Dead & Breakfast (2004)
Mullet Man: That frog, he wasn't liked much around here, covering up the true nature of food with his special sauces and whatnot.
Johnny: "Lovelock?" Where the hell is Lovelock?
Christian: Lovecock? Johnny, that's your hometown, isn't it? You love cock.
Randall Keith Randall: [chorus of song in closing credits] Well, this used to be such a quiet little town / We never had too much trouble around here / Until that spirit was released / And we were haunted by the deceased / And now there's all this crazy shit that's going down here.
The Sheriff: Now, hold it there, Doc. How can we be sure you ain't possessed? I mean, hell, I just shot you and you're still standing.
Doc Riley: Ah, well, you ain't got me but on my shoulder.
The Sheriff: I guess that makes sense. All right, why don't you tell me who won last year's annual cow chip throwing contest.
Doc Riley: What?
The Sheriff: You heard me. If it is really you, you'd know.
Doc Riley: Well, shoot, sheriff, that's kinda a trick question 'cause Lovelock ain't never had an annual cow chip throwing contest. Uh-huh. It alternates every year with the greasy pig catching competition.
The Sheriff: Ah, he's okay. All right, Doc, get your ass over here.
David: Had I known it was going to feel this good to bash your brains in I would have done it a long time ago.
Lisa Belmont: Well, you mind telling me what in the Sam Hill is going on around here?
The Drifter: I don't think you would believe me if I told you.
Lisa Belmont: Friend, after what I've seen tonight you could tell me an evil spirit rose up from the dead and decided to posses the entire town and I would believe you.
[the Drifter and Melody look at each other; Lisa rolls her eyes]
Lisa Belmont: Well, any of you all know how to stop it?
Lisa Belmont: I would love to go with, you all, but I've got to stay here and protect the records. It's my job.
Johnny: [with an arrow sticking through his chest] Melody! I'm surprised at you. Aren't you supposed to be all spiritual and non-violent?
The Sheriff: Well! Ain't you about as handy as a pocket on a shirt.
Chef Henri: [after catching one of the guys taking urinating in the yard] Don't ever let me catch your dick in my bush again!
Johnny: Let's ask our new friend Christian what we he thinks...
Johnny: [using Christian's head as a hand puppet] Well... I think we should...
Johnny: [talking to Christian's head] SHUT THE FUCK UP!
[strangling the Skanky Chick]
Bar Patron: Die, Skanky Chick, die!
Kate: Do you know how long we've been dating?
David: You're kidding, right?
Kate: I'm asking you a question!
David: And you think this is the right time to ask a question like that?
Kate: [laughs] there's always some excuse for not wanting to talk about these things.
David: I think defending ourselves from a demon spirit that's now inhabiting your best friend's cousin ranks pretty damn high on the list of good excuses for not wanting to analyze our relationship right now. Could-could you hand me that loaded pipe so I can take care of this tall freak with the ax that's coming up the steps?