2003 MTV Movie Awards (2003 TV Special)
Andy Serkis: I would like to say a big thank you to all the MTV fans, to all the Lord of the Rings fans, and to everybody who worked on Gollum. It's a complete marriage of skills...
Gollum: You're a lier, and a thief! It's mine! I won it! It was me! We only won because of me!
Sméagol: And me. MTV is my friend. My friend...
Gollum: You don't have any friends! Nobody likes you!
Sméagol: Dobby likes me!
Gollum: Dobby? Dobby's a fucking fag!
Andy Serkis: That's enough, Gollum.
Gollum: Piss off, Serkis! You stupid fat woofish fucking turd!
Andy Serkis: I'm... I'm not fat.
Gollum: We're not gonna thank anyone, no no! Not you, not MTV, and not those pixel pushing pindicks at Weta Digital! And Peter Jackson, my precious, who do you think you are, you fucking hack! Shame on you! Shame on you! Go fuck yourself!
Sméagol: Not listening. Not listening.
Gollum: Frankly, nothing can compensate for the long hours and low pay and miserable experience we've had making this fucking movie. And if you think a shitty little tub of gold popcorn is gonna remotely make up for everything we've suffered, you're sadly fucking mistaken! You're all bastards! MTV sucks! We hate you all!
Justin Timberlake: [to Sean William Scott] Dude... is that my face on your crotch?
Larry the Architect: Watch the sass, Captain Sassy Pants.
Larry the Architect: Hello, I am the Architect... but please, call me Larry.
Justin: Yo, LARRY!
Larry the Architect: The door on my right leads you two to the MTV 2003 Movie Awards. The door on my left leads pussy boy here back to his bitch. Yeah, G... You can't handle it! And the little mini door is for Muffin to go out and piddle. Hey... Hey... You! No... no... no... You are bizarre.
The Oracle: Hey, you that boy from *NSYNC! Now what happened to your jheri curls? Now dat was a good look. Dat was hot!
Andy Dick: Oh my God! There's Morpheus! He's having a huge orgie at his house after the party... At least that's what most of us have heard...
Morpheus: It is TRUE, what many of you have heard...
Person from crowd: What can we expect at this orgie?
Justin: We're so out of here.
Seann: I dunno, sounds kinda kinky!
Seann Clone: Wet... Willy... Mr... Timberlake.
Justin Timberlake: You can do the Robot with J.T.
Neo: What happens if I fail?
Justin Timberlake: OK, dude. Lighten up, for real, it's just the Robot.
Neo: No. I wont!
The Oracle: Well, hell, I will.
Larry the Architect: Neo was originally the chosen one to host the show, but he's been a little distracted lately...
Larry the Architect: See! I told you. He is completely pussy-whipped.
Seann William Scott: Dude, you can totally see their nipples
Neo: You won't let it...
Larry the Architect: No, YOU won't let it! I'm the one doing the talking, okay? Mouth shut, ears open! Ergo! Vis-a-vis! Concordantly!
Larry the Architect: Ergo... therefore... vis a vis... you know what? I have no idea what the hell I am saying. I just thought it would make me sound cool.