Quotes

Mike: Did you, uh, know... that chocolate... is the symbol of love?

Johnny: Denny, two is great, but three is a crowd.

Denny: Why, Johnny? Why? Johnny, why? Why?

Johnny: [walks into flower shop] Hi.

Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you?

Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?

Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.

[grabs bouquet of roses]

Flower Shop Clerk: Here you go.

Johnny: That's me. How much is it?

Flower Shop Clerk: It'll be eighteen dollars.

Johnny: [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep the change.

[grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter]

Johnny: Hi, doggy.

Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer.

Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye!

Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye!

Claudette: I got the results of the test back - I definitely have breast cancer.

Johnny: Don't touch me, motherfucker.

Johnny: I'm tired, I'm wasted... I love you, darling!

Lisa: She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?

Lisa: Do you want me to order a pizza?

Johnny: Whatever, I don't care.

Lisa: I already ordered a pizza.

Johnny: You think about everything, ha ha ha.

[Johnny walks to the apartment rooftop]

Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!

[throws water bottle]

Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.

Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

Johnny: I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.

Mark: What? Did you?

Johnny: [sits down] No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you?

Mark: I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you.

Johnny: Yeah?

Mark: You think girls like to cheat like guys do?

Johnny: What makes you say that?

Mark: [gets up] I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking.

Johnny: I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me.

Mark: Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.

Johnny: Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.

[gets up]

Mark: Yeah, you can say that again.

Johnny: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.

Mark: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.

Johnny: Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.

Mark: [pauses, then walks forward] Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.

Johnny: Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name?

Mark: Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.

Johnny: That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it.

Mark: [sits down] Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.

Johnny: It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark.

[sits down]

Mark: No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny.

Johnny: Hey, everybody! I have an announcement to make. We're expecting!

Johnny: Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this world!

Mark: As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth. That's a promise.

Steven: I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off.

Michelle: Me too!

Johnny: Of course, what do ya think? They already put my ideas into practice. The bank saves money, and they are using me, and I am the fool.

Lisa: You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.

Johnny: In a few minutes, bitch.

Lisa: Who are you calling a bitch?

Johnny: You and your stupid mother.

Peter: People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.

Lisa: It can't wait 'til later. I want to talk right now. You owe me one anyway.

Mark: Okay. All right, what do you want to talk about?

Lisa: She's a stupid bitch.

Johnny: Are you okay, Denny?

Denny: I'm okay.

Johnny: Are you *okay*?

Denny: I'm okay!

Claudette: What's okay? He's taking drugs.

Lisa: Denny, are you okay? What did that man want from you?

Denny: Nothing.

Claudette: Oh, that was not nothing!

Lisa: Tell me everything!

Claudette: You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in here, do you?

Denny: I owe him some money.

Lisa: What kind of money?

Denny: I owe him some money!

Lisa: What kind of money?

Denny: Everything is okay! He's gone!

Claudette: Everything is not okay. Denny, that is a dangerous man!

Denny: Calm down! He's going to jail!

Lisa: Denny, what kind of money? Just tell me!

Claudette: What do you need money for?

Lisa: Mom, please! Denny is with me and Johnny!

Claudette: A man like that! With a gun! My god!

Johnny: Oh, hi, Claudette!

Claudette: Oh!

Johnny: Bye!

Lisa: I'm fixing the apartment for Johnny's birthday, but I'm really not into it.

Claudette: Oh? Why not?

Lisa: 'Cause I'm in love with Mark, not Johnny. And here I am planning his party.

Claudette: It's not right, Lisa. I still think you should marry Johnny! Now, you can't live on love. You need financial security.

Lisa: But I'm not happy! And he still thinks I'm going to marry him next month. He's a fool.

Michelle: Your point of view is so different from mine.

Mark: Come on, it's clear.

Claudette: What's clear?

Denny: I gotta tell you something.

Johnny: Shoot, Denny.

Denny: It's about Lisa.

Johnny: Go on.

Denny: She's beautiful. She looks great in her red dress. I think I'm in love with her.

Johnny: Go on...

Peter: Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.

Johnny: Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.

Mark: Why not?

Johnny: Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.

Mark: So, I mean, what's the interesting part?

Johnny: Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.