Ratchet & Clank (2002 Video Game)
Clank: [to a robo Qwark] Excuse me captain, but we have more pressing issues. We urgently need your assistance.
Ratchet: Do you notice anything unusual about Captain Qwark?
Clank: Well I find the fact that he has a spring where his legs should be to be quite puzzling.
Ratchet: And why do you think that is?
Clank: Possibly an injury occurred while battling evil?
Ratchet: This is't the real Captain Qwark, you numskull! It's a robot!
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: My race of Blarg has a small problem. Our planet has become so pulluted, overpopulated and poisonous that we are no longer able to dwell here. But I, Chairman Drek, have a solution. We are constructing a prestige new world using the choices of planetary components available. So, what does this mean to you, you might ask? Using our high sophisticated technology, which you can't possibly understand, we will extract a large portion of your planet and add it to our new one. Unfortunately, this change in mass will cause your planet to spin out of control and drift towards the sun where it will explode into a flaming ball of gas, but, of course, sacrifices must be made. Thank you for your co-operation.
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: And if you don't like it, you can take your winy snivelling snot nosed populations, form a line behind me and you can kiss my... Am I still on? Well turn it off, you idiot!
Mayor: Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Who are you? Mercenaries? Torturers? Assassins? I'll tell you anything! Here, take my infobot, it's all I got left.
Clank: Sir, we're not assass...
Ratchet: Hold on, let's see what he's got.
Resort Owner: Well, friend, have I got a deal for you. Since the Blarg began dumping their toxic sludge into our ocean, the wildlife has...
Clank: Become ravenous mutants?
Resort Owner: Yeah, you could say that.
R.Y.N.O. Salesman: RYNO for your robot - trade ya.
Ratchet: Well... okay!
Ratchet: Just kidding, he's not for sale. And what's a RYNO anyway?
R.Y.N.O. Salesman: Rip Ya a New One.
Ratchet: What did you just say to me?
R.Y.N.O. Salesman: R-Y-N-O - Rip Ya a New One.
Clank: Why, that's the most powerful missile launcher in the galaxy! I heard that it's worth a lot of bolts! He must have stolen it from the Blarg!
R.Y.N.O. Salesman: Stolen? Look Trash Can, did I says anything about it being hot? Listen, you'd better watch your mouth or I'll...
Ratchet: Wait, don't tell me - Rip Ya a New One.
Ratchet: Uh... hi? This is Ratchet for... uh... Gadgetron hoverboards. And if you... um...
Clank: Yo dudes. For the freshest boards in the galaxy, check out the new XZ88, from Gadgetron! It's so hot, it's cool!
Gadgetron CEO: I think I got the wrong guy... that was... um... something...
Skid McMarx: Anyway I'm having trouble getting back to my ship...
[sees Sand Sharks]
Skid McMarx: er... due to my sprained ankle.
Mayor: This is your last chance! Stop this madness now!
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: Okay, wait... you're right, I WILL withdraw my troops!
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: No! He's all yours gentlemen! Try not to leave any marks!
Helga: I'm supposed to give you a Svingshot, so you can svay to and fro like little insects!
Ratchet: All right, let's see it.
Helga: Not so fast! Today the two of you disgraced my obstacle course, so I am going to make you pay!
Clank: But that prize is ours from the captain. That's not fair.
Helga: Too bad, life's not fair.
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: Lieutenant!
Robot Lieutentant: Yes sir!
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: You have fulfiled your tree quarter. Barely.
Robot Lieutentant: We are ready to return to base!
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: Not so fast, lieutenant! Just because we have enough trees doesn't mean they should have them! Destroy everything!
Bouncer: Hey hey hey! Press conference is over! Captain Qwark don't want no more reporters bugging him in his trailer!
Ratchet: Oh... you see, my friend and I need to speak to the Captain about a matter of galactic security.
Bouncer: You mean you and your walking camera? You paparazzi make me sick! Now beat it!
Clank: But sir, I'm sure that Captain Qwark will understand once we...
Bouncer: No, no, save it. I know how it works. You convince me to let you in. You snap a picture of the captain in his underpants.
Bouncer: Then, you sell the picture to the Info-Tabloids for a million bolts!
Ratchet: You got it all wrong!
Bouncer: Meanwhile, I'm stuck here making six bolts an hour and I have to listen to a lecture from that cheapskate Qwark! So you don't get in unless I get a kickback, in advance!
Waterworker: Well, well, well. Looks like he's good for something after all. Here, take this.
Ratchet: What is it?
Waterworker: It detects underground bolts. My grandfather designed it to suck up loose change on any planet in the galaxy. What a cheap old man he was...
Darla Gratch: All hope certainly seems lost. Darla Gratch, Channel 2 news.
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: So, it has come to this. Once I step on this ignition switch a countdown will commence, the end of which signals the destruction of your pitiful world.
Clank: There must be another way to make a home for your people.
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: You think that's what this is about? Who do you think polluted our last world? I did. This is about one thing and one thing only - cash, and lots of it! You see, I've been paid for every square inch of my new world. Once the inhabitants move in, I will begin polluting this world as well, then the whole thing starts all over again. Ah, brilliant.
Clank: Why you... you... evil little...
[the timer starts]
Ratchet: Save it Clank. We have to stop that timer.
Ratchet: Hey, look Plumbers Crack!
Waterworker: What did you just say?
Ratchet: I said er... look the Plumbers back!
Waterworker: All right wise guy, shouldn't you be on one of them escape transports?
Ratchet: Escape transports?
Waterworker: Newsflash! Giant robots attacking! The escape transports are taking all the rich people of this darn dog planet.
Ratchet: So why aren't you on one?
Waterworker: Two words: Socioeconomic disparity.
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: It is time for your new assignment.
Captain Qwark: Ahhhhh a photo shoot by your shinny new space shuttle. Teriffic idea!
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: Oh you really are an idiot!
Captain Qwark: What?
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: [sighs] you are to take the shuttle and ambush those two miscreants when they arrive.
Captain Qwark: Oh hehe right. Er. who are they again?
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: Grrrrrr THOSE TWO!
[Points to sign with Ratchet and Clank on the front]
Captain Qwark: Oh hehe right. Theres just one proplem Im er...
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: ...Too washed up for ground combat? True. That is why I am giving you my starfighter. You can still fly can't you?
Ultimate Supreme Executive Drek: It is decided then.