Dracula 3000 (2004) (TV)

User Rating:

1.8/10   

Director:

Darrell Roodt

Writers:

Ivan Milborrow (writer)
Darrell Roodt (writer)

Release Date:

9 August 2004 (USA)

Genre:

Horror | Sci-Fi

Tagline:

In space, the sun never rises.

Plot:

Count Dracula terrorizes the crew of a spaceship.

Plot Keywords:

Dracula | Coffin | Vampire | 3000s | Spaceship

Cast

Casper Van Dien	...	Capt. Abraham Van Helsing
Erika Eleniak	...	Aurora Ash
Coolio	...	187
Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld	...	Mina Murry (as Alexandra Kamp)
Grant Swanby	...	Arthur "The Professor" Holmwood
Langley Kirkwood	...	Orlock
Tommy 'Tiny' Lister	...	Humvee (as Tiny Lister)
Udo Kier	...	Capt. Varna

Also Known As:

Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness (South Africa: English title) (working title)

MPAA:

Rated R for violence, language including sexual references, and some drug use.

Runtime:

USA:86 min

Country:

Germany | South Africa

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1

Certification:

Finland:K-15 | UK:15 | Germany:12 | Spain:18 | Netherlands:12 | Singapore:NC-16 | Australia:MA | New Zealand:R13 | USA:R

Company:

Film Afrika Worldwide

Goofs:

Continuity: When the Professor is locked in the rec room, the door opens and while he's shooting there is a round handle to open and lock the door, mounted on the door. When he stops firing the gun, the shot cuts to him then back to the door and the round handle is gone. Later, when someone leaves the room it is back again.

Quotes:

187: I want to watch my anaconda spit all over your snow white ass.

Movie Connections:

References "The Bionic Woman" (1976)

Processed cheese, served up with a slice of pain...

Dracula 3000 is the epitome of painfully cheesy cinema. From the get-go, I assumed I was in for something pretty nasty. With a cast line up that featured Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak, Coolio, and Tiny Lister, what could be expected? Well, let's just say that expectations were crushed...

If I really start up, I feel like this review will go on for ages, so we're gonna keep this simple. The vampire isn't even named Dracula. The space crew is carrying coffins from the Carpathian sector of the Transylvania system. In his big scene, Coolio speaks of the most horrible things ever spoken of in film history. In the year 3000, everyone wears bad clothes by today's standards, they don't have anything more advanced than a modern wheelchair, and they decorate with neon lights that appear stolen from a roller rink.

To top it all off... the ending. Sweet merciful God. It doesn't deserve to be ruined. It has to be sen to be believed.

I've rated this movie a "1" and I wish I could give it a zero... yet I feel compelled to make you watch it. What madness is this?