The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Will Grimm: I made that armour! It's not magic; it's just shiny.
[Yelling at Jake up in the tower while being chased by a woodsman with an ax]
Will Grimm: Jacob Grimm, you bed-wetting piss bucket!
Sasha: It's alright! They're the Brothers Grimm! People talk about them in Marsburg! They're famous!
Will Grimm: Right you are, son! The famous Brothers Grimm. Look at this strapping young man.
Gregor: *He* is my daughter.
Will Grimm: And a fine wife he'll make some lucky man.
Bunst: [after seeing Sasha get 'eaten' by mud creature] I... I do believe I've soiled myself.
Hidlick: Oh, good... I thought it was me.
[while Angelika is skinning and gutting a rabbit]
Jacob Grimm: Miss, we believe your village may be under some kind of curse...
Angelika: You think I care about the village?
[Finished, she tosses her knife onto a table. It lands with a clatter. Cavaldi yells, spins around, and throws a knife, impaling a dead rabbit on the wall. Will and Jake give girly shrieks, but Angelika just glares]
Cavaldi: Scusi... but he was trying to run away.
Jacob Grimm: It's this way, Will!
Will Grimm: No, no, it's not, it's not. It's that way! Grandmother Toad told me!
Jacob Grimm: What?
Will Grimm: [dead serious] Trust the toad!
[re: the meal on his plate]
Delatombe: Exactly what am I enduring here? Can someone please tell me who gave birth to this?
Serving Wench: It's Bavarian blood sausage, with sauerkraut! I gutted the pig myself.
Delatombe: I bet you did.
Cavaldi: Grimmy. You are to have to stand trial for subterfuge, theft... and buggery!
Will Grimm: I'm sorry?
Cavaldi: For which the minimum sentence is...?
[Delatombe sits with Cavaldi, sipping wine and watching the forest burn]
Delatombe: This is the life, eh, Cavaldi? To be victorious in the field, with one's troops around you, enjoying a simple meal, a soldier's meal... by firelight.
[Explosion of flame from the woods]
Delatombe: Romantic, eh?
Jacob Grimm: [about the Mirror Queen] She's still there, Will! She's still alive! Sh-she's up in the tower.
Will Grimm: What, for five hundred years?
Jacob Grimm: Yeah, but they haven't been kind, I can tell you that, Will!
Hidlick: How comes he gets to do the monsters, I end up playin' the girlie ghosts?
Will Grimm: Because you, my friend, have talent. You've got range.
Bunst: And what do I have, Will?
Will Grimm: You, my handsome friend, you have heart.
Jacob Grimm: And you, Will, have enough bullshit to fill the Palace of Versailles.
Will Grimm: Well, the music seems to have turned horribly French.
Woodsman: Angelika, look. You see that window, way, way up high? Many centuries ago, that's where the Queen lived. She was treasured by all of Europe, famed for her incredible beauty, but also vain and selfish. Her world was her own reflection. It was on the Queen's wedding day that the plague arrived. The King was the first to die. His bride built a tower. She locked herself away, safe from the horrors below. But what she forgot, was that plague is carried on the winds. When she first fell sick, and her gorgeous flesh began to rot away, they say you could hear her screams across the oceans. My princess isn't afraid, is she? It's just an old story. Papa's here to protect you.
Angelika: The animals don't drink from the spring.
[Dax and Letorc, who have been drinking it, spit out the water]
[realize they are pretending to be German]
Letorc: I mean, Scheiße!
Delatombe: [his last words] All I wanted was a little order. A slice of quiche would be nice.
Will Grimm: Ignore him. He wishes his whole life was something out of a book. And now he thinks he's in love.
Jacob Grimm: Shut up, Will!
Will Grimm: Angelika, do what your father wanted: leave the village now.
Angelika: No, Will. I'm gonna find my sisters.
Jacob Grimm: Will doesn't care about them. Will doesn't care about anything but himself!
Will Grimm: This isn't a fairy tale. They are not coming back!
Jacob Grimm: This is not your world, Will!
Jacob Grimm: Angelika, you know, don't you? The story, it's happening to us now. We're living it. It's-it's alive, it's real, it's breathing. And we can give it a happy ending.
Jacob Grimm: Angelika, we'll find your sisters. All right? We'll bring them back.
Will Grimm: [getting angry] Bring back her sisters?
Will Grimm: Bring them back? Bring them back with what? Magic beans?
Jacob Grimm: Why do you say that?
Will Grimm: Magic beans don't work! They don't bring people back to life! They did not then and they will not now! You go wait by the horses! Jacob, wait by the horses!
[first title card]
Title card: Once upon a time:... 1796
Cavaldi: Your horses are ready.
[out the window]
[Outside, two soliders set fire to the tails of the brothers' horses. They run away, trailing two ropes]
Jacob Grimm: [looks down; sleepily] You've got rope tied around your foot.
[the ropes snap taught and the Brothers Grimm are yanked off their feet and dragged out the door]
Cavaldi: Ik, ik, ak, ek, ek!
Jacob Grimm: [sleepily] What's going on?
Cavaldi: How can you speak-a this language? Every word is like an execution.
Will Grimm: All right, Jake. What do you want me to do?
Jacob Grimm: Honestly? You're my brother. I want you to believe in me.
Will Grimm: General, you keep working with Cavaldi, this country won't be yours much longer. He panics.
Cavaldi: The great Cavaldi NEVER panics!
[a small kitten rubs against his foot; he shrieks and kicks it into a fan]
Will Grimm: [about taking women upstairs] What do you say, Jake? A little chit, a little chat?
Jacob Grimm: A little huff, a little puff? Thank you very much, Will.
Mirror Queen: He's dying Jacob.
Jacob Grimm: Leave him alone!
Mirror Queen: Because of you. Can you save him? Do you have your magic beans? Because I do.
Sister Grimm: Mama, it's so cold.
Mother Grimm: It's very, very cold. Will. Put another log on the fire, lad.
Young Will: There isn't any more firewood, Mama.
Will Grimm: I've been thinking of an alternative career path.
Jacob Grimm: Will.
Will Grimm: One that uses all of our new expertise.
Jacob Grimm: Will.
Will Grimm: Now, I haven't really sorted it yet...
Jacob Grimm: Will, Will, Will, listen. This is the real world. We're-we're men without a country, we're enemies of the state, and worst of all we haven't a single bean to our name.
Will Grimm: It's a good name, though, isn't it?
Jacob Grimm: It's a damn good name. Let's dance. Come on!
[last title card]
Title card: ...and they all lived happily ever after...
Title card: ...well, maybe not
Delatombe: I said, execute them!
[Cavaldi aims, then hesitates]
Cavaldi: Generale, I wish to resign my...
Delatombe: [shoots him] Resignation accepted.
Cavaldi: [claps his hands] Musica!
[a string quartet plays Boccherini's "Minuet in G"]
Angelika: Who's your friend?
Will Grimm: Um...
Cavaldi: I? Who am I? I am Mercurio Cavaldi, of the great Cavaldis du Parma, the master of the torturing arts.
Will Grimm: Steady, Cavaldi. We need her warm and breathing.
Cavaldi: Demon Queen, hear me. Swallow my curse, from the dark heart of my ancestors: Maledetta! Maledetta!
[a bird startles Cavaldi; he shrieks and blindly fires two pistols into the air]
Cavaldi: I kill-a you, and take-a your eggs, and smash them all in this-!
[the bird poops on him]
Will Grimm: [offering French soldiers wine] 1792. A very good Year.
Will Grimm: [Jacob goes into kiss to wake him up] Not you.
Jacob Grimm: [Snaps his head away and looks around] uh... perhaps you should give it a try Angelika.
Will Grimm: [after escaping from a French guard, screaming like a girl] RUN!
Jacob Grimm: [pinned to the floor by another French guard] Will! Will, wait!
Will Grimm: [running out of the inn] Never fear, Jake!
Jacob Grimm: [screaming] Will! WILL!
Will Grimm: I shall return for you...!
[a bola trips Will up]
Cavaldi: Nice try.