[Cook begins talk about Catholic practices]
Dane Cook: It was Peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace was coming because the priest would say it five times rapid fire. He'd go, "My peace I leave, my peace I give to you. While we ate Reese's Pieces with the Lord. And I have a piece of lint in my peaceful EYE!"
Dane Cook: [holding hands up as if advertising something next to his face] Start out your day the holy way with Christ Chex!
Dane Cook: [talking about time travel] I just want to run up and slap my dad's ass and run off screaming, "I'm your son from the future.! Ahh! I'm your son. From the future!"
Dane Cook: I had to go to the DMV. Or as I like to call it, "Satan's Asshole".