Scott Bartlett: They don't even fuck anymore.
Jimmy Bartlett: What? How the fuck do you know that?
Scott Bartlett: You know the rubbers under dads bed we used to use as water balloons?
Jimmy Bartlett: Ew, yeah.
Scott Bartlett: They haven't been there in over a year.
Jimmy Bartlett: Okay, well first of all, that's sick to even think about and second, she's coming, so shut the fuck up.
Scott Bartlett: You know, they say no matter where you are on Long Island, you can always hear the train. Can't get far enough away.
Adrianna Bragg: What are you, Walt Whitman now?
Scott Bartlett: Maybe you should've had a girl, they tell their mothers everything.
Brenda Bartlett: Maybe you should have asked God for a mother who doesn't care about her children!
Mickey Bartlett: So you're telling me you weren't happy on your wedding day either?
Brenda Bartlett: Telling me you felt trapped minutes before the ceremony didn't exactly bring a fucking smile to my face!
Mickey Bartlett: I was talking about the tux.
Brenda Bartlett: Oh, so this is all just some big misunderstanding then?
Brenda Bartlett: I don't love you anymore... I hate the way you smell... the way you brush your teeth... the way you eat your fucking food... that shit eating grin on your face all the time, ugh, it makes me sick... and I won't spend another night in bed with you... you make me sick to my stomach.
Brenda Bartlett: Mick he knows.
Mickey Bartlett: Knows what?
Brenda Bartlett: That you're a mother fucker... literally.
Mickey Bartlett: What kind of shit is that to say?
Brenda Bartlett: Well, you do fuck mothers, don't you?
Mickey Bartlett: Man, you can take the girl out of Queens, am I right?
Scott Bartlett: What did you hear?
Adrianna Bragg: I head you fingered me and it was like the inside of a jelly donut. Uch, Scott, that is so disgusting!
Scott Bartlett: So are we really going to like do it?
Adrianna Bragg: Do you really think we should talk about it?
Scott Bartlett: I thought you weren't talking to me.
Adrianna Bragg: I'm on the fence.
Scott Bartlett: Well, if it means anything, technically I'm a man as of today so...
Adrianna Bragg: Please, a man? I heard you're still a bald eagle. You know, no pubes.
Scott Bartlett: Who said that?
Adrianna Bragg: Me.
Adrianna Bragg: It was weird seeing you getting your ass kicked. I felt like you were my little brother or something.
Scott Bartlett: Really?... Your brother
Jimmy Bartlett: No. Hey, no, shit bag. Too young for that.
Scott Bartlett: Tastes like piss anyway.
Jimmy Bartlett: It is piss.
Scott Bartlett: Shut up, dick.
Scott Bartlett: Are you really that sick, bringing her here?
Adrianna Bragg: She's my mom, Scott. I can't just not let her do things.
Adrianna Bragg: Hi, dad.
Charlie Bragg: Hey!
Adrianna Bragg: What do you think?
Charlie Bragg: Um, nice shoes.
Adrianna Bragg: Do you... Could you zip this up for me?
Charlie Bragg: Uh, sure. Sweetie, don't you think you're gonna be kinda cold? With all the back exposed.
Adrianna Bragg: Dad. Dad, c'mon. It's fine. I have a jacket and I mean it's a church party.