movies is really annoying. If she had any REAL talent, wouldn't she be in other people's projects that weren't directed by her husband?

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90 out of 131 people found the following review useful:

A complete disappointment!

1/10
Author: chucknorrisfacts
31 August 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I, like many others feared this movie wouldn't live up to the original; sadly this was most definitely the case. It lacks everything that made the original so great. Carpenter's Myers stalked and studied his would-be victims, waiting for just the right moment to strike. Michael Myers is not supposed to be a seven-foot tall behemoth; he is supposed to be the height of an average man. One can notice Tyler Mane's need to duck down to avoid hitting his head on doorways while moving from room to room.

A man of average height can be stealthy, not a man the size of a professional wrestler. Zombie has taken all of Myers' unique characteristics and replaced them, making him a carbon copy of Jason Voorhees, with a Myers' mask. Carpenter's Myers was very methodical and deliberate in his actions, however Zombie's Myers clumsily chased down and brutishly killed his victims.

Everyone who is a fan of the original series knows Michael doesn't run. This has almost become the standard in horror movies today, the killer walks knowing you can run or hide, but won't escape him. In this film, Zombie has Myers charging Laurie and tackling her over a balcony and to the ground. What was he thinking? Suspense makes a movie, not blood and guts. The original keeps you on the edge of your seat always wondering where he'll strike next, but Zombie has this lug as the focus of the movie and you almost always know where he is. Less is more when it comes to making a successful suspense film. I guess that wasn't what Rob Zombie was going for here.

Michael Myers is supposed to be evil incarnate, but when Zombie's back-story shows how he was a victim of a terrible childhood; it is hard to be afraid of the one you're forced to sympathize with, as he is the focal point and not Laurie.

In closing, if you want to waste your money, go and see this piece of trash. If you'd like to see what this movie should have been go and rent the original.

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73 out of 101 people found the following review useful:

Behind the eyes of this director one finds only blackness, the absence of any talent to remake this movie.

1/10
Author: MJohnsontalker from USA
1 September 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I think my Summary pretty much sums it up but I feel I should go into detail as to why.

I went to this move, willing to give it a chance. I liked house of 1000 corpses, and the Devil's Rejects. They were great in their own right.

First off, the original Halloween is an immortal classic. It was a movie that was top quality, and has made millions of dollars in sales on merchandise related to the film.

Secondly, if it isn't broke, don't fix it. The original Halloween didn't need be remade, but if one felt it need some 'modernizing'....then stick to the original concept. Don't go around showing me about how poor young Mikey had a drunk for a father, a slut for a sister and stripper for a mother. I could also give a care that he was picked on by a bunch of bullies at school.

The original Halloween made it clear. One day Mikey snapped, killed his sister and never spoke again. This whole business in the new movie of him killing one of the bullies who picked on him, his father and his slut sister, was just a big waste of film. Then after he commits these terrible crimes, we are expected to see him as a 'normal' child again, until he never speaks again? Give me a break. Rob Zombie, your 'unique' vision falls short of even impressing anyone. The only redeeming quality that this movie has, is that they do have some parts that hold true to the original. They also throw in some of the original music and songs. Well thank you for at least making an effort to impress.

Rob, stick to what you do best. Leave the remakes with someone with better talent.

I give this move a 3 out of 10. It would make a good rental, but as recreating a legend, or unleashing a new vision.....to this I laugh.

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