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Duck! The Carbine High Massacre
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Duck! The Carbine High Massacre (V) More at IMDbPro »

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15 out of 19 people found the following review useful:

What's for lunch?

Author: 3-D from Ohio
12 October 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A couple of years back when this movie was still fresh on the market, I had the interest of obtaining it and watching it. Controversy sells, as everybody knows, and a movie about a school shooting sticks out, as far as plot descriptions go.

However, back then, the only way to get hold of the movie was by purchasing bootleg VHS copies for outrageously expensive prices. I would never pay more than ten bucks for a dubbed copy of a film, and still, even that seems like too much. So I held off, until recently, when I happened to see this movie on DVD on ebay. I placed my bid and got it for about 10 dollars including shipping. I was the only bidder.

Knowing that this film was low budget, I didn't expect top notch cinematography, acting, or effects. I went into this film with low expectations as it was. Yet, for some reason, I was STILL let down.

First of all, the acting, like everybody else has noticed and pointed out, is the worst I've ever seen in any movie, EVER. I've seen better acting in a kindergarten play. All of the characters, including William Hellfire and Joey Smack (the leads) were incredibly dull and emotionless. It honestly seemed like nobody was even trying. Not a single actor was believable with their characters, and I'd highly recommend to every single one of them to exclude this title from their resume's if they plan on getting other film work. Seems like the only other roles these people are getting are in other William Hellfire movies, as he obviously doesn't mind terrible acting.

The story is lame, redundant, and goes on for way too long. Let's not kid ourselves, Hellfire and Smack. The only reason people will watch this movie is because of the anticipation of the massacre scene itself. Everything leading up to the ending is boring, trying excessively too hard to be funny (which it isn't), and is very painful to watch. Easily, much of this movie should have been cut from the final release. Like, for example, the entire movie before the school massacre. Hell, even the shooting itself was incredibly lackluster, featuring some of the worst gunshot wounds I've ever seen, and don't even get me started on the "bombs". Or the "rocket", for that matter.

I think the directors wanted us to sympathize with the two killers by showing the film from their POV. Derick, who bares an odd resemblance to Napoleon Dynamite, has alcoholic parents and gets the front cover ripped off of his book. Derwin has... well, weird parents, and gets beat up at school (with the worst fight choreography I've ever seen). So, now, we're supposed to fall in love with these characters and believe that their massacre was fully justified. Oh, no, the only people I feel sorry for are all of the people who have had to pay for this movie, and even worse, watch it. Especially those poor souls who were paying 40 bucks or more for a bootleg back in the day.

There is not one redeeming quality about this movie. It is merely a lame attempt of a few sad young men to capitalize on recent controversy. When I won this on ebay, I was the only bidder (and there were multiple listings). I guess after the controversy wears off, this film has absolutely nothing to lean on. For anybody reading this who hasn't yet seen the movie, I strongly suggest for you to save your money and stay away. You've been warned.

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13 out of 22 people found the following review useful:


Author: catflap001
4 January 2005

i saw this a couple of years ago. i wouldn't normally post my opinion here, but since someone else already has, i'll just say this - i thought this is one of the worst films ever. bad acting, bad script, bad cinematography. bad, bad, bad all around. it looks like a school project made by kids who have no concept of what makes a good film.

i thought it might have some redeeming qualities - like actually having a message or original story - but it didn't. it doesn't look like a spoof at all. it looks like these kids wanted to make a schlocky gore version of the real tragedy for their friends because they weren't satisfied with still pictures in the news or the few clips from CCTV available on the internet.

i had no idea this was listed on IMDb, and i wasn't even aware there was any public controversy about it until recently. if the controversy was so intense that the FBI had to get involved (though i can't understand why), that might be the only historical value this film has.

Avoid this "movie".

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18 out of 32 people found the following review useful:

Waste of time and money

Author: tyconn from Canada
30 December 2004

This film was crap. I agree that a film should be made regarding the columbine shootings, even one with a satirical bent would be appropriate but this piece of cow dung was a waste of time. The filmmakers have no talent to speak of, the acting was atrocious, and the writing was so boring I found myself sighing and screaming at the television to hurry up and finish. I can appreciate underground cinema as much as the next man, but I'm hocking my copy of Duck! and taking whatever I can get. I should mention I have not seen any other titles anybody involved in Duck! may have done but whatever... I'm not gonna try and track them down either.

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4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

A Mess

Author: Moviguy ( from Chicago, IL
9 June 2008

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This film is offensive, but that isn't the problem. The problem is the tone. The film starts with a very sarcastic and sometimes funny tone, but when the violence starts things get so dark that the movie almost becomes unwatchable. It never earns the dark shift that the latter half, the massacre requires. The audience is suddenly asked to feel bad for these rather idiotic characters (I'm using that term loosely), but instead we really feel nothing, and that is what makes this movie so disgusting.

*Spoiler* The death of the Bible Girl, played by Misty Mundae, is probably the worst out of the bunch. Suddenly the killers get this hard, sexual edge, and things just get to dark. When she is finally asked to insert the barrel of a shotgun into her mouth to simulate oral sex, the movie just went to far. The comedy and wit is gone, replaced by a very unnerving and perverted shock. I can normally handle this stuff, but these characters are meant to be high school students, and Misty can actually pass for one.

If you want to be offended, you will be, but this film is a mess when it comes to tone. The shifts are to drastic, and in the end, the film just feels sleazy and cheap. I love exploitation films, but this one is a bit to much.

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1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:

too much of bad camera shots and editing

Author: trashgang from Midian
19 June 2013

I review another flick with Joe Ned because it wasn't listed on IMDb This flick here is one that people do search so therefore I will review another Tina Krause flick that not that many people has seen. Chloroformed And Cloned Co-Ed. It is out on shock-o-rama VHS and is OOP and very obscure. It's just a piece of trash with really bad acting but what makes it collectible is the fact that Tina Krause is in it, known for her nudity and that is what she does here. From the first minute until the last minute she is walking around with her juggs to show. Only a few times she goes full frontal. The tape I received didn't had any year on it it was made and there's nothing to find on the Web.

The story goes that Suzy Johnson (Tina Krause) and her boyfriend are adding some new kicks towards there sexlife. But Suzy ends up dead after an experiment with chloroform and electrocution. A deranged medical student clones Suzy 16 times. But they all escape and enters a house with a German butcher who only likes to violate them. The story looks promising but it all looks like a spoof. Bad bad acting and only the juggs of Tina are acting better than the thespians themselves. It's ultra low budget, just look at the electrocution scene, the light goes out and back on and it repeats but you can easily hear that someone is playing with the switch.

Total crap but collectible due a few reasons, first, Tina Krause, but also in the acting is John Bacchus who went further to direct a lot of erotic spoofs and flicks. Maybe the best known Play-mate Of The Apes (2002). Alan Spence just turned up one more time as cinematographer in The Vampire's Seduction (1998). Joe Ned also went further as writer and producer in the erotic business. G.W Lawrence was also involved but can't say if it was him as seen in Play Dead (1998)? If you want to see early shock-o-rama's just before Misty Mundae became involved, also seen a lot together with Tina Krause then it's a hunt worthy. Give it 2 on 10 Gore 0/5 Nudity 3/5 Effects 0/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

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12 out of 26 people found the following review useful:

Great movie to watch with sick and twisted friends

Author: splatterpunk_213 from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
1 April 2004

I was, at first, reluctant to show this movie to my friends. i was afraid they'd think it was a tasteless, shoddily made, horrible movie (Which it is, but more on that later). then, once i told them about it, they were very eager to see it. So i showed it to them, and we laughed our asses off.

This movie is very cheaply made (On sub-porno quality video), with some of the worst acting i've ever seen. It's cheap, crude, and not at all slick. but that's the only way i can imagine a project like this working. it wouldn't be funny at all if it were slickly made. That is the true beauty of this film. My one gripe: the carnage comes too late in the film. but up to that point there are numerous comic gems, so this movie is still worth seeing.

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7 out of 17 people found the following review useful:


Author: Jonny_Numb from Hellfudge, Pennsylvania
9 July 2005

The massacre at Columbine High School--and the grief of its aftermath drawn out in the mass media--brought the 1990s to a screaming halt in a manner similar to the way Charles Manson's 'family' ended the 1960s on a similarly somber note. In the years that have followed, the incident has been the crux of Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" documentary and Gus van Sant's awful, exploitative art-house take, "Elephant." In Moore's film, more issues than answers are raised, with the ambiguity of motive and reason providing the fuel for discussion and thought; van Sant's film, on the other hand, is 80 shallow minutes that take forever to say absolutely nothing.

"Duck! The Carbine High Massacre" exists in an odd limbo between the above-mentioned films. Not as thought-provoking as Moore's humanitarian view, and not as dull as van Sant's debacle, its biggest claim to fame is being out the gate first (though filmed in 1999, it didn't receive an official video release until last year), though that ultimately isn't saying much. And the rationale for its existence, though the directors claim otherwise, is just as empty as the news media jumping on the handkerchief-wringing bandwagon of sadness carried in the aftermath of the Columbine massacre.

The shot-on-video production (which has the feel of a home movie, thus making its flaws all the more apparent) follows the lives of two put-upon high school kids (played by William Hellfire and Joey Smack) who listen to heavy metal, make bombs, read "Mein Kampf," and are subjected to torture and humiliation by the Alpha Elite, until one day they decide to shoot up the school in a blood-soaked frenzy. The characters are broad stereotypes without names, from a Bible-thumping Puritan, the cheerleader and her jock boyfriend, the gearhead, and the similarly tormented Goth kids--the cast isn't experienced enough and the writing isn't sharp enough to bring off the cutting satire successfully, so the film just winds up wallowing in its over-the-top excess, pandering for our attention.

That's not to say it isn't without its merits--though some of the humor is awkward (when a husband beats up his wife after hearing some heavy metal music, for instance), the youthful characters hit the right notes in spite of their heavy-handed approach. Needless to say, Hellfire and Smack carry this 20-minutes-too-long picture, and exhibit a deeply felt rapport whenever on screen; though their characters are ultimately as clichéd as the bullying jocks, we are sympathetic towards their plight without necessarily agreeing with it.

On the other hand, "Duck!" trots out nerve-obliterating clichés (how many times did we need to see that wounded kid running out of the building, on TV?), unfunny one-liners, and very poor acting by the surrounding adults. It gets to the point where any commentary on school violence is jettisoned for a "Natural Born Killers"-style festival of excess, to the point where the film becomes a chore to watch.

Ultimately, "Duck!" is an unbalanced misfire that takes the good with the bad, but doesn't elicit the strong reaction it is so desperately trying to provoke. What's left is the promise of seeing something of fairer quality from the Hellfire/Smack duo one day, so...better luck next time, guys.

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12 out of 28 people found the following review useful:

Blazing Hellfire!

Author: B-MovieDork from Glenwood Springs, Colorado
22 March 2004

If you are a fan of William Hellfire, Joey Smack, Misty Mundae, or E.I./Alternative Cinema (even though this isnt an e.i. release), then I STRONGLY urge you to buy this movie. I know that the only copies you're going to find are going to be around $40, but it IS worth it, if you collect films from this genre.

You knew it would happen...a spoof (and a hilarious one, at that) of the infamous Columbine High School shootings. Sure, you may go to Hell just for contributing to the film-maker, but what a fun, amusing way to get there! Let's just hope Hell has air-conditioned private rooms with kitchenettes and a big TV set so you can watch all your favorite underground movies....

Anyway, you know the story... I won't even get into that... But the best part of this movie is the "startling" truth behind the excessive media frenzy that follows such violent, shocking crimes, putting the killers on a pedastal like some sort of false idol. Plus, it's somewhat nice and refreshing to see Misty Mundae give a memorable performance without taking off all her clothes and rolling around licking other women's various bodyparts.

My only gripe about this movie is that it takes a little bit too long for the actual bloodshed to start flowing (I say that because I'm a downright gorehound...). But when it does, it is actually pretty brutal and gross, so it's all good. William Hellfire and Joey Smack are perfect as the two idiot "anarchist" teenagers with murder on their minds. A VERY funny, VERY low-budget, and VERY memorable movie.

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7 out of 20 people found the following review useful:

damn jolly

Author: axeman249 from United States
17 August 2005

i just got this movie in he mail today and i've gotta say it's pretty good. when it first starts, i had to scoff at the acting in the first scene because it was SO terrible, but as the movie progressed, it got better. hellfire and smack aren't bad actors and play their characters rather well. as cheap as the movie was (and i don't mean that as necessarily bad) i couldn't help but to feel some compassion for derick and derwin, particularly the part after derwin gets beat up and derick has to do that presentation by himself. it actually upset me how they were ridiculing him and he was obviously getting upset, and to top it off, the teacher failed him. that was probably my favorite scene. overall, it was a pretty good movie despite some of the acting. i recommend to fans of independent movies.

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