Memorable quotes for
Happy Endings (2005) More at IMDbPro »

[confronting Jude about her pregnancy]
Frank: Do you know if it's a boy?
Otis: What do you care? You have a son.
Frank: Or a girl! I'm just asking!
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Mamie: Nothing says "I love you" like blackmail.
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Jude: What's the matter? Boy trouble?
Otis: Fuck you, Jude!
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[on Gil and parenting]
Pam: You would have been a great dad.
Gil: We tried. It wasn't meant to be.
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[testing out his new video equipment]
Nicky: Oh, wow. You look really pretty if I stand far away and I use the zoom.
Mamie: Thank you.
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[finding out that Charley lied about Gil being sick]
Diane: You miserable little faggot.
Charley: Oh, that's mature. Homophobe much?
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Mamie: [to Javier] He thinks you're the American hero, making depressed women everywhere feel good.
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[to Alvin and Bill on Otis being gay and a drummer]
Miles: Why do think he's a drummer? So he can stare at our asses all night.
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Mamie: I'm not pro-life, though.
Jude: Who is, once you start to pay attention?
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Mamie: Who raised you?
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Jude: Hey, do you guys mind if I ask you something?
Alvin: She's not in rehab for drugs. It's just booze. Plus, she's a vomiter.
Miles: A fat vomiter, which is fucking useless.
Jude: No... just, why is Otis the leader?
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Nicky: I thought we had a moment there.
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Jude: [singing] How lucky am I?
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Javier: [during a massage] This is what you need. This is why you paid.
Mamie: [stammering] Well, it was... it was a gift certificate.
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Jude: We're breaking up.
Otis: What?
Jude: Look, I'm not gonna screw you *and* your dad.
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Lane: I hear Jude fucked you over. Me too. I'm Lane.
Frank: Otis's girlfriend?
Lane: No one told me. I already have a boyfriend. Rick. Asshole.
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Jude: I think your Dad's home. You totally owe me, dude. He doesn't think you're a 'mo anymore.
[as he pulls his shirt on]
Otis: Hey, I am not gay.
[pointing to the bed]
Otis: Hello?
[Jude turns on his TV, revealing a gay porn video]
Jude: You "hello".
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Gil: She wouldn't lie.
Charley: She's a mother. It's a sick, sick bond. Think of yours; think of mine. It's unwholesome.
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Narrator: When you're a gay man, you have to feel good about yourself when a urologist says, 'Yeah. I pick you.'
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Jude: What's going on?
Nicky: He knows you're just after his money. And I told him what you had over me, and he doesn't care that I'm gay.
Frank: I care, I care, of course I care. It's not good news.
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[first lines]
Charley: [chasing Mamie] Wait! Wait!
Woman Driver: [hits Mamie] My God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I didn't see her! I didn't see her!
Charley: Oh my God!
Woman Driver: Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't see her!
Charley: Do you have a cell? Call 911!
Woman Driver: Oh God.
Passerby: Hey, is she all right?
Charley: I don't know.
Woman Driver: [on phone] 911? Yes, hurry, we need an ambulance quick.
Title Card: She's not dead. / No one dies in this movie, not on-screen. It's a comedy, sort of.
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Mamie: What kind of movies does this guy make?
Jude: I don't know. He's an idiot. The kind idiots make, I guess.
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Jude: Nothing comes off the money you're gonna get 30 years from now when your dad dies from too much sex. You don't have to call me mom - all the time.
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