The Apprentice (2004– )
Jessie Connors: [Jessie is giving Kristi advice and moral support] So I would just - that's the one thing that's gonna be hard
[suddenly distracted by a pigeon]
- it's a bird!
Kristi Frank: Actually, it's funny, because that's the lesson I've been trying to learn this whole time. But, um, it's basically the concept of...
Jessie Connors: That bird is funny. What is that, a pigeon?
Kristi Frank: That is a pigeon.
John Gafford: [noticing Danny wearing a red suit and carrying a guitar case] The guy in the leisure suit obviously dances to the beat of a different drummer. Apparently, that drummer loves polyester.
Audrey Evans: Sometimes, those of us who end up winning win more than just a loss.
Michael Tarshi: [commenting about Magna's idea for the Dove advertisement] I'm in this team no matter what. Let's make this vegetable porno the best vegetable porno we can possibly make - with a gay twist!
Bill Rancic: You ask Sam what time it is... he tells you how to build a clock.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Troy's from Idaho, so he's got that whole kind of Southern charm thing going on.
[Amy has chosen Bill instead of Nick for a question about who is her toughest competition]
Donald Trump: Whoa! That's the end of that marriage.
Donald Trump: [after listening to both teams' final opinions of Bill and Kwame] You haven't helped me at all. Get out!
Ereka Vetrini: That is like calling the kettle black.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: See, there you go with your racist terms. What was that you said about black people?
Donald Trump: I mean, everyone hates you, everyone...
Sam Solovey: [overlapping] I don't think they hate me.
Donald Trump: Yeah, pretty close.
Sam Solovey: Okay.
David Gould: I take solace in the fact that I have a higher IQ than the other fifteen contestants, which just goes to show you that there's little correlation between IQ and success in lemonade sales.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Tammy's testicle ad may compromise our ability to win this task.
David Gould: In my senior year of medical school, I was like, "What can I do with an M. D. besides treat patients? "
Sam Solovey: I'm giving you my word, that if you write me a check for a thousand dollars for that glass of lemonade, that you are going to experience the American dream.
Donald Trump: Women, great job. As a little treat, you're gonna see the nicest apartment in New York City. It's my apartment. So you be up there, one o'clock at my apartment. Guys, they killed you. They really gave you a good beating. So you're not gonna be seeing my apartment.
Donald Trump: I show this apartment to very few people. Presidents, Kings... and they walk in, they look around, and they really can't believe what they're seeing.
George Ross: David, if you were the team leader, do you think the result would have been different?
David Gould: Not in this case, because sales is not my forte.
Sam Solovey: If you tell me I'm coming close, I will stop. And if you have to punch me in the stomach and tell me to sit down and shut up, I'll shut up. And I'll learn, Mr. Trump.
Donald Trump: That's a big stretch.
Sam Solovey: No, it's not a big stretch for me, Mr. Trump, because I learn fast, I learn...
Donald Trump: [overlapping] You don't believe in the genetic pool?
Sam Solovey: Excuse me?
Donald Trump: That what you have, you have.
Sam Solovey: I've got genetic pool big time, Mr. Trump.
Donald Trump: Now, Sam, it seemed to be unanimous that - I really don't even think it's a lack of leadership -
Donald Trump: Sit down.
Sam Solovey: Thank you, Mr. Trump.
Katrina Campins: [on the women's constant fighting] When we were in the airport, that pilot looked at me, and I could tell he was disgusted!
Troy McClain: Sammy's like Picasso. That guy is so far left field, but he paints this colorful, disturbing picture. You just gotta be able to interpret that picture.
Sam Solovey: Would you send someone out in the football field without his uniform on with Bowie? I don't think so. I know that my...
Nick Warnock: If there was 20 seconds left in the game, would you be yammering on like this?
Donald Trump: [after the men have lost their third task in a row] I'm starting to think that I may never hire a man again.
Troy McClain: The possibility is still there that I could be ousted like yesterday's newspaper.
Kwame Jackson: We knew that the golf club had a large spread, and we could negotiate. We also knew that the leg wax had a large spread.
Sam Solovey: Mr. Trump came in yesterday to the suite where I'm staying, and he shook my hand. Basically, I think now that I've been fired, I realize he was saying, "Win this, Sam. Win this. Because if you win this, I believe in you. I believe in you, I believe in you. But if you lose this, there's no way I can keep you on. You've shown me in so many different ways that there's just no way I can keep you on. "
Nick Warnock: Come on, help a redhead out, man. Here's to the happy couple! She needs a drink, man. Bring her upstairs for some specials.
Male passerby: She's my sister.
Nick Warnock: [laughing] Uh-oh!
Male passerby: I'm not a redneck!
Troy McClain: It's time to do something drastic! Right now, we need to be hopping. We need to be poppin' like a frog on a hot plate.
Nick Warnock: Happy Hour prices, still at Planet Hollywood...
[muttering to himself]
Nick Warnock: This is stupid.
Bowie Hogg: I think the mood in the house right now is mainly just shock. Everyone's kinda goin', "What the hell just happened? How did we lose that again?"... Remember that time when your dog got run over when you were a little kid? That's how I feel right now. I feel like a pet was just killed.
Kwame Jackson: [Nick and Kwame are disagreeing over potentially misleading people by selling autographs] Someone asks me who I was, I say, "I'm Kwame Jackson from Charlotte, North Carolina."
Nick Warnock: How would you explain to the little boy whose father makes five dollars an hour? His father had to work two hours to get that ball.
Kwame Jackson: I didn't sell the kid crack!
Jessie Connors: What about if we buy, um dirt in, like, we can just get plastic baggies and we can buy a package of seeds. We can make it look really cute!
Kwame Jackson: Like, seeds... seeds with dirt?
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Well, Heidi speaks her mind, but what's on her mind isn't always that appealing.
Donald Trump: I love you.
George Steinbrenner: I love you too.
Donald Trump: [later] You're a special guy.
George Steinbrenner: You're a special guy.
Tammy Lee: [to George Steinbrenner] You have some serious bling on your hands. What's going on there?
Donald Trump: You have your finance person and you have your team leader, and the money somewhere disappeared between the hand and the ass. Right?
Robin Himmler: Hi, this is Robin from Mr. Trump's office. Mr. Trump would like you to meet him at Wollman Rink in 45 minutes.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Thanks, Helen. Bye-bye.
Tammy Lee: So, you know Tiger Woods? I know you've played with him before. I mean, could you guys get, like, a round together and maybe fill it out with another couple?
Carson Daly: You - what have you been drinkin' tonight?
Tammy Lee: What are you talkin' about?
Carson Daly: That's shooting high.
Tammy Lee: Yeah?
Carson Daly: Um, I can't get Tiger Woods these days to do my own talk show, not to mention play golf.
Tammy Lee: But he loves golf, and so do you, so you can go out and have some fun.
Carson Daly: Yeah, I know, it sounds simple, but he's, uh, he's very busy... Let's shelve the golf thing for a minute. Is there another sort of... thing that you might have thought of that I could offer?
Tammy Lee: Like flying away with you somewhere for a romantic weekend?
Carson Daly: Boy, you are really shooting for the fence, aren't you? I can't even do that on my own time! Not to mention with a perfect stranger.
Tammy Lee: Really? Get a life!
[Daly and the other women now agree on a plan]
Tammy Lee: ... How 'bout, like - going back to the golf thing for just a second - like, a celebrity and you, so we don't know who this other celebrity is yet.
Carson Daly: Let's stick to this Z100 thing. I think that's a good idea.
Troy McClain: You can't have a straighter man than a country kid from Boise, Idaho!
Troy McClain: [on meeting the Fab 5] A country innocent boy who doesn't know how to dress? I mean, I was a virgin on prom night to those kids.
Carson Kressley: How many times do you get to see gay guys bowling?
Isaac Mizrahi: I love how you're speaking to me as though I, like, have never spoken the English language.
Bill Rancic: [on Tammy] She's not on the same page... I mean, not only is she not on the same page, she's not reading from the same book.
Tammy Lee: I'd like an exotic trip for four with you and Joy and maybe another couple, and then if they can...
Regis Philbin: Now let me get this straight: I gotta go to the far ends of the earth?
Tammy Lee: Two nights, then!
Regis Philbin: But where are we going for two nights?
Tammy Lee: Your favorite destination! You and a guest will go with Joy and Phil - uh, Regis...
Regis Philbin: Who's Phil? Is Phil Donahue coming with us?
Amelia Henry: At that point, I just had this pit in my stomach, thinking, "We're gonna lose."
Donald Trump: How did Heidi do?
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Heidi was fantastic. And I will tell you that I haven't always been a fan of Heidi. I haven't always thought that she was professional, nor does she have much class or finesse...
Donald Trump: [sarcastically] That was very nice. This is one of the worst compliments I've ever heard.
Carolyn Kepcher: Isaac's last name?
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Mizrahi.
Carolyn Kepcher: Yes. I see you learned that a little too late.
Donald Trump: It's a little bit like: watch somebody sell their used car and not wash it. You can spend $10 washing the car and get another $200 for the car. And I've seen guys, they're selling cars that are dirty, and I say, "That guy is a loser."
Troy McClain: She got emotional and attacked me personally...
Katrina Campins: I got emotional? Did I cry, Troy? Look at me in the eyes! Did I cry?... Did I get stern with you? Yes. There's a difference. Get it right!
Katrina Campins: Nobody has ever duped me.
Donald Trump: You've never, ever been duped?
Katrina Campins: Nope... and I'm not gonna give him credit for it.
Donald Trump: I have. I've been duped... I've been duped many times. Everyone's duped. You've been duped also.
Tammy Lee: [who is on Katrina's team] I think we got duped, to be honest.
Bill Rancic: [also on Katrina's team] Thanks, Tammy.
Katrina Campins: ...I am the one that secured a general contractor to do our work! Me! Me! In fact, I have a business plan. Would you like to see it?
[thrusts plan at Carolyn]
Carolyn Kepcher: [dismissively] No.
Heidi Bressler: [playing devil's advocate during the Trump Ice task] "I like my Poland Spring."
Troy McClain: Absolutely. I understand you like that Poland Stream, but now, you're involved with a product that's not from Poland. You're involved with a product that's from New York.
Bill Rancic: In business, it's about numbers. It's all about how much you bring in to the bottom line at the end of the year. Rather than, "You should just buy this product because I'm cute."
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: ...I'm a big, big connoisseur of waters.
Nick Warnock: She's trying to tell me how to sell! It's absurd! It's like trying to tell the Pope how to pray.
Nick Warnock: This is showtime. This is what I do for a living. This is my knitting, if you will. I sell things. I'm phenomenal at it. Ereka, Bill, Katrina and most of the people have underestimated me... I said, "Hop on this back, I'm taking us to the promised land."
Nick Warnock: [attempting to sell Trump Ice] Um, it's bottled thousands of miles away from civilization, up in the...
Nightclub Owner: Okay, this is a nightclub. It's not rocket science. It's just water.
Bill Rancic: ...Nick's a guy who oftentimes will jump out of the plane without learning how to operate the parachute.
Amelia Henry: [pointing to a man dancing] Hey, Nick. You could have kids that look like him. He's the spitting image of my little brother.
Donald Trump: [Loud construction sounds are heard. Trump addresses people off-camera] You know, there's huge hammering going on outside, folks. And you really have to get it stopped. Downstairs at Asprey. Just tell them to stop. It's good. That's a new tenant... but in the meantime, we'll stop them from building.
Troy McClain: [on the helicopter around New York] It took me to the most beautiful woman in the world, aside from my wife: the Statue of Liberty.
Nick Warnock: [on Ereka] If she slings mud in this direction, that won't be a good move. I'll ask her leading questions that she has to answer, and she'll effectively self-implode - she'll be destroyed.
Donald Trump: George, what do you have?
George Ross: Oh, boy. I got a lot. First of all, from what's gone on up until now, I was really surprised how little you had learned.
Nick Warnock: The way I come in is big energy, charisma; I'm gabbing up a storm before...
Donald Trump: If you say so yourself.
Nick Warnock: What's that?
Donald Trump: What makes you think you have charisma?
Nick Warnock: I think I do. I think I bring a certain energy to a place.
Donald Trump: Katrina, go back to the suite. Your girlfriend Ereka gave you a break... Enjoy your evening, there's no place like Trump Tower.
George Ross: For someone who is supposed to be such a successful salesman, Nick had absolutely no rapport with any of his customers.
Ereka Vetrini: The only reason why Katrina's gone...
Donald Trump: You like her 'cause she's your girlfriend?
Ereka Vetrini: No, no no no... if she had taken more of a leadership role, I would've put her in that hot seat. She wasn't the one taking the leadership role.
Carolyn Kepcher: I think that's an excuse.
Donald Trump: Wait a minute. You're saying because she didn't take a leadership role, she's gone, and she's now in this beautiful suite overlooking the world?
Donald Trump: Nick, I don't know why you think you're such a great salesman. Your performance was terrible.
Nick Warnock: I'm a little annoyed she didn't shake Bill's hand. Me - I don't care. But Bill's a nice guy.
Heidi Bressler: When we first walked into Meghan's apartment, I was so excited. I mean, I thought her apartment was amazing. She seemed passionate. I mean, she seemed a little creepy...
Meghan Boody (artist): This is a series called Psyche and Smut, and it's about a young girl, Psyche, and her twin sister, Smut. And Psyche is this very prim and proper pinafore little girl, and Smut is this rather aberrant, naughty little girl. And by the way, the city's ruled by frogs and their concubines.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: I'm gonna sell the frog smoking opium!
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: I don't really take anything that Heidi says to heart at all. I mean, look at the source.
Kwame Jackson: [Both imitating Omarosa] "My head. I wanna eat."
Troy McClain: "Dude, it's my head, and if I don't get some catered service pretty quick, I'm callin' the President."
Troy McClain: [on Meghan's art] Again, her thought process is far beyond my comprehension. Just the little "induendos" - the snake in the grass over there. The skull of Henry VIII. I mean, she is amazing.
Heidi Bressler: [Showing a piece to a potential buyer] Someone comes into your house, you got a toilet tank here.
Potential Buyer: ...So, you're supposed to put this over a toilet?
Meghan Boody (artist): ...This is a cast-iron fireplace cover.
Heidi Bressler: [voice-over] So what, I made a mistake? I didn't know. I'm gonna sell it as a toilet bowl. It looked like a damn toilet bowl to me.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Essentially, um, we introduced her to a piece called "The Hollowed Pussy".
Meghan Boody (artist): I actually photographed this at a taxidermist studio in Paris. It's not quite clear if this is an undead kitty or not.
Donald Trump: [on Protégé's loss] Wow. That's awful. That's getting creamed.
Donald Trump: So as a reward, you have 10 minutes with me. You know, a lot of people would like that opportunity, so take advantage of it.
Donald Trump: This is a picture of my mother in her last years. This is my father in his prime.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Just for the strength of the team, I'd like to see Heidi go. Plus, I'm tired of hearing her say that she'd rather sell Tampax than artwork. She's pretty much supporting my theory that she is the least classiest person in this game.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Kwame could take me, but if he does, I'm gonna have to eat my "brutha" up.
Donald Trump: [on Protégé's loss] Well, we've had some disasters, but this is the worst.
Donald Trump: You got hit in the head with a little piece of plaster that - by the way, all my life I've been hit on the head with plaster - Omarosa, I mean, you know, give me a break.
Donald Trump: [Omarosa barges into the Boardroom] Omarosa, I didn't call for you yet!
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [on Heidi] ... She likes to drop the "f-bomb" every five minutes.
Donald Trump: Omarosa, go out and sell paintings or whatever the hell you're doing. I don't like excuses.
Donald Trump: Omarosa has a huge chip on her shoulder. She felt that she was superior to the other people. She's very smart, but I think her attitude was terrible.
Bill Rancic: What about getting costumes?... We could all dress up in different Disney characters or whatever it is, and... it's a shtick.
Katrina Campins: I told you: Ben Affleck, Sharon Stone!
Katrina Campins: It's convenient for you to use me when my looks take our...
Bill Rancic: Wait a minute, "it's convenient?" You don't use that yourself? Are you kidding me?
Donald Trump: People love the beauty of the building, and they love the location of the building. And I think they like Trump.
Amelia Henry: Come on, it's supporting a great cause!
Businessman: What, Marquis Jet? That's a great cause?
Kwame Jackson: Troy was wearing a suit earlier in the day. When he decided we were all gonna have fun, he basically said, you know, "I'm gonna put on my cowboy hat." And like Superman, he got in the booth and changed. He was no longer Clark Kent. He became Troy, the Cosmic Cowboy.
Heidi Bressler: [Trying to sell Pedicab rides] People need to have more sex, because everyone is just so miserable!
Troy McClain: We were lookin' up the ass of a dead dog with fleas if we thought we were gonna go up against them.
Donald Trump: [Carolyn has just criticized Heidi] Is that woman on woman? That's tough stuff, right?
Donald Trump: Do you think Heidi is good, or average?
Troy McClain: I think Heidi's good. I think she's a good salesperson, absolutely.
Donald Trump: Do you think she's a good leader?
Troy McClain: I think Heidi's a good salesperson.
Heidi Bressler: You're entitled to your opinion...
Carolyn Kepcher: Of course I am, but it's obviously our opinion that matters.
Troy McClain: ...I would say that I thought that you guys wanted an explanation, and I went ahead and gave an explanation...
Donald Trump: It was a long, boring explanation, and I didn't wanna hear it.
Donald Trump: [after firing Heidi] That was good, right?
Carolyn Kepcher: Yeah...
George Ross: I loved it!
Donald Trump: All right.
Jason Curis: No matter what kind of relationship I have with someone, if they're one day late on the rent, I start the eviction process, because that affects my cash flow.
Donald Trump: See, I might have to evict you, very early. I don't know. You also have to have heart. You know, we need heart in this business.
Sam Solovey: My name is Sam. Mr. Trump, I've read every book you've written... twice!
Bowie Hogg: We're taking the feminine route right now: to try and act like a girl, think like a girl, maybe we'll win like the girls.
Troy McClain: [During a spa visit] I kind of feel like an adult film actor getting' ready to get prepped. I mean, I almost feel like I'm goin' in for a rub and a tug, and it's kind of makin' me a little nervous.
Donald Trump: Everyone thought Sam looked pretty scary when I fired him, but he wasn't angry, he was just passionate about his job.
Fitz Daniel Tabbas Tepper: Let me give you advice in life: Don't sell when it's already sold.
Donald Trump: At least now, in this wind, people are gonna realize I have my own hair. They always say, "Trump - does he wear a wig?" I say, "I have my own hair." At least they'll see it now in the wind.
Bill Rancic: The other team obviously can't come up with an original idea, so they've got the hookers over here working my customers.
Nick Warnock: [as the opposing team unveils a white tiger] Gentlemen, please direct your attention to the 2003... I can't really beat a tiger.
Kwame Jackson: [Upon seeing their suite at Trump Taj Mahal] This is some pimped-out rap video shit!
Bill Rancic: Do you want a man-drink, McClain, or do you want a girl-drink?
Troy McClain: Man me up!
Donald Trump: So, Amy, how does it feel to finally be on a losing team?
Donald Trump: [on the car rental raffle] Who chose this stupid concept - of the three?
Kwame Jackson: [to Amy] Popped your boardroom cherry. Isn't that great?
Donald Trump: [to Nick] You think you and Amy might someday live in a place like that together, as man and wife?
Amelia Henry: I told him he'd better start selling lots of copiers!
Donald Trump: [on Nick and Amy's relationship] If this match doesn't work, I'd be amazed.
Bill Rancic: [to Nick] There's a bedroom in there, dude. You better put that to use. You got this beautiful girl all over you and you're not doing anything? They're gonna think you're a little sweet, you know what I mean? Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Donald Trump: [on Nick and Amy] It could be they're in love, but we'll find out on that plane. But they better not use my bedroom.
Troy McClain: Business is business; friends are friends. Don't use them in the same sentence.
Charles Reiss: Amy kind of reminded me of a Stepford wife.
Donald Trump: [to Amy] You're very cold. You're a cold-hearted person.
Donald Trump: Now, everybody assumed that I was gonna be picking a really beautiful woman, like Amy. And, hey, I'm stuck with two guys.
Donald Trump: See the way they're kissing your ass already? That's what happens when you're a boss.
Donald Trump: [on Jessica Simpson] Did you think Jessica was very beautiful?
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: She's a pretty girl.
Donald Trump: Pretty, or beautiful? I thought she was beautiful...
George Ross: She's beautiful. Come on!
[Everyone bursts into laughter]
George Ross: A beautiful girl! We can all agree on that.
Donald Trump: George, I'm not asking you! What the hell do I have to hear about you for? I don't need to hear your answers!
Donald Trump: [to Troy] What about Kwame? Do you love Kwame?
Heidi Bressler: [the firees laugh] He does. He does. He's in love with him.
Donald Trump: [on Omarosa's lying] Heidi, what do you think?
Heidi Bressler: Honestly, I think Omarosa and I should go out for a nice two-hour lunch to discuss it.
Ereka Vetrini: [on Omarosa] Mr. Trump, I would have fired her, and I would have liked it.
Donald Trump: [on Carolyn] We call her Lady Di. She looks like Lady Di to me.
Jason Curis: I've actually doubled my empire. You've motivated me to get on your heels. So, a lot of things happening.
David Gould: ...He's able to collect his rent, finally.
Donald Trump: Nick and Amy, this is the weakest romance I've ever seen. This romance is pathetic!
Amelia Henry: Well, I think we just decided we were meant to be very close friends.
Nick Warnock: Very close friends. That's right.
Donald Trump: Good. I've had some "very close friends".
Nick Warnock: Me too! Me too.
Donald Trump: It's cost me a lot of money, I'll tell you that.
Donald Trump: [on whoever lost a task] I'll see you back in the boardroom. Somebody will be fired.