[at the start of a consultation]
Sean/Christian: Tell me what you don't like about yourself?
Christian Troy: Sorry I'm late.
Miss Wentworth: Have a seat, Mr. McNamara.
Christian Troy: It's Troy. Dr. Christian Troy.
Miss Wentworth: I'm confused. I thought you were his father.
Christian Troy: I am. I'm his, uh, biological father.
Matt McNamara: I have 2 dads.
Miss Wentworth: Well, was there a divorce? Oh, got it. 2 dads. Emily Willis has 2 momies. We're seeing more and more of this.
Christian Troy: Matt's father is my partner, Dr. Sean McNamara.
Miss Wentworth: I understand.
Matt McNamara: They're not gay, Miss Wentworht. My Mom slept with Christian before she married my Dad.
Adrian Moore: Technically, I don't have any father figures, but Matt's living in my house and screwing my Mom, so I pretend he's my Dad.
Ava Moore: It's true, Miss Wentworth. Matt and I are lovers. I was his life coach.
Adrian Moore: You see, Matt has a problem. He's a premature ejaculator.
Miss Wentworth: Ok, enough. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special.
The Carver: Beauty is a curse on the world. It keeps us from seeing who the real monsters are.
Christian Troy: Can I buy you a drink?
Kimberly Henry: I don't drink.
Christian Troy: May I buy you an appetizer?
Kimberly Henry: I don't eat. I'm a model.
Sean McNamara: Matt's having trouble at school, and he told you this?
Christian Troy: He's torn up. I guess he was showering in gym and shit and some tough guys were laughing at him and calling him AntEater.
Sean McNamara: AntEater?
Christian Troy: Basically, he's self-conscious about his dick, and he wants a circumcision.
Sean McNamara: He doesn't need a circumcision. That's a vanity operation.
Christian Troy: We're in the vanity business, Sean. It's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid. It's how you fit in. Snip, snip, he feels better about himself, and you, sir, can make that happen. How cool is fatherhood?
Sean McNamara: I'm not doing anything to my son's penis or my wife's breasts. I don't want my family infected by what we do here.
Sean McNamara: I know your body. I always have. I know where you live and breathe.
Julia McNamara: Then how come I haven't had an orgasm in two years?
Sean McNamara: Because I didn't want to work that hard.
Christian Troy: None of us get out alive. Now you can huddle in a group and face it one day at a time, or you could be grateful that when your body rubs against someone else's, it explodes with enough pleasure that you can forget, even for a minute, that you're only a walking pile of ashes.
Christian Troy: I think I work better on women I've screwed. Once you've seen a woman's cumface, you've seen her soul.
Christian Troy: You didn't have an orgasm, is that right?
Grace Santiago: Not a shudder.
Christian Troy: You're a liar. I rode you like a triple crown jockey, and you came.
Grace Santiago: Get out of my face right now.
Christian Troy: I counted each contraction. Three times. Or were you doing your Kegel exercises?
Grace Santiago: [whispers] Lock the door.
Quentin Costa: [after Julia has just fired him] You're a bitch.
Julia McNamara: At least I'm not your bitch.
Christian: [about Dr. Santiago] She's a troublemaker and her shoes are cheap.
Christian Troy: You had no right to fire my nanny.
Gina Russo: I don't want my child around cheap common whores.
Christian Troy: He's around you all the time. Oh correction, you're an expensive whore.
Dr. Erica Noughton: Why? Do you have a sub-conscious desire to harm me?
Sean McNamara: I assure you, any desire I have to harm you is totally conscious.
Sean McNamara: Remember, We're treating a patient here, not just a vagina.
Christian Troy: That's easy for you to say. You've never been with Vagina Gina.
Sean McNamara: I'd rather be a good doctor who helps people than a brilliant doctor who hurts them.
Sean McNamara: Erotic is when you use a fetaher. Porn is when you use the whole chicken... and this girl's been through A LOT of chicken.
Christian: [in reference to the vandalizing of his car] I'm serious, I felt violated. The last time I felt like this was back in the early 90s when some girl shoved her finger up my butt with no warning.
Christian Troy: [addressing a competing plastic surgeon who's wearing a white suit] Merrill. You look like a Q-Tip.
[in a bar where industrial music is playing, Christian moves in on a younger woman]
Christian Troy: Would you believe the shit that passes for music these days?
25 Year Old Woman: You should come here Wednesdays, it's oldies night.
Kimberly Henry: Death is just the ultimate orgasm of life.
Gina Russo: What's the matter, Christian, not turned on by pregnant women?
Christian Troy: No, just not turned on by you.
Kimberly Henry: I don't understand this! I haven't heard form him since my operation. It thought that we were gonna be together.
Sean McNamara: Ms. Henry, I think you're confusing Dr. Troy's pleasant and very thorough bedside manner with real emotions.
Liz Winters: If it's any consolation to ya, honey, you're not the first girl he's done this to, but at least you got a good set of tits out of it, so heal in more ways than one and just go on with your life.
[during an operation]
Sean McNamara: You're shaving too deep.
Christian Troy: It's fine.
Sean McNamara: Do you want it fine or do you want it perfect?
Christian: The line that divides the porn industry and the plastic surgery is a thin one. We're both selling fantasy, aren't we?
Kimberly Henry: FYI, I met some movie producers who think I'm the bomb. They can't wait to get into the Kimber Henry business.
Gina Russo: My tits are ripe. And this blouse is silk, stains are forever. So, I need you to suck it up.
Grace Santiago: I keep forgetting about the hierarchy of McNamara/Troy, I keep imagining I'm apart of it.
Sean McNamara: You were brought aboard with the promise of parity.
Grace Santiago: What about respect? It's because I slept with Christian, isn't it? Suddenly I'm no longer a professional with credentials, I'm just his latest conquest.
Sean McNamara: I'm not here to pass judgement on your promiscuity.
Grace Santiago: Why don't you admit it Sean. You're operating out of repressed rage because I rejected you and slept with your partner.
Sean McNamara: Dr. Santiago, as a professional, it should have been obvious when I came on to you that I was acting out because of trouble with my marriage, it wasn't personal. It could have been anyone after you.
[Grace storms off]
Salesman: You liked Gina before she conceived, you're gonna love her now, she's a tigress!
Christian Troy: Did you screw her?
Salesman: Well... yeah. She told me about your guys situation, I thought you were cool!
Christian Troy: [shoves salesman] You're bragging to me about banging the mother of my unborn child, and you think I'm cool with that? What kind of sick freak are you?
Salesman: She told me you weren't together!
Christian Troy: What's the difference? That's my god damn child you're poking at!
Salesman: She was just so lonely and beautiful. You can't see it, but I can!
Christian Troy: [knocks salesman down] Cancel my order! Stay away from my kid!
Liz Winters: [to Christian Troy] You really want to get inside a woman? Stop thinking like a dick.
Matt McNamara: Look, what's happened between the three of you is painful. But we can fix this.
Sean McNamara: Your Mother slept with my best friend, and you were the result, and I didn't know for 17 years, so stop defending them!
Matt McNamara: Yeah, and my Mother is sleeping in a hotel because you kicked her out, and I can hear you crying thorough the walls at night, so don't you dare scream at me!
Sean McNamara: Did you urinate in the soap dispenser, Matt? This act of aggression isn't funny, what's funny about it?
Matt McNamara: This whole thing is funny, Dad. It's idiotic.
Sean McNamara: I asked you a question, Matt. Did you do this?
Matt McNamara: No.
Sean McNamara: Adrian, was it you?
Adrian Moore: Ohh. He's scary, your other dad.
Sean McNamara: You're not leaving here until I get an answer.
Ava Moore: Don't you dare threaten my son.
Adrian Moore: Yeah, I urinated in the soap dispenser. You wanna spank me?
Ava Moore: [to Adrian] You're not too old to get a backhand and I'm wearing heavy rings.
Sean McNamara: Are you saying that I have your ineptitude to thank for my success?
Christian Troy: No, you have my 10 inch dick to thank.
Christian Troy: Ever notice how "monogamy" rhymes with "monotony"?
[after a girl's night out makeover]
Liz Winters: I don't look like me!
Sophia Lopez: Well, I'm sorry. They don't make a lipstick shade called "BullDyke"
Julia McNamara: [to Christian Troy] When did you become so cruel?
Sean McNamara: [to Christian before his rectal exam after being raped by the Carver] What part of you being or having an asshole could shock me?
Christian Troy: I'm a wildly successful plastic surgeon and I have a 33-inch waist. I'm a superhero, so now I'm going to put my cape back on and get back out there.
Christian Troy: If you'll excuse me I'm going upstairs to pay somebody to pretend they like me.
Liz Winters: [looking at a patient undergoing a butt lift] Ass implants. What will they think of next?
Christian Troy: [In reference to a woman who was on the schedule to have her lips, which were burnt off, rebuilt using skin from her vagina. However, Sean removed her citing concerns over her husband, whom she says doesn't go down on women and might find out where the skin came from] I'm putting pussy lips back on the schedule!
Julia McNamara: Do you know how long it has been since I have heard you laugh? Since I have even seen you be emotional about anything? Jesus, Sean, I haven't seen you cry since Matt was born.
Sean McNamara: I'm not going to apologize for that. I'm a surgeon. If I get emotional patients die.
Julia McNamara: I'm not one of your patients, Sean! I'm your wife! And on your watch, a death has occurred, the death of you and me. This marriage doesn't even have a pulse anymore.