Jack Fenton: You must be so exhausted you can't even talk.
[gets no answer]
Jack Fenton: So I'll keep talking.
Tucker Foley: [after Danny has phased a car through a building] Oh sure, phase the car through the building. You just had to save the day, didn't you?
Danny Fenton: Well yeah! Because a car crashing through the twenty-eighth floor of anything is BAD!
Danny Fenton: [has just parachuted onto his aunt's farm with his dad's gift] Here you go mom. Dad left it at home so uhh... the mosquitoes wouldn't get it!
Jack Fenton: That's right!
[whispering to Danny]
Jack Fenton: Good work son. You'll get a raise in your allowance for this.
Danny Fenton: I get an allowance?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [trying to stop Danny's parents from cheaking on him while he's fighting a ghost upstairs] Danny's upstairs.
[crash is heard upstairs]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Uh, lifting weights?
Maddie Fenton: [after hearing another crash] He doesn't have exercise equipment up there.
Danny Fenton: [another crash] My computer! Oh, wait that's Jazz's.
[Danny and Tucker are drooling over Paulina]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Paulina? Please, girls like that are a dime a dozen.
Danny Fenton: [to Tucker] How much change you got?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Very funny.
[Danny and Tucker are at his house, talking to Sam over the computer]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: I'm sure you boys will have a wonderful time.
[logs off the computer]
Danny Fenton: She really wants to go to the dance.
Tucker Foley: She said she didn't want to!
Jazz Fenton: By the way Danny, just so you know, I'm onto your little secret.
Danny Fenton: [spits out his water] What secret?
Jazz Fenton: The clumsiness, the nervousness... I can't beleive I didn't figure it out before. You have a girlfriend.
Danny Fenton: It's a lie, I'm not a ghost! I mean, she's not my girlfriend. She's just going to the dance with me.
Jack Fenton: Great, I can meet her and talk to her about ghosts!
Jazz Fenton: You better let her know your family's insane now, Danny. If you marry her, and she finds out later, that's entrapment.
Tucker Foley: [Danny and Dragon Sam have destroyed the school dance] Man, I can't believe your date ditched you.
Danny Fenton: Where is Paulina anyway?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [sees Paulina talking to Dash] Who cares? Look, the DJ is still playing and I think there's still time for one more dance.
[smiles at Danny]
Danny Fenton: [smiles at Sam] Sure, I'd love to.
[hands Tucker the amulet]
Danny Fenton: Hold on to this, will ya?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [dancing with Danny] Promise me you'll keep your pants on?
Danny Fenton: I'll do my best.
Tucker Foley: Man, I'm dateless again! Man, what does a guy have to do to get hooked up around here?
Ghost Girl: I want to go to the ball!
Tucker Foley: On second thought, I'm not that desprete. Hey guys, can I cut in?
[Sam is trying to distract Technus]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Hi. I'm Sam. I don't believe I caught your name. I suggest you shout it out loud, along with your motive.
Technus: I am technus! Master of all things mechanical! Wizard of integrated soicuittry! And destroyer of woilds!
Vice Principal Lancer: Great Gatsby!
Danny Fenton: [Sam taps at his window] Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh, this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony and I can understand everything we're saying.
[Jack Fenton tries his new Ghost Translator on Danny]
Danny Fenton: Um... Um... Boo?
Ghost Translator: I am a ghost. Fear me.
Danny Fenton: [panics] Uh... I better get to school!
Ghost Translator: I better get to school. Fear me.
Ghost Tracker: [Jack Fenton holds his Ghost Tracker near Danny] Ghost directly ahead. You would have to be some sort of moron to not notice the ghost directly ahead.
Danny Fenton: [over cell phone] Are you okay? We can stop by later if you want us too.
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [home sick in bed] No, that's okay. I'll be fine. Bye.
[She hangs up, then glares at the doctor, nurse and ambulance attendent standing at her bedside]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: You guys, it's just a cold!
Ambulance Attendent: [shocking himself with the pads] Clear!
Danny Fenton: [in the ghost prison cafeteria, Danny looks at a table where all the ghosts he sent back into the Ghost Zone are sitting] Great, everyone who hates me is sitting on table, just like in high school.
Danny Fenton: [after a day of strange ghost-related events at school] I can explain.
Danny Fenton: Actually, I really can't.
Tucker Foley: Wait, you guys kissed?
Johnny 13: [after Danny punches him during a staged fight to convince Kitty he wants her back] I thought this was a pretend fight.
Danny Fenton: Then pretend that didn't hurt.
Tucker Foley: [as Sam's staring daggers at Danny and Paulina, who are now a couple] You okay?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Of course I am! Why would I not be okay? LOOK how HAPPY he is!
[punches a hole in a locker]
Danny Fenton: [after being attacked by giant ghost scissors] I know I should be concerned, and I will be... right after the party.
Skulker: [to Danny] I planned on simply capturing you and letting you live the rest of your life in a cage, but now, I will rest your pelt at the foot of my bed.
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Okay, that's just gross.
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [while Tucker's using his PDA to goof around with Skulker's technology] Stop fooling around, Tucker!
Danny Fenton: Power him down, already! Now!
Tucker Foley: Relax. Everything's totally under
[Skulker destroys his PDA with an arrow]
Tucker Foley: control... Oh, man! I had four more payments on this one.
Danny Fenton: How is it that I have ghost powers, but YOU'RE the weird kid?
[Dark Danny has revealed his true form to Jazz]
Jazz Fenton: You're not Danny. That's why the Booo-Merang wasn't honing in on you're ecto-signature. You're not Danny!
Dark Danny: I was, but I outgrew him. The Danny you know is floating helplessly in the Ghost Zone ten years in the future.
Jazz Fenton: He'll escape! He'll beat you!
Dark Danny: How? Is the answer: A. the Fenton Portal? Destroyed it. B. the only remaining portal? The one that my idiot cheesehead archenemy has? As soon as I find it, that's going too.
Jazz Fenton: Cheesehead? Vlad Masters? *He's* your archenemy?
Dark Danny: [continues] Is it: C. you? No. You can't stop me from cheating on the C.A.T. and solidifying my future, so it must be D...
[blasts Jazz away with a plasma blast]
Dark Danny: None of the above.
[Jazz faints; Dark Danny takes the C.A.T. answers form and reads the answers. A smile lights up his face]
Dark Danny: Well, what do you know? The answer to the first question *is* "D"!
[Jazz is counseling with a punk named Spike]
Jazz Fenton: Spike, you need to open up to your parents. Be true to yourself *and* them. Just tell them how you feel. I mean, it's not like they're going to attack you or anything...
[she gets caught in a net, mistaken for a ghost]
Jack Fenton: We got her! And the Fenton Grappler is working like a charm!
Maddie Fenton: [looks at Jazz] I don't understand. If Jazz is a ghost, then why hasn't she phased through the net?
Jazz Fenton: [angrily] Because I am *not* a ghost!
[takes off the net]
Jazz Fenton: You've ambushed me, suffocated me with smoke, and worse, you pulled me away from Spike before he had his breakthrough! What do you have to say for yourselves?
[pause. Jack takes out the Fenton Thermos]
Jack Fenton: Eat hot Fenton Thermos, ghost gal!
[Thermos short-curcuits, and Jack shakes it]
Jack Fenton: Darn thing still doesn't work!
[Danny Phantom has accidentally destroyed the poem Ghost Writer has created]
Danny Phantom: Oops! Uh, Sorry, man, it was a total accident.
Ghost Writer: Oops?
Ghost Writer: Oops? Do you have any idea what you've done?
Danny Phantom: Well... not really, uh, hence the "accident" part.
Ghost Writer: You've destroyed my greatest work! And that was my only copy!
[Danny picks up a page of the book from the destroyed pieces and reads it]
Danny Phantom: The Fright Before Christmas? I destroyed a Christmas poem? Awesome!
Ghost Writer: What?
Danny Phantom: Dude, I am sick of Christmas! I came to the Ghost Zone to get away from it. I might not have meant to destroy your stupid book, but that doesn't mean I'm not okay with it.
[destroys the page from the book he was reading]
[Ghost Writer has trapped Danny Phantom inside a new poem, which begins its first lines]
Ghost Writer: On the day before Christmas, in Amity Park, / Almost all there were cheery, yet one soul was dark.
Danny Fenton: Hey, that voice? It's the ghost whose book I destroyed. /
Danny Fenton: Wait! I'm trapped in this poem? Now I'm really annoyed!
[Danny flies to the Jewish Manson home, hoping Sam won't put the blame on him for attacking Christmas]
Danny Fenton: [in joy] Sam!
Ghost Writer: Danny said.
Danny Fenton: [to Ghost Writer] Oh, for crying out loud!
Samantha "Sam" Manson: I know. Can't you see we're all under a cloud? / Every present we had, in the chimney up through it! / That might work for you, but that's not how we do it!
Ghost Writer: And Sam saw sad faces on Mom, Dad, and Granny, / So I typed on my keyboard that the blame was on Danny!
[Ghost Writer conrtols Sam by her anger]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [angrily] You! You did this?
Danny Fenton: [shouts] Are you out of your mind?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [shouts] You're the holiday scrooge! Do you think that I'm blind?
Ghost Writer: And Danny and Sam found themselves in a spat. / But before Dan could calm her, I soon realized that / A new threat was needed to cut through the noise; / And what better way than attack of the toys?
[Ghost Writer brings all the toys from each building to attack the town, then starts forming them together. Danny and Sam stop and go outside to look at this scenery; Danny turns into Danny Phantom to find out what's going on]
Ghost Writer: From all over the town, the toys started to merge! / I'm really quite weakened when I get the urge! / On this night before Christmas, a brand new attacker! / And now, face the wrath of my monster nutcracker!
[the controlled toys form a giant Nutcracker, which comes to life and attacks]
Danny Phantom: [surprised] Aw, nuts!
[he starts running away from the monster]
Ghost Writer: Danny cried, as he started to run. /
Ghost Writer: Must we end every scene with a terrible pun?
[the poem is closing with its last lines]
Danny Fenton: [narrating] And then I thought, maybe this is the moral. / In the same way my folks loved their old Christmas quarrel. / Everyone celebrates in the way of their choosing. / I was so busy whining, I started abusing / The ones I loved most and I ruined their cheer. /
Danny Fenton: I'll try to be better, come Christmas next year.
[thus ends the poem; Danny, Sam, Jazz and Tucker gather together at the last page which says "The End."]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Um, nice sentiment, but what are you, a greeting card?
Tucker Foley: Yeah, why are you talking in rhyme?
Jazz Fenton: Such a dork.
Danny Fenton: [realizing] We're not talking in rhyme?
[starts getting jubliant]
Danny Fenton: We're not talking in rhyme!
[the book closes, and Ghost Writer is glad his new poem is finished. A cell mate inches close to him as he wants to look at the new book he has completed, but Ghost Writer turns away from him]
Walker: [greets him] Orange?
Ghost Writer: [scared] Aahh! Get that thing away from me!
Tucker Foley: [notices the haunted TV remote bought at Danny's garage sale is floating] I'm not schooled in the ways of the rich, but do all your remotes do that?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: No. Well, my toaster does, but it's from Denmark.
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [not realizing yet that Danny's under a love spell] Wait, I know that look. That's that same, longing, puppy-dog stare you give Paulina.
Danny Fenton: Who's Paulina?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Well, that's a pleasant side effect.
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Sorry about that stupid fight. Can we forget it ever happened?
Danny Fenton: [quoting Desiree's catchphrase] So you wish it, so shall it be.
[they both blush]
Tucker Foley: Hey, I'm right here.
Paulina: Danny, you never said whether or not you were coming to my quincenera on Friday.
Danny Fenton: That's because when you invited me, I thought you were joking.
Youngblood: Ha! You said booty!
Danny Fenton: Not getting invited to a party is one thing, but not getting invited to a party at my own house?
Tucker Foley: Dude, you can't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault.
Danny Fenton: Maybe not. But it is my responsibility.
Danny Fenton: [to Tucker and Sam] Did you see the way all those ghost hunters were laughing at him? How embarrassing! We're gonna have to live with my dad's goof-ups for the rest of our lives!
Danny Fenton: He's standing right behind me, isn't he?
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [to Danny] You don't feel that way about me and I don't feel that way about you.
Danny Fenton: So why are you still holding my hands?
Danny Fenton: [to Jazz] Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here?
[shouting to Youngblood]
Danny Fenton: And will you stop poking me?
Danny Fenton: Skulker and Technus? Together?
Tucker Foley: Is that an eww, or a yikes?
Danny Fenton: Definitely a yikes!
[Jazz is riding home in excitement, with Danny feeling disappointed]
Jazz Fenton: Wow! Isn't this great? We just caught three ghosts tonight!
Danny Fenton: No, actually, you've just caught one ghost, three times, all of them me!
[Danny, Sam, and Tucker are at Nasty Burger]
Danny Fenton: Ahhh, Nasty Burger, our safe haven. Away from the worries of...
[Jazz bursts through the door]
Jazz Fenton: Danny, run!
Danny Fenton: Run? Why should I...
[everyone stares at the door, and soon after Jack and Maddie come in here in 80's clothes, with Jack looking like Flavor Flav and Maddie looking like 80's Madonna]
[everyone in the Nasty Burger gasps and starts laughing; Jazz and Sam are hiding, embarrassed]
Jazz Fenton: If anyone asks, I'm related to you.
Samantha "Sam" Manson: Okay, but you're gonna have to be a lot less cheery.
[80's Jack and Maddie hug their son Danny tightly]
Danny Fenton: [to Jazz] If I pass out, I give you permission to not resuscitate me.
Vlad Masters: [about Sam and Tucker, infected with ecto-acne] They're running out of time, you know.
Danny Fenton: [suddenly smiling] Time? That gives me a great idea!
[scene shifts to Clockwork's tower]
Clockwork: No. That's a horrible idea. I'm the ghost of time, not the ghost of miracle cures.
[Danny returns to Jack's house after changing the past to find the house deserted]
Danny Fenton: Mom? Dad? Jazz? Anyone?
[he gasps as Jack runs in, his face covered in ecto-acne]
Jack Fenton: [shouts] Nobody trespasses on Jack Fenton's property!
Danny Fenton: Dad, relax!
Jack Fenton: [confused and sad] Dad? I don't have a son; I'm single! Bitterly, bitterly single.
Danny Fenton: You are?
Danny Fenton: Jeez, that explains... almost everything.
Jack Fenton: What?
Danny Fenton: Nothing!
[sees Jack's ecto-acne and points at it]
Danny Fenton: Uh, is that ecto-acne?
Jack Fenton: [angry] It's a condition... that you shouldn't know about!
[grabs Danny by the collar of his shirt]
Jack Fenton: [shouts] How do you know about ecto-acne? Talk!
Danny Fenton: I'm your son! I know all about the accident in Wisconsin... that shouldn't have happened.
Jack Fenton: [angry] Oh, it happened, all right!
[throws Danny onto the ground in anger]
Jack Fenton: And my life went straight down the flusher from that day on!
[turns into Jack Plasmius]
[Jack has turned into Jack Plasmius and starts attacking Danny]
Danny Fenton: [shouts] Wait, it's me, Danny, your son!
[dodges another shot fired by Jack]
Jack Plasmius: [shouts] Lies! I do not have a son! And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't name him Danny. That's dumb.
Danny Fenton: [angry] Okay, I don't want to do this in front of you, but... Going ghost!
[Danny turns into Danny Phantom, and Jack sees him, surprised but angry]
Jack Plasmius: You're a ghost? I hate ghosts!
[continues attacking Danny]
Jack Plasmius: And if it wasn't for ghosts, I wouldn't have lost the love of my life!
[knocks Danny into the basement]
[in the basement, Danny Phantom sees a newspaper article of Maddie's marriage to Vlad]
Danny Fenton: I didn't destroy the past... I destroyed the present!
[Jack and Maddie see Vlad, Sam, and Tucker's ecto-acne]
Maddie Fenton: There's only one place that treats ecto-acne!
Danny Fenton: [hpoing] Please say "hospital", please say "hospital".
[scene shifts to FentonWorks in quarantine]
Danny Fenton: [disappointed] Why didn't she just say "hospital"?
[Vlad attacks Jack Plasmius and ties Danny Phantom to the torture chamber]
Vlad Masters: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave, molecule by molecule!
[Vlad terribly damages Jack Plasmius and the Ghost Portal with the device's ecto laser, and Maddie runs up to the fallen Jack Fenton]
Maddie Masters: Jack!
Jack Fenton: No... It's all right, Maddie... Just remember... what could have been...
[seemingly passes away, and Maddie goes to Vlad in revenge]
Maddie Masters: You despicable, lying piece of... cheese! I've wasted the best years of my life with you!
Vlad Masters: [in a fake tone of voice] Now, Maddie, I may be a lying piece of cheese, but I'm still your husband.
Maddie Masters: [grabs Vlad and lifts him up] Consider *this* an annulment!
[she throws Vlad into the Ghost Zone, where he sees ghosts]
Vlad Masters: Why, hello there. Did I ever tell you that I love ghosts?
[ghosts angrily surround Vlad, seemingly killing him]
[Vlad, Sam, and Tucker are cured of ecto-acne by the Ecto Purifier]
Vlad Masters: I knew you'd come through, Daniel. All it took was the proper motivation. Of course, I'm still weak beyond measure, so... bygones?
[Danny grins mischievously at him; the next scene shows Vlad Plasmius screaming as Danny Phantom knocks him into the air]
Danny Phantom: [casually] Bygones.
Freakshow: Au contraire. That's French for "I bet this hurts".