Willy Wonka: Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!
Charlie Bucket: You can eat the grass?
Willy Wonka: Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism", my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Willy Wonka: [getting his shoes shined by Charlie, his face hidden behind a newspaper] Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendle, er, Walter...
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: That's the one. Says here in the papers his new candies aren't selling very well. But, I suppose maybe he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.
Charlie Bucket: Yep.
Willy Wonka: Oh really? You ever met him?
Charlie Bucket: I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: [coming out from behind the newspaper] I do not!
Charlie Bucket: Why are you here?
Willy Wonka: I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
Charlie Bucket: My family.
Willy Wonka: Ew!
Charlie Bucket: What do you have against my family?
Willy Wonka: It's not just *your* family, it's the whole idea of...
Willy Wonka: You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere!
Charlie Bucket: Usually they're just trying to protect you, because they love you.
[Willy looks away]
Charlie Bucket: If you don't believe me you should ask.
Willy Wonka: Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least not by myself...
Charlie Bucket: You want me to go with you?
Willy Wonka: Hey! Hey, what a great idea! Yeah!
Willy Wonka: And you know what? I brought transporta...
[bangs into the glass elevator and falls down]
Willy Wonka: I have to be more careful where I park this thing.
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
Mike Teavee: Why is everything here completely pointless?
Charlie Bucket: Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.
Willy Wonka: Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!
Willy Wonka: You can't run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
Grandpa George: None taken. Jerk.
Veruca Salt: I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir.
[does a curtsy]
Willy Wonka: I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot.
Mr. Salt: [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go?
Willy Wonka: To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike Teavee: Today *is* Tuesday.
Willy Wonka: [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.
Grandpa George: There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels, I want one!
Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca Salt: All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
Mr. Salt: All right, pet. Daddy'll get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
Veruca Salt: But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!
Mr. Salt: [wearily] Very well. Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
Willy Wonka: Oh they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca Salt: Daddy!
Willy Wonka: [imitating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
Willy Wonka: [about Violet grabbing the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a...
Violet Beauregarde: I'm the World Record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
[pops the gum in her mouth]
Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it, honey?
Violet Beauregarde: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Spit it out.
Grandpa Joe: Young lady, I think you'd better...
Violet Beauregarde: It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewin' kiddo! My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!
Willy Wonka: Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the...
Violet Beauregarde: Blueberry pie and ice cream!
Willy Wonka: That part.
Veruca Salt: [staring at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
[Violet keeps chewing and her nose starts turning purple]
Mr. Salt: You're turning blue!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
Violet Beauregarde: [touching her nose] W-What do you mean?
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet!
[to Wonka; concerned]
Mrs. Beauregarde: What's happening?
Willy Wonka: Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right, 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Blueberry Pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry!
Violet Beauregarde: Mother, what's happening to me?
[continues to turn purple and starts to grow]
Grandpa Joe: She's swelling up!
Charlie Bucket: Like a blueberry!
Willy Wonka: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair!
Willy Wonka: Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
Mr. Teavee: [horrified] Taffy puller?
Willy Wonka: Hey, that was my idea!
Mrs. Gloop: Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?
Willy Wonka: That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge.
Mrs. Gloop: Then he will be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge? They'll be selling him by the pound all over the world?
Willy Wonka: No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.
Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
Willy Wonka: Oh, thank you. You smell like... old people. And soap. I like it.
Willy Wonka: Little girl? Don't touch that squirrel's nuts! It'll make him crazy!
Willy Wonka: [sorting through a big bunch of keys] There it is. There it isn't.
Grandpa George: The kids who are going to find the golden tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day! Our Charlie gets only one a year. He doesn't have a chance.
Grandma Josephine: Everyone has a chance, Charlie.
Grandpa George: Mark my words. The kid who finds the first ticket will be fat, fat, fat.
[Cuts to Augustus Gloop holding up the winning ticket]
German Reporter: Augustus!
Augustus Gloop: [as cameras flash] I'm eating the Wonka bar and I taste something that is not chocolate. Or coconut, or walnut, or peanut butter, or nougat, or butter brittle, or caramel, or sprinkles. So I look and I find the golden ticket.
Dr. Wonka: Heavens. I haven't seen bicuspids like these since... since...
Dr. Wonka: Willy?
Willy Wonka: Hi, Dad.
Dr. Wonka: All these years and you haven't flossed.
Willy Wonka: Not once.
Willy Wonka: [as the Glass Elevator passes over a hospital wing, where Oompa-Loompa doctors and nurses are tending to their puppet patients] This is the Puppet Hospital and Burn Center. It's relatively new.
Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Huh?
Charlie Bucket: Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa Loompa song unless they...
Willy Wonka: [interrupts] Improvisation is parlor trick, anyone can do it.
[turns to Violet]
Willy Wonka: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Willy Wonka: [looking at silver hair] I realized in that moment, "I must find a heir".
Willy Wonka: You're all quite short, aren't you?
Violet Beauregarde: Well yeah, we're children.
Willy Wonka: Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.
Mike Teavee: You were once.
Willy Wonka: Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
Violet Beauregarde: [after stretching into a pretzel shape] Look mother, I'm much more flexible now.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [disapprovingly] Yes, but you're blue.
Willy Wonka: I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
Mr. Teavee: What do you mean?
Willy Wonka: Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee: What kind of a question is that?
Willy Wonka: No need to snap, just a question.
Narrator: In the end, Charlie Bucket won a chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka had something even better, a family. And one thing was absolutely certain - life had never been sweeter.
Willy Wonka: [bangs into his elevator] I've got to be more careful where I park this thing.
Grandma Georgina: [the glass elevator crashes through the roof of Charlie's house] I think there's someone at the door.
Veruca Salt: Daddy! I want a flying glass elevator!
Mr. Salt: Veruca, the only thing you're getting today is a bath, and that's final!
Mike Teavee: A retard could figure it out.
Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. I mean, kids these days, what with all the technology...
Mike Teavee: [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!
Mr. Teavee: Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.
Grandpa Joe: I saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.
Charlie Bucket: You did?
Grandpa Joe: I did.
Grandma Josephine: He did.
Grandpa George: He did.
Grandma Georgina: I love grapes.
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.
Charlie Bucket: So, if I go with you to the factory, I won't ever see my family again?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!
Welcome Puppets: Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier weeeeee / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, everybody give a cheer / He's modest, clever, and so smart, he barely can restrain it / With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it, to contain it, to contain... to contain... to contain... Hooray! / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the one that you're about to meet / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the genius who just can't be beat / The magician and the chocolate whiz / The best darn guy who ever lived / Willy Wonka, here he is!
Violet Beauregarde: [hugs Wonka] Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde.
Willy Wonka: [freaked out] Oh. I don't care.
Violet Beauregarde: Well, you should care. Because I'm the girl who's gonna win the special prize at the end.
Willy Wonka: Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key.
Augustus Gloop: [Augustus steps in front of Veruca] I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate.
Willy Wonka: I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common.
[Wonka stops and turns around to Mike]
Willy Wonka: You, you're Mike Teavee. You're the little devil who cracked the system.
[looks at Charlie]
Willy Wonka: And you, well, you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?
Willy Wonka: [while passing a room where Oompa Loompa's are shearing pink wool from sheep] I'd rather not talk about this one.
Violet Beauregarde: What's so funny?
Willy Wonka: I think it's from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [flirtily] You don't say?
Willy Wonka: And the rest of you must be their p-p-...
Mr. Salt: Parents?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Moms and dads!
Willy Wonka: Dad? Papa?
Dr. Wonka: Lollipops. Ought to be called cavities on a stick!
Willy Wonka: How do you feel about little raspberry kites?
Charlie Bucket: With licorice instead of string!
Mrs. Bucket: Boys, no business at the dinner table.
Charlie Bucket: Sorry, Mum.
Willy Wonka: I think you're onto something though, Charlie.
Willy Wonka: [after Mike Teavee has been shrunk and sent into a TV] Oh, thank heavens... he's completely unharmed.
Veruca Salt: [outside the Chocolate Factory] Daddy, I want to go in.
Mr. Salt: It's 9:59, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: Make time go faster.
[Mike Teavee is taken away and Wonka moves towards the Great Glass Elevator with Charlie and Grandpa Joe]
Willy Wonka: Now, how many children are left?
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, Charlie's the only one left, now.
Willy Wonka: [looks at Charlie] You mean, you're the only one?
Charlie Bucket: Yes.
Willy Wonka: What happened to the others?
Willy Wonka: Can you imagine Augustus-flavored, chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew, no one would buy it.
Mike Teavee: You don't understand *anything* about science! First off, there's a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!
Willy Wonka: MUMBLER! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!
Willy Wonka: Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon.
Oompa Loompa: Augustus Gloop / Augustus Gloop / The great big greedy Nincompoop / Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, so greedy foul and infantile / Come on, we cry, the time is ripe to send him shooting up the pipe / But don't, dear children be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed / Although of course we must admit, he will be altered quite a bit / Slowly wheels go round and round, and cogs begin to grind and pound / This greedy brute, this louces ear, is loved by people everywhere, for who could hate or bare a grudge against a luscious bit of fudge?
Oompa Loompa: [Oompa Loompas start singing] Listen close, listen hard / The tale of Violet Beauregarde / This gentle girl she sees no wrong / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / She goes on chewing till at last / Her chewing muscles grow so fast / From her face her giant chin / Sticks out just like a violin / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa/ For years and years she chews away / Her jaws get stronger every day / And with one great tremendous chew / They bite the poor girl's tongue in two / And that is why we try so hard / To save Miss Violet Beauregarde / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./
Blueberry Violet: Mr. Wonka!
[Oompa Loompas stop singing]
Willy Wonka: [to Oompa Loompa] I want you to roll Miss Beaurgarde into the boat and take her along to the Juicing Room at once. 'Kay?
Mrs. Beauregarde: The Juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?
Willy Wonka: Oh, they're gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We've gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.
[Mrs. Beauregarde runs up to Blueberry Violet]
Blueberry Violet: Mother, help me. Please!
[Mrs. Beauregarde pushes Blueberry Violet into door]
Willy Wonka: [looks at everyone] Come on... Let's boogie!
Charlie Bucket: [During the chocolate river ride, the group passes a door, where a window allows them to see Oompa-Loompas whipping a cow with paddles] Whipped cream.
Willy Wonka: Precisely!
Veruca Salt: That doesn't make sense.
Willy Wonka: For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that.
Willy Wonka: But lucky for us, we have the Great Glass Elevator to speed things alo...
[runs into elevator and falls]
Willy Wonka: [getting up] Speed things along.
Willy Wonka: [explaining that Mike Teavee will have to be brought to the Taffy Puller Room] Boy, is he gonna be skinny.
Narrator: This is a story of an ordinary little boy named Charlie Bucket. He was not faster, or stronger, or more clever than other children. His family was not rich or powerful or well-connected; in fact, they barely had enough to eat. Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy in the entire world. He just didn't know it yet.
Willy Wonka: [coming upon a tiny door] An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.
Mike Teavee: Then, why is the door so small?
Willy Wonka: That's to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.
Mike Teavee: In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar.
TV Reporter: And how did it taste?
Mike Teavee: I don't know. I hate chocolate.
Grandpa George: Well, it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory, you ungrateful little bu-
[Mr. Bucket claps his hands over Charlie's ears so he can't hear what's being said]
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, I was having a flashback.
Mr. Salt: I see.
Mr. Teavee: These flashbacks happen often?
Willy Wonka: Increasingly... today.
[Mike starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it]
Mr. Teavee: Son, please.
Mike Teavee: Dad, he said, "Enjoy!"
Mike Teavee: [seeing the Oompa-Loompas for the first time] Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: What?
Mr. Teavee: Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.
Veruca Salt: Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy Wonka: No. Maybe. I dunno. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.
Mike Teavee: If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Willy Wonka: Once again you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's kinda starting to bum me out.
Willy Wonka: It's gotta be real big, 'cause you know how on TV you can film a regular-sized man and he comes out looking this tall? Same basic principle.
Willy Wonka: The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate. Churns it up, makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall, my dear children, and you can take that to the bank.
Oompa Loompa: Veruca Salt, the little brute / Has just gone down the garbage chute / And she will meet as she descends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A fish head for example cut / This morning from a halibut / An oyster from an oyster stew / A steak that no-one else would chew / And lots of other things as well / Each with its rather horrid smell, horrid smell / These are Veruca's newfound friends / That she will meet as she descends / These are Veruca's newfound friends / Who went and spoiled her / Who indeed? Who pandered to her every need? / Who turned her into such a brat? / Who are the culprits, who did that? / The guilty ones - now this is sad / Are dear old mum and loving dad.
Oompa Loompa: The most important thing that we've ever learned / The most important thing we've learned as far as children are concerned / Is never, never let them near a television set, or better still just don't install the idiotic thing at all. / It rots the senses in the head / It kills imagination dead / It clogs and clutters up the mind / It makes a child so dull and blind / so dull and blind, so dull and blind / He can no longer understand a fairytale, a fairyland / a fairyland, a fairyland / His brain becomes as soft as cheese / His thinking powers rust and freeze / He cannot think, he only sees / Regarding little Mike Teavee, we very much regret that we, regret that we / Shall simply have to wait and see / We very much regret that we / Shall simply have to wait and see / If we can get him back to size / But if we can't / It serves him right!
Augustus Gloop: [offering the Wonka bar he had been munching on to Charlie] Would you like some chocolate?
Charlie Bucket: Sure!
Augustus Gloop: [yanking the candy bar away] Then you should have brought some.
Dr. Wonka: Just last week I was reading in a very important medical journal that some children are allergic to chocolate. Makes their noses itch.
Little Willy Wonka: Maybe I'm not allergic, I could try a piece.
Dr. Wonka: Really? But why take a chance?
Willy Wonka: Ah, the administrations offices. Hello Doris!
Jolly Woman: Who do we have here? Ruthie, Veronica, Terrance. And who's that under the sheet? Little Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: I've just been informed that the incinerator's broken, so there should be about three weeks of rotten garbage to break their fall!
Grandpa George: [sees the TV with Augustus on the screen] Told you he'd be a porker.
Grandpa Joe: [Charlie has taken a chocolate bar magically from a television screen] Holy Buckets!
Mrs. Gloop: [as she sees Augustus Gloop drinking the chocolate river] Augustus, My child. That is not the right thing to do!
Willy Wonka: HEY! Little Boy, My chocolate must be untouched by human hands!
Mrs. Gloop: [as Augustus falls into the river] He will drown, He can't swim. Call the firefighter.
Shopkeeper: [Surprised] You found Wonka's last golden ticket! In my shop, too!
Mrs. Bucket: Oh well, nothing goes better with cabbage than cabbage.
Veruca Salt: [approaches to the squirrel] I'll have YOU.
Grandma Josephine: [watching Violet Beauregarde on TV] What a beastly girl.
Grandma Georgina: Despicable.
Grandpa George: You don't know what we're talking about.
Grandma Georgina: [pause] Dragonflies?
Mr. Salt: Are you using the Havermax 4000 to do your sorting?
Willy Wonka: No.
Willy Wonka: You're really weird.
Charlie Bucket: But it didn't close forever, it's open right now.
Mrs. Bucket: Ah, yes, well sometimes, when grown ups say "forever," they mean, "a very long time."
Grandpa George: Such as, I feel like I've eaten nothing but cabbage soup forever.
Mr. Bucket: Now pops...
Grandma Josephine: The factory did close, Charlie.
Grandpa Joe: And it seemed like it was going to be closed forever. Then, one day, we saw smoke rising from the chimneys. The factory was back in business!
Charlie Bucket: Did you get your job back?
Grandpa Joe: No. No one did.
Charlie Bucket: But there must be people working there.
Grandma Josephine: Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?
Charlie Bucket: No. The gates are always closed.
Grandpa Joe: Exactly.
Charlie Bucket: But then, who's running the machines?
Mrs. Bucket: Nobody knows, Charlie.
[Willy Wonka claps enthusiastically as his special musical showpiece goes up in flames]
Willy Wonka: Ha ha ha, wasn't that just magnificent? I was worried it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but then that finale... Wow!
Willy Wonka: Uh, you really shouldn't mumble, because I can't understand a word you're saying.
Willy Wonka: I've been longing to press that button for years. Well, here we go! Up and out!
Grandpa Joe: But do you really mean...?
Willy Wonka: Yeah, I do!
Grandpa Joe: But it's made of glass! It'll smash into a million pieces!
Mike Teavee: Just put me back in the other way.
Willy Wonka: There is no other way. It's television not telephone. There's quite a difference.
Mr. Bucket: Your mum and I thought, maybe you want to open your birthday present, tonight.
Mrs. Bucket: Here you are.
Charlie Bucket: Maybe I should wait till morning.
Grandpa George: Like hell.
Mr. Bucket: Pop.
Grandpa Joe: All together we're 381 years old. We don't wait.
Willy Wonka: [while passing a room where Oompa Loompa's are shearing pink hair from sheep] I'd rather not talk about this one...
Mrs. Beauregarde: Eyes on the prize, Violet, eyes on the prize.
Charlie Bucket: [asking about Violet's gum] Why hold onto it? Why not start a new piece?
Violet Beauregarde: Because then I wouldn't be a champion. I'd be a loser. Like you.
Willy Wonka: [to Mike Teavee] Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word you're saying!
Mr. Salt: [after the Oompa Loompas sing and dance] I do say, that all seemed rather rehearsed.
Mr. Salt: [at the nut sorting room] Ah, this is a room I know all about. For you see, Mr. Wonka, I myself am in the nut business.
[hands Willy Wonka his business card, and Willy flings it away without looking at it]
Willy Wonka: My name is Willy Wonka.
Veruca Salt: Then shouldn't you be up there?
[points to stage]
Willy Wonka: Well, I couldn't very well watch the show from up there, now, could I, little girl?
Willy Wonka: The waterfall is most important! Mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world m...
Veruca Salt: You already said that.
Mr. Teavee: [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie Bucket: But could you send it by television if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka: Course I could.
Mike Teavee: What about people?
Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
Willy Wonka: [hands Charlie a ladle full of chocolate] Try some of this. It'll do ya good. You looked starved to death!
[about Veruca Salt winning a golden ticket]
Grandpa George: She's even worse than the fat boy!
Mike Teavee: Back off, you little freaks!
Mrs. Gloop: [Augustus is drinking the chocolate] Augustus, my child! That is not a good thing you do!
Mrs. Gloop: [while leaving the chocolate factory. Augustus is covered in chocolate] Augustus, please don't eat your fingers!
Augustus Gloop: [licks his fingers] But I taste so good!
Dr. Wonka: [knowing his son wants to be a chocolatier] Candy is a waste of time. No son of mine is going to be a chocolatier.
Little Willy Wonka: Then I'll run away! To Switzerland! Bavaria! The candy capitals of the world!
Dr. Wonka: Go ahead. But I won't be here when you come back.
Dr. Wonka: Now, let's see what the damage is this year, shall we?
Willy Wonka: Stop the boat! I wanna show you guys something!
Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka? Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song, unless - ?
Willy Wonka: Improvisation is a parlor trick. Anyone can do it.
[Turns to look at Violet]
Willy Wonka: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross. Chewing gum, I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Mike Teavee: No, it isn't.
Willy Wonka: [Pretends not to hear] Uh, you really shouldn't mumble. Because I can't hear a word you're saying. Now, on with the tour.
[Starts walking and everyone else follows]
Willy Wonka: I've always made whatever candy I felt like, and I... That's just it, isn't it? I make the candy I feel like, but now I feel terrible, so the candy's terrible.
Narrator: Although Charlie won the chocolate factory, Wonka had something better: A family. The Bucket family learns that life was never sweeter.
[the narrator turns out to be an Oompa Loompa]
Charlie Bucket: Are the Oompa Loompas really joking, Grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: Of course they're joking. That boy will be fine.
[the gum machine spits out a single piece of gum]
Mike Teavee: You mean that's it?
Willy Wonka: Do you even know what *it* is?