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Host Anchorperson: Emergency Broadcast Network is not responsible for any of the views or opinions which are expressed in the following program, and any similarity of persons portrayed to any actual persons living or dead is purely incidental.

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[re-edited version of a presidential address]

George Bush: Some may ask, why rock out now? The answer is clear. These are the times that rock men's souls. I instructed our military commander to totally rock America.

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