17 items from 2014
In this week’s episode of The Leftovers, Garvey Sr. escapes from the mental institution just in time to save Jill from suffocating in a refrigerator. (Kids, don’t try that at home. Or anywhere.) But, as you’d expect of someone on the run from the loony bin, he starts more trouble than he stops. Here’s how it all shakes out…
No Luck But The Bad Kind | Early on in “Solace for Tired Feet,” Garvey and Nora end their fifth date — wait, we missed four whole dates?! — by heading to her place to have sex for the first time. »
Slash was once so desperate to get laid ... he and a girlfriend drugged her mother, and then had sex right next to her while she slept -- and best of all ... he was 13. The guitar god made the confession when we asked him about the craziest place he's ever banged ... fully expecting some story about life on the road during the Guns n' Roses heyday.We definitely were Not expecting this pubescent/criminal tale. You've »
- TMZ Staff
Psst: The Fourth of July isn’t really about crazy fireworks displays, or eating a record-breaking 69 hot dogs in just 10 minutes, or those layered American flag cakes that look so gorgeous on Pinterest but are physically impossible to reproduce Irl.
No, my friends—it’s about our glorious nation’s glorious genesis, spearheaded in the City of Brotherly Love 238 years ago when our founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence. You could honor them by comparing bifocals with a Benjamin Franklin impersonator, or perhaps wearing a powdered wig to the beach. By my money, though, there’s no better way »
- Hillary Busis
Last episode we learned important things: Devin is dumb and loud about it. Brittany is both a fine swinger and swigger (yay, wine!). Paola is just horrible at games, and maybe thinking too. And now, because his eviction nominees won the challenge, former co-hoh Frankie is vulnerable to a possible eviction. Frankie is also vulnerable to a deep shampooing by me, because that streak of purple highlighter in his coif is still killing me. Let's get with the recappin'. 8:03: Caleb reminds us that he's "the country boy" -- If there's another reality show with contestants who are more than proud to identify as boring archetypes, I don't know it -- and is still Hoh this week because his nominees, Donny and Paola, lost their match against Christine and Victoria. Donny realizes his fate looks grim and notes that it's "pretty darn scary." Donny is pretty darn folksy, isn't he? »
- Louis Virtel
Orange Is the New Black, Season 2, Episode 5: “Low Self Esteem City”
Written by Nick Jones
Directed by Andrew McCarthy
Released Friday, June 6 on Netflix Instant
This felt mostly like a “the more you know” episode of Orange Is the New Black, which I think is my least favorite type. “The more you know” don’t call a black guard a “sister” if you are a black inmate. “The more you know” black people get 20% longer sentences than white inmates for the same crimes. “The more you know” hitting your girlfriend and stealing her money will bite you karmically in the butt. That last one, by the way, seems to be most of what Gloria’s back story amounts to, as she takes center stage, kind of, in a way, in this scattered installment.
I can’t say that I expected Gloria to be the focus of an episode anytime soon, »
Is Scout Willis leading a revolution? (No.) But she is bashing Instagram.
Willis, a fashion designer best known as the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, has started a mini Twitter revolution by posting topless photos of herself walking around New York City — and encouraging others to do the same. (The photos are, duh, Nsfw.)
She’s doing this because she’s had it with Instagram’s photo policy, which doesn’t allow for any nudity, no matter the context (So, no breast cancer survivor photos, women nursing children, etc.) Willis posted a photo to Instagram of a sweatshirt she designed, »
- Erin Strecker
Max and Nev are changing the world, one fake profile at a time. And now their work is more legitimate than ever. Why? Because the Merriam-Webster dictionary says so.
A catfish is no longer just “a type of fish that has a large head and long thin parts that look like a cat’s whiskers around its mouth.” According to Merriam-Webster, there’s another definition for the word, one that “refers to a person who sets up a false social networking profile for deceptive purposes.”
More specifically, in announcing its new dictionary words for 2014, Merriam-Webster called out Max and Nev »
- Samantha Highfill
Have you ever been stalked? No? Well don't worry, you will be. That's according to the new trailer for CBS's "Stalker," a show that stars Maggie Q as the beautiful head of the stalking division (I guess) and Dylan McDermott as her saucy "never married" new partner, because sexual tension/gay tendencies? Did I mention they're both haunted by their respective pasts? Oh, the manufactured pathos! Anyway, I'm terrified now. Legitimately, throat-clutchingly terrified that someone is going to kill me in my apartment tonight in the scariest way imaginable, with a knife or a gun or a hammer even. And you should be too. To justify your growing dread, here are six things that will now probably happen to you because you watched the "Stalker" trailer. 1. Someone is going to hide behind your shower curtain and then murder you. Step 1: Buy a clear shower curtain so that this doesn't happen. »
- Chris Eggertsen
"Community" Season 5 has a treat for former 1980s cartoon watchers: In the upcoming "G.I. Jeff" episode, the characters become G.I. Joe characters and even includes a PSA at the end. Watch the ridiculous video here.
For this PSA, Britta (as "Buzz Kill") and Abed (as "Fourth Wall") teach a couple of kids about the evils of graffiti. Sort of.
In case you're not familiar with this particular form of "educational" television, many cartoons in the 1980s and 1990s -- including "G.I. Joe" -- ended their episodes with brief skits like this. Characters from the stories would step out of their world to tell normal kids about what was right and good in this world.
Some of them were almost as funny as this "Community" video.
For example, one time the "Thundercats" warned a couple of youngsters that sheltering from a thunderstorm under a tall tree was a bad idea. »
In actuality, the grumpy genius’s stage name is a phonetic approximation of his given last name, Szekely. (The more you know!) In the world of these new Saturday Night Live promos, though, Kenan Thompson assumes that C and K stand for something incredibly gross — so gross, in fact, that we’re not actually privy to hearing his guess.
That’s kind of how the promos go: Kenan says something off-the-wall, Louis reacts with polished straight-man verve. The gags are loose and improvised, if not exactly laugh-out-loud funny — which bodes well for C.K.’s second time on the SNL stage. »
- Hillary Busis
If the Vampire Diaries PaleyFest panel proved anything, it’s that this cast and crew are total professionals when working in front of screaming fans. (After five years, they’re used to it.) Luckily, we were able to cut through the excitement and pull out some delicious tidbits about what’s to come for the rest of season 5.
Sorry Twitter, but there is no rain kiss on the books.
Recently on Twitter, »
- Samantha Highfill
Source: AP / Charlie Riedel Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps has died at 84. His daughter says they will not hold a funeral. Remember when Madonna dressed up as Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones? Turns out she borrowed Emilia Clarke's real costume. Truly outrageous news: Jem and the Holograms are coming to life! A modern-day, live-action reinvention of the '80s cartoon is in the works. Divergent finally hits theaters today. Read our review to decide if you should see it, and check out all of our coverage after you become obsessed. Jason Segel is already leaving his How I Met Your Mother character behind - he's completely unrecognizable while playing David Foster Wallace alongside Jesse Eisenberg. Scandal star Norm Lewis will play the first black Phantom on Broadway in The Phantom of the Opera. Lisa Kudrow's short-lived cult favorite TV show The Comeback may be making a comeback. »
- Alyse Whitney
Once again, we're facing some uncertainty as Thursday (March 20) night's "American Idol" results loom. After Wednesday's variably so-so performances, I can imagine a variety of potential eliminations. However, I remain uncertain on which singers would force the judges to use their Save. Probably Alex Preston and Caleb Johnson would be guaranteed saves. But who else? Malaya? Probably. Jena "Gina" Irene? Maybe. Anybody else? I'm not so sure. I'm using a J-Lo picture, because I know she's not going home and I also know she's performing tonight. I don't, however, know how to consistently spell "I Luh Ya Papi," but I know it's J-Lo's new song about her appreciation for the postseason exploits of David Ortiz. Also performing on Thursday? Something called Royal Teeth. Click through for the full recap! 8:58 p.m. Et. This week, I remembered that "Idol" was on at 9 and not at 8. I'm the true hero. »
- Daniel Fienberg
The messed-up machinations of bored, oversexed stepsiblings Kathryn Merteuil and Sebastian Valmont aren’t quite as shocking in 2014 as they were when Cruel Intentions was released on March 5, 1999. (Blame Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, and a zillion other glitzy/scandalous imitators.)
That said, Cruel Intentions is still an enormously entertaining teen movie, even 15 years (gulp) after its initial release — thanks to an uncommonly sharp script, a killer soundtrack, and, most importantly, an impeccable cast, which featured future Oscar winners and future Sharknado stars alike. Well, one of each, but you get the picture. Whoever headed up this franchise had a »
- Hillary Busis
There is nothing that makes us happier than when we realize that the baby version of an animal we usually find not so attractive is actually super cute. It's like being proven wrong and learning something new in the most adorable way possible! The more you know... Take for example, this baby tamandua. A tamandua is a kind of anteater found mostly in Central and South America. You know when you think of anteaters you think of short, fat creatures kind of marching along with their big noses and scary-long tongues. And sure, the baby tamandua will eventually grow into one of those kinds of creatures. But for now…look how cute he is! Mj was born to mother DJ and daddy Ej at the Staten Island Zoo »
Source: Yuri Kadobnov/ Getty Images Was last night's figure skating competition rigged? A lot of people think so after Russia's Adelina Sotnikova scored the gold away from South Korea's Yuna Kim, whom many believe gave the better, flaw-free performance. There's even an online petition to investigate the scoring, which has already amassed over 1 million signatures. Despite the protests, the Ioc says that it just comes down to the complicated rules of scoring, which reward more complicated moves, even if they are done with less grace or have a slight stumble. A man was arrested in Australia after he groped Modern Family star Sarah Hyland at an event. See the $80,000 worth of swag that Oscar nominees will receive at the Academy Awards. The bags include vouchers for "genital tissue rejuvenation" for women and a maple tree. Michelle Obama joined Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show last night and made everyone laugh with their "Ew! »
- Maria Mercedes Lara
Football — it is a game. And one that many people watch. Gay people, allegedly, are some of these people. The More You Know.
Now that Seattle and Denver are headed to the Super Bowl on February 2, it’s probably time to learn something real about this sport. To help usher you (and me) into comprehensive football awareness, here are 10 tweets from gays who commented on yesterday’s big games. Or just said something about the games. Or seemed to know what football was.
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) January 20, 2014
Jim Harbaugh looks like the reverse of that Far Side cartoon where the lady's dog is in her butt. »
- Louis Virtel
17 items from 2014
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