When a young ski team training for the Olympics arrives at the remote and isolated Lost Mountain Ski Resort to focus on training, they're thrilled to find a retired Olympic skier is there ... See full summary »
In Host, Missouri, the newcomer Dr. of Veterinary Science Eli Rudkus is called by the farmer Jacob Long to exam one of his cows. The veterinarian finds a strange parasite in the animal and ... See full summary »
In 1986, in Tennessee, the father of the boys Lester and Duff Daniels is murdered by a snake in a weird ceremony. Twenty years later, Duff collects snakes while Les fears them. One day, ... See full summary »
In the year 3000, the deep space salvage ship Mother III locates the vanished starship Demeter in the Carpathian System. Captain Abraham Van Helsing and his crew composed of the blonde assistant Aurora Ash; the crippled navigator Arthur "The Professor" Holmwood, who believes that he is a genius; the strong and dumb Humvee; the intern Mina Murry; and the drug addicted 187, decide to claim the possession of Demeter. While exploring the spacecraft, they see a tape of fifty years ago of Captain Varna telling that he was locked in his cabin since his crew was acting weird after getting a cargo of coffins in Transylvania station. When 187 decides to search in the coffins for some possible hidden dope, he cuts his hand and his blood awakes Count Orlock, a.k.a. Count Dracula. When Aurora discloses who Dracula is, the survivors try to find a way to destroy the vampire. Written by
Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
The "Mother III" is actually a re-use of the slingship from the short lived 1993 TV series Space Rangers. See more »
When sampling the atmosphere in the newly found ship, it is stated that the air is mostly O2, and so is breathable. "Breathable" air is 78% Nitrogen and 21% Oxygen. O2 makes up only a minor part of air. Based on the analysis, the crew would have died quickly when they removed their air masks. See more »
I want to watch my anaconda spit all over your snow white ass.
See more »
After the credits finish rolling, we once again see Tiny Lister's character carrying Aurora over his right shoulder. He slaps her butt and says, "Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" See more »
Have I seen a worse movie? No I can't say that I have. This was pathetic. If the director is still alive: 1. He shouldn't be. 2. He should be ashamed. 3. God, how I would like to take out my 2 completely wasted hours of time on his a$$.
To give you guys a few pointers of the "film":
1. (I'm a male) and I would rather give myself a papercut on the opening of my urethra before viewing this again (seriously).
2. It does have a few known names in it (Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak, Coolio). They don't help, and their careers in cinema after this "film" are officially over by the way.
3. The dialog is the worst I've ever heard. "I want to ejaculate on your bozonkas."? What kind of writer did they have on this film? Was he still using hooked-on-phonics and just got his letters mixed up to make these horrible sentences?, or was he trying to get the Director killed by the few people who saw this?
4. Watch this "film" backwards. Because I PROMISE you that you do not want to watch it forwards.
5. This "film" would make Helen Keller get up and walk out of the theater.
6. The set of the movie looks like an adult sized McDonald's playplace. I was just waiting for this so called "Dracula" to fall in the ball pit at some time in the movie.
7. Also, I like that in the year 3000 they still have headsets with wires that go to their mouth. No bluetooth, no wireless headsets, no chips placed in the brain, but they use headsets borrowed from a telemarketing agency that went out of business in 1983(Nice job Set director on this one. Real professional. I hope you're currently unemployed and reading this.)
8. I don't know who was in charge of special effects, but I could have done better in my backyard with my VHS camcorder that doesn't have a battery.
9. I was a devout Catholic before this "film". But since viewing it, I know there is not a God, because if there was, he wouldn't have let this film be produced. I am now an atheist.
10. I'll be honest I can't talk about the ending. Last time I tried to explain it I fell into a coma.
Folks however bored you get, however curious(or brave) you are, however many laughs you THINK you will get out of this movie, please DO NOT WATCH THIS. It has literally ruined my life. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!
Comment to the director: I hate you. You have ruined my life. After viewing this I feel empty inside. My wife and kids have left me and hate me because I couldn't speak or hardly move after seeing this. I lost my job, my dignity, and above all my pride. I will never forgive you in this life or the next(which is not looking good from my newfound beliefs) .
139 of 152 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?