American Chopper: The Series (2003– )
Paul Sr.: Mikey, get your fat ass upstairs and find my drill bits.
Mikey: I want you to apologize for calling me fat.
Paul Sr.: I apologize for calling you fat. Now get your fat ass up there and find my fuckin' bits!
Paul Sr.: You haven't worked eighty hours in your lifetime, in your lifetime!
Paul Jr.: When I was fourteen I was working eight hours a week.
Paul Sr.: When you were fourteen you were putting applications at McDonald's and not even getting hired, what the hell are you talkin' about?
Paul Sr.: That seat's gonna look ridiculous with just a picture of me on it.
Mikey: Well who the hell sent him a picture of just you?
Paul Jr.: It's gonna look ridiculous.
Mikey: I don't care. Every time I sit on it, I'll just... I'll fart.
[Debating a detail on the Fireman's Bike... ]
Mikey: You guys want me to hold it on there while you fight about it?
Paul Sr.: [laughing] You know why you're here? You really know? To make me laugh. That's the only reason you're here.
Mikey: Ok. So, let's get this fuckin' bike together!
Mikey: You know, everybody gives me a problem about the grinder being face up and they think my middle name is "safety". But it's not... It's "danger". No, I'm kidding... It's "Joseph".
[after watching his beloved Nissan being trashed by the guys]
Mikey: That car has lasted nine years... longer than any relationship with a girl I ever had.
Paul Sr.: Next time you eat my cookies I'm going to break your neck.
Keith Quill: I've got question for you guys, just so I know... How many people does it take to run one machine?
Paul Sr.: Come over here and stand in front of me so I can hit you in the back of the head.
Paul Jr.: If you had a clue as to what you were talking about, you'd be dangerous!
Paul Jr.: If you even had a clue as to what you were talking about, you'd be dangerous!
Paul Sr.: You're not happy unless you're gettin' me aggravated!
Mikey: Well, you're not happy unless you're aggravated.
[a welder hits the frame of the Comanche bike with a hammer]
Vince DiMartino: I can not emphasize how much you can not do that!
[talking about the Firebike]
Paul Sr.: It's not just an Orange County Chopper, it's a New York City Chopper.
[Paul Sr. gives Cody the Old School chopper]
Paul Sr.: I think that the difference between that bike and this bike is that... this bike is yours.
[Paul Sr. enters the shop looking grumpy... ]
Paul Jr.: Uh-oh, grizzly's out!
Will Smith: [after test driving one of the custom bikes] I've GOT to get me one of these!
[after seeing Rick has cut his hand on the drill press]
Paul Jr.: Somebody needs to get him to the hospital!
[Looking at the equipment that chewed up Rick]
Paul Jr.: Look, there are pieces of Rick on it.
[Looking at the scene of the accident]
Rick Petko: There are pieces of me still there.
[about the sidecar of the cop bike]
Paul Jr.: Gus is the only one of us that can fit in it.
[Commenting on his lumberjacking skills]
Mikey: I'm not really a lumberjack... I'm a lazy ass.
Paul Sr.: I'm not going ask twice, cos the second time I'll use my size 12.
Paul Sr.: [yelling at Paulie] You're the biggest slob I know! Stop everything and get this place cleaned up!
[while looking at the flashing lights for the cop bike]
Vince DiMartino: Cool isn't it?
[listening to Paul Sr and Jr. going at each other again]
Vince DiMartino: This is not good.
Paul Jr.: [in a shouting match with Paul Sr] Twinkle-dinkle-dinkle! You never bent a piece of pipe in your life!
Mikey: [on the radio to Campo to get the trailer keys] Campo... We're Pissed... You Key-Hordin' Pixie!
Paul Sr.: [berating Paul Jr] You are the most inconsistent, unreliable person in this entire fucking shop and if you were to make an example to the rest of the guys out there, they would all end up just like you, but I don't let that happen, I don't let that happen.
Paul Sr.: [scolding Paul Jr. for the disheveled condition of the shop] You know what? I'm done talking with you because you are the biggest slob I ever met in the world. So why am I even debating this with you?
Paul Jr.: There's certain things you can't do anything about.
Paul Sr.: Yes, I can, because I own the place.