John Clasky: I know. I know.
Cristina: [translating] Yo sé. Yo sé.
John Clasky: Aw shit!
Cristina: [still translating] ¡Ay mierda!
Flor Moreno: Is what you want for yourself to become someone very different than me?
Narrator: When people exist under one roof, a tiny society forms - the stuff of novellas: masters and servants, unconsciously dancing in lockstep. So that when things go wrong, problems converge.
John Clasky: They should name a gender after you.
John Clasky: Looking at you doesn't do it, staring is the only way that makes sense.
John Clasky: And trying not to blink so you don't miss anything.
John Clasky: And all of that and you're you.
John Clasky: It's just that you are drop dead crazy gorgeous.
John Clasky: So much so, that I'm actually considering looking at you again before we finish up here.
John Clasky: Worrying about your kids is sanity, and being that sane... can drive you nuts.
Evelyn Norwich: [to Deborah] Lately, your low self-esteem is just good common sense.
[Watches Flor standing in the wind showing her curves]
John Clasky: Would you get outta the damn wind! Sit down!
Deborah Clasky: [upon first seeing Cristina] Flor! Look at this child! You could make a fortune doing surrogate pregnancy!
Flor Moreno: [to John Clasky] There are some mistakes you cannot risk when you have children.
Narrator: I've been overwhelmed by your encouragement to apply to your university and your list of scholarships available to me. Though, as I hope this essay shows, your acceptance, while it would thrill me, will not define me. My identity rests firmly and happily on one fact: I am my mother's daughter. Thank you, Cristina Moreno
John Clasky: Wait don't go! Would you be willing to hang out with me for a while?
Flor Moreno: You want to hang out with me?
John Clasky: Yes.
Flor Moreno: Then I have to ask you...
John Clasky: What?
Flor Moreno: What does "hang out" mean?
John Clasky: [to the newspaper, upon seeing the 4-star restaurant review he didn't want] FUCK YOU!
John Clasky: Just do it or I'll light my hair on fire and start punching myself in the face!
[Walks away, reconsiders]
John Clasky: That probably wasn't the best way to get make myself clear, was it?
John Clasky: Think seriously about getting up. You don't have to get up right now, but are you thinking seriously about it?
Evelyn Wright: We have to talk.
Deborah Clasky: Mother, are you buzzed?
Evelyn Wright: No. I quit drinking weeks ago! No one noticed, but I guess that's a pretty good indicator that I conducted myself quite well when I was drunk. But this isn't about me right now.
Deborah Clasky: You were an alcoholic and wildly promiscuous woman during my formative years so that im in this fix because of you, it is your fault and I just needed that moment for us to build on.
Evelyn Wright: You have a solid point dear... but right now the lessons of my life are coming in handy for you.
Flor Moreno: It's something, watching you.
John Clasky: Well. Well, if it's anything on your end, imagine over here. Scratch that. The last thing you want to hear is someone going off on your looks.
Flor Moreno: Don't be crazy. Tell me EVERY detail.
John Clasky: Okay. Okay, I will.
Flor Moreno: [Settles in to listen. Places chin in hand] Uh-hmm.
John Clasky: They should name a gender after you. Looking at you doesn't do it. Staring is the only way that makes any sense. And trying not to blink, so you don't miss anything. And all of that, and you're YOU.
John Clasky: I mean...
John Clasky: Look, forgive me. It's just you are DROP DEAD, CRAZY GORGEOUS! So much so that I'm actually considering looking at you again before we finish up here.
Flor Moreno: [Whisper] Soon, please.
Deborah Clasky: So tell me again why I can't call him on his cell again?
Evelyn Norwich: Besides that he turned it off?
Deborah Clasky: Yeah.
Evelyn Norwich: Forty messages starts to look needy.
Deborah Clasky: You don't have any other questions for me?
John Clasky: What other questions could there be?
Gwen: I admire you for your feelings, and hope to adopt them as my own.
Deborah Clasky: Do you really think that cupping my breast is going to solve the issue here?
John Clasky: It's worked before.
Deborah Clasky: Well, now it's infuriating me.
John Clasky: Wrong breast.
Deborah Clasky: [upon hearing John's car pull into the driveway] Do I need to put on make-up?
Evelyn Norwich: You need a hose, but we don't have that kinda time.
John Clasky: [after hearing that his wife's been cheating on him] I couldn't hear you. There was a crack in the planet. WOW... that was noisy!
Flor Moreno: I, uh... don't think you should either.
John Clasky: Then excuse me, because if I had the equipment I'd inject the vodka.
Boy's Voice: [voiceover to scene of people reviewing applications] To Dean of Admission, Princeton University. The most influential person in my life...
Girl's Voice: ...is Mother Teresa, whose example helped me overcome the arrogance which threatened after my 1600 SAT score in National Merit Scholarship
Girl's Voice #2: ...most influential person taught me the most important word I've ever learned; Aloha, which I...
Narrator: To the Dean of Admission, Princeton University, from Cristina Moreno. Most influential person, my Mother, No Contest!
John Clasky: [to Cristina] Listen to your mother. She knows it all.
John Clasky: This is *not* an argument, honey.
Deborah Clasky: Yes. Yes it is! We're having a fight, John. A bug fight, at last. So could be stop being so stark raving clam!
Flor Moreno: He appeared to be a good man, but to someone with first-hand knowledge of Latin macho, he seemed to have the emotions of a Mexican woman.
John Clasky: [wipes his tears on his seat belt]
Flor Moreno: I never know a man who can put himself in my place like you do. How did you become that man?