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Six friends take a road trip to Galveston in an RV for the wedding of their friend, Kelly. The driver, Johnny, gets lost and they arrive in the small town of Lovelock and his friends Sara, Kate, Melody, Christian, and David, decide to spend the night in the Bed and Breakfast owned by the creepy Mr. Robert Wise. David has an argument with the chef of the inn, Henri, and when the chef is found dead and Mr. Wise has a heart attack in the middle of the night, the local Sheriff suspects the group of travelers and tells his Deputy, Enus to seize the keys to their RV and stay in Lovelock for the duration of the investigation. Then the Sheriff arrests "The Mysterious Drifter" who soon becomes his prime suspect. When the clumsy Johnny accidentally breaks an ancient exotic wooden box belonging to Mr. Wise, he releases the terrible, monstrous "Kuman Thong" and the evil spirit held inside escapes and possesses all the local town folk, transforming them into zombies. Ultimately, "The Mysterious ... Written by
Horror Harry and Gory Gary
It's Like A Bad Horror Movie, Only Worse, and That's Not A Compliment
"Dead & Breakfast" succeeds in being a horror comedy that is neither scary nor funny. The pacing of the film is terrible, the plot is confusing, the acting is third-rate, and every element of the movie feels like a retread that wants to pass itself off as original. In fact, the movie's tag line "It's Like A Bad Horror Movie . . . Only Worse" could not be truer.
The premise of the film is so unoriginal, that you can tell it was mercilessly ripped from other movies ranging from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974) to "Murder By Death" (1977). These six young adults, three guys and three gorgeous women, are traveling in an RV to a friend's wedding. They get lost in a small town along the way, and decide to stay the night in a local run-down bed & breakfast. The B&B is run by a strange Buddhist named Mr. Wise (David Carradine, whose niece, Ever Carradine, is actually one of the three travelers). There is also an abrasive chef with a bad French accent (Diedrich Bader, "The Drew Carey Show").
On their very first night, they find both B&B inhabitants dead. Mr. Wise is dead of an apparent heart attack, and the French chef is found brutally murdered in the kitchen. There is a scene that is played out too long when one of the guys, in the kitchen for a midnight snack, encounters the dead chef, and keeps slipping on his blood on the floor. It's a scene that tries too hard for laughs when you're really not sure if you're supposed to laugh.
What follows is a very confusing and contrived story about how a small box, sealed only with a strip of paper, turns whomever opens it into some kind of zombie-like creature. Confused? Imagine how you would feel if you were watching it.
The exposition that is supposed to clear up confusion about the story either is so poorly set up that it leaves you bored, or feels ripped off from other movies. There's also a country singer, Randall Keith Randall (Zach Selwyn), who pops up and sings dumb songs about what the audience has already seen. This character is reminiscent of Nat "King" Cole and Stubby Kaye in "Cat Ballou" (1965), except his presence in the film feels forced. Plus, if he sang a coherent song about the back story behind the box that turned people into zombie-like creatures, his character would serve a useful purpose. Instead, his lyrics are not funny, and state the obvious by using lines like "now there's all this crazy sh*t that's going down here" (an actual line, by the way).
"Dead & Breakfast" lacks so much originality that it's almost like a parody of a movie that parodies horror movies. The horror elements, which should be the film's saving grace, are not scary at all. Plus, you actually have to care about the characters in some way to fear for their safety. Instead, the main six characters are all jerks, and you don't care about their fate.
The film's title is supposed to be a clever riff on the term bed & breakfast. Instead, the first word describes the film's pacing, and the last word describes what you want to throw at the screen an hour into watching it.
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