Fish Without a Bicycle (2003)

User Rating:

5.4/10   

Director:

Brian Austin Green

Writer:

Jenna Mattison (writer)

Genre:

Comedy | Romance | Drama

Awards:

4 wins

Cast

Jenna Mattison	...	Julianna Mercer
Brad Rowe	...	Danny
Bryan Callen	...	Michael
Jennifer Blanc	...	Vicki
Ronnie Marmo	...	Ronnie
Victoria Rocchi	...	Annie
Jessica Lindsay Lobb	...	Lola (as Jessica Lobb)
Brian Austin Green	...	Ben (as Brian A. Green)
Kent Alexander	...	Bar Guy
Stephen Arenholz	...	Bartender (as Steve Arenholz)
Seth Romatelli	...	Jonathan
Joel Berti	...	Aaron
Alex Band	...	Jag
Terry Scannell	...	Stalker (as Terry Scanell)
Jennifer Sky	...	Hot Girl

Also Known As:

Girls Will Be Girls (USA) (working title)

MPAA:

Rated R for some strong sexual content and language.

Runtime:

97 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Certification:

USA:R

Filming Locations:

Los Angeles, California, USA

Company:

Cheshire Smile Productions

Absolute Garbage

"Fish Without a Bicycle" is more like "Script Without an Independent Thought," and there's minimal unintentional comedy in the directorial debut of "Beverly Hills 90210" alum Brian Austin Green. BAG's direction is pretty empty (empty bag- get it) but Hitchcock, Kubrick or Kurosawa couldn't have saved this one.

Writer/star Jenna Mattison is a disaster; physically, the big hair and unnatural Joker smile are really distracting, and her character Julianna is a child emotionally. Jules leaves a good guy (Brad Rowe) for a bad guy (Bryan Callen), and if that doesn't work out, there's another good guy (BAG) waiting with baited breath. She has an equally unlikable best friend Vicki, who influences Jules to date more using some metaphor about eating lots of cheeses until you find your favorite. You're so profound Vicki, even if you're a girl who looks like "The Crow" and the singer from AFI simultaneously. Then Jules meets a homeless women who has similarly oversimplified advice like "Sometimes you gotta be lost to find your way." Come on Jules, that's your sage??

Callen ("Mad TV," "Fat Actress") is pretty funny as the pompous play director who wants Jules, gets her, doesn't want her, wants someone else and then wants her back, but if that's the lone selling point of the film, yikes. Vicki's late revelation makes no sense given how self-important she is, Ronnie is not at all how Yankee fans act, and BAG's character Ben is a fool if he goes along with Jules' final plan, which not surprisingly, is no plan at all. The biggest regret of "Fish Without a Bicycle" is not giving enough time to Jules' "Cowgirl's Blues," so we could see a bad actress play a bad actress acting poorly in a play.