Bryan Woodman: But what do you need a financial advisor for? Twenty years ago you had the highest Gross National Product in the world, now you're tied with Albania. Your second largest export is secondhand goods, closely followed by dates which you're losing five cents a pound on... You know what the business community thinks of you? They think that a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years, so, yes, on behalf of my firm I accept your money.
Bob Barnes: If anything happens to me or my family, an accident, an accusation, anything, then first your son will disappear, his body will never be found. Then your wife. Her body will never be found either. This is guaranteed. Then, whatever is the most dangerous thing you do in your life, it might be flying in a small plane, it might be walking to the bank, you will be killed. Do you understand what I'm saying? I want you to acknowledge that you do understand so that we're clear and there won't be any mistakes.
Dean Whiting: Beirut rules, Mr. Barnes?
Danny Dalton: Some trust fund prosecutor, got off-message at Yale thinks he's gonna run this up the flagpole? Make a name for himself? Maybe get elected some two-bit congressman from nowhere, with the result that Russia or China can suddenly start having, at our expense, all the advantages we enjoy here? No, I tell you. No, sir! Corruption charges! Corruption? Corruption is government intrusion into market efficiencies in the form of regulations. That's Milton Friedman. He got a goddamn Nobel Prize. We have laws against it precisely so we can get away with it. Corruption is our protection. Corruption keeps us safe and warm. Corruption is why you and I are prancing around in here instead of fighting over scraps of meat out in the streets. Corruption is why we win.
Prince Nasir Al-Subaai: Americans love to drill holes in other people's countries.
Prince Nasir Al-Subaai: What are they thinking, my brother and these American lawyers?
Bryan Woodman: What are they thinking? They're thinking that it's running out. It's running out... and ninety percent of what's left is in the Middle East. This is a fight to the death.
Bob Barnes: I want you to take him from his hotel, drug him, put him in the front of a car, and run a truck into it at 50 mph.
Prince Nasir Al-Subaai: When a country has five percent of the world's population but does fifty percent of its military spending, then the persuasive powers of that country are on the decline.
Jimmy Pope: You dig a six-foot hole and you'll find three bodies. Dig twelve and maybe you'll find forty.
Danny Dalton: [Testifying in Congressional hearing] I hear phrases thrown around like the corrupting influence of money, or the evil influence of dollars in politics, when more money is spent on the syndication rights to the Seinfeld television program, than on the whole of the last presidential election.
Bryan Woodman: Do you understand what that means, it's like someone put a giant ATM on our front lawn.
Julie Woodman: Here's a question. How do you think it looks to profit off the death of your six year old?
Dean Whiting: In this town, you're innocent until you're investigated.
Mussawi: Bob, what do you know about the torture methods used by the Chinese on the Falun Gong? Huh? Method number one. What's your guess?
Mussawi: Water dungeon. Did you guess water dungeon? Number two method? Number two, twisting arm and putting face in feces. Not interested in two? Number three. Number three is called 'pulling nails from fingers'. What do you think Bob? Number three sound good to you? The purpose is to get the monks or whatever to recant their beliefs. What if I had to get you to recant? That would be pretty difficult right? Because if you have no beliefs to recant then what? Then you're fucked is what. You're going to give me the names of every person who's taken money from you.
[rips off one of Bob's nails]
Mussawi: Oh that is dusgusting.
Bob Barnes: Come on Jimmy, you're not one of those Koran thumpers!
Mussawi: My name is Mussawi.
[rips off another nail, then starts punching Bob]
Mussawi: You fucking fuck, fucking fuck, stupid fuck, what the fuck, this is a war! Fuck you're a PO fucking W! Give me the fucking names! I'm cutting his fucking head off. I'm going to cut your head off, Bob!
Sydney Hewitt: You've just visited what someday soon could be the most profitable corporation in America.
Bennett Holiday: Provided the government approves the merger.
Sydney Hewitt: Provided we don't start running automobiles on water and provided there's still chaos in the Middle East. Now the job is find the problem, fix the problem. And if you do not find a problem, then there is no problem. And... WHEN the government approves this merger, it's going to buy a lot of houses in the Vineyard. Maybe even yours.
Robby Barnes: Both of my parents are professional liars.
Dean Whiting: Bennett.
Bennett Holiday: Sir?
Dean Whiting: At my firm, I have a flock of sheep who think they're lions. Maybe you're a lion everyone thinks is a sheep.
Bob Barnes: I punched in "Prince Nasir Al-Subaai" and my computer gets seized. Where'd that job come from? Where did the Nasir job come from?
Fred Franks: I'm advising you to drop it.
Bob Barnes: Why am I being investigating? Why am I being investigating, Fred?
Fred Franks: Goodbye, Bob.
Farooq: An announcement. If man is made in God's image then God is deeply messed up.
Bob Barnes: Innocent until investigated? That's nice. It's got a nice ring to it. Bet you've worn some miles on old sayings like that. Gives the listener the sense of the law being written as it's spoken.
Julie Woodman: Arabs are very family-oriented. As a people. Is that racist?
Bryan Woodman: Sure! A little.
Bryan Woodman: Beirut, it's great. It's like the Paris of the Middle East.
Bob Barnes: Intelligence work isn't training seminars and gold stars for attendance.
Fred Franks: What do you think intelligence work is Bob?
Bob Barnes: I think it's two people in a room and one of them's asking a favor that is a capital crime in every country on earth, a hanging crime.
Fred Franks: No Bob, it's assessing the information gathered from that favor and then balancing it against all the other information gathered from all the other favors.
Bennett Holiday: Lawyers are saying, "Hey if you can't trust a Big 5 accounting firm." And the accountants are saying, "Hey we aren't lawyers." Legal didn't understand. Accounting didn't understand. And nobody understood anything. The regulatory bodies had to scratch their heads for a minute that nobody at Connex or Killen was at fault. But this merger is so balance-positive for American consumers that ultimately Justice wants it. Federal Courts wants it. Everybody wants it. Our real client, is, after all, us, the American people and we are increasing American access to oil in Kahazakstan. So all they ask is that we give them a little something meaningful - which we did - and they got out of our way.
Bennett Holiday: We're looking for the illusion of due diligence, Mr. Pope.
Prince Nasir Al-Subaai: [to the Emir about his brother] He's barely qualified to run a brothel much less a country.
Donald: [to Holiday] I used to think there's something wrong here. Now I know there's something wrong here.
Bennett Holiday: Lawyers say, "Hey, if you can't trust a Big Five accounting firm", the accountant say "Hey, we're not lawyers". Legal didn't understand. Accounting didn't understand. Nobody understood anything. Regulatory bodies scratched their heads for a minute that nobody at Connex or Killen was at fault. But this merger is so balance-positive for American consumers that, ultimately, Justice wants it. Federal courts want it. Everybody wants it. Our real client, after all, is us, the American people. And we are increasing American access to oil in Kazakhstan. So all they ask is that we give them a little something meaningful, which we did. And they got out of our way.
Leland Janus: Something besides Dalton?
Bennett Holiday: Unfortunately, yes. And the best option seemed to be a secret deal for a excess Iranian pipeline capacity that I uncovered during the diligence. A little side deal benefiting the lead lawyer involved in the Connex-Killen merger approval process.
Sydney Hewitt: What... do you think you're doing?
Bennett Holiday: Of course, it's illegal for an American to control these rights.
Sydney Hewitt: Stop right now!
Leland Janus: Is there uh something that you wanna tell me, Syd?
Stan: I like consulting. No, I love it. Love it. And I'll say this for it: "Private business is efficient." There, I've said it. Fucking cliché. And the CIA is like, what, a 30-billion-dollar-a-year business, so anybody who wants to sell anything, a pencil, a computer, they gotta interface through a security clearance. Don't give me shit. I got two kids in college and we're doing our kitchen.
Bob Barnes: Stan, I got a chance to go back to Beirut. I wanna go back. Is it safe for me?
Stan: Are we talking about with your wife or with the wackos?
Stan: Clear it with Hezbollah.
Max Woodman: I want real bacon!
Julie Woodman: You havereal bacon - only it's madefrom soybeans.
Max Woodman: I want pig bacon!
Riley Woodman: I want pig bacon too!
Arash: The Chinese are smart people, but such bad drivers. They should not be allowed to even wash cars.
Saleem Ahmed Khan: If you want to work in this country, learn the language. Learn Arabic!
Tommy Barton: I don't tend to focus on these kind of details.
Tommy Barton: This is the oil business we're talking about, right?
Bennett Holiday: And it is illegal to offer gifts, money, the promise of money or anything of value to influence foreign officials.
Jimmy Pope: Is it? I have personally seen a bill from your law firm to the government of Saudi Arabia for U$36 million. A one-line bill for "services rendered".
Sydney Hewitt: The business of Whitting Sloan is not under discussion at this time.
Jimmy Pope: Well, it ought to be.
Jimmy Pope: No, I wanna talk about the Gulf and how a goddamn Emir... What is an Emir, anyway?
Tommy Barton: King, it's a king.
Jimmy Pope: Well, how some Podunk king tossed you out on your ass! Every company in the world wanted into Kazakhstan, into the Tengiz, but Killen got it. And then Connex wanted Killen, and here we are. I made investments. Investments that'll bear fruit for this company. Hell, Tommy we've all got the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act committed to memory. I got a little copy of it taped to the wall of my head. Right here.
Wasim Khan: If I truly lack faith then I'm not the right person.
Farooq: The questioning means that you have faith and makes it stronger.
Wasim Khan: That's a lot of shit, I think.
Terry: Put some space between us and Bob. Bob has a long history of entrepeneurial operations. We haven't really had a handle on Bob for years. After 9/11, some people got leeway, let their emotions got the best of them. These are complex times. There's already an active investigation into Bob's activities in - help me out here.
Fred Franks: Tehran, the Amiri brothers job.
Terry: We're trying to find out who might have hired Bob for the Amiri brothers job. Could the same people be behind the Nasir job? A lot of people probably want this Nasir dead and Bob knows lots of people. Fill in the rest. Send me everything.