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Eating Out (2004) Poster

(I) (2004)

Quotes

Caleb Peterson: What if he tries to grab me?

Kyle: We're not pirates. We just dress like them... and chase bootie. He'll be just as nervous as you, so try not to punch him if he makes a move on you or anything...

Caleb Peterson: You know, I don't think I'd punch him. I think I'd probably just start crying or something.

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[as the boys leave for their date, Gwen decides Caleb can be had]

Marc: Goodbye, Gwen.

Caleb: Uh, bye, Gwen.

Gwen: Bye...

[the door closes]

Gwen: ...sexual.

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Joey: You're not being very positive about this?

Gwen: I couldn't be any more positive if I was gang raped in a repository bin at the needle exchange.

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[Joey states he might be just a little bit gay, so Gwen tests him]

Gwen Anderson: Can you list any tracks on Madonna's "Like a Prayer" album?

Joey: [going quickly] Um, "Express Yourself," "Cherish," "Oh Father..."

Gwen Anderson: "Vogue?"

Joey: No, honey, "Vogue" was on "Dick Tracy."

Gwen Anderson: It's not a fucking phase! You're a full-fledged homo!

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Caleb Peterson: I think you turned me gay.

Tiffani: I did not "turn you gay!" How could you say that?

Caleb Peterson: I mean, don't take it personally.

Tiffani: I am a person! How else am I supposed to take it?

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[after yet another boy she's dating confesses he's gay]

Gwen: I feel like a turnstile to the White Party!

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Caleb: Are you looking for Mr. Right Now?

Kyle: Please. I'll settle for Mr. Five Minutes Ago.

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Marc: When he's around, my heart beats like a trailer park husband.

Gwen: That is so gay. And I mean all three definitions.

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Marc: Almost made it with a British guy in a broom closet, but he wouldn't kiss.

Gwen: Maybe your breath was penis-y.

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Caleb Peterson: Do I look gay?

Kyle: Hmm... Like an insatiable bottom.

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Caleb Peterson: Man, now I really wanna be a fag.

Kyle: You and Ricky Martin both.

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Gwen Anderson: [to Caleb's parents] You know, you guys seem really nice.

Marc: Oh, my God. Gwen, don't.

Gwen Anderson: Caleb, honey, I'm gonna do you a really big favor.

Kyle: Oh, shit.

Gwen Anderson: You'll hate me now but you'll love me later.

Marc: Gwen, please.

Kyle: Shit.

Gwen Anderson: Mr. and Mrs. Peterson, your son is gay.

Jamie Peterson: [punching Caleb's arm] Fag, you're it!

Tiffani: I turned him gay, but I can turn him back.

Jamie Peterson: No fag-backs.

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[as Marc leaves]

Sebastian: You know, kissing is so 1990s.

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Kyle: You stole my boyfriend!

Caleb Peterson: He's not your boyfriend.

Kyle: Oh, so now you're gay?

Caleb Peterson: This was your idea.

Kyle: You knew how I felt about him!

Caleb Peterson: We're not doing anything.

Kyle: You're going on a date!

Caleb Peterson: That was HIS idea!

Kyle: I've been stalking him for years; you decided to be gay for one night.

Caleb Peterson: I'm not gay! Why don't you just tell him you like him?

Kyle: That would be as futile as drug testing at the Gay Games.

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Marc: [entering the bathroom] We need to talk.

Caleb Peterson: [in mid-pee] D-dude!

Marc: I wasn't being honest. Now, I got to talk about it now or...

Caleb Peterson: I'm taking a leak.

Marc: Hmm, please, I've seen it.

Marc: [addressing the dick] How ya doin'?

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Caleb: I'm gonna circumcise your fucking neck!

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Gwen: Who needs friends who won't fuck friends?

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Kyle: Guys around here are like day-old donuts. I mean, I eat 'em because they're there, but you don't wanna invest anything in them.

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Tiffani: My titties didn't "occur" to you? Look at them, Caleb! They occur to every man I meet, but not you!

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Gwen: If you've never tricked with a chick, are you sure you pick dick?

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Jamie: You're a reality show without a camera crew.

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Gwen: Put him on. Let me get the balls rolling.

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Gwen: Joey! Just remember - every time you suck a dick, every time you poke some boy in the brown eye - just remember that you've eaten pussy! You ate pussy and you liked it!

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[as she has sex with Caleb]

Gwen Anderson: Eat it, little gay boy!

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[Tiffani stands in the doorway]

Tiffani: I hear you have phone trouble, Miss Thing.

Kyle: That's Mister Miss Thing to you.

Caleb Peterson: Tiffani?

Tiffani: You little hose huffer!

Frank Peterson: Why don't you come join us?

Tiffani: Gomez, Morticia, and little Wednesday.

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Jamie Peterson: Love you, gay bro.

Frank Peterson: [to all] Come on, I said family hug. We're all family here.

Susan Petersoon: [to all] Well, come on.

Gwen: [caught up in the emotional moment] Oh, what the fuck!

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Gwen Anderson: You never mentioned Tiffani.

Susan Petersoon: Tiffani was a bitch.

Jamie Peterson: I liked her.

Frank Peterson: She was cute.

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Kyle: It's for you - Blow-me-o.

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Caleb: What the hell are you making?

Kyle: Sausages. Big. Fat. Sausages.

Caleb: Dude, people don't eat sausages. You're supposed to make like spaghetti or some shit.

Kyle: Fine. You wanna cook?

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Caleb Peterson: This isn't a kegger, bro. This is, like, serious. Who'd you invite?

Kyle: Like they said to Anne Frank, why don't you answer the door and find out?

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Kyle: Being gay is more than... listening to good music and eating low-fat foods. There are certain things you have to do to convince the general public.

Caleb Peterson: Oh. We could stage a bashing.

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Caleb Peterson: I waited twenty-four days to have sex with you.

Tiffani: Well, I didn't want to seem like a slut!

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Gwen: Let's give them some room to breath on each other.

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[Caleb and Marc return to Marc's darkened, vacated apartment]

Caleb Peterson: [calling out] Gwen!

Marc: Oh, trust me. If she were here, she'd be all up in our pubes.

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Kyle: Okay, so I know I might just be a rebound or a really shitty consolation prize, or you're just really looking for an ego boost, but, whatever it is, I'll take it.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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